IfiKnewThen Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 I need help with writing a letter. i want to do this right. i am tired of my dignity being tossed to the wind and never getting to say what i want to the ex. the basic thing is i was with someone for 5 years, who made me believe i was going to have a life with them, in the end. then last year they coldly trailed off the relationship and immediately after the break up found a new relationship in a girl in asia and are now engaged to them. this all took place in the shortest period of time, post breakup, we talked here and there b4 they got engaged back in january..but never much and always restricted. the ex was always in control and had the upper hand and always dictated how things had to be. when and if we spoke, when we didnt , blah blah blah. he said we could be friends right after our break up but not to ask him about his "relationship life". (this was b4 i ever even knew that he had a relationship with anyone) the ex always acted like he wasnt getting serious with anyone even tho he was mysterious about this relationship life of his. but obviously he was serious with someone but never lead on to it. avoided it like the plague and still made sexual comments to me whenever whenever we spoke. then at the last minute, it was his mom who wrote me and told me he got engaged. Not even he did that. he was sneaky trying to protect his image and trying to get what he wanted to get done and accomplished, w/o me knowing. in other words i get the impression, he never wanted to hear me say, "oh look how fast you got over me", or...."did you start talking to her when we were together" etc. ok..so.. i had some things that were in his possession, that needed to be mailed back to me. the last words we had at that time, was when he wrote to me and told me this was the" last business contact needed" and he was sending me my stuff. (we werent fighting mind you he was just talking cold and cruel and business like). well i had had enough and got the hint, so i stopped talking to him altogether and did NC. that was about 4 months ago. in the meantime, when i got the things he sent me..(they were things he bought me a long time ago) they arrived all broken to pieces. no i know he didnt break them, he just didnt pack them good enough and put them in a big box where they ended up moving around and the rest is history. of course i was broken hearted. but i still didnt contact him to say thank you for sending it..or to complain about how it arrived. i didnt want him thinking i was using ANY excuses to contact him. this brings me to today. so 4 months passed... a few weeks back maybe 3 or 4, he contacted me out of the blue. (ps i know for a FACT hes still engaged. shes just not in the country yet) but he is engaged. he contacts me by exposing his name on my buddy list for the first time in a year since he was mysterious and instant messaged me with.. he says: "ok youre alive, thats a good thing" i ignore it. the next day he writes in email: "are you still gaming" i dont answer for 2 days then finally send an email saying "yes I still game" he immediately sends me an email back saying "sorry I bother you" a day passses i say in email "no bother". then his name appears on my buddylist again (because he takes it on and off when he wants to talk to me live) its 2 am he says: "you up?" (as though nothing ever happened between us he can just talk to me our of the blue) anyway... i answered directly and said "yes but i am about to hit the sack" him: ok sorry i bothered you me: is there something going on him : just wanted to talk but sorry i bothered you me: ok now i have to ask you what is it him: nothing its ok i sent you an email bye bye me (i think i said ) oh ok then i went to read this email but he didnt just send it , it was there for hours but i didnt notice that . ..it said: "Very sorry, That I bugged you in the past. Or was blunt when it camed to finalizing our business. My heart has softened a little toward you over time now and I was wanting to know simply if you were healthy". i went back to the Instant message we were on and said: me: i am healthy ty him: good. him: i like your icecream sandwich (icon near my name) me: yeah well is dripping so i have to go him; silence me; i like eating ice cream sandwiches now (i dont know why i said that) him: ok "drake" night (drake is game name i used when we gamed together) me: thats my name : ) me: take care so then i went to bed. iwoke up and read the email again, and decided to write back. i noticed it came from his job. anyway i wrote: "did get your email around 430 last night . i feel fine, the doctor said i am in good health. and how are you physically feeling?" then he writes back... "i am fine. enjoy your ice cream" then sends another email right after that asking me 1. How many level 65 characters I have in a game? 2. Did any of the things he sent me in mail a awhile back survive the shipping?