sherbmeister Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Hi guys, I'm back again seeking advice from this forum about another dilema in my romantic life haha! This time is more cheerful and not negative in anyway, I guess? LOL anyway.. I met this girl, we started talking over facebook when my birthday came, she wished me happy birthday, we didnt really know eachother, I just added her months before hand randomly. Then when she initiated chat, we talked, like alot. Then she asked if we could talk on whatsapp and then we started texting even more, like ALOT, we have sh*t tons in common and she's pretty great! Like Im really starting to like her. Now on to my problem, the other day she asked if we could go out, I said sure and we met up and went for a drink at a pub then for some food at a restaurant. We talked so much like from 6 pm to 1am, when we got out of the restaurant she hugged and kissed me on the cheek and thanked me, then we started walking through a park for another 30 mins then she hopped in a taxi, I didn't wanna make a move as I didn't know exactly wtf this is so I left it like that, no kiss. She hugged me (long hug) and kissed me on the cheek again, then texted me immediately and asked me to text her when I get home so she knows im good at home. These are all very mixed signals to me So I get home, we text again and she tells me shes getting attached to me and its weird cause she knows me only for like 10 days, so then I decided to pop the bubble and told her "I LIKE her alot and what is this? friendzone or do we have a chance" to which she replied with something like "oh this is all sudden i didnt expect you to like me and all )" then proceeded to text something like "This is so sudden, in a time where I'm all confused and I always consume myself with all kinds of thoughts, fu*k fu*k fu*k!" to which i replied "it's ok if you wanna be just friends" then she said "I'm here for you and we'll talk about this more, for the moment it's too soon" so I left it like that. Then she texts me every morning with good morning kisses and every night, shes always the one to initiate text and chat ect. What do you guys think I should do? I REALLY like her but I dont wanna show it all, I already told her I liked her and I think that was a mistake from my part. Now I'm playing it all cool, less emojis, less support, less chat, i let her text and reply with simple text. Thanks in advance!
Satu Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Don't "play it" any way. Be honest in all your dealings with her. Your various false behaviours will not have good consequences. Take care. 2
Author sherbmeister Posted December 5, 2016 Author Posted December 5, 2016 (edited) Don't "play it" any way. Be honest in all your dealings with her. Your various false behaviours will not have good consequences. Take care. I would do that, but for what I've heard, being honest makes you basically her [slave] and she would know she has her in her palm, no? It's pretty tricky and confusing right now.... I wish I do the right thing so I dont [mess] it up Edited December 5, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language
LookAtThisPOst Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 I would do that, but for what I've heard Really? What genius told you this? 2
clia Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Now on to my problem, the other day she asked if we could go out, I said sure and we met up and went for a drink at a pub then for some food at a restaurant. We talked so much like from 6 pm to 1am, when we got out of the restaurant she hugged and kissed me on the cheek and thanked me, then we started walking through a park for another 30 mins then she hopped in a taxi, I didn't wanna make a move as I didn't know exactly wtf this is so I left it like that, no kiss. She hugged me (long hug) and kissed me on the cheek again, then texted me immediately and asked me to text her when I get home so she knows im good at home. These are all very mixed signals to me Why are these mixed signals to you? She asked you out, spent 7 hours with you, gave you a long hug, and kissed you on the cheek twice. Do you need a written invitation? So I get home, we text again and she tells me shes getting attached to me and its weird cause she knows me only for like 10 days, so then I decided to pop the bubble and told her "I LIKE her alot and what is this? friendzone or do we have a chance" I feel like banging my head against a wall when I read this. Why are you even bringing up the friendzone? This all makes you sound really clueless and insecure. to which she replied with something like "oh this is all sudden i didnt expect you to like me and all )" then proceeded to text something like "This is so sudden, in a time where I'm all confused and I always consume myself with all kinds of thoughts, fu*k fu*k fu*k!" to which i replied "it's ok if you wanna be just friends" then she said "I'm here for you and we'll talk about this more, for the moment it's too soon" so I left it like that. There you go again, trying to put yourself in the friendzone. Let's think this through. She tells you she is getting attached to you and all you can talk about is friendzone and being friends? Bizarre. I don't really know what to say about her equally bizarre response. Then she texts me every morning with good morning kisses and every night, shes always the one to initiate text and chat ect. What do you guys think I should do? I REALLY like her but I dont wanna show it all, I already told her I liked her and I think that was a mistake from my part. Now I'm playing it all cool, less emojis, less support, less chat, i let her text and reply with simple text. Thanks in advance! I think you need to start acting more like a man in the relationship and ask her out on a date. She is doing all the chasing and that is going to get old for her really fast. Yes, she likes you. Just play it cool. There is no reason why you have to spill your guts to her about how you feel. Stay off that topic. Just ask her out, go out, and have fun. 6
