Mysteryman9110 Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 I had been dating my gf for about 7 months now. I care about her, but I am living in Asia and she has very different culture than me. We had some spats, but I considered them to be bumps in the road. The problems started to arise when she told me that she needed to work two weekends in a row after her boss gave her less than a week's notice that she would have to travel to a different city and work those days. I am totally cool with every now and then working weekends, but I feel the work culture her is a bit extreme and a lot of people here will work 12 hour days without batting an eye. I think it's not cool for her boss to give her a heads up about working weekends. Weekends are when we see each other so I told her I don't want to live a life like this. The next day rolls around and I told her I wanted to talk and I should be free around 8 or 9 pm to talk through webcam. I messaged her around 6:30 and told her I might not be able to chat until later because I was sorry but I waiting for my friend to finish working out at the gym ( because he was my ride back home ) and she says " If it's past 9pm lets just do another time " I said " Lets just try tomorrow then. I am sorry " . She flips out a bit and says that I told her 9pm and I calmly tried to tell her that " I should be free " and " I will be free " is a bit different. I explained to her that one is definite and one isn't. She argued about this with me despite English being her second language. She then kept wanting to bring this up. She told me she looked up the meaning of should and asked her friends about this and tried to justify her position. ( This was all through messaging app ) We went back and forth for about an hour just arguing about stupid things like this. In the past I told her that when we get argumentative it is best to just stop and talk another time and calm down. In the past when she got like this I hung up on her because I did not want to destroy the relationship over a silly argument. She was furious with me and blew up my phone. So this time I tried to hang in there and chat with her on the app because I knew she would be angry if I didn't talk to her. I tried to make dinner and she sent me about 10 straight messages wanting to know where I am.. I was feeling extremely stressed at the time and broke up with her. A day later and I regret it. She is not a bad girl, but she is extremely immature about life. She lives with her parents and she has only had one job out of college. She says her parents are very angry at me and yelled at her for dating me. I really love her and she is a nice girl, but the way we argued was terrible. I feel like she has potential. Her big problem is that she has been sheltered and that there is an age difference here. ( 24 year old Korean women typically have the mental age as a western woman does at 16 years old. ) Do you think this can be salvaged?
neowulf Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 I had been dating my gf for about 7 months now. I care about her, but I am living in Asia and she has very different culture than me. We had some spats, but I considered them to be bumps in the road. The problems started to arise when she told me that she needed to work two weekends in a row after her boss gave her less than a week's notice that she would have to travel to a different city and work those days. I am totally cool with every now and then working weekends, but I feel the work culture her is a bit extreme and a lot of people here will work 12 hour days without batting an eye. I think it's not cool for her boss to give her a heads up about working weekends. Weekends are when we see each other so I told her I don't want to live a life like this. The next day rolls around and I told her I wanted to talk and I should be free around 8 or 9 pm to talk through webcam. I messaged her around 6:30 and told her I might not be able to chat until later because I was sorry but I waiting for my friend to finish working out at the gym ( because he was my ride back home ) and she says " If it's past 9pm lets just do another time " I said " Lets just try tomorrow then. I am sorry " . She flips out a bit and says that I told her 9pm and I calmly tried to tell her that " I should be free " and " I will be free " is a bit different. I explained to her that one is definite and one isn't. She argued about this with me despite English being her second language. She then kept wanting to bring this up. She told me she looked up the meaning of should and asked her friends about this and tried to justify her position. ( This was all through messaging app ) We went back and forth for about an hour just arguing about stupid things like this. In the past I told her that when we get argumentative it is best to just stop and talk another time and calm down. In the past when she got like this I hung up on her because I did not want to destroy the relationship over a silly argument. She was furious with me and blew up my phone. So this time I tried to hang in there and chat with her on the app because I knew she would be angry if I didn't talk to her. I tried to make dinner and she sent me about 10 straight messages wanting to know where I am.. I was feeling extremely stressed at the time and broke up with her. A day later and I regret it. She is not a bad girl, but she is extremely immature about life. She lives with her parents and she has only had one job out of college. She says her parents are very angry at me and yelled at her for dating me. I really love her and she is a nice girl, but the way we argued was terrible. I feel like she has potential. Her big problem is that she has been sheltered and that there is an age difference here. ( 24 year old Korean women typically have the mental age as a western woman does at 16 years old. ) Do you think this can be salvaged? It's normal to doubt. You've suddenly got a girlfriend shaped hole left in your life. It's a shock to the system suddenly being single again. Just remember, you broke up for a reason. Those reasons won't go away. Don't ever date someone for their "potential". You take them as they are, today, warts and all. Just let it go man. The worlds a big place and life is long. Don't waste energy on dead ends.
Author Mysteryman9110 Posted December 8, 2016 Author Posted December 8, 2016 Yeah, logically I know you are right. But a big part of me wishes I would have been more patient or tried to do things in a different way. The way she liked to argue ( hours and hours via text ) just mentally drained me and left me feeling empty and exhausted. I didn't really want to break up with her. I wanted to fix the problems but she guilt trips me into having these super long text fights and I mentally broke.
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