an0nym0us123 Posted December 7, 2016 Posted December 7, 2016 ok if anyone recognises my user name they will know i have been dating this girl since the beginning of sep. it was a bit of a whirlwind tbh and i made a complete mess of asking for exclusivity and it freaked her out. she let me see her again though and it felt fine but she then went cold and couple of days ago asked to just be friends. we talked a lot and her dad died not that long ago and they were very very close and she says shes still broken and cant handle anything right now? she says she needs more time to heel. she's never lied to me that i know of i dont think there is some one else but there could be, but i think shes the type that would just say it she never messed about. she also said she was starting to fall for me before my f. up and i have fallen for her pretty hard, she was amazing. i said i cant do the friends but she really wants to so we have parted ways on good terms, i told her if she wants to try again to contact me so now i will fall silent and see? is there any chance i will here from her? should i contact her in a month? many thanks. feeling rotton:(
jorgeg3d Posted December 7, 2016 Posted December 7, 2016 Check out Corey Wayne on youtube man. He's awesome. Tells it like it is. Oh, and never ask a woman for exclusivity, its their "job" to do so when they're ready. Oh and never chase either, once you've said your peace, let it go.
Author an0nym0us123 Posted December 7, 2016 Author Posted December 7, 2016 Thanks i was already looking perhaps i chased a little too hard but it wasnt mental. She knows where i am and where i stand. if what she said about me in the past was true i think she will miss me. Guess ill just sit back and wait.
Author an0nym0us123 Posted December 8, 2016 Author Posted December 8, 2016 She mesaged me last night after a few hours after i said goodbye and shes talking about what i did wrong etc. why is she back in touch so quickly?
Lobouspo Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 The good news is she contacted you and sounds upset, so feelings are still there perhaps. That's better than indifference and silence. OP give her some space, and let her go through the grieving process at her own pace. Be there for her, but understand she's lost a parent which is one of life's lows for most of us to experience at some point. If she comes around, she comes around and you have another shot. If not, billions of other people on the earth. Life goes on either way
Reels Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 She mesaged me last night after a few hours after i said goodbye and shes talking about what i did wrong etc. why is she back in touch so quickly? She cares about you, even if its not much.
Author an0nym0us123 Posted December 8, 2016 Author Posted December 8, 2016 She told me this morning she needs space to think. Shes never actually told me its over or she never said goodbye at any point so maybe some day i will hear from her. we've talked almost everyday in 3 months so im hoping she will miss me at some point. she said i was a great guy and that im awsome. it was a comunication error on my behalf and ive appologised several times. i dont think its beyond repair. she also said she was falling for me right up till my f up. maybe when she forgets about it she will again who knows. anyway life does go on....
Author an0nym0us123 Posted December 8, 2016 Author Posted December 8, 2016 She seems a bit annoyed with me for wrecking it, she seems to be trying to rationalize/justify her decision, she keeps saying sorry for hurting me. can i read anything from this. im in NC mode now
jorgeg3d Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 If she's contacting you, she's probably wanting to get back. Ask her to go out, see what she says, if she says no, then tell her not to contact you unless she wants to start over, something to that affect.
Mrin Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 She seems a bit annoyed with me for wrecking it, she seems to be trying to rationalize/justify her decision, she keeps saying sorry for hurting me. can i read anything from this. im in NC mode now So, if you ever talk to her and she pulls this out again, say this: Look, I am a guy who knows what he wants. I wanted a mature and exclusive relationship with you and so I went for it. You didn't want the same - and that's ok. We just weren't made for each other. And let that sit. If she has any feelings for you that will fester around in her head. It shows a couple of things. You are a guy who knows what he wants (+1) and goes for it (+1). Both of those qualities are attractive. On the other hand, she's a woman who doesn't know what she wants and can't figure it out. She'll recognize that is the issue is on her and if she's smart, she'll realize that since it is on her she has 100% control over it. She can choose to solve it with you or with some other guy down the line.
Bromeo Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 She told me this morning she needs space to think. Shes never actually told me its over or she never said goodbye at any point so maybe some day i will hear from her. we've talked almost everyday in 3 months so im hoping she will miss me at some point. she said i was a great guy and that im awsome. it was a comunication error on my behalf and ive appologised several times. i dont think its beyond repair. she also said she was falling for me right up till my f up. maybe when she forgets about it she will again who knows. anyway life does go on.... This. Right. Here. Happened to me a couple of months back. Mine kept saying she was confused, never told me we were broke up, told me to move, sent a love song a day later, etc. I broke NC with a text to see how I felt, got a response, and felt healed up. I then sent a long email the next day about healing up, moving on, and the fun stuff I was doing with my life. I didnt get a response, but I still felt really good about doing it. In your case, I would pull back a bit. Corey Wayne has a one-size-fits-all approach that at its core is solid, but not always applicable to every relationship. A different ex told me if I used the "call me when you change your mind approach" she would have killed herself to get over me. You've got to give her time to think and process through everything. I laugh as I type this, because I'm struggling with the exact same thing right now. My ex is either having a great time with a new man, or she is upset over us. Either way, we aren't together, and I can't go crazy over it. Food for thought.
