First Fight With Girlfriend

[Ryderr]

I've been with my girlfriend for 3 months now and we had our first proper fight. We live together due to our circumstances.

 

I caused the fight 100% and feel so guilty. She went out for a work party and I questioned what she did that night and didn't trust her. I read through her phone and saw that her friend was talking a lot of Sh*t about me with my girlfriend responding to messages with "he's f*cked" and "he's a freak"

 

I threatened to break up with her and that night she ended up crying for at least 2 hours.

 

I have never felt so guilty in my life, it wasn't until after this all happened that I realized what I had just done to my girlfriend. I couldn't believe what I had just done to this innocent and beautiful girl. I deserved to be called those names in text by the way I've been acting lately.

 

I'm not sure what happened that night but something clicked in my brain and I swore to myself I would change everything. I saw a doctor, I'm now on anti-depressants, getting counselling, and feel much happier already.

 

I wrote an apology letter to my girlfriend, and I've been trying to be myself again and make her feel comfortable. The letter seemed to make her really happy as she texted me straight away once she saw it with love hearts.

 

It's nearly been a week, she's hugging and kissing me again, we had s*x, and I can see she's slowly coming around but I still feel some of her walls are up.

 

What advice could you give me to help this situation?

 

I'm never looking at her phone again, questioning her for an innocent night out, or been really unhappy around her for no reason. I'm fixing myself.

[Philosoraptor]

Well it sounds like you're doing what you need to do, and she's taking to it well.

 

Continue to work on yourself so that you can be your best, for both you and her.

 

She may still be hurt, so just be patient and continue the path you're on. It always take longer to smooth things out than it takes to throw a wrinkle in.

[Mrin]

OP's Story in Pets:

 

When I was a young boy I had a German Shepherd mix I named Hans. My parents got him for me when he was a puppy and I was barely able to ride my bike without training wheels. Hans and I grew up together and were the best of friends. Hans started sleeping on my bed right away. At first, it was a small boy and a small puppy in a small bed. But as the years went by, we both grew up and grew big. Soon it was a big dog and a big boy in a small bed. But we didn't care. I loved Hans and Hans loved me.

 

One day when I was about 12 I had been away at summer camp for two week. The day I came home I ran into the house and yelled "Hans!!!! Come here boy!". Hans came running at me and jumped into my arms knocking us both over. We wrestled like we always did but something snapped in Hans and suddenly he turned angry. Before I knew it he had bitten me on the face and furiously was trying to lock his jaws around my throat! My mom helped drag Hans off of me and locked him in the loo.

 

We left Hans in the loo as my mother dried my tears and bandaged my face. He hadn't bitten very hard but he had broken the skin. Hans never barked when he was in the loo. He didn't do much of anything.

 

After a couple of hours we let him out and he was back to being the same old Hans. In fact, for the rest of his life he was the same old Hans. He never had another episode like that.

 

I do have to tell you, it was really hard to fully trust him again. I mean we still played together and did just about everything we used to do. But I didn't let him sleep on my bed for a good year after the episode. I tried, but I couldn't get to sleep. I just kept imagining Hans ripping my throat out while I slept. I knew he wouldn't do that. But that didn't stop my brain from imagining it.

 

Eventually, the trauma of the episode faded in my memory and Hans once again rejoined me on my bed for the rest of his life.

 

I miss Hans.

[smackie9]

lesson learned, grow, mature and carry on.

 

Stop looking through her damn phone. Respect her privacy.

[RoseHeart]

Everyone messes up. You are already well off by actually making changes and showing her that you are serious which is more than what a lot of people. Good for you and don't be so hard on yourself for real.

[Miss Peach]

I agree everyone messes up and can see how what you did could be a break up offense. If I were in that situation and I really cared about a guy and saw him make so many changes, I could see hanging around for a bit to see what happens. It sounds like your GF is doing the same.

 

You're going to just have to give it time. You just waived a red flag. She will need time to see if the changes stick.

[Rockdad]

We started our relationship with this in mind. Hurting each others feeling's on purpose isn't worth all the money there is. And we stuck and stick to that to this day. Our first argument came 5 years in. It was all on me too. The kids have never heard us argue and it frightened them. It was over something as stupid as it gets. Proves my theory. All men are asses it's just to what degree.

 

Reality is we are going to inadvertently hurt each others feelings and it's a different thing to intentionally do it.

[Mrin]

One last thing to mention here in conjunction with some of the posts above... This is coming from a guy about women. One thing we guys need to realize is that most women have an almost supernatural awareness of consistency of behavior. They can spot deviations from a pattern of behavior in ways that we men can't even hope to understand. Case in point, my GF can spot changes in my emotions by the types of punctuation I use in our text conversations - and I'm not talking about use/non-use of exclamation points.

 

So with that being said, you've embarked on some changes in your behavior and she's noticing them. That's good. But also be aware that she's spot any backsliding or deviations from this new norm. With that in mind, you really need to "walk the talk" and be consistent with this new normal.

[LD1990]

What exactly do you have to feel guilty about here? You didn't threaten to break up with her for no reason - you did so because she and her friend were badmouthing you. Your mistake was not dumping her ass and finding someone more loyal.