***** 3. where do you live now i never answer any of this. then he Instant messaged me again..3 days later. this is how that conversation went. him....i saw war of the worlds..reminded me of when we listened to that once on cassette tape. me_ thats right him the freedom tower looks like its going to be nice me._ yeah i thought the same him._ the little girl who stars in the movie was good. you were right about her a long time ago me._ yeah shes a prodigy. thank you. i know talent when i see it ) him. sally him i am sorry i never got that test you wanted done him. i wanted to say i never did anything to put you at risk me. <paused a long time then finally said>: thoughtful him. ok i feel better now. yes my heart was slipping but i didnt have sex with anyone and i know how scared of that stuff you are. but i didnt do anything till after physically. me <long long pause>. ok him. alrighty i will let you go me taken back <sorry guys i was in a daze> him. taken back like a christmas present? me. like some holiday him. like lent? him. like padra pios birthday? < this is a religious guy who bled from his hands ..we used to talk about him> me. yes it was a bloody mess him <silence> me. that was a joke him. <he asks about a computer game i play and asks about someone else who used to play the game> him. are you still a kock out me. i think so . thank you me. i appreciate the holiday but back to work him ok laters after this i sat down and fianlly wrote him an email telling him that things did break in shipment. and that yes i played the game. but i didnt answer the question of where i lived. i also asked if he still played video games in my letter? i also said i wanted mutal communication. i wasnt specific, but what i meant was i should be able to free contact him to. or at least be able to. not have blocked names at his convenience...etc. maybe he misunderstood the mutal commuication thing because last night he ended up ringing my phone and calling me directly! maybe he thought mutual communication meant i wanted him to call me? i have no clue. he said he got my letter he was on lunch break, and asked about the items that broke again and then said ok good bye. it was very brief. he sounded upbeat and happy. i never expected a call. i was not too alert. unfortunately i had just woke up out of a dead sleep from the call, so i didnt get to ask him a thing and once again he didnt tell me a thing about himself. here is my whole point. I am angry. i feel he feels can come into my life whenever he wants. even tho i hope/hoped for a miracle and so i am always nice in reply. but i am upset that he can IM me but i cant IM him . if we are to talk once and a great while and be friendly..for me it has to be a two way street. i want to write a letter saying this and i need the words. i dont want to sound ungrateful for the contact he made, but everything seems to always be at his disposile at his control. i am looking for curtesy and respect. i think it was rude of him to call and not first ask in email if it would be ok if he calls. can i call him? can i IM him? i feel like everything is on his terms again it seems. i feel in the end he is the one getting closure. gets to apologize , ask all the questions, etc. then move on. i want to bring this up in email..but want to know how to spell it all out and get respect and understanding, not ignored again. sorry this was long. it sux i know. i appreciate you reading. trying to give you guys info.
GL 44 Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 You probably don't want to hear this but... There's never "the" perfect letter, the perfect call, the perfect email, the perfect...you get the drift. When it's over from the other side it's over. But if just one more form of contact makes YOU feel more at peace that every last feeling, emotion, train of thought was conveyed, let er rip. Good luck.
Sal Paradise Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 He is being unfair to you and his fiance. He shouldn't be in contact with you at all. If I was his fiance I'd pretty piss if I found out.
mustangsally Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 i agree sal. he sounds kind of like a jerk...sorry to say. :-(
J dub Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 You wont like this, but I dont think you should write him a letter. If you dont get a response are you going to be upset? Do you really care WHAT he thinks about the relationship now? It's over, and he's obviously moved on. If you send that letter he is going to know you are STILL pining after him after all this time, and its going to be nothing but an ego boost, even if the letter was incredibly mean. It shows youre still giving him your attention and clearly he does not deserve it.
