MissCongeniality Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 So I wanted to know if the OW was right in front of you right now and you could say anything to her what would you say or do? Would you slap her? Would you want to get back at her? Also for the OW would you apologize? What would you do?
BTDT2012 Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 I would say, "I hope you have a good life." No, I have way too much class to slap her. I believe living well is the best revenge. I will leave the rest to God. 2
goodyblue Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 So I wanted to know if the OW was right in front of you right now and you could say anything to her what would you say or do? Would you slap her? Would you want to get back at her? Also for the OW would you apologize? What would you do? Nope. I would not engage. If she threw a fit I would walk away. 1
drypuddle Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 OW here .. Don't know what I would do if she physically attacked me aside from defend myself as much as possible. Otherwise I would probably just let her say whatever she needs to say to me. If she asks questions, I'd answer openly and honestly. If she wanted to see texts or pics, she could have access to that too. I'd apologize and show remorse while keeping in mind that this confrontation is about her and what she needs, not to relieve myself of my guilt.
freengreen Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 (edited) . OW here. I would listen to her unless it becomes too cruel or physical. If she harasses me may be I will say "Sorry I engaged in this, truly, I regret hurting someone like this.. but it wasnt one sided, he is as responsible as I am" Edited December 5, 2016 by freengreen 1
eye of the storm Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 If I saw the OW my xH left me for, I would just walk away. She is not worth a jail sentence. And there is a part of me that recognizes she got me out of a toxic M. If I saw my MMs W, I don't think I would apologize. They have an odd dynamic. She knows he runs around but as long as it isn't public or impacts her, she ignores it. But if she wanted to ask questions, I would answer them. 2
DKT3 Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 . OW here. I would listen to her unless it becomes too cruel or physical. If she harasses me may be I will say "Sorry I engaged in this, truly, I regret hurting someone like this.. but it wasnt one sided, he is as responsible as I am" But its not about passing the buck, he would have to deal with her individually, I think the best way to gain in this situation would be owning your part. Sure it takes two, but she wouldn't have to be told by you that he'd husband betrayed her. 1
freengreen Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 (edited) But its not about passing the buck, he would have to deal with her individually, I think the best way to gain in this situation would be owning your part. Sure it takes two, but she wouldn't have to be told by you that he'd husband betrayed her. Oh I would certainly do. Its not like I didnt know what I was doing. I feel bad looking at her pic on facebook just like I feel bad for my husband. I am responsible for every micro thing I did. I could go a bit further than that too but I wont be ok with taking all of the blame. Its not like I pulled the cart single handedly.... But you are right actually, when I told my story to one of my bestie she said " she might already know that he is a charmer , you might not even be the first case"... but that guy talks soo sweet, he could make women ( no exception his wife) beleive anything. So smooth he gets, when he pulls off the rug. Edited December 5, 2016 by freengreen
aileD Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 I would say: "I hope you are able to restore your relationship with your family and refind your faith. I know you are young and I hope you see this as a life lesson and learn from it and never get tangled up in someone else's relationship ever again. I pray you and your future children never have to endure the pain that my children and I have been through because of this situation. I will never forgive you and I hope I never see you again, but wish you a fulfilled life."
Midwestmissy Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 I wouldn't say a word. It might be hard not to grimace though, since she contributed to so much pain for me. No punishment, she has to live with herself, and being a serial cheater clearly hasn't brought her happiness and wealth. She's 50, married with 4 kids and her actions during and after the affair showed how pathetic she could be. It's pretty sad. 2
Cymbeline Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Gosh you are all very noble folk. I box with my trainer and I pretend the target is her face. I would have gone and done it for real if I weren't scared of being reported. I also imagine pushing her down the stairs if I were to see her in the office, and making a fake Facebook page with one of her photos and one of her stupider explicit emails as the background picture. In reality, although much younger than me, she is quite vulnerable and hasn't had a blessed life: I don't envy her situation. Despite being attractive, she is still alone. So in my (very occasional). better moments, I feel sorry for her and imagine having a conversation with compassion, to find out how she saw things. (Then I'd thump her).
Starswillshine Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Not exactly sure. Depends on which story I believe on that given day. That she is a psycho bunny boiler or she was just a victim to WH's manipulation and it made her crazy. Wouldn't mind some truth, but I know that I could never trust her "truth" anyway. So I guess that would be pointless.
