A girl I like wants me to visit her across the world, now I am having second thoughts

[nsssk11]

met a girl at university a year ago. We hung out a lot. She introduced me to all of her girl friends, which I continue to hang out with very often to this day. I had a major crush on her which I tried to show but she didn't seem to want to go more than friends. We mostly organized elaborate parties or went to parties with her girl friends.

 

After university ended in April, she invited me to her parents cottage where I missed a clear opportunity with her. I screwed up royally because I was not sober at all. She made many hints she wanted me to make a move, which I couldn't comprehend at the time because of my mental state. At one point we were each others arms, looking into each others eyes, about to kiss. Not even 5 minutes later, her sister was in a psychological breakdown. Next we were attacked by bears, had to remove most of our clothes to cross a lake to escape the bears. Il skip the details, but the situation got progressively much worse as the night went on. We were both left completely phased and broken after that. When I got home, I sent her a cringey message, saying I really liked her and I know I screwed up, but her reply didn't show any reciprocative feelings. The next time we saw each other (after one month) she didn't seem interested in me, making me very sad.

 

The next month she left to go teach english in Thailand for 6-12 months. It has now been 3 months she has lived there. Recently she had been messaging me, asking me to come visit her. saying she wanted to "spend new years eve with someone she knew really well". After the second or third time she asked me to come, I said sure and I booked a flight. We had also talked about going to a beach resort and when booking the room, she told me to "make sure to get 2 beds incase one of us pukes". and at that point, I thought to myself: have I made a mistake? Does she want me to come as a friend? Am I setting myself for extreme disappointment ? Did she just ask me only because she knows I have enough money to travel on a whim? (I know none of her other friends could afford a $3,000 flight). Would a girl really make a guy come across the world like that?

[Lorenza]

Why not seeing this as a great opportunity to visit Thailand, spend some fun time with good company, swim in the sea, party etc. You overanalize this and shouldn't have booked that flight if your only purpose was to get with her. Just go and have fun ffs. You're not even in any relationship.

[olivetree]

Why not seeing this as a great opportunity to visit Thailand, spend some fun time with good company, swim in the sea, party etc. You overanalize this and shouldn't have booked that flight if your only purpose was to get with her. Just go and have fun ffs. You're not even in any relationship.

 

Lol.

 

I think what Lorenza said is a great way to look at the situation. If you're going to go, you have to go with no expectations and just have fun. Be easy breezy.

 

But this does have friendship written all over it. If you know you will be greatly disappointed and sulky pants if you two don't hook up then you shouldn't go.

[Larryville]

this does have friendship written all over it.

 

YUP

 

We hung out a lot. She introduced me to all of her girl friends,

 

Friends

 

she didn't seem to want to go more than friends.

 

Ok… “friends"

went to parties with her girl friends.

 

Friends

 

I screwed up royally because I was not sober at all.

 

So getting drunk was more important that getting “closer”

 

She made many hints she wanted me to make a move,

 

But still failed?

 

cringey message, saying I really liked her and I know I screwed up, but her reply didn't show any reciprocative feelings.

 

Does not see you as a romantic interest

 

The next time we saw each other (after one month) she didn't seem interested in me, making me very sad.

 

So clearly you still did not read the tea leaves

 

After the second or third time she asked me to come, I said sure and I booked a flight.

 

WTF!?

 

she told me to "make sure to get 2 beds incase one of us pukes".

 

Romantic

 

Does she want me to come as a friend?

 

You are still asking yourself that question?

You Said: she didn't seem interested in me,

 

Am I setting myself for extreme disappointment?

 

YUP

 

Did she just ask me only because she knows I have enough money to travel on a whim? (I know none of her other friends could afford a $3,000 flight).

 

Ok I must be cheap is any woman worth a $3000 trip around the planet when “friendship” was the clear signal?

 

Would a girl really make a guy come across the world like that?

 

Again you said: she didn't seem interested in me, and

she did not make you do anything you got the ticket!

 

If you have $3000 just lying around then ok. But go and have FUN don't go expecting anything.

[winny]

Go have fun in Thailand dude... if she gives you the "we are just friends" vibe... hook up with a hot Asian chick on New Years!!! Travel and see the world and be happy...

