ffrwdwin Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 (edited) This is a message to those who are currently heartbroken and who are struggling to see past the pain heartbreak brings... I am reading above that the last time I logged onto LoveShack was 24th April (8 months ago) - It was back then, (like you), I was scouring the internet desperately seeking a MAGICAL answer to my heartbreak- the pain I was in back then - I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. As you may be feeling right now - in so much pain you cannot think about anything else, your life has become consumed with these feelings which feel so powerful you don't know you can do to take the pain away... I was there too... wondering if this no contact rule would actually work??? Was NO contact the MAGICAL answer??? (SURELY NOT...I would tell myself!!! - and was I wrong...!!!) A little bit about my story which I will keep brief because I am not writing this to talk about myself, my aims are to help others by sharing what happened in my case! So, to keep things brief -I am a 26y/o female and I was with my 25 y/o gf for 5 years. She lost 2 stone in weight, attracted quite a bit of attention that she had never had before and became vain, shallow, ignorant - a complete contrast to the modest, kind, thoughtful person I met all those years ago. I believe this is a common thing in long term relationships from a young age - that one person may feel the need for change or as though, the grass is greener - that there is someone better out there. (There is lots to read about grass is greener syndrome /G.I.G.S on the net if you need more info on this). After 3 months of poor treatment, (obsessed with her phone and this new person she had become to her new group of friends, no time for me etc) I confronted her about what was going on to which she told me she needed space. I found out eventually that she had kissed 7 people at summer camp, a guy who she knew from way back, and what broke my heart was that, she admitted that she was 'infatuated with someone else' - who she later admitted to sleeping with behind my back. She didn't want me anymore... JUST like that. I WAS COMPLETELY DESTROYED. My sister came round every week to help me out. At this point I was still in contact with my (now, ex gf), as I couldn't bare the thought of living without her despite [how rude and mean] she had become. We had seen each other everyday for 5 years.. experienced everything together... I couln't not have her in my life...!! My sister insisted I do no contact - cut [her] out NOW - but I didn't feel at the time, that it was possible. It felt IMPOSSIBLE. For the next 2 months, I continuted to be 'friends' with my ex. Her reason for not wanting to be with me anymore was 'She wanted to see what else was out there,' and 'She wasn't in love with me anymore but that wasn't to say she wouldn't want to be with me again in the future...' TOTALLY kept me on a leash which I felt I could not escape from. I was torturing myself, everyday HURTING myself to stay in contact with her but everyday realising I could not have her - breaking my heart every single day. Looking back now, after my experience of the No contact rule, I should have removed every aspect of her from my life once i had found out I had been cheated on, but I was so hurt, weak, broken, I couldn't have dealt with it.... or so I thought... After 2 months of this, being [] on a leash, I decided enough was enough. I COULD NOT deal with this heartbreak anymore. I had lost a stone in weight, I had become a recluse, weak excuse of a human being with no life. and so I did it - worked myself up for a week to say - GOODBYE AND GOOD LUCK and blocked, deleted every trace of her out of my life and made a promise to myself that I wouldn't let anyone treat me like that again. You may be thinking that this is an impossible thing to do when you are still so in love with someone - BUT IT IS THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO. and trust me, If I can do it.... then anyone can!! The first week of NO CONTACT is difficult, and the urge to send just one text is something you have to battle with almost every minute of the day.... BUT YOU CAN DO IT. CRY.SCREAM.SHOUT.RANT - Do anything - but do NOT contact them! Everytime you fight the urge, you get a little bit stronger until the urge disappears! and it does! and you feel GOOD! The second week is still difficlult, but it is easier than week 1. You think about that person like crazy, hurting knowing they havent found a way of contacting you... (as if they care that much...) but you fight through it, getting a little stronger every day... The third week is easier and fourth even easier and then you think to yourself - WOW A WHOLE MONTH!!! And then this, for me, is where the magic begun. THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL IS IN SIGHT!!!!! When you are at rock bottom, you have no choice but to drag yourself back to the surface of life and put your life back together again. As you rise to the surface, you truly find yourself and re-connect with the world around you in ways that you never thought were possible! IT'S GREAT and you feel HAPPY again. It is good to KEEP BUSY, and plan things to loook forward to every week. Before you know it, 2 months have gone by.. and then 3...AND IT GETS EASIER - TRUST ME! You look back on how you let someone treat you and you think WHAT!!!!! HOW!! WHY!!! And in my case.. 3 Months later....I received CONTACT from my ex. She wrote a long email stating what mistakes she had made, how she hates herself for what she had done to me, and what an amazing person she had lost - and how she couldn't bare the thought of her life now, without me in it. I couldn't believe what I was reading - after she had treated me like an ANIMAL - she had the audacity to think an EMAIL would take back all that she had done ... When I was on here looking for my answers all those months ago, I read about NO CONTACT and refused to do it, making excuses that my circumstance was different to those I was reading about - I made every excuse not to go ahead with it - thinking she would come to realise her loss before she had to be with anyone else. But these arseholes never realise wht they have until its gone. NO CONTACT is you being kind to YOU and healing your heart and IT DOES WORK. Nobody deserves to be treated like a plan B - HAVE RESPECT FOR YOURSELF AND PROTECT YOUR HEART FROM THOSE WHO AREN'T WORTHY OF IT. Going through heartbreak makes you a STRONG person and you can get through this... In my case, I THANK my ex for what she put me through, cos I wouldnt be who i am today. I wanted to write this to give hope to others who may be suffering. YOU WILL GET THOUGH THIS and like me, in a few months you will be looking back at your experience like it was a blip in your life. NO CONTACT IS THE MAGICAL ANSWER. Good luck Edited December 4, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language 2
jorgeg3d Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 Great story! Thank you! So what happened? Did you contact her back? did you try to get back with her or just told her, it was her lost?
Slimtripper Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 Thank you for writing this. I'm on day 10 n thought I was progressing but it's so easy to relapse. I fight with my brain every time it tries to give it what it wants,thoughts of that person. But it won't last. It's just your brain and emotions and the thought of knowing u got over that person and moved on is something to keep going for. I think the above poster totally missed the point tho, this has nothing to do with getting back together. It's about getting back together with YOURSELF. Finding who you used to be
Author ffrwdwin Posted December 6, 2016 Author Posted December 6, 2016 Thank you for writing this. I'm on day 10 n thought I was progressing but it's so easy to relapse. I fight with my brain every time it tries to give it what it wants,thoughts of that person. But it won't last. It's just your brain and emotions and the thought of knowing u got over that person and moved on is something to keep going for. I think the above poster totally missed the point tho, this has nothing to do with getting back together. It's about getting back together with YOURSELF. Finding who you used to be Day 10 will soon turn into day 20 and then day 40 , 100... so on! It is ok to think about that person who has hurt you, i guess it's only natural. It's strange how the thoughts of that person still exist in your mind, but these thoughts get less and less as the days go by.. and before you realise it, you have gone a whole 10 minutes with no thoughts of them. It happens gradually. Congratulations on your progress, and best of luck with the rest of your journey. Finding yourself is such a beautiful thing to come out of so much pain, but it will happen for you soon.
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