Friendzone?

[sherbmeister]

I have another take. Did she just get out of a relationship? She is rushing the companionship part and feels (to her) you are rushing the romantic part. Her conflicting behaviour and quick attachment makes me think she is filling a void with you.

 

I admit that if I went out with a guy one time and he asked "what is this" and then mentioned the "friend zone" that would scare me. It sounds insecure and like you want an instant relationship. This is especially scary if I'm not sure about a guy and/or newly single and not ready for a relationship.

 

I think you should back off, as you are currently doing.

 

Yep, shes out of a relationship for 2-3 months. She also stated that she wants to get to know me more, although, wtf I only tried for a kiss lol, I didnt ask for a relationship, she instantly thought I wanted it after I tried

[olivetree]

Yep, shes out of a relationship for 2-3 months. She also stated that she wants to get to know me more, although, wtf I only tried for a kiss lol, I didnt ask for a relationship, she instantly thought I wanted it after I tried

 

Ahh in that case it's best to abort mission.

[sherbmeister]

Ahh in that case it's best to abort mission.

 

Yeah.. fu*k and I liked her so much. Oh well!

[PogoStick]

This is why it's best if you're after more than 1 girl at a time. Your better off if you have options. Then you can back off and focus your time and effort on another girl who is more receptive. The slow girl can either make it happen with you or lose her chance to someone else. Either way you win.

 

It's also important so this girl gets the signal that you're not going to wait and chase her. You mean business. You went for it and she turned you down. It's now her responsibility to keep it going or you move on.

[Sweetfish]

Ok so we went on a second date and it was all cool, we had a couple drinks, she then cuddled a bit with me in the pub, then we went out a bit for a walk, took me by my arm while we walked too.

 

All good signs, then we decide to each go home and I go for the kiss, and she gives me like a peck kiss lol and I tried but she was like "only this". I'm like wtf lol.

 

Then we texted a bit and she said she's not ready for a relationship yet and that I'm rushing it. Also said that she already cares about me even though we know eachother for such a short period and shes scared about that, like she even gaved me an example (I havent answered her text for three hours and she started freaking out) lol. Also told me not to leave her and that she wants me in her life (what? how is this not asking me to go into her freaking friendzone). Like wtf I only went for a kiss how am I rushing.

 

What are your guys take on this? I'm pretty much bummed and prob gonna give up..

 

She like you and your rushing it

[sherbmeister]

This is why it's best if you're after more than 1 girl at a time. Your better off if you have options. Then you can back off and focus your time and effort on another girl who is more receptive. The slow girl can either make it happen with you or lose her chance to someone else. Either way you win.

 

It's also important so this girl gets the signal that you're not going to wait and chase her. You mean business. You went for it and she turned you down. It's now her responsibility to keep it going or you move on.

 

I think she got the message loud and clear. Last night I went out with this other girl that was pestering me for weeks to go out (I really dont like her that much but I figured meh what the heck) and after that when I went home the 1st girl texted me, saying that she sad and stuff, asked her why and she replied with "i got the feeling that you dont wanna talk to me anymore" , i calmed her down and told her its not that, so we continued texting a bit.

 

I noticed a change though, shes kinda teasing me now, which is kind of a good sign, like shes giving me these horoscope little things where it says our astral signs are good for eachother and **** like that, I mostly brush it off and dont reply to that directly but its a good sign I guess.

Anyway, I get what I have to do, I'm gonna play it cool and have other options, if she asks to go out again, then that's great, if not, oh well!

 

I also figured I'm certanly not in the friendzone or even being considered for a friend at this point. Even though I didnt get the full french kiss as we say, I got a full on lips kiss. Friends dont get that haha (Im also used to getting the kiss on the 1st date, this is the first time in my life I havent got it, but it's intriguing)

Edited December 8, 2016 by sherbmeister

[TheTraveler]

I think she got the message loud and clear. Last night I went out with this other girl that was pestering me for weeks to go out (I really dont like her that much but I figured meh what the heck) and after that when I went home the 1st girl texted me, saying that she sad and stuff, asked her why and she replied with "i got the feeling that you dont wanna talk to me anymore" , i calmed her down and told her its not that, so we continued texting a bit.

 

I noticed a change though, shes kinda teasing me now, which is kind of a good sign, like shes giving me these horoscope little things where it says our astral signs are good for eachother and **** like that, I mostly brush it off and dont reply to that directly but its a good sign I guess.

Anyway, I get what I have to do, I'm gonna play it cool and have other options, if she asks to go out again, then that's great, if not, oh well!

