Dating a woman 20 yrs younger

[avf]

I am 45 and shes 25. Shes outta a long term relationship. We met 8 weeks back and went out and hit it off. We have been initimate in the first 3-4 weeks then she told me she had her final exams coming up and she would not be able to see me for atleast 6 weeks.

 

I know she is busy but i know no one is so busy to not meet someone they care about. we have had texts and calls and met platonically for 30 minutes here and there when she came over but no initimacy.

 

Shes mature for her age and focussed on her career which I value and respect. My concern is that will the attraction sustain over this period and how do I keep her wanting me. Presently i feel I reach out to her 70% of the time.

 

She's spoken to her family about me and obviously they have reservations about the age difference. Other than that she has mentioned she has emotions about her ex once in a while.

 

I am looking at this long term and would like to give this a chance to blossom if possible. I never thought i would be posting but I think some perspective may help.

 

I would prefer advice on how to make this work vs its not going to work out etc.

[camillalev]

Whether or not this works out is might be out of your control if she's freshly out of an R and still has feelings for her ex. She's rebounding and will most likely not get serious with you, sorry.

 

Also, if you're thinking very long term, what if she wants to have kids somewhere in her late 20's(unlikely if shes focused on her career) - mid 30's? You're 45 and at that point would be very high-risk.

[CommittedToThis]

I would look at this like a hockey game, and you're the puck.

 

Be ready for anything but focus on the fact that it's the whole "she's 20 years younger than me" thing that's got you all hot to trot.

 

Expecting a 25 year old freshly single woman to spend 6 weeks in solitude studying makes me feel a little less like laughing, you know? She's probably going to sow some wild oats -- the same way you did when you were her age.

 

Keep things in perspective and expect her to go on with someone closer to her own age and you'll be fine.

 

In the meantime enjoy youth's bounty while you can.

[Satu]

You are Mr Rebound, and rebound relationships rarely work out.

 

That's not to say it won't work out, just that it's not not likely to.

 

Enjoy your moments.

 

 

Take care.

[Gaeta]

It was good while it lasted but now it's over.

 

She is freshly out of a relationship, she is still harboring feelings for her ex, you were available, convenient and made her forget about her heartbreak...for a while. Now the 'while' has passed and she is moving on. I wouldn't be surprised she is getting back with her ex right now that's why she put you on hold for 6 weeks. Just enough time to test it with the ex.

[phineas]

won't be able to see you for 6 weeks?

great.

Tell her to give you a call when exams are over then go find another woman.

Take your time responding to her also or just ignore her.

 

Basically you treat her like every other woman who isn't giving you sexy time when you are giving her your time.

[CryForNoOne]

won't be able to see you for 6 weeks?

great.

Tell her to give you a call when exams are over then go find another woman.

Take your time responding to her also or just ignore her.

 

Basically you treat her like every other woman who isn't giving you sexy time when you are giving her your time.

 

6 weeks is ridiculously long. If you like someone, 6 hours is a long time. It doesn't matter if you are stuhidying or not. She's basically dumping him without having to deal with the confrontation. She's either already seeing someone else on the side or weighing her options and will only return as a plan b. Then again, how many times does a 45 yo get to hookup with a 25 yo...

[TheTraveler]

I am 45 and shes 25. Shes outta a long term relationship. We met 8 weeks back and went out and hit it off. We have been initimate in the first 3-4 weeks then she told me she had her final exams coming up and she would not be able to see me for atleast 6 weeks.

 

Congrats! 20 years younger than yourself. I will aim for a much lower age when I hit your age if I'm single and just want to have fun

 

6 weeks? :lmao:it's over

 

know she is busy but i know no one is so busy to not meet someone they care about. we have had texts and calls and met platonically for 30 minutes here and there when she came over but no initimacy.

 

Why bother for 30 mins here and there? Sounds like you were begging to spend time with each other

 

mature for her age and focussed on her career which I value and respect. My concern is that will the attraction sustain over this period and how do I keep her wanting me. Presently i feel I reach out to her 70% of the time.

 

She's spoken to her family about me and obviously they have reservations about the age difference. Other than that she has mentioned she has emotions about her ex once in a while.

 

She's 25. I repeat she's 25. You're the rebound guy and you over texted

 

am looking at this long term and would like to give this a chance to blossom if possible. I never thought i would be posting but I think some perspective may help.

 

I would prefer advice on how to make this work vs its not going to work out etc.

 

It's not going to work out long-term. Sorry

 

Back off 100% and maybe you'll get a hookup a couple months down the road

[Sunkissedpatio]

Shes outta a long term relationship. We met 8 weeks back and went out and hit it off. We have been initimate in the first 3-4 weeks then she told me she had her final exams coming up and she would not be able to see me for atleast 6 weeks.