Author IfiKnewThen Posted July 19, 2005 Author Posted July 19, 2005 First of all i am SO SORRY for not having gotten back to you sooner. i am very grateful you guys wrote in! Thank you, to: Gl44 Sal paradise Mustang sally J dub thank you for reading and responding to my post. I have been away long, i know. for i was so down, i didn't have energy. felt as if i couldn't even concentrate. then i went away and just got back. still feel sluggish but have some updates. #1. GL44 you're right. there is no perfect letter. if its over for someone i guess it truly is over and nothing you can say or do can change it. all i guess i can hope for anymore, is some dignity to walk away with. I guess God blessed me to have heard from the ex in a civil way at all. maybe the lord inspired my ex to contact me and apologize some, in an answer to my prayers. because the way it was left off was cold and ruthless in nature and really hit me hard and brought me down. and i have asked God to get me through this. its one thing for an ex to break it off or not want you, but it's doubly worse when they quick go get engaged to someone else. (so darn fast). it also hurts and is insulting when they cut off talking to you, then contact you when they feel like it and then block you off again when they feel like it. everything on their terms. very very frustrating to say the least. so i guess you're right GL44 sometimes maybe one has to let it rip and say a few other things in a letter that you may still feel lingering and needs to be said. i thought of that too. #2. since i posted here....i was working on a letter mentioning to my ex, and saying in that letter, that i noticed he asked me a few questions about myself. i answered him, but he never answered my one question that i had for him. (the original question to him was: did he still game?) i also mentioned in that letter that since he didn't want me to initiate any contact but still contacted me when he felt like it, perhaps this wasn't the ideal situation for being mutual friends. and that, i wasn't interested in this arrangement. then i wrote, good luck with your marriage and good-bye, basically. i wrote this, but never got to send it to him, because before i went away i got a surprise email from him. what happened was he ended up sending me another email and it said, "yes i still game but rarely". so since he answered my question i thought gees OK now i have to modify my letter and send it on. but there was no time because i was packed and ready to head out the door so i just wrote back (temporarily) and said. "OK cool". when i got home, there was another email from him (a one liner) saying "do you have any thing else you want to chatty about?" (yes he said chatty) i haven't responded but heres what i am going to say...in my next email to ex: i woke up out of a dead sleep the night you called. i guess i keep crazy hours. but it was still nice to hear from you even though its a foggy memory. it seemed like a pleasant one : ). about the call .. what i was trying to say in my letter about mutual communication, was not necessarily that you call. that was a surprise. but when someone is in a relationship (like yourself) that doesn't want any contact initiated from the other party (friend, me), its not an ideal way to maintain some kind of mutual friendship. i don't feel free to contact you, via phone and my ability to IM you, is blocked by you. so all i can do now, i am sorry, (while we have this much contact), is to wish you well. best to you and your family i haven't send this yet, but while i was writing it, another surprise occurs. i get an email from his mom. a foot note from the past:... she was the one to originally email to tell me he got engaged and then she told me basically that's how things go, this is life, he is happy, embark on a new journey and set goals for yourself, and don't write him or call him or he will have to change his email addresses. note here guys i never bothered this man. so i was kinda insulted by the letter written to me back then, in the sense that, i had a right to be mad at him but i wasn't stalking him or calling or writing him for to have gotten a message like this, at all. OK that being said......i never wrote back to her or him and its been months and he contacted me out of the blue as you know. now this surprising email from her. she send me a joke and said she hopes it makes me smile, and then she writes : "Praying for you today and hope you are doing well and following through on your goal-setting towards a happy and healthy tomorrow" (ps in her last email to me months ago she tells me to set goals and move on) so i am assuming all this means .. she is trying to tell me i should still move on because he has his life. DUH? I GET THAT~! sheesh...............maybe i am just feeling sick of getting "hit", but was this really necessary? did i need to be told this again??????? if anyone reads these posts they can see i have been respectful and NOT contacted ANYONE. maybe i am just sensitive but this is freakin frustrating and somewhat insulting. i am glad people care (do they?) about my feelings but i am NO charity case. i think there are some big ego's here! is he talking to his mother and saying i want him back? i never told him that nor inferred it for pete sakes. do they really give a damn about me? i will send the letter i wrote out tomorrow, probably. to: sal paradise. this does feel unfair but in the sense that he gets to call and write whenever he wants and give a little apology and make himself feel good and i have to give him absolution. (this is how i am feeling) and everybody can go around just feeling hunky dory about themselves saying hi...checking in. is she reminding me he getting married again? anyway thank you for responding sal. mustang.....he seems to have come around some so i have to be grateful to God for that and i am...but sadly i do feel he is a jerk too. because he really has no idea how his actions cut into my life. j dub.... good advise too. and i know there is validity in saying if i write, he may get more satisfaction. but i do want write to let him know that i am not a jerk, and that i am on to the fact that he's engaged. ..and this friendship is onesided. but i am glad he did talk to me or i would have felt more like crap that he didn't care if i was dead or alive. so i have to thank God for that. but i am wondering what you guys and anyone else thinks, of my letter and the contact he and his mom made recently? are they just trying to clear their conscience? i just wonder what it all means.
Recommended Posts