Jimmyjackson Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 Sounds similar to my situation, check my latest thread I started. I was also seeing her for three months, all we can do is go NC, either they will be in touch or we move on i'm afraid!
fromheart Posted December 9, 2016 Posted December 9, 2016 ok if anyone recognises my user name they will know i have been dating this girl since the beginning of sep. it was a bit of a whirlwind tbh and i made a complete mess of asking for exclusivity and it freaked her out. she let me see her again though and it felt fine but she then went cold and couple of days ago asked to just be friends. we talked a lot and her dad died not that long ago and they were very very close and she says shes still broken and cant handle anything right now? she says she needs more time to heel. she's never lied to me that i know of i dont think there is some one else but there could be, but i think shes the type that would just say it she never messed about. she also said she was starting to fall for me before my f. up and i have fallen for her pretty hard, she was amazing. i said i cant do the friends but she really wants to so we have parted ways on good terms, i told her if she wants to try again to contact me so now i will fall silent and see? is there any chance i will here from her? should i contact her in a month? many thanks. feeling rotton:( You haven't done anything wrong as such, maybe acted a bit too soon thats all. The question is, where you being needy when you asked for exclusivity? Thats what will make a woman run. The best thing you can do now, is move on with absolutely no contact. If shes interested, she'll contact you. But then just let things happen. If you don't want to be dating someone who's dating other people, thats fine just let her know thats the way you roll, but without any neediness! Always the key to these things. Just take it easy, if its meant to be you'll hear from her, if you don't she isnt for you and you've lost nothing.
Author an0nym0us123 Posted December 10, 2016 Author Posted December 10, 2016 You haven't done anything wrong as such, maybe acted a bit too soon thats all. The question is, where you being needy when you asked for exclusivity? Thats what will make a woman run. The best thing you can do now, is move on with absolutely no contact. If shes interested, she'll contact you. But then just let things happen. If you don't want to be dating someone who's dating other people, thats fine just let her know thats the way you roll, but without any neediness! Always the key to these things. Just take it easy, if its meant to be you'll hear from her, if you don't she isnt for you and you've lost nothing. i probably was a little bit clingy at times, probably made her feel clostraphobic a little. i just missed her so much and enjoyed talking to her each day. a few messages have bounced back and fore this past few days but there isnt a great deal of hope in them tbh, maybe just a glimmer here and there. shes never said goodbye or wished me luck. i really am sick, she was very special and im not looking forward to NC and the thought i will never see her again, i fell for her pretty hard and i blew it. gutted
LargoLagg Posted December 10, 2016 Posted December 10, 2016 Listen, what it all boils down to is that not everybody who you fall for is going to fall for you. You can buy every book, listen to every youtube video, get every subscription on the subject, and while you might piece together a way to weasel yourself into her pants, you can't make someone love you like you love them. I don't care if you're the greatest guy in the world - if the natural chemistry isn't there, then it isn't there. This one seems to like you plenty fine, but not nearly as much as you like her. It's the way of the world, welcome to dating. That's actually how most of them go, so get used to it. The good news is that because you've only known her for 3 months or so, you're not as committed to this as you think you are. It only FEELS that way right now, but believe me, it could have gotten a whole lot worse. Your cure? Other girls, of course. You won't like the first one, or the second one, or maybe even the third one nearly as much as you like this one. That's ok. Just have some fun with them. Start seeing girls, maybe two or three at a time, put them in a rotation. Get rid of the one you like the least, and put another in her slot, then re-assess, and do that again. What happens is that you will push up the quality of girls you date. Pretty soon, your friends will be wondering how in the world you have all these really nice girls dating you. Have fun, don't make it about romance, and the next thing you know, you'll find one that makes your boat float again. And who knows? Maybe that one will like you back. In the meantime, tell this girl that while you appreciate her friendship, for now, you need a little space and that you'll get in touch when you're ready.
Author an0nym0us123 Posted December 11, 2016 Author Posted December 11, 2016 Listen, what it all boils down to is that not everybody who you fall for is going to fall for you. You can buy every book, listen to every youtube video, get every subscription on the subject, and while you might piece together a way to weasel yourself into her pants, you can't make someone love you like you love them. I don't care if you're the greatest guy in the world - if the natural chemistry isn't there, then it isn't there. This one seems to like you plenty fine, but not nearly as much as you like her. It's the way of the world, welcome to dating. That's actually how most of them go, so get used to it. The good news is that because you've only known her for 3 months or so, you're not as committed to this as you think you are. It only FEELS that way right now, but believe me, it could have gotten a whole lot worse. Your cure? Other girls, of course. You won't like the first one, or the second one, or maybe even the third one nearly as much as you like this one. That's ok. Just have some fun with them. Start seeing girls, maybe two or three at a time, put them in a rotation. Get rid of the one you like the least, and put another in her slot, then re-assess, and do that again. What happens is that you will push up the quality of girls you date. Pretty soon, your friends will be wondering how in the world you have all these really nice girls dating you. Have fun, don't make it about romance, and the next thing you know, you'll find one that makes your boat float again. And who knows? Maybe that one will like you back. In the meantime, tell this girl that while you appreciate her friendship, for now, you need a little space and that you'll get in touch when you're ready. thats how it is now, i like her more than she likes me. but before i made a complete mess we were both falling for each other pretty hard
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