 

I know she is busy but i know no one is so busy to not meet someone they care about. we have had texts and calls and met platonically for 30 minutes here and there when she came over but no initimacy.

 

Shes mature for her age and focussed on her career which I value and respect. My concern is that will the attraction sustain over this period and how do I keep her wanting me. Presently i feel I reach out to her 70% of the time.

 

She's spoken to her family about me and obviously they have reservations about the age difference. Other than that she has mentioned she has emotions about her ex once in a while.

 

I am looking at this long term and would like to give this a chance to blossom if possible. I never thought i would be posting but I think some perspective may help.

 

I would prefer advice on how to make this work vs its not going to work out etc.

 

 

There is no advice on how to make this work, it isn't just up to you. Clearly she is driving the ship and she is driving it away rather than toward you.

 

See all the bolded stuff. Read it out to yourself and see if you can spot the regression in this relationship.

 

Say she actually needed 6 weeks to focus on exams. You are still seeing her 30mins here and there and no more sex.

 

She's over it. Sorry.

 

Pull away, 100% away and don't be so quick to jump through hoops when she reaches out. In fact ignore her and let her try again and again to reach you and act as if nothing happened when you finally do decide to talk to her next. Little girls eat that sht up.

 

Good luck.

Edited December 7, 2016 by Sunkissedpatio

[Poe77]

 

I am looking at this long term and would like to give this a chance to blossom if possible. .

 

 

For what to blossom? shes 20 years your Jr at some point shes going to want kids shes carrier minded right now so that's prob not going to be until her mid 30s maybe..so lets do that math..when shes what 35 your going to be 55 ok you guys have a kid when the kid is 15 his dad is going to be 75 years old how fair is that? or you could deny her having kids all together witch prob wont go down to well ether.

 

No wonder the family has "issues" with this..OP use come common sense I know your all happy in the pants right now cause you got to be with a women half your age but there is no "future" there with her for you..and it sounds like shes kinda realizing that now..let her date men near her own age dont deny her the normal milestones that mark the progression of a healthy relationship for some one her age..

[joseb]

I actually had a very similar situation recently, except it was two weeks "studying". Still a long time, I initially gave her the benefit of the doubt but should have been smarter.

 

It's pretty much done I fear.

[Erik30]

"she had her final exams coming up and she would not be able to see me for atleast 6 weeks.*

 

I know she is busy but i know no one is so busy to not meet someone they care about."

 

I'm not focussing on the age difference part, this pretty much says it all. She's saying "at least six weeks" not able to see you, so it might even be longer than that. I find it hard to believe that she's not available for even one night in the upcoming two months, but you probably already know that.

 

Lately you've just been texting and all the intimacy has stopped. Seems like she lost interest, and is starting to do the fade now. Maybe she didn't end it because she didn't want to hurt your feelings. I wouldn't be surprised if you ask her out after six weeks, and you find out she's "suddenly" dating a new guy.

[camillalev]

For what to blossom? shes 20 years your Jr at some point shes going to want kids shes carrier minded right now so that's prob not going to be until her mid 30s maybe..so lets do that math..when shes what 35 your going to be 55 ok you guys have a kid when the kid is 15 his dad is going to be 75 years old how fair is that? or you could deny her having kids all together witch prob wont go down to well ether.

 

Not to mention if it even got to that point(it wont) having a child with someone in the 45+ age range is risky as hell. People think/act like mens reproductive system are immune to aging but biologically speaking that is not true. Age takes its toll all over the body/internally and externally. It takes much, much longer with an older partner, probability of a miscarriage is higher, and the likelihood that it will have some sort of physical/mental abnormality is much higher as well.

[central]

The odds of this developing into something serious are low, but not so low that it isn't - perhaps - worth pursuing. There are plenty of possible pitfalls or future incompatibilities that can arise because of a large age difference. Some people still overcome all the obstacles, including the negativity of others.

 

 

I know of several successful relationships with equal or greater age differences, and some where they've had kids. I was in a 5 year FWB with a 27 year younger woman.

[Miss Peach]

My advice is to just enjoy it for what it was. I'm not saying to stop contact but realize it may have run its course.

[AMJ]

At that age, attention spans aren't very long, and priorities tend to be self-centered. I wouldn't take it personally, I think you should manage your expectations though.

[Michelle ma Belle]

At that age, attention spans aren't very long, and priorities tend to be self-centered. I wouldn't take it personally, I think you should manage your expectations though.

 

I second this. Don't put all your eggs into one basket with this chick. Asking for 6 weeks off from your relationship or whatever it is at this point is a tad concerning no matter the reason.

 

You know that already.

