Constantinos Posted December 7, 2016 Posted December 7, 2016 (edited) Dear all, I am a 33 years old successful man and my life was full of experiences with women. I got married once and been divorced two years back, however I don’t have any children. This year, I met a beautiful lady and we are now together as a couple. During the last 5 months of our relationship, she seemed to be the perfect match for me. Sex is also great. We are both looking forward to build a new life together in the future. Last couple of months we meet every day. I also met her family and she met mine. She was living with her parents, however recently she is staying at my flat and we are planning to move together in a new flat within March 2017. As she says, she didn’t had a lot of experiences with other men and feels jealousy about my past experiences with other women. She is very connected with me, since she believes that I am the man of her dreams, different from any other man, seeing me as the father of her children, but how can she be that sure, without having a lot of experiences with other men? She only had a one year unsuccessful relationship and a one night stand after her break-up. Recently, she told me that she was in love with a man, who was available by the time she was in relationship, or, this man was in relationship with another woman when she was available. They only kissed once. It took 6 dates until our first kiss, since she was also talking with him and wasn’t sure if she should wait him, or if she should start something new with me. A couple of months ago she met him accidentally, when she was out for drinks with her friends. Guess what? This man was available for her, but as she said, by that time she was deeply in love with me. Strange think is, that she's telling me all these things even I never asked her and now, I’m confused about her real feelings. She also said that this man is part of her life and would like to hear from him, from time to time. Last couple of weeks she is also talking about other men in her everyday life. As she says, she is trying to make new male friends, who would be a good chance to hang out and introduce them to her single female friends. Since I have a very promising career and lot of past experiences with other women, I feel that it is time for me to have a family, but all these things she says sound strange for me and I am wondering if it would be a good idea to start a new life with this lady. I started asking my self: Is she really ready for this and are her feelings clear? Edited December 7, 2016 by Constantinos
Miss Clavel Posted December 7, 2016 Posted December 7, 2016 Dear all, I am a 33 years old successful man and my life was full of experiences with women. I got married once and been divorced two years back, however I don’t have any children. This year, I met a beautiful lady and we are now together as a couple. During the last 5 months of our relationship, she seemed to be the perfect match for me. Sex is also great. We are both looking forward to build a new life together in the future. Last couple of months we meet every day. I also met her family and she met mine. She was living with her parents, however recently she is staying at my flat and we are planning to move together in a new flat within March 2017. As she says, she didn’t had a lot of experiences with other men and feels jealousy about my past experiences with other women. She is very connected with me, since she believes that I am the man of her dreams, different from any other man, seeing me as the father of her children. Guess what? This man was available for her, but as she said, by that time she was deeply in love with me. Strange think is, that she's telling me all these things even I never asked her and now, I’m confused about her real feelings. I started asking my self: Is she really ready for this and are her feelings clear? aside from oversharing, she sounds pretty clear to me.
Fruitee Posted December 7, 2016 Posted December 7, 2016 Trust your gut feeling. Whatever she says wont tell you the truth. Its her actions that prove her.
LostOnes05 Posted December 7, 2016 Posted December 7, 2016 Sounds fishy to me too. She wants a bunch of male friends so that she can introduce them to her single female friends??? Sounds like to me she is jealous of your past and wants to experience having a lot of male attention at her fingertips. But as Fruitee said, trust your gut because her I love you can turn into I need space/I need to find myself/I'm not ready for a relationship real quick. 1
hannahph Posted December 7, 2016 Posted December 7, 2016 It sounds as if you are already in a relationship with her that is the most committed it can get. I do not think it makes commitment easier to have been in previous serious relationships. Maybe step back and pause the sexual stuff and moving in together until after marriage when you know it is for real. In the meantime, talk to her, tell her your concerns, communication is key. If it is love, being honest is the key. She will either confirm or pacify your fears. Trust is crucial in relationships. Goodluck!
