What does this mean for me??

[MarvelousMaya]

So I have been having a long term relationship with a married man. We are soulmates. We work together and make a really good team. His wife does not appreciate him. His kids are all grown and don't need him anymore. They even moved away.

 

I have no respect for my H. I'd divorce him but he needs me because I am the breadwinner. I moved out of our bedroom if you catch my drift. We don't even talk any more unless we have to. He is having health problems now and depends on me to take him to the dr. etc.

 

My Prince Charming and I work together everyday and spend a lot of time together on weekends because we share so much in common with hobbies and activities. Then he makes reservations at a nice hotel near work several times a month and we walk over together. We have shared our special time together for years!!!! People even see us as a couple.

 

I am just waiting things out. I feel in my heart we will be together. But then last week he called me late at night. He said we are over, that it was a mistake getting mixed up with me and he loves his wife. !!!! I know she must have had a gun to his head right? So it looks like his W found out about us and pressured him to call me. I texted him with a ? He said we will talk at the end of the week. He didn't come into work the next day and then on Fri when we were supposed to talk she came into the office and they left together around lunch time and did not come back. I am a little scared but know we will find a way to be together.

 

I am thinking I should divorce my H as a sign that I am free to be with my Prince. I'm nervous about tomorrow. His wife has never come into the office so I don't know what that's all about. I should be able to have some alone time with him tomorrow. I want him to know I love him more than ever. His wife is just going to have to deal with this.

 

I'm a little nervous about exactly how to approach him. I wrote him a letter telling him how much I love him and I am thinking I can go in early and leave it for him on his desk. I don't want to wait this whole weekend has been hell for me wondering what is going on.

 

What's the best thing for me to do here?

[BTDT2012]

The best thing for you to do is leave him alone. His wife can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do. Unless life as a side piece is what you truly want. And divorce your husband if you neither love or respect him.

[elaine567]

His wife is just going to have to deal with this.

 

If this goes the way that these things usually go, I am afraid it is YOU that will have to just deal with this.

 

The usual story is that wife finds out and the OW tends to be thrown under the bus, as he wants "to work on his marriage". Sounds like this is exactly what has happened here. Be prepared.

After a long term affair like this, the older MM rarely leaves his wife. His marriage, his house, his assets, his family and his wife will be very important to him, he won't want to give all that up to shack up with his OW.

 

If you want to divorce your husband then go ahead but do not divorce your husband thinking your Prince will then be yours. Many MM choose married women deliberately as an OW, but once she divorces her husband they dump her immediately. They are cake eaters they want both, they do not want a divorcee champing at the bit wanting him to leave his wife for her, and acting like a besotted loose cannon so he ends it.

When the chips came down he made his choice, he chose his wife. He may come sniffing around again if she throws him out or once it all calms down at home, but would that be what you really want then?

[anika99]

Sounds like he has ended the affair and you are the one who just needs to deal with it. His kids are grown and gone and if he wanted to be with you then he would be.

 

You should probably divorce your husband anyways simply because you don't love or respect him anyways. You can still help him financially while he figures out what he is going to do. He may be entitled to alimony.

[Satu]

snip

So I have been having a long term relationship with a married man. *We are soulmates. We work together and make a really good team. His wife does not appreciate him. His kids are all grown and don't need him anymore. They even moved away.

 

*He said we are over, that it was a mistake getting mixed up with me and he loves his wife. !!!!

 

What's the best thing for me to do here?

 

*These two things really don't fit together, do they?

 

He's not your 'soulmate,' and he's not your 'Prince Charming.'

 

He's just another married man who's been cheating on his wife.

 

Thats not very charming.

 

 

Take care.

[Davey L]

I suspect things aren't nearly as bad between him and his wife as he pretends. Likewise, I wonder how many of the problems between you and your husband started after you met Mr Charming.

I rather fear that you are going to be the loser in all this. It might be best to tell your husband before he finds out another way when the **** hits the fan - it would be the decent thing to let him hear it from you.

[MarvelousMaya]

No, no, no you don't understand! We have been together for years and really understand each other! His wife won't have sex with him and doesn't appreciate him like I do! She doesn't have any interest in his life. He says they are just roomates.

 

My friend just called me and told me a friend of hers saw the W over the weekend at some ladys Xmas thing. She had a really expensive designer purse. My friend things it was an early Xmas present so she could show off. My friend thinks and I agree the W confronted my Prince before Xmas so he wouldn't give me the same present!!

 

The W is just in it for the money.

[darkbloom]

No, no, no you don't understand! We have been together for years and really understand each other! His wife won't have sex with him and doesn't appreciate him like I do! She doesn't have any interest in his life. He says they are just roomates.

 

My friend just called me and told me a friend of hers saw the W over the weekend at some ladys Xmas thing. She had a really expensive designer purse. My friend things it was an early Xmas present so she could show off. My friend thinks and I agree the W confronted my Prince before Xmas so he wouldn't give me the same present!!

 

The W is just in it for the money.

 

So? The W married him so she's entitled to the money. Also his time, energy, respect, etc.