 

I also figured I'm certanly not in the friendzone or even being considered for a friend at this point. Even though I didnt get the full french kiss as we say, I got a full on lips kiss. Friends dont get that haha (Im also used to getting the kiss on the 1st date, this is the first time in my life I havent got it, but it's intriguing)

 

I would have replied to her the next day

 

She reached out, set another date. You are the man so it's up to you to escalate and definitely don't wait until the end of the date. When you are sensing the right time, go for the kiss and escalate

[Tribble]

I am going to give a slightly different take on this. I could be very, very wrong, but this girl could be me! The thing is everyone is different and we have no idea what she is thinking!

 

Everyone says not to text and chat etc. but that really works for some (and only some!) girls. It works for me. I don't like meeting people with the pure intention of romantic interest. I like to get to know someone over a period of time as a person and see if I like them. This is how my attraction grows. It's a slow burn for sure, which is very annoying! This means all my relationships have grown from friendship. Lots of texting and interaction in person as more friends. The second time you met her, you kissed her. It's obviously too fast for her. It would be too fast for me too I think. You've practically just met!

 

I guess the question is whether you're interested enough to wait it out and see. Many guys want instant escalation of a romantic relationship and if they don't get it, they move on. Which is fair enough. Not everyone is patient enough or sees the value in waiting and seeing for a few weeks. Your choice to make really. She's sending good signals with arranging meet ups, keeping up communication, saying she likes you etc. There's no shame in walking away or waiting a couple of weeks (no longer or you're wasting your time) to see. For me, once I've stepped over into romantic, things escalate much faster. You wouldn't be waiting around for everything.

 

Up to you really, just my point of view from my experience. Oh and the friendzone is made up. And somewhere you will live if you keep bringing it up!

[morrowrd]

Ahh, the game of cat and mouse, the bait and switch. I dislike this game, very much. The problem is, she is using a carrot to move the horse-cart, and for what motive? My advice is to not "puppy dog" after her because I'm thinking you aren't the first, nor the last to play this little game with her.

 

What I am going to suggest is to come up a system for dealing with her, this game, and use it for playing this game in the future. The best offense is a strong defense, and I would do that if I were you. Otherwise, if she is just playing for ego's sake, you can keep your dignity safe by playing your own cards. And your part is to do your best to act like you can take her or leave her. Go out with her, laugh and have fun, but pay close attention to body language and go with the flow. If you have to force something, like a kiss, don't do it. Talk, communicate, have fun, and wait and see what happens. What happens more times than not, especially with men, is misreading signals. You happen to recognize the "friendzone" possibility because of the pattern here, and offered her friendship I believe, as a way to possibly avoid a rejection.

 

It is possible she's interested and is following a system of her own to keep herself from getting snagged into relationships that start fast, and end fast. So like I said, it's a wait and see thing here. Protect yourself, and go with the flow. Best system to use.

[sherbmeister]

I am going to give a slightly different take on this. I could be very, very wrong, but this girl could be me! The thing is everyone is different and we have no idea what she is thinking!

 

Everyone says not to text and chat etc. but that really works for some (and only some!) girls. It works for me. I don't like meeting people with the pure intention of romantic interest. I like to get to know someone over a period of time as a person and see if I like them. This is how my attraction grows. It's a slow burn for sure, which is very annoying! This means all my relationships have grown from friendship. Lots of texting and interaction in person as more friends. The second time you met her, you kissed her. It's obviously too fast for her. It would be too fast for me too I think. You've practically just met!

 

I guess the question is whether you're interested enough to wait it out and see. Many guys want instant escalation of a romantic relationship and if they don't get it, they move on. Which is fair enough. Not everyone is patient enough or sees the value in waiting and seeing for a few weeks. Your choice to make really. She's sending good signals with arranging meet ups, keeping up communication, saying she likes you etc. There's no shame in walking away or waiting a couple of weeks (no longer or you're wasting your time) to see. For me, once I've stepped over into romantic, things escalate much faster. You wouldn't be waiting around for everything.

 

Up to you really, just my point of view from my experience. Oh and the friendzone is made up. And somewhere you will live if you keep bringing it up!

 

I see what you're saying and I was kinda thinking the same way, so I'll stick around because I really like her unlike the other girls I've been seeing.

 

I pressume it's that type of girl that doesn't wanna get involved unless she's sure of it or is too scared and likes to take it slow even if she likes the guy.

 

Never met that type but I heard about it, I guess I'll see whats up. As for the friendzone , yeah, no way I'm there. Theres no way she texts with her male friends like this, or no way she spends that amount of time with any of them. That's pretty much out of the ecuation at this point.