goodyblue Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 (edited) Gosh you are all very noble folk. I box with my trainer and I pretend the target is her face. I would have gone and done it for real if I weren't scared of being reported. I also imagine pushing her down the stairs if I were to see her in the office, and making a fake Facebook page with one of her photos and one of her stupider explicit emails as the background picture. In reality, although much younger than me, she is quite vulnerable and hasn't had a blessed life: I don't envy her situation. Despite being attractive, she is still alone. So in my (very occasional). better moments, I feel sorry for her and imagine having a conversation with compassion, to find out how she saw things. (Then I'd thump her). Would you be ok with her making a fake fb for your bh and show off his emails to her? Or would you report it? No judgement, curiosity. Edited December 5, 2016 by goodyblue
aileD Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Gosh you are all very noble folk. I box with my trainer and I pretend the target is her face. I would have gone and done it for real if I weren't scared of being reported. I also imagine pushing her down the stairs if I were to see her in the office, and making a fake Facebook page with one of her photos and one of her stupider explicit emails as the background picture. In reality, although much younger than me, she is quite vulnerable and hasn't had a blessed life: I don't envy her situation. Despite being attractive, she is still alone. So in my (very occasional). better moments, I feel sorry for her and imagine having a conversation with compassion, to find out how she saw things. (Then I'd thump her). Oh believe me I fantasize about this. I was not kind to her during the A. We got in a few shoving matches and screaming matches. But now that the A is over and our marriage is being repaired....i would not start anything. And I do truly hope she lends with her family because they are nice and I hope she realizes she was young and made a huge mistake
RecentChange Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Boy, lets see, as I have been on both sides of this coin. Neither, mine, nor his affairs were long drawn out things, compared to what I have read on LS, I suppose I would call them flings. His Other Woman? We spoke – and texted a little come D day. I was telling her to GET LOST, and she kept creeping back around for a bit. Ya know, I didn’t say anything really mean spirted towards her, and she wasn’t the focus of my anger. It was him. And after speaking to her a little, it became clear how much bull sh** he was telling her (like we had been divorced for years but still living together!) She was young and naïve. Even in the heat of it, I knew she wasn’t my problem, he was. So no, I wouldn’t slap her, I might call her dumb for believing him – but that’s about it. And me? Oh gees…. If I had ever been confronted by my Married Man’s wife? I had ZERO ill will towards her, all I could do is apologize for being selfish I suppose. And I would tell her that her husband never said a single word against her – just said that he was being selfish and that she didn’t deserve it. Not that it makes it any better… but yeah. I don’t know what else I could say besides it was a really sh***y thing to do – but I never knew her so somehow it made it easy. I remember sometimes thinking, man, she is lucky! Her hubby is H O T. And then I would remember, oh yeah, and he is cheating after just 18 months of marriage – I guess she isn’t so lucky
wmacbride Posted December 6, 2016 Posted December 6, 2016 So I wanted to know if the OW was right in front of you right now and you could say anything to her what would you say or do? Would you slap her? Would you want to get back at her? Also for the OW would you apologize? What would you do? I'd turn around, walk away, and call the police ( but that's just my situation)
Raena Posted December 6, 2016 Posted December 6, 2016 I wouldn't say anything to the OW. Nothing left to say. My ex dumped her and is now seeing someone new. OW means nothing in my life anymore. 3
Forever broken Posted December 6, 2016 Posted December 6, 2016 (edited) Former other woman here. I did apologize to her, she didn't accept it, but hey it was worth the try. She called me names and said I hurt her badly. I responded I was sorry, however, her husband hurt her the more. Edited December 11, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language~T
Cymbeline Posted December 6, 2016 Posted December 6, 2016 "Would you be ok with her making a fake fb for your bh and show off his emails to her? Or would you report it? No judgement, curiosity." Oh gosh! I am just being tongue in cheek. It is my imagination. Actually, i have been very honest with my friends (some of whom are married to colleagues of my WH) and told them the rather surreal details of this whole business which paint my WH in a strange light to those who know him. For himself, he has worked to make amends and to get professional help to sort out why someone in his position did something so destructive. we have both been careful (post affair - an affair is psychological damage to anyone involved, deliberately or not). To cause no further damage to her position and mental health. I am a mother of daughters. I would not see a young woman, flattered by a person she admired, hurt more than she already hurt herself. But I can Donwhat I like to both of them in my imagination.. I know the BS in your situation screamed in your house so that you hid in the bathroom with your children; I do not condone her behaviour, but I understand it. 1
goodyblue Posted December 6, 2016 Posted December 6, 2016 "Would you be ok with her making a fake fb for your bh and show off his emails to her? Or would you report it? No judgement, curiosity." Oh gosh! I am just being tongue in cheek. It is my imagination. Actually, i have been very honest with my friends (some of whom are married to colleagues of my WH) and told them the rather surreal details of this whole business which paint my WH in a strange light to those who know him. For himself, he has worked to make amends and to get professional help to sort out why someone in his position did something so destructive. we have both been careful (post affair - an affair is psychological damage to anyone involved, deliberately or not). To cause no further damage to her position and mental health. I am a mother of daughters. I would not see a young woman, flattered by a person she admired, hurt more than she already hurt herself. But I can Donwhat I like to both of them in my imagination.. I know the BS in your situation screamed in your house so that you hid in the bathroom with your children; I do not condone her behaviour, but I understand it. Thanks for your response.
wmacbride Posted December 6, 2016 Posted December 6, 2016 Really, the ow/om just isn't worth the trouble to confront. It's better to walk away if you can. I know that's really easy to say, but not so easy to do. 1
cocorico Posted December 6, 2016 Posted December 6, 2016 So I wanted to know if the OW was right in front of you right now and you could say anything to her what would you say or do? Would you slap her? Would you want to get back at her? Also for the OW would you apologize? What would you do? It has happened in the past - family events she found out about via the kids and gatecrashed. Being family events, however, the family rallied around, contained the scene she tried to make and ushered her out the door as diplomatically as they could. Usually it just made the kids feel really awful If it happened now - I'd do as I did then, just ignore her. She is what she is, and without her wanting to change, change won't happen.
jll07 Posted December 6, 2016 Posted December 6, 2016 So I wanted to know if the OW was right in front of you right now and you could say anything to her what would you say or do? Would you slap her? Would you want to get back at her? Also for the OW would you apologize? What would you do? I was both.... With the OW in front of me, I ignored her and his presence. They don't matter to me and aren't worth my time. If my boyfriends ex approached me, I would apologize for hurting her and her children. But I wouldn't apologize for our relationship. I would take what she has to say no matter how angry her words are. I had immense guilt when our relationship started and when he first left. As the situation unfolded though and as time has continued, I don't have as much guilt. Maybe its because of time or maybe its because I see what he meant all along by saying she really only wanted him their to cut the grass, shovel the snow and pay the bills.
Birdies Posted December 6, 2016 Posted December 6, 2016 I'd sincerely apologize for my role in hurting her, but I'm sure she wouldn't want to hear it.
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