Author sherbmeister Posted December 5, 2016 Author Posted December 5, 2016 Really? What genius told you this? friends and such haha 1
Author sherbmeister Posted December 5, 2016 Author Posted December 5, 2016 Why are these mixed signals to you? She asked you out, spent 7 hours with you, gave you a long hug, and kissed you on the cheek twice. Do you need a written invitation? I feel like banging my head against a wall when I read this. Why are you even bringing up the friendzone? This all makes you sound really clueless and insecure. There you go again, trying to put yourself in the friendzone. Let's think this through. She tells you she is getting attached to you and all you can talk about is friendzone and being friends? Bizarre. I don't really know what to say about her equally bizarre response. I think you need to start acting more like a man in the relationship and ask her out on a date. She is doing all the chasing and that is going to get old for her really fast. Yes, she likes you. Just play it cool. There is no reason why you have to spill your guts to her about how you feel. Stay off that topic. Just ask her out, go out, and have fun. THANK YOU! thats what I needed, god damn it 1
Author sherbmeister Posted December 5, 2016 Author Posted December 5, 2016 I think you need to start acting more like a man in the relationship and ask her out on a date. She is doing all the chasing and that is going to get old for her really fast. Yes, she likes you. Just play it cool. There is no reason why you have to spill your guts to her about how you feel. Stay off that topic. Just ask her out, go out, and have fun. I get what you're saying, but I'm like this because I really like her and want this to work, thats why I'm all insecure for real, this never happened to me, I feel like im 12 years old and im 27.. I was thinking I should ask her on a date to a movie and I'll make a move then, if she rejects it, then I'll know for sure I suppose. Thanks for the advice though Btw I've never been in the dreaded friendzone, but I fear it in this case 1
PogoStick Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Do you want the girl as a friend, or as your lover? I assume it's the second. Here are your options: 1. You try nothing, so she stays your friend. 2. You try to kiss her, she says no, so you're still her friend. No loss there. 3. You try to kiss her, she likes it, and becomes your lover. You win. The only way you lose is to do nothing. It's not important to SAY you like her. It is important that you make actions (like kissing) that shows you like her. 2
clia Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 I get what you're saying, but I'm like this because I really like her and want this to work, thats why I'm all insecure for real, this never happened to me, I feel like im 12 years old and im 27.. I was thinking I should ask her on a date to a movie and I'll make a move then, if she rejects it, then I'll know for sure I suppose. Thanks for the advice though Btw I've never been in the dreaded friendzone, but I fear it in this case Why, though? She's giving you every sign that she's interested. Just don't turn into the needy, clingy guy. There is no need to be texting all day long, calling all the time, spilling your guts about emotional stuff, etc. That kind of stuff can be such a turnoff. Just be cool. Ask her out on a date and see what happens. I would not recommend a movie date this early on. There is no way to talk. Take her out for drinks or dinner or some other activity where you can actually talk. 1
Author sherbmeister Posted December 5, 2016 Author Posted December 5, 2016 Why, though? She's giving you every sign that she's interested. Just don't turn into the needy, clingy guy. There is no need to be texting all day long, calling all the time, spilling your guts about emotional stuff, etc. That kind of stuff can be such a turnoff. Just be cool. Ask her out on a date and see what happens. I would not recommend a movie date this early on. There is no way to talk. Take her out for drinks or dinner or some other activity where you can actually talk. I dont think I'm clingy at this point, nor needy. She actually called me 20 mins ago when she got off work and asked me how I'm doing and if I was ok cause she says she feels like I'm a bit off or something, I told her its all good and then we ended the convo. About the movie, idk, I thought it was something different, cause we just did the dinner part this sunday.
Author sherbmeister Posted December 5, 2016 Author Posted December 5, 2016 Why, though? She's giving you every sign that she's interested. Just don't turn into the needy, clingy guy. There is no need to be texting all day long, calling all the time, spilling your guts about emotional stuff, etc. That kind of stuff can be such a turnoff. Just be cool. Ask her out on a date and see what happens. I would not recommend a movie date this early on. There is no way to talk. Take her out for drinks or dinner or some other activity where you can actually talk. Also, about the signs she gives, I dunno what to think, because she could do this with every guy, also the part about having a few guys as friends who she goes out with regulary, put me on the edge cause maybe I'm just like one of them guys to her, idk how she acts with them but yeah, thats why I thought I'm being friendzoned. I might be overthinking this whole situation though, ugh
winny Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Keep seeing her.. Keep it fun n cool n get to know her. When time is right, make a move.
winny Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Also, about the signs she gives, I dunno what to think, because she could do this with every guy, also the part about having a few guys as friends who she goes out with regulary, put me on the edge cause maybe I'm just like one of them guys to her, idk how she acts with them but yeah, thats why I thought I'm being friendzoned. I might be overthinking this whole situation though, ugh So a girl is not supposed to go out with any male friends? LOL You just met her anyways... Dont overthink this.