[sherbmeister]

Ahh, the game of cat and mouse, the bait and switch. I dislike this game, very much. The problem is, she is using a carrot to move the horse-cart, and for what motive? My advice is to not "puppy dog" after her because I'm thinking you aren't the first, nor the last to play this little game with her.

 

What I am going to suggest is to come up a system for dealing with her, this game, and use it for playing this game in the future. The best offense is a strong defense, and I would do that if I were you. Otherwise, if she is just playing for ego's sake, you can keep your dignity safe by playing your own cards. And your part is to do your best to act like you can take her or leave her. Go out with her, laugh and have fun, but pay close attention to body language and go with the flow. If you have to force something, like a kiss, don't do it. Talk, communicate, have fun, and wait and see what happens. What happens more times than not, especially with men, is misreading signals. You happen to recognize the "friendzone" possibility because of the pattern here, and offered her friendship I believe, as a way to possibly avoid a rejection.

 

It is possible she's interested and is following a system of her own to keep herself from getting snagged into relationships that start fast, and end fast. So like I said, it's a wait and see thing here. Protect yourself, and go with the flow. Best system to use.

 

Indeed, this is the wise way to go

[Tribble]

I see what you're saying and I was kinda thinking the same way, so I'll stick around because I really like her unlike the other girls I've been seeing.

 

I pressume it's that type of girl that doesn't wanna get involved unless she's sure of it or is too scared and likes to take it slow even if she likes the guy.

 

Never met that type but I heard about it, I guess I'll see whats up. As for the friendzone , yeah, no way I'm there. Theres no way she texts with her male friends like this, or no way she spends that amount of time with any of them. That's pretty much out of the ecuation at this point.

 

I assure you, we do exist haha. Everyone has their own deal. For myself, I only want to be in a relationship if I see long term potential. Once someone is in my life in a serious way, it's very difficult to let them go so I don't like to take such a big risk on just anyone. It's not an ideal situation but a couple of guys have made it through my barriers in the past. But I'm definitely not for everyone!

[sherbmeister]

I assure you, we do exist haha. Everyone has their own deal. For myself, I only want to be in a relationship if I see long term potential. Once someone is in my life in a serious way, it's very difficult to let them go so I don't like to take such a big risk on just anyone. It's not an ideal situation but a couple of guys have made it through my barriers in the past. But I'm definitely not for everyone!

 

thanks for your comment, it helps to know that.

 

I was actually looking for a girl that gives in slow because for what I know , there are less chances for her responding to stupid advances from others aaand when she does go for you it's all in

 

So I'm hoping shes that type

[DarrenB]

Open yourself up, I'm sure you won't be dissapointed of the outcome.

 

Best of luck with this lady, Sherb. Happiness lies within the eyes of the beholder.

[sherbmeister]

Open yourself up, I'm sure you won't be dissapointed of the outcome.

 

Best of luck with this lady, Sherb. Happiness lies within the eyes of the beholder.

 

hey man, thanks, hope you're doing well these days

[sherbmeister]

Update:

Date 3. Still no kiss but lots of touching from her.

At this point I'm taking it as fun and i'm laughing alot at the situation because it's kinda funny how she clearly wants to be with me but is too scared to do anything about it.

[leogirl876]

I would do that, but for what I've heard, being honest makes you basically her [slave] and she would know she has her in her palm, no? It's pretty tricky and confusing right now.... I wish I do the right thing so I dont [mess] it up

 

Only do that if you wanna confuse her and scare her away. Just be honest!

[sherbmeister]

Only do that if you wanna confuse her and scare her away. Just be honest!

 

I was honest, I told her I liked her, theres nothing else I can really do at this point.

[lolablue17]

i've read the whole thread and I think she want's you very much, but afraid that you don't want her as much. I believe she's acting like this because you she felt you weren't sure about her few days ago. So she keep's herself from being hurt.

[sherbmeister]

i've read the whole thread and I think she want's you very much, but afraid that you don't want her as much. I believe she's acting like this because you she felt you weren't sure about her few days ago. So she keep's herself from being hurt.

 

Yes I totally agree with that, I can sense her being more open every convo we're having and she's totally getting attached, it's a matter of time now if she decides to go with her gut and stop being scared of being hurt.

 

Its obvious she wants to be with me, I mean who goes on dates that take 6-7 hours?? hah

Edited December 13, 2016 by sherbmeister

[sherbmeister]

Update nr2:

4th date, got her haha, goes to show you just gotta work for it if you really like the girl I suppose.

I'm a happy camper now

Good luck for everyone else on here, hope this thread will help others too!