travelbug1996 Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Is it an apology if I tell someone that they offended me (after almost 6 weeks because we haven't talked) and they turn around and apologize? This person is really stubborn. Could it be sincere? Should they have come to the conclusion on their own? Don't people know when they've been rude or acted indignant or arrogant towards others? I try to apologize quickly when I have harmed someone. My conscience won't let me rest. Wjy is it so hard for people to apologize? What has kept you from apologizing?
Gaeta Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Tell us exactly what happened and we will talk about it.
carhill Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Is it an apology if I tell someone that they offended me (after almost 6 weeks because we haven't talked) and they turn around and apologize? This person is really stubborn. Could it be sincere? If they say 'I'm sorry' or 'I apologize' or 'my apologies for xxx', that's an apology and only they know if it's sincere. You can discern whether it is or not by whether or how they alter their interaction based on their words. Should they have come to the conclusion on their own? Well, we can't read the minds of others so, absent obvious stuff like bludgeoning them to death or similar, we tend to rely on socialization and communication to convey offense. Your communication advised them of your offense and hurt. What they do with that is up to them. Don't people know when they've been rude or acted indignant or arrogant towards others? Some people or more or less sensitive to such matters. Walking the tightrope of trying to figure out who one offends by living is a straightjacket of repression and IMO better off avoided. Some people will be offended and some people won't like you. That's how life works. Hopefully everyone stays safe and alive. I try to apologize quickly when I have harmed someone. My conscience won't let me rest. That's your style. Others are not you and your rules and style don't apply to them. They have free will. Why is it so hard for people to apologize? Some social groups view it as weakness. Fallibility. A lot depends on whether they otherwise like and respect you. If they do, more likely for apologies to be accepted and valued. Less, less. What has kept you from apologizing? I had it beat out of me, then my exW reinforced it by denigrating apologetic behavior. Now it's rare. People don't matter that much anymore. I had to laugh, laughing at Dennis Hopper just now in Blue Velvet smacking Isabella Rossellini around. No apologies. Thankfully, it's just fiction. Sadly, for some, it's real life. Good luck with your relationship! 2
Sunkissedpatio Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Some people take longer than others to process a situation. Also depends on how cut and dried the outcome is and the level of sensitivity that caused the fallout in the first place. There is also the idea that if whatever went down ended in a fight or major disagreement both parties walk away feeling resentful due to the lack of resolution and things said. The question isn't so much how long it takes the other person to say sorry (I mean it is, obviously the longer the more resentment sets in) but more so are you willing to forgive when they do. And that takes into consideration your feelings of resentment for having to wait that long for the apology in the first place.
spiderowl Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 It is possible they never knew they offended you and when they found out they apologised. This could mean that you are over-sensitive or that there was a genuine misunderstanding. It could also mean that they have little empathy. Only you can judge, from conversations you have had with them, whether they seem to have empathy or not.
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