 

This is assuming that you can afford a $3000 trip without bankrupting yourself

[Sweetfish]

So this is my take...in Asian countries, most often men do not date outside their race or culture. So she might not be getting the attention she would usually get. I think going to Thailand is an amazing experience and you should go with the sole intent of enjoying Thailand with a friend.

 

It's a 90% chance you guys will hook up.

 

But if you go just to get with this girl... it's not going to work.

[CommittedToThis]

I would go if only for the food and the ladyboys.

[nsssk11]

So this is my take...in Asian countries, most often men do not date outside their race or culture. So she might not be getting the attention she would usually get.

 

I would think most thailand boys would love to hook up with a blonde american. But the culture would be too different for them/her to consider it. She is in bangkok and there are plenty of north americans on tinder.

 

I think going to Thailand is an amazing experience and you should go with the sole intent of enjoying Thailand with a friend.

 

It's a 90% chance you guys will hook up.

 

But if you go just to get with this girl... it's not going to work.

 

 

I guess what youre saying is if I bring a positive vibe, and go without intent, I am more likely to hook up.

[nsssk11]

Go have fun in Thailand dude... if she gives you the "we are just friends" vibe... hook up with a hot Asian chick on New Years!!! Travel and see the world and be happy...

 

This is assuming that you can afford a $3000 trip without bankrupting yourself

 

Not into that haha. I would consider hooking up with only a tourist, only if she flat out rejected me.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Simple:

 

If a friend invites you to go travel to Thailand and hang out,

 

DO IT.

 

That's an experience you may never get again.

[basil67]

Thailand is beautiful. You'd be crazy to miss out on the opportunity to visit her as a friend there.

 

In which city or town would you be staying?

[phineas]

i did something similar with a woman friend who didn't want to date me.

Except we had had sex and fooled around multiple times after and we all paid our own way.

 

we were sharing a room on a group trip.

 

so i expected to be in. so to speak.

nope.

we got drunk and showered together and she umm washed my favorite body part really well but that was it.

 

She did get rid of the poison but still, wanted more than that.

 

still had fun but if you are going primarily to sleep with this woman i think you are going to be disappointed.

 

Even if I had the cash, this would be a hard sell for the woman.

she'd basically have to get naked over skype and touch herself for me if I were in your shoes.

 

but then, i need Xanax to fly so.....

 

Have you even slept with anyone since she left town?

[nsssk11]

 

Have you even slept with anyone since she left town?

 

I slept with a lot of girls through tinder but i haven't in a while because this girl has been on my mind since she started telling me to come. At one point, after she left, her sister drunkenly made a move on me but I didn't follow all the way because I'm still obsessed with this girl. My guy friends think im super dumb because the sister is supposedly way hotter.

 

 

still had fun but if you are going primarily to sleep with this woman i think you are going to be disappointed.

 

I would be happy with a simple new years kiss.

 

I just feel totally robbed of the experience I was SUPPOSED to have at her cottage

Edited December 7, 2016 by nsssk11

[nsssk11]

Simple:

 

If a friend invites you to go travel to Thailand and hang out,

 

DO IT.

 

That's an experience you may never get again.

 

Ive been. Not my cup of tea to be honest. I know I sound terrible

[nsssk11]

Thailand is beautiful. You'd be crazy to miss out on the opportunity to visit her as a friend there.

 

In which city or town would you be staying?

 

I would stay at her apartment in bangkok and we would take a long weekend over new years (4 nights) to fly to phuket

[dumbass2]

Go have a great time only if you know you can go there with no expectations and don't get drunk and blow it again if you are in that situation.

[nsssk11]

Go have a great time only if you know you can go there with no expectations and don't get drunk and blow it again if you are in that situation.

 

 

If i had been drunk I would be totally cool. I was very very high, like dimension-jumping high on LSD

[phineas]

I slept with a lot of girls through tinder but i haven't in a while because this girl has been on my mind since she started telling me to come. At one point, after she left, her sister drunkenly made a move on me but I didn't follow all the way because I'm still obsessed with this girl. My guy friends think im super dumb because the sister is supposedly way hotter.

 

 

 

I would be happy with a simple new years kiss.