Author sherbmeister Posted December 5, 2016 Author Posted December 5, 2016 So a girl is not supposed to go out with any male friends? LOL You just met her anyways... Dont overthink this. I didnt say that, I ment in the way that shes the kind of girl that doesnt have much girl friends and more male friends, in which I could be included, if you understand
TheTraveler Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 I dont think I'm clingy at this point, nor needy. She actually called me 20 mins ago when she got off work and asked me how I'm doing and if I was ok cause she says she feels like I'm a bit off or something, I told her its all good and then we ended the convo. About the movie, idk, I thought it was something different, cause we just did the dinner part this sunday. Did you ask her out on a date?
Author sherbmeister Posted December 5, 2016 Author Posted December 5, 2016 Did you ask her out on a date? No, she actually just called me to ask if we could see eachother tomorrow after work cause she wants to give me a present for my name day, cause its saint nicholas. sh*t
kismetkismet Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Sounds like so far she's done most of the legwork with making plans and making moves. Could be that she's holding back a bit waiting for you to put in some effort and make it more clear what you want.
Author sherbmeister Posted December 5, 2016 Author Posted December 5, 2016 Sounds like so far she's done most of the legwork with making plans and making moves. Could be that she's holding back a bit waiting for you to put in some effort and make it more clear what you want. But I did tell her straight up I like her and she backed off a bit, like she wasnt sure or she was surprised, thats what threw me off, maybe I was too straight idk
TheTraveler Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 No, she actually just called me to ask if we could see eachother tomorrow after work cause she wants to give me a present for my name day, cause its saint nicholas. sh*t I don't know what this means, but good luck! As someone else mentioned keep it fun and have a good time! When the time is right, you need to go for kiss. Why the ****?
Author sherbmeister Posted December 5, 2016 Author Posted December 5, 2016 I don't know what this means, but good luck! As someone else mentioned keep it fun and have a good time! When the time is right, you need to go for kiss. Why the ****? is it as confusing for you as it is for me? Lol!
Author sherbmeister Posted December 6, 2016 Author Posted December 6, 2016 Ok so we went on a second date and it was all cool, we had a couple drinks, she then cuddled a bit with me in the pub, then we went out a bit for a walk, took me by my arm while we walked too. All good signs, then we decide to each go home and I go for the kiss, and she gives me like a peck kiss lol and I tried but she was like "only this". I'm like wtf lol. Then we texted a bit and she said she's not ready for a relationship yet and that I'm rushing it. Also said that she already cares about me even though we know eachother for such a short period and shes scared about that, like she even gaved me an example (I havent answered her text for three hours and she started freaking out) lol. Also told me not to leave her and that she wants me in her life (what? how is this not asking me to go into her freaking friendzone). Like wtf I only went for a kiss how am I rushing. What are your guys take on this? I'm pretty much bummed and prob gonna give up..
LD1990 Posted December 6, 2016 Posted December 6, 2016 You may have blown it with your passive attitude, or she may just be the type of girl who likes having lots of male admirers. The solution to avoiding the friend zone is not "tell her you don't want to be in the friend zone." It's don't act like her friend in the first place. Long Facebook/text conversations, hanging out and not making a move, that makes you her friend. Asking her to meet in person and then making a move, that positions you as a potential love interest. "Not ready for a relationship" just means she isn't interested in you. Cut ties and start dating other women. When you do this she may miraculously be more interested in moving things forward, in which case give it a shot with her if you want, although she seems like a bit of a headcase.
CryForNoOne Posted December 6, 2016 Posted December 6, 2016 Like others have said, stop saying you like her and show her!!! There is nothing worse you can say to a romantic interest than - you like her while mentioning friendzone in the same sentence, then take no action showing you like her. It's like a passive aggressive rejection! The sad thing about friendzones is that they are usually completely built by the person (usually guy) trying to stay out of them...
olivetree Posted December 6, 2016 Posted December 6, 2016 I have another take. Did she just get out of a relationship? She is rushing the companionship part and feels (to her) you are rushing the romantic part. Her conflicting behaviour and quick attachment makes me think she is filling a void with you. I admit that if I went out with a guy one time and he asked "what is this" and then mentioned the "friend zone" that would scare me. It sounds insecure and like you want an instant relationship. This is especially scary if I'm not sure about a guy and/or newly single and not ready for a relationship. I think you should back off, as you are currently doing.
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