waterwoman Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 She was pretty, 25 years younger than H, and very nice. H tells me I am far more attractive but I don't believe a word of it. However she isn't particularly intelligent or well-read, her interests are very narrow and she has a disastrous relationship history. He would have been bored out of his skull within a year if they had got together full-time. 1
Author KimJ1234 Posted December 8, 2016 Author Posted December 8, 2016 While it may seem counterintuitive on the surface, most OW are a step down. Sometimes a big step down. Sometimes they may be younger and may be prettier, but as far as overall package, they are almost always a step down. There are a number of reasons for that - -For starters, men tend to marry the best that they are able to get. That means that most other women available to them are automatically a step down to begin with. - when men cheat, it is usually for additional sex and excitement. They rarely cheat because they are unhappy or dissatisfied with their wife and are rarely looking for a replacement. - When they are dissatisfied and are looking for someone else, they tend to pack up and leave when they find it. If someone is in an ongoing, long term affair, the OW is almost always a step or two down. - women will rarely agree to be a married guy's side girl and there for a MM's options are always limited. If a MM wants a side girl, he almost always has to settle for what he get, and that is typically a significant step down from his wife. - And finally, in general men very rarely actually formally break up with women. Given their druthers, men tend to try to simply add more women to their stable rather than dump the one(s) they have. It's almost always women dumping men. They may be dumping them because the men are seeing other women and occasionally if the OW does happen to be an upgrade, she may twist his arm to dump the previous woman, but typically what takes place is men tend to try to add more women to his harem rather than giving the previous woman the boot. This is interesting. When you go onto the OW/OM section of LS, most of the OW seem to believe the men really love them. I wonder if it's low self esteem that draws these women to married men. I've always had a good self esteem and can't imagine going after a MM. I believe I deserve better than someone's left overs, or a part time lover. However, maybe the OW believes 'this is as good as I'm gonna get'. 5
mikeylo Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 I do know a handful of cheaters and their affair partners. Non of them won the looks prize over their spouse's. It was about giving compliments over compliments and some more. All sugar coated, to the extent that the WS floated in air all the time with fake self confidence. The validation and compliments that come from affair partners is something that NO spouse can ever live upto. That is the reality. That is also something that makes a WS keep going back to them. A BS will call them on their behavior while an AP would never do that. This 'quality' of an AP makes them attractive in a WS eyes. 2
Little Of Me Left Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 Just that simple. Both alcoholics, severely obese, not terribly bright and pro-am barflies, consistently shining with what seemed to be bacon grease oozing from every pore. Multiple children by multiple fathers, living with parents or barely employed; rarely coherent, inked with dollar-day coupon specials from the local Tattoo-O-Rama, riddled with medical and mental health issues. Both are well known on the dive bar party scene. The kicker? They're 46 and 47 years old. He's nearing 50. These were the women that the usual nightly bar alkies would pass over. I left after discovery. The A's went on for more than a year. He did not use protection. Mr. CoolBreeze McGlitterPants soon realised they were likely not perfect pearls of womanhood once the booze wore off. The man has absolutely no standards so I doubt he'll be lonely. Relieved I dodged the bullet and received a clean bill of health; like I won the shyttiest lottery ever. 5
MJJean Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 My AP's were a combination of conventionally handsome and average. For me, it was all about the physical attraction and the sex. Some men aren't conventionally aesthetically pleasing, but they have a certain something that makes them sexually attractive as all hell. Charisma? Confidence? Just the right pheromones? Who knows, but looks sure aren't everything when it comes to who turns us on. I knew one guy who regularly cheated on his wives with women who were objectively less attractive by common standards. None of us could figure it out. So, I asked. He said that he liked having a beautiful well put together wife to present to the world, but he was actually physically and mentally into women who were a bit more rough around the edges. Tomboys, basically. He said those women were more laid back, more fun, more willing to get truly down and dirty, and he really liked the spontaneity of being able to have throw down sex in the middle of the day without hearing "But my hair!"
central Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 She was pretty, 25 years younger than H, and very nice. H tells me I am far more attractive but I don't believe a word of it. However she isn't particularly intelligent or well-read, her interests are very narrow and she has a disastrous relationship history. He would have been bored out of his skull within a year if they had got together full-time. You may want to believe him, because it can be true. We have an open relationship, and I had a 5 year long FWB with a pretty woman 27 years younger than me, 20 years younger than my wife. She was very intelligent, but her interests were also narrow, and we would not be a good long-term match for a relationship. Quite honestly, my wife is prettier even though older, and is also a far, far better match in all ways. 1
RecentChange Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 Eh, I guess first I feel I always need to qualify that his cheating, and my cheating would be closer to "flings" I suppose than these love affairs I read about on here. I don't know everything my husband told his OW, but it lasted only 6 weeks. Mine was strictly sex, no illusions of love, or that we were using each other for anything more than ego boosting and sex. That said, his OW wasn't a hag. She was 5 years my jr, I have a cuter face but she had huge tits I understood the appeal. She was young, adored him, and seemed "spontaneous" in a time he was desperate for an escape from reality and responsibilities. Mine OM? Total hottie. It was going to be about sex, and only sex - and I was hugely attracted to him (had never been tempted to cheat before). He was 9 years younger, tall dark and handsome. Well educated with a good job. Oh, and married - now his wife, perhaps she thought I was a hag! She, she isn't bad looking, just very plain, no makeup, no hair style, dresses very utilitarian - I am sure she is smart as a whip (she was getting her PhD from a prestigious university at the time). All and all - I don't think think I was a huge step down for him, or that the OW was for my husband. They were a step side ways. For my OM, I was the wild, confident California girl to his conservative, reserved, and proper wife. For me, he was the sexy, yet controlling dominant force, a control freak like me found very appealing. To my husband, his OW was a step back in time - she wasnt locked down with a career and responsibilities (having just graduated college and not yet established) and was ready to have fun with no concerns. I get it. Ya gotta learn from these things. Both of us have been honest with each other about what drew us to the "other" and have been able to work with that information. 2
Owl6118 Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 (she was getting her PhD from a prestigious university at the time) Ouch. I cannot imagine a DDay in the middle of trying to write a dissertation. Mine damn near killed me and in the end I left it unfinished and moved on to salvage my mental health. Just ouch. 2
RecentChange Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 ^^^ I had a D Day. I don't know if they ever did, but I suspect they didn't (went NC on my DDay). I remember thinking that she was lucky to have such a hot husband - but then I remembered that he was busy perusing other women 18 months after their wedding.....
elaine567 Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 (edited) I think most BS's like to think the om/ow was not that attractive. I agree. I think the BS needs to point out the flaws in the OW/OM, as otherwise the affair is an even bigger hit to their ego. OK she may be pretty, but she is SOO unintelligent, what on earth did he see in her? OK he may be rich, but he looks like he has never been near a gym in his life, what on earth did she see in him? The problem is that some WSs may indeed be attracted to traits that are nothing like the BS, and traits that are deemed unattractive by the BS too. The MM may indeed be very attracted to obese women, older women, "trashy" women, unintelligent women, women on the edge... The WW may indeed be very attracted to geeky guys, older guys, bald guys, fat guys, weak guys, sloppy guys, even unstable, violent guys... The BS thinks they know their WS, and they usually rank themselves way above the AP in some way, I guess as a self preservation measure. They know their own spouse, so he/she must have lost his/her mind to have an affair with "that", but the affair in itself, shows that they probably did not know their spouse as well as they thought they did. Edited December 8, 2016 by elaine567 fixed quote 5
Arieswoman Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 Elaine567 #61 but the affair in itself, shows that they probably did not know their spouse as well as they thought they did. ^^^ That was certainly my experience and why I sued for divorce just after DD. I realised that I was married to a stranger who preferred some thick-piece AP to me. So I wasn't going to waste one more single minute of my time on this person. It was pretty big shock to the system to know I had misjudged him so badly. 3
Whoknew30 Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 H OW was was overweight & really not cute but younger & wiling to be or do anything my H wanted. After speaking with her, I could understand why he liked though. My OM was/is drop dead gorgeous, with a perfect body to boot...that was part of the attraction for me, I think. When he walked in a room, every woman would be staring at him & he'd be staring at only me, definitely an ego booster.
afoolto no end Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 I don't think it really matters my husband's ow was younger, had more chest and everything my husband is attracted to.....but the key was she was available to his plan to have his affair.... It could have been anyone it was easy, he worked with her, didn't really have to try real hard.......only met her in the office or in her car......to me there was no respect in any of it..... When I think of the affair and what he did to his life and hers and ours, our kids I am ashamed of what kind of man he was. He hurt himself more than anyone.. It's not about looks it's about disrespect and stupidity..... It has nothing to do with love, the affair love, the married love, none of it is loving in any way. I don't think about our differences and think what the f, I just feel sad for the pain it has caused everyone..... Affairs are painful for everyone no matter what you look like or why you chose the affair... and for what ..... 3
TrustedthenBusted Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 My wife is beautiful. There is no other way to say it. She is a stunning woman by all accounts. She is very fit, and could be a model if she weren't already a successful executive. But... She had two affairs, 8 years apart. The first was with a man who we all thought was gay. He was also way overweight, socially awkward, not what anyone would call handsome, and could not get erections. The affair was mainly hanging out, clothes shopping and kissing. In her journal, she said he was " one step above a gay BFF" and concluded that the rare sex they did have was uncomfortable, forced, and usually unsuccessful. The next affair was with a man who was shorter than my wife ( who is 5'3 ) and also overweight. He was a smoker, and not altogether attractive. In her journal, she made many many comments about how she wasn't attracted to him physically at all, and wasn't sure she was even attracted to him mentally. She kept asking herself why she was doing this. She is constantly surrounded by, and getting hit on by attractive men. She could have probably have her pick. But she didnt. Weird.