 

I just feel totally robbed of the experience I was SUPPOSED to have at her cottage

 

should of gotten with the sister.

Would of almost guaranteed she slept with you when you saw her.

that sibling rivalry.

serious.

 

the fact you are obsessed with her is a bad sign and you will have a crappy time if she only wants you there in a friend capacity.

 

however, if she actually expects a guy to fly across the world to be with her just for new yrs as friends......that's messed up.

 

like I said, i'd be more aggressive sexually with her to let her know you two were getting naked together.

 

but that's just me.

[ElizabethIII]

I would stay at her apartment in bangkok and we would take a long weekend over new years (4 nights) to fly to phuket

 

I would go after new year when the flights will be one third of the price.

 

See if she can let you stay just after.

[nsssk11]

I would go after new year when the flights will be one third of the price.

 

See if she can let you stay just after.

 

Flight is already booked. Staying at her apartment from the 3rd to the 6th, then i fly back. She had invited me at cheaper times but the new years invite got me excited thinking "new years kiss!!" so i booked the flight without thinking twice.

[ElizabethIII]

Flight is already booked. Staying at her apartment from the 3rd to the 6th, then i fly back. She had invited me at cheaper times but the new years invite got me excited thinking "new years kiss!!" so i booked the flight without thinking twice.

 

must have money to burn.

[Gr8fuln2020]

How lovely, you just spent thousands of dollars on tickets to a location you probably never thought about visiting, BUT b/c there's a girl involved, you jumped on the opportunity to do so. Are you sure you weren't drunk when you said yes?! Where was your brain??? She's lonely in a foreign country and wants a FRIEND to have fun with. You simply were not thinking.

 

Now that you've spent the money, you miind as well pretend like you're going into this w/o expectations (you are that's why you bought the ticket), just to see a beautiful country (oh, well, need to show something from this poor decision).

 

I don't know what some people are thinking. This girl had to ask you 3-times before you said yes. Can you afford the tickets, the hotel, etc. Is he helping with paying for the hotel? A hotel where she is wanting 2-beds!

 

You were duped, my friend. You can look at this however you like, but you were duped into making a rash decision and now you need to save face.

[nsssk11]

How lovely, you just spent thousands of dollars on tickets to a location you probably never thought about visiting, BUT b/c there's a girl involved, you jumped on the opportunity to do so. Are you sure you weren't drunk when you said yes?! Where was your brain??? She's lonely in a foreign country and wants a FRIEND to have fun with. You simply were not thinking.

Not that drunk! but in my mind i thought "new years kiss", got way too excited and I just booked it. Her parents had taken me out to a fancy restaurant for my bday a few weeks before (without her) and told me they had offered to fly her home for the holidays but she refused.

 

Now that you've spent the money, you miind as well pretend like you're going into this w/o expectations (you are that's why you bought the ticket), just to see a beautiful country (oh, well, need to show something from this poor decision).

I've actually been to Bangkok before. Not my cup of tea. Literally just went for the girl.

 

 

I don't know what some people are thinking. This girl had to ask you 3-times before you said yes. Can you afford the tickets, the hotel, etc. Is he helping with paying for the hotel? A hotel where she is wanting 2-beds!

I can totally afford the flights. And she ended up booking a room with only one bed, that she completely paid for. So i'm hoping that comment was just a test by her to see my reaction. I would be staying at her place for the time we are in the city.

 

 

You were duped, my friend. You can look at this however you like, but you were duped into making a rash decision and now you need to save face.

Save face?

[dumbass2]

"I've actually been to Bangkok before. Not my cup of tea. Literally just went for the girl."

 

Hope you won't be disappointed after spending all that money. I didn't know you've been there already which is why I said go and have a good time. You are going with expectations. You made an expensive, emotional decision. I hope it works out for you.

[Gr8fuln2020]

"I've actually been to Bangkok before. Not my cup of tea. Literally just went for the girl."

 

Hope you won't be disappointed after spending all that money. I didn't know you've been there already which is why I said go and have a good time. You are going with expectations. You made an expensive, emotional decision. I hope it works out for you.

 

THIS is what I was thinking. Saving face as in making this out to be something that you had no intention or desire, so salvaging what you can for this inpuslive decision. That's all. It sounds like you don't mind. Have fun.