Midnightsks Posted December 7, 2016 Posted December 7, 2016 I will try to keep this short. My wife just left me. Married for 2 years together for 4. I thought everything was perfect. She txt me how much she loved me all the time. Sex was great. Cuddled all the time. Fights were not very often. Just days before she posted about how I was the love of her life. Then came a fight I screamed out of frustration. We had her sister living with us to get her on her feet and she was not doing as planned. She told her sister and they both left. Moved into a guys house her sister knew. Wife has never met him before. For a week I was blaming myself because I screamed at her. Which was not a common thing. Our lives looked perfect before this. A week after she left I opened a tablet to find her email open. He has been talking to her professor who is 66 she is 30. Love this I love you that. So I now knew the real reason for leaving. She told me she needed space and to think about things. Well the story does not end there. I recently found out about 2 months ago she gave a blow job to someone she use to know. So for 2 months she still told me how much she loved me. Cuddles everything. "Perfect ". Now I find out the night she left me she screwed the guy they moved in with that night!! Several times and still is. I filed the papers and she signed them. But I could tell she did not want too. She kept telling me I don't deserve this and she is sorry. She left home at 16 is now 30. Her father yelled at her a lot and spanked her. She had to survive. Her ex said she did the same thing. Perfect one day then bam done. I still love her and think she has a mental problem. A part of me wants to fix it but I know that's not right. I'm having a hard time letting go. Because to me everything was perfect. 1
Author Midnightsks Posted December 7, 2016 Author Posted December 7, 2016 (edited) Her ex also warned me she will try to come back several times. Also she was a full time student. I was paying for everything. When she met me she went from a tiny place with no money to someone who showed her the world. Took care of her and her daughter. We were like a family then boom. Edited December 7, 2016 by Midnightsks 1
LostOnes05 Posted December 7, 2016 Posted December 7, 2016 Doesn't sound like BPD and I got to know a lot about that from a terrible experience and talking to a psychologist friend of mine. You would've know way before the 1 year mark that she had BPD. They can only pretend for so long to hold you in high value. And once you're in the devaluation stage where even taking out the garbage leads to an argument, it's time to go. Either way you're better off. She is a cheater and unable to be committed to anything but her impulses. And why couldn't her sister go stay with this guy in the first place? I honestly find cheating disgusting because it is unnecessarily disrespectful. But listen to the ex, she will come back around just to make sure she has a place to land in case things go south for her. Whatever you do, don't let her back in your life. If you even answer her calls she'll try to wiggle her way back in. No sob stories about her life, daughter, sister, school, or anything else. Imagine those papers she signed as the obituary of the relationship. She was responsible for the relationship's death, so let her be on her own. Hopefully you don't have to support her at all and please don't let her back in. It will only say to her that she can do as she pleases and you'll be waiting for her return like a good boy. Be strong man, you can and will get through this! 1
ExpatInItaly Posted December 7, 2016 Posted December 7, 2016 This doesn't sound like BPD at all. My ex-boyfriend is diagnosed BPD, and believe me when I say that you would have known a long time ago if she suffered from the same condition. You described your relationship up until the split as perfect and peaceful; this is not generally an apt description of a relationship with a BPD partner, especially if the person is not diagnosed and untreated. It's not something that suddenly appears out of the blue one day. It's not something that goes undetected very long. You would have noticed years ago if she were a sufferer - take my word for it. I think your wife doesn't have a mental problem. She just checked out of your marriage and didn't bother to let you know that, which was an awful way to go. You didn't deserve that. She cheated, plain and simple. I know you are searching for answers and trying to rationalize her leaving, but unless you are leaving out a lot of information, BPD isn't a factor. 1
DeepVibeZ Posted December 7, 2016 Posted December 7, 2016 Agree with the above comments. I had a lucky escape from an ex with BPD (I refused to move in with her) and we lived 200 miles apart, but she was still unable to hide many of her traits. And everyone I've since spoken to has said these traits manifest tenfold once you do get married/live together. You would have known long before she did the dirty on you. That said, your wife has obvious issues. Sorry you had to find out in that manner. 1
BluesPower Posted December 7, 2016 Posted December 7, 2016 It could be a lot of things... All you need to know is run away. Whatever she has, she is nuts. Run away and never look back. 1
Satu Posted December 7, 2016 Posted December 7, 2016 It looks like all the deep and dark stuff in her psyche did an ' ,' and surfaced all at once. Sometimes the repressed material can't be held down any longer... Hence the acting out. I don't think its BPD, or anything diagnosable; its just her internal chaos in motion. Let her go, and pay attention to your own wellbeing. Take care.
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