InsatiableStar Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 In the last six months I have left a long term relationship. During the relationship I didn't have much of a social life and now I am trying to get back in to the swing of it all. I am still in contact with my ex but its on nothing more than a friendly basis. I joined an online dating site a week ago to see if I could find some new friends and see what happens. Two nights ago I started chatting with a guy and now he has asked me to go out for a drink this weekend. I would like to go but I am feeling a bit rushed. He has given me time to think about it and said no pressure. Do you think I should hold off for at least another week, or just go and see what happens? Do you think if I ask for more time it will scare him off? We seem to have a lot in common, but how can you tell that in just two days? I don't think I am ready for this, but I am wondering if I will ever be ready.
laRubiaBonita Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 first, be careful! second, it is JUST drinks....if you feel any sort of wierdness or thereat, just say you have to be somewhere...sice you wre just planning on a few drinks+(2 hours). Or maybe a nice short and sweet lunch. try to keep expactations at a minimum....just go to have fun! who knows, maybe this guy, if he is worth getting to know, could introduce you to great people!
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 Originally posted by InsatiableStar Do you think I should hold off for at least another week, or just go and see what happens? Do you think if I ask for more time it will scare him off? We seem to have a lot in common, but how can you tell that in just two days? Sure do it. Just make sure not to give him too much personal info right away. ( where you live.. those kinda things ) And meet him in a public place.
Author InsatiableStar Posted July 15, 2005 Author Posted July 15, 2005 Thanks. I just feel a bit rushed. I usually like to dwell over these things for at least a week
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 Originally posted by InsatiableStar Thanks. I just feel a bit rushed. I usually like to dwell over these things for at least a week Enjoy yourself and have fun .. You don't have to go in thinking anything serious .. Go in lighthearted and show him your humor .. Guys love a girl that is funny
Author InsatiableStar Posted July 15, 2005 Author Posted July 15, 2005 Originally posted by Star Gazer Ya gotta get your feet wet sometime! I know!! Reading your replies is making me nervous I still think I might be inclined to wait another week and talk to him a bit more. If he can't wait he is not worth it right?
Zaira Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 If you feel more comfortable waiting until you have known him a bit longer, then wait.
shygurl Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 Originally posted by InsatiableStar In the last six months I have left a long term relationship. During the relationship I didn't have much of a social life and now I am trying to get back in to the swing of it all. I am still in contact with my ex but its on nothing more than a friendly basis. I joined an online dating site a week ago to see if I could find some new friends and see what happens. Two nights ago I started chatting with a guy and now he has asked me to go out for a drink this weekend. I would like to go but I am feeling a bit rushed. He has given me time to think about it and said no pressure. Do you think I should hold off for at least another week, or just go and see what happens? Do you think if I ask for more time it will scare him off? We seem to have a lot in common, but how can you tell that in just two days? I don't think I am ready for this, but I am wondering if I will ever be ready. Have you at least spoken on the phone a bit? I'd NEVER agree to meet someone unless we've spoken on the phone for a bit.....because you can tell a lot about someone through a phone conversation - things you wouldn't learn from just reading nice words on a screen. Can they carry on a conversation? Do they have a sense of humour? Are there awkward lulls in the conversation? Do they bore you to tears? It's great that he's not making you feel pressured. Maybe just suggest you talk on the phone a bit first....that this way of meeting someone is very new to you and you'd just feel more comfortable doing that first. A decent guy will understand. I've weeded out several weenies/psychos this way.........from just that one conversation I could tell they were any of the following: no sense of humour at all (boring!), talked only about themself (yawn), said strange things (yikes!), rambled on and on and on and on (snoring now)...........OR ELSE, in some cases I sensed a bit of a connection: they really made me laugh, they were interesting, they left me wanting to get to know them better. Good luck!
Icarus Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 I'm kinda with SG on this one. I've done the online thing on and off for a couple years, and my best experiences have always been when I've gotten a chance to meet someone fairly soon. It generally goes one of two ways ... either there's no chemistry but you have some nice chit-chat anyway and move along without having wasted time/effort building up expectations only to have them dashed ... OR ... there's at least a whisp of that interest for both parties and instead of having found out every little detail you now want to know about them through emails and endless telephone conversations, you get to look forward to doing it in person with someone you've already met and really ARE interested in. BUT ... there's always a "but" ... you're new to the whole scene. That being the case, as always, go with your gut. If you don't feel comfortable meeting so soon, then by all means don't. If this guy is genuinely interested, he'll stick around and be patient. If he disappears in short order or keeps pressuring you, you're free to disappear yourself. All of the other advice I read above is sound. Sure, it's a little nervewracking ... but what about dating and meeting new people isn't at times! Keep in mind that it can be fun too. As long as you keep good judgement in your arsenal, you'll be fine.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 A few more safety rules: 1. Get his last name 2. Get his phone number 3. CALL his phone number to make sure it's valid AND make sure you talk to him (I have weeded out a few doughheads this way as well just from the conversation) 4. Meet in a public place, preferably in daylight 5. Tell someone who you will be with, where you are going, and arrange a certain time to "check in" or have someone call you to check on you, if you have a cell phone. 6. If you still feel reg flags poking in your gut don't be afraid to cancel - I have done this. I sent him a text msg, and thought he might not get the message, so not two minutes later I went online to leave him another message and he had me blocked already! Now the scaredy cat in me is thinking, maybe he blocked me even earlier and had something really bad up his sleeve!!! These are only a few suggestions. There are alot of resources available on internet dating safety you can look into in case we've missed a few on here. Getting scared? GOOD Better to be safe than sorry!!! I have met a few guys from online, but the ones who really interest me spend less time on the internet and would rather talk on the phone and meet within the first couple of weeks rather than prolong it and have that connection develop that never would in real life. Although, I contradict myself - I met a friend in person for the first time after we'd been chatting for several months, nothing romantic came of it as I was starting to seeing someone more seriously at the time. I even took my kids with me, went to his house for a swim and it has become a great friendship. It was a risk, but I made sure people knew where we were.
Author InsatiableStar Posted July 16, 2005 Author Posted July 16, 2005 Thanks for your help everyone. I sent him a text asking if we could make it next weekend. He was fine with that and asked if he could call. I spoke to him for about 20 minutes and he seems really nice. We have heaps in common so I have agreed to meet up with him next weekend. I am going to take a few of your suggestions on board though. Thank you
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 16, 2005 Posted July 16, 2005 Originally posted by InsatiableStar I have agreed to meet up with him next weekend. have fun next weekend.. it'll go just fine..
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