thefooloftheyear Posted December 7, 2016 Posted December 7, 2016 Maybe try this... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyj2VNVB8qk TFY
Miss Peach Posted December 7, 2016 Posted December 7, 2016 I'm going through a little bit of this with my BF. I know he is REALLY into me but I know he is very inexperienced and that is causing him some concerns. He has no questions about me but he wonders if he's attractive to women and still seeks some validation. For me, I would be OK with the idea of attraction but I wouldn't be OK with the lying. Brutal honesty and communication are really important to me. In my case, we made a deal to allow for flirting together. I've been having some desires for women. He's been wanting validation from women. So in my case it works for us both. I've had a similar arrangement with an ex that worked well. If you feel you can trust her, maybe work on finding a safe way for both your needs to be met. I realize this is a bit unconventional but thought it was worth mentioning some different ideas.
dichotomy Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 Sorry to sound sexist but its usually not the same major issue when its the guy who had more experience and the woman his little. Usually its better this way - except and unless the woman feels she is missing out on sexual experiences later on in the marriage. But if your both having good sex and O's why worry ? You have a few months before you move in together and start planning children. I would really think you two need to discuss eveyrthing openly and honestly. If the sex is very good for you - tell her this, say how lucky you feel to have her, hell even tell her she is "the best" if needed to calm her fears or jealousy or insecurity. But before stepping towards marriage - they are so many conversations i wish I would have had. Just some examples would have been sex - how important it is to me in a marriage, and what I would consider too little or unacceptable. What is love ? what is unloving? What do you consider cheating(sex, emotional, talking to guys, etc)? Money, chores, raising kids.... and so much more. I just assumed my wife to be shared all my views on sex, love, money, marriage, etc. I also did not feel it was necessary to establish my own boundaries before hand - stupid stuff like "I could not put up with XYZ in a marriage" Sorry if it sounds like I am rambling - just looking out for you.
Mr. Lucky Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 During the last 5 months of our relationship, she seemed to be the perfect match for me. Not a good idea to commit to anyone you've known such a short period of time. I wouldn't move her into your house either, you barely know her. Take it slow. If it's meant to last, it will... Mr. Lucky
Author Constantinos Posted December 8, 2016 Author Posted December 8, 2016 Thank you everybody for your advise! Ok, I discussed with her and expressed how I feel. Then, I just found out that this man she used to be in love with, is a man that I already know. They used to be friends since high school. He is already in her life, since they are in the same company of friends, so in other words, they didn't met accidentally that night. He just broke up with his ex and tried to win over my girlfriend. As she said, he was confused that night because of his break-up. And she was afraid to tell me all the truth, because she believed that I might get upset with him when we go out all together. Why did she tell me half of the truth? I never asked her to tell me all these details and since she decided to tell me this story, she should tell me all the truth from the beginning. She is making it worse now. I just told her that if she wants to have a healthy relationship with me, she should not keep things back every time she decides to tell me something. I am not sure if I should keep trusting her.
Mr. Lucky Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 I am not sure if I should keep trusting her. Hate to quote myself but: you barely know her. Mr. Lucky
DrReplyInRhymes Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 Thank you everybody for your advise! Ok, I discussed with her and expressed how I feel. Then, I just found out that this man she used to be in love with, is a man that I already know. They used to be friends since high school. He is already in her life, since they are in the same company of friends, so in other words, they didn't met accidentally that night. He just broke up with his ex and tried to win over my girlfriend. As she said, he was confused that night because of his break-up. And she was afraid to tell me all the truth, because she believed that I might get upset with him when we go out all together. Why did she tell me half of the truth? I never asked her to tell me all these details and since she decided to tell me this story, she should tell me all the truth from the beginning. She is making it worse now. I just told her that if she wants to have a healthy relationship with me, she should not keep things back every time she decides to tell me something. I am not sure if I should keep trusting her. What do you think you should do?
elaine567 Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 How old is she? Sounds to me, like she is not ready to settle down just yet. Virgins and near virgins sound like a great deal as marriage material, but they are often trouble, as they have never lived and will often hanker after other men/women. She is even telling you she is jealous of your past and she has an interested ex on the scene, that she is not shutting down, and she wants to hang out with men so she can "introduce them to her female friends" - yeah right.. That doesn't sound like a woman ready to move in with you in a serious way. That sounds like an accident waiting to happen.
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