sadgirlRN Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 Ok so i totally don't get guys!!! So my ex broke things off a little over a month ago, totally out of the blue. Saying he needs "Michael time" whatever. And of course I got the whole I want to be friends line. The thing is he can't go more than a few days without contacting me. It's usually by Im or text message, things like hope you had a good weekend, how are you, things like that. I dont get. Is he doing this to try and keep me attached to him? Does he want to be single right now but still know I may be there waiting for him when he's had enough time! What the!?!? I hate guys!! They know exactly how to play with a girls heart. Doesn't he realize he 's the one who broke up with me. Why is he so concerned with my life now! I really don't get it.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 Originally posted by sadgirlRN Doesn't he realize he 's the one who broke up with me. Yes he does .. He wants to keep you on a string or use you for a backup plan Delete him from your IM and delete all his e-mails and don't respond to any either.. Just disappear and go find someone that can give you the kind of relationship you deserve. After some time of NC you can decide with a clear head if you want him in your life at all
shygurl Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 Originally posted by A Fly onThe Wall Yes he does .. He wants to keep you on a string or use you for a backup plan Delete him from your IM and delete all his e-mails and don't respond to any either.. Just disappear and go find someone that can give you the kind of relationship you deserve. After some time of NC you can decide with a clear head if you want him in your life at all Great advice, I wholeheartedly agree. Don't just delete him from your IM, block him FIRST, then delete.
Pyro Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 Originally posted by sadgirlRN Ok so i totally don't get guys!!! So my ex broke things off a little over a month ago, totally out of the blue. Saying he needs "Michael time" whatever. And of course I got the whole I want to be friends line. The thing is he can't go more than a few days without contacting me. It's usually by Im or text message, things like hope you had a good weekend, how are you, things like that. I dont get. Is he doing this to try and keep me attached to him? Does he want to be single right now but still know I may be there waiting for him when he's had enough time! What the!?!? I hate guys!! They know exactly how to play with a girls heart. Doesn't he realize he 's the one who broke up with me. Why is he so concerned with my life now! I really don't get it. Not all of us are dumb. You just happen to meet a jerk. I believe, that "Michael Time" means being single. He doesn't just want to date one girl. He wants to date many girls. He is just too afraid and immature to tell you that. He still contacts you because he is still hoping to get a piece of a$s if he needs it. Do the right thing and ignore all contact from him. You can do so much better. If you desire a guy who doesn't play games like that, then keep looking. We are out there. Best of luck to you sadgirlRN.
stratman Posted July 16, 2005 Posted July 16, 2005 Hi Sadgirl, I know this may not be the popular point of view, but is it possible that he DOES want to be friends? Do the IM's or TM's contain any indication that he's playing you? Or are they simply How are you's? Don't misunderstand, I'm not saying you SHOULD be friends with him. You have to go with whatever your heart and head tell you. BUT if he told you he needed his 'time' but he still wants to be friends, and the communication he has had with you is strictly friendly and not romantic, then maybe he's telling you the truth. I only say this because I was once dumped by a girl that I was madly in love with (admittedly a long time ago), and she said she wanted to be friends. And to this day, if I have a problem and I need someone to talk to, I know that I can count on her. We truly did become good friends. Just something to think about...
outdated Posted July 16, 2005 Posted July 16, 2005 Originally posted by stratman Hi Sadgirl, I know this may not be the popular point of view, but is it possible that he DOES want to be friends? Do the IM's or TM's contain any indication that he's playing you? Or are they simply How are you's? Don't misunderstand, I'm not saying you SHOULD be friends with him. You have to go with whatever your heart and head tell you. BUT if he told you he needed his 'time' but he still wants to be friends, and the communication he has had with you is strictly friendly and not romantic, then maybe he's telling you the truth. I only say this because I was once dumped by a girl that I was madly in love with (admittedly a long time ago), and she said she wanted to be friends. And to this day, if I have a problem and I need someone to talk to, I know that I can count on her. We truly did become good friends. Just something to think about... Being friends right off the bat doesn't work- ever. Trust a man who's been there before. There is no way friends works until all feelings are resolved, which is why it never works right after a break up. Someone who says they want to be friends is doing it for THEIR benefit, not yours. They want to make THEMSELF feel better, not you. Concentrate on yourself. Right now, nobody else matters.
Author sadgirlRN Posted July 16, 2005 Author Posted July 16, 2005 Thanks for the replies. Stratman, im not really sure of his intentions. thats what makes it so hard. he really is a great guy and i do believe him when he says he wants to be friends. the thing thats confusing are some of his messages. when he found out i was going away for the weekend he started asking all these questions. like who are you going with, why are you going, stuff like that. almost seemed pretty jealous. now i could be totally worng but i think that the reason for the whole breakup was because he just got scared of his feelings and ran. and now he's trying to figure out what he really wants and doesn't want to burn and bridges. i dont know maybe thats just wishful thinking on my part but nothing else adds up.
phoenix333 Posted July 16, 2005 Posted July 16, 2005 im not really sure of his intentions then ask him the next time he contacts you...try not to make assumptions before actually having a conversation with him (if you want to, and are ready to talk to him that is) the fact that he is contacting means something, and you won't know what it means until you talk with him and ask him clear and direct questions...if he is not playing a game, or stringing you along, you will figure this out soon enough asking for a face-to-face meeting would be best, because people can say anything they want online or through email, and I think you need in person interaction to really figure out what is going on
shygurl Posted July 16, 2005 Posted July 16, 2005 My personal belief is that if you're in a longterm relationship with someone and they out of the blue break up with you for no apparent reason, they do not DESERVE the luxury and privilege of remaining friends. I'm sorry but if someone makes the conscious decision to break my heart, why should I appease their guilt by giving them a lot of what they had in the relationship (friendship) without the rest? (commitment, monogamy, exclusivity, intimacy, etc). Now I'm not saying that if someone gets into a relationship with me that they're a big d*nk because they realize they don't want to continue the relationship, that they're obligated to be with me "forever"...........but sorry, I think the dumper wanting the 'friendship' thing is merely their way of maintaining a lot of the perks of the relationship and reducing some of their guilt for just ending things without a real explanation. It just doesn't fly with me...and that's not me being bitter or jaded - it's just me being realistic about what i already know I can deal with and what I can't. I'm not the kind to love someone and them dump me, then be willing to just diminish my feelings for them and be able to reduce them to just a "friendship" type of love/feeling.
Author sadgirlRN Posted July 18, 2005 Author Posted July 18, 2005 thanks guys for the replies. isn't funny how we can give others advice but seem to get stuck when we're in the same situation. the heart is a funny thing.
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