 

Play the field. There are plenty of other 25 year olds with daddy issues just begging to be snatched up

[avf]

I do see the conventional thought process of it not working out from most here except a few who have had the positive experience personally.

 

To clarify I am not trying to just hookup but there is something more with this person. I have dated others and yet have had her in the back of my mind.

 

Personally I agree with most that there is little chance but apart from the age difference there is much in terms of maturity in the person. I have dated in that age difference before and it was quite different.

 

Given all this I appreciate your response and request if there is anything I can do to positively influence the course of this in your experience.

[Gaeta]

AVF: I don't think you get it. Maybe it's been too long you've been out of college (sorry could not resist ;-)) so you don't remember. No one in college needs a full 6 weeks of absence for exams.

 

She is gone.

 

* You pursue her she will just run away faster.

 

* Your only option is to do nothing and to get busy on your end.

 

* I read in your history that you like the younger ones. The world is full of hot early 40 ladies go get yourself one of those. I know I know it hurts getting older I just turned 50 and cannot believe it myself. But it is what it is. You are a 45 year old man. You will not find a 25 yo for long term unless you're seriously wealthy.

[CryForNoOne]

I do see the conventional thought process of it not working out from most here except a few who have had the positive experience personally.

 

To clarify I am not trying to just hookup but there is something more with this person. I have dated others and yet have had her in the back of my mind.

 

Personally I agree with most that there is little chance but apart from the age difference there is much in terms of maturity in the person. I have dated in that age difference before and it was quite different.

 

Given all this I appreciate your response and request if there is anything I can do to positively influence the course of this in your experience.

 

I'm in my mid 40's, and it's well documented on another thread that I almost exclusively date women 10-15 years younger than me. So I speak from experience. A 6 week break is absolutely NOT normal. Sorry I cannot interpret it any other way but she is dumping you without direct confrontation. This will almost uncertainly end with you confronting her and she replying that she drifted apart during the time away and she doesn't have the same feelings for you anymore. It's a classic soft landing approach by a passive aggressive partner who already made up their mind but would rather drag things out for weeks and months rather than have a confrontation.

 

I know you asked for advice for how to make it work but it's hard for me to offer any. The younger women I've dated tend to be MORE needy not less needy. I've never been told we need an extended break but I did, it would be a clear signal to move on. The age difference or her parents' reservations about you don't matter. Her signals are clear as day to me. The best advice I can give you is to force the issue now so that you can move on with your life. I mean there is a slight possibilty things work out, but playing into her passive aggressive ploys is only going to eliminate your already slim chances...

Edited December 7, 2016 by CryForNoOne

[Poe77]

You will not find a 25 yo for long term unless you're seriously wealthy.

 

Even then i wouldn't think it would be long term young women at some point want a family life and most men at that age have been there and done that or maybe dont want one.. sure they will date the older guys with money but their real relationship will be with the younger ones who they feel are a better match for their long run..I agree no one needs 6 weeks time off to study shes trying to let the OP down easily..

[avf]

I'm in my mid 40's, and it's well documented on another thread that I almost exclusively date women 10-15 years younger than me. So I speak from experience. A 6 week break is absolutely NOT normal. Sorry I cannot interpret it any other way but she is dumping you without direct confrontation. This will almost uncertainly end with you confronting her and she replying that she drifted apart during the time away and she doesn't have the same feelings for you anymore. It's a classic soft landing approach by a passive aggressive partner who already made up their mind but would rather drag things out for weeks and months rather than have a confrontation.

 

I know you asked for advice for how to make it work but it's hard for me to offer any. The younger women I've dated tend to be MORE needy not less needy. I've never been told we need an extended break but I did, it would be a clear signal to move on. The age difference or her parents' reservations about you don't matter. Her signals are clear as day to me. The best advice I can give you is to force the issue now so that you can move on with your life. I mean there is a slight possibilty things work out, but playing into her passive aggressive ploys is only going to eliminate your already slim chances...

 

I wish she was more needy . Its easy to force the decision and I already would know the result. Every relation does not follow the same timeline and its just some more time to see how it goes. I am going to give her space and evaluate towards the end of the year .

 

@CryForNoOne I would love to talk with you and if you have sometime please message me here

Edited December 7, 2016 by avf

[selinaluv]

OP, I am curious if her pullback came before or after she told her family about your situation. If after, then they could have had some impact on that whether they should or not.

 

Her ex may also still be in the fringes.

[William]

Thread reopened after review. ~T

 

Also, for anyone interested in how messaging works here, this is your thread to read or ask questions in:

 

Consolidated question/information thread - Established membership/ private messages

 

Thanks!

[avf]

OP, I am curious if her pullback came before or after she told her family about your situation. If after, then they could have had some impact on that whether they should or not.

 

Her ex may also still be in the fringes.

 

Both points raised by her