Chica80 Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 Hmmm let's see. XH and MM's BS are the same ethnicity. MM and I are different ethnicities from eachother and BS. XH is tall surfer, into sports etc. MM is really smart, ambitous, workaholic shorter really lean. I am pretty "voluptuous". Fiery passionate. MM wife is pretty, taller leaner, quiet and demure. I wouldn't say one better than the other. Just very very different.
Cephalopod Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 My exWW was a serial cheater. I only saw the last guy she was with and with whom she moved in with when I kicked her out. He was way more handsome than me. I'm not a handsome man by anyone's definition. But that affair only lasted a month or so.
kiyoma Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 My gf is the definition of hotness! And I am not speaking through affair glasses. She receives 10-20 FB frnd requests per day and is turning heads on the road all the time Don't get me wrong. My wife is good looking. You know those cute bespectacled girls. The ones boys want to adore and marry. But in terms of instant attention, my gf will win out hands down
kiyoma Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 I do sound that way. I guess part of me feels like I am invisible to my husband or he just doesn't care enough to notice. I almost feel justified. I know it's awful. But how could he not notice or care? Interesting!! May I ask how would you feel if you found out your H was cheating on you with a very attractive OW? (though I dont think your H is cheating because he seems to value family too much)
Cephalopod Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 My gf is the definition of hotness! And I am not speaking through affair glasses. She receives 10-20 FB frnd requests per day and is turning heads on the road all the time Don't get me wrong. My wife is good looking. You know those cute bespectacled girls. The ones boys want to adore and marry. But in terms of instant attention, my gf will win out hands down You have a wife AND girlfriend? Wow.
Forever broken Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 I imagine that this is why my husband didn't suspect my affair. The OM is overweight, bald on top but with the halo around, not objectively attractive, and married to a woman who is older and less attractive. However, OM and I carried on this affair pretty much right under my husbands nose. We were hardly discreet. Yet my husband just assumed we were good friends. Probably couldn't fathom I'd be with OM over him since my husband is a good looking, fit, successful man with a full head of hair. And you risked your marriage for him because? 1
MidnightBlue1980 Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 And you risked your marriage for him because? Probably the same reason we all did. Love, attention, addiction and sex. 2
Midlifecrisis1 Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 Interesting!! May I ask how would you feel if you found out your H was cheating on you with a very attractive OW? (though I dont think your H is cheating because he seems to value family too much) I don't know how I'd feel. I'd take as a sign that we must divorce though. I don't know if it's that he values family so much as he likes the comfort of the house, wife, kids even if he doesn't show appreciation
Midlifecrisis1 Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 Probably the same reason we all did. Love, attention, addiction and sex. Yes. And I really didn't care about his physical appearance. I was attracted to him. He looked at me in a certain way, with desire and almost like he looked up to me. We had such an easy rapport with each other. He was so good with my son. Always went out of his way to make sure we were taken care of. And was the best hugger and kisser.
MidnightBlue1980 Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 Yes. And I really didn't care about his physical appearance. I was attracted to him. He looked at me in a certain way, with desire and almost like he looked up to me. We had such an easy rapport with each other. He was so good with my son. Always went out of his way to make sure we were taken care of. And was the best hugger and kisser. Women are not driven so much by appearances like men are, I get it. Its about the attention. xMM looked up to me too, since he was about 5 inches shorter than me between height differences and my heels. He definitely was hit with the ugly stick. But yet I was strangely attracted to him. Very odd. Terrible kisser too. The worst. My H calls him 'the troll'.
Midlifecrisis1 Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 Women are not driven so much by appearances like men are, I get it. Its about the attention. xMM looked up to me too, since he was about 5 inches shorter than me between height differences and my heels. He definitely was hit with the ugly stick. But yet I was strangely attracted to him. Very odd. Terrible kisser too. The worst. My H calls him 'the troll'. Lol...no one is literally looking up to me...I'm 5'1"! 2
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