 

We hear from AP's all the time that they are soulmates. That is rarely the case. If you were soulmates, he wouldn't have broken up with you.

 

This is going to end badly for you. This is your reality check. Either start investing the time and love in your own marriage or divorce him.

 

Leave your selfish soulmate alone.

[GoldenR]

I agree....leave your husband. Give him a chance to find someone better. And then you can wait and wait and wait and wait for your soulmate to leave his W.

 

Sounds like a plan!

[MarvelousMaya]

What do you mean when the **** hits the fan? I have no intention of telling my H anything!!!!

 

My Prince and I haven't even had a chance to talk!

[gettingstronger]

What do you mean when the **** hits the fan? I have no intention of telling my H anything!!!!

 

My Prince and I haven't even had a chance to talk!

 

 

Your Prince hasn't made time to talk. You've been available. He got caught and is working on his marriage.

[Lady2163]

You might want to post in the Other forum so you can get those views as well.

 

I don't think you realize how....uhm....trite and typical your situation is.

 

I do think you should divorce your husband so both of you can find happiness.

 

But don't count on it being your "Prince". While 50% of marriages end in divorce, last I knew people rarely end up with their AP.

[imsosad]

His wife might tell your husband. Many spouses let the other betrayed party know what's going on.

I'm sorry, but your story is just another run of the mill affair. He may like having you as a girlfriend, but his wife is more important to him.

The probable scenario is, his wife found out, he promised to cut off all contact with you and work on the marriage. Chances are, he was not being held at gun point when he made these decisions. It is what he wants. If he thought you were his soulmate and that he'd be happier with you, he would have left ages ago.People divorce every single day.

Your best bet is to assume your affair is over and try to figure out your life regardless of this man.

[MarvelousMaya]

I think I will go into the office today. He might be there. We go to the office on Sundays at lot to meet up, if you know what I mean. I will leave my letter if he is not there.

I don't think any of you get it. We have been together a long time. I am glad his stupid wife knows and I don't care if my H knows either.

[aileD]

Your "prince" has been lying to you the entire affair

 

You have been lying to yourself.

 

The real truth always comes out when the betrayed spouse finds out about the affair. At that point, all the cards are on the table. You're no longer a secret anymore and your "prince" has the opportunity to say to his wife "yes I love her and I'm leaving to be with her because she is my princess".

 

But he didn't do that. He stopped contacting you and is avoiding you like the plague. He bought his wife an expensive "Im sorry" gift. He's allowing her to come to work to prevent him from having time with you.

 

You might lie to yourself and think "his wife is making him do all these things"....but if you are honest with yourself you will realize that if he really wanted to be with you, he wouldn't be catering to his wife.

 

The honest truth is he told you all those lies about his wife to get you to be in a secret relationship with him. Because you probably wouldn't have agreed to it if he said "my marriage is fine, I have no intentions of leaving I just want a little sex and excitement on the side and you're pretty cool and good in bed".

 

Stop calling him your prince. This isn't a fairytale. The sooner you get your head and heart [out of Fantasyland] and into realityville, the better off you'll be.

 

He's ignored you. Take that and run far away from it. Find someone single.

Edited December 4, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Typo; member request ~6

[SoleMate]

Maya.....have you read other OW stories on Loveshack? 99% of them end up the same way. Bus tracks on the OW's back. Yes, a few OW dodge the odds, but not once they reach the point you're at. The best thing to do is to steel yourself to the reality that it's over. You would only increase the pain and humiliation by continuing to throw yourself at him.

 

How about taking a breather and getting out of town to be with family or female friends? Get some perspective. Then head back home and with your new knowledge that the A is over, see whether you can rebuild some feeling for H. You loved him once....flip through some old albums, read the old letters, look at a few souvenirs and remember how you once felt. Wherever your marriage ends up, at least you will have tried to build for your life...rather than being at the mercy of third parties who want only their happiness and would rather see yours destroyed (yup, I mean CMM and his W...at this point BW is your mortal enemy and CMM is her sidekick and partner in that).

 

Get some space, get your head clear. That's my best advice.

[Starswillshine]

It sounds like his wife found out. And she made him choose. He chose his wife. Your best tactic is to move on and prevent yourself from even further heartache.

[MuddyFootprints]

I think I will go into the office today. He might be there. We go to the office on Sundays at lot to meet up, if you know what I mean. I will leave my letter if he is not there.

I don't think any of you get it. We have been together a long time. I am glad his stupid wife knows and I don't care if my H knows either.

 

Have you got another job lined up? My crystal ball is showing shadows of a restraining order in your future.

[Lady2163]

I think I will go into the office today. He might be there. We go to the office on Sundays at lot to meet up, if you know what I mean. I will leave my letter if he is not there.

I don't think any of you get it. We have been together a long time. I am glad his stupid wife knows and I don't care if my H knows either.

 

Pardon please, but I don't think YOU get it. I'm guessing you are under 25 years old. Which means you haven't been together a "long" time. This affair is like a drug to you.

 

Listen, I am a former OW. And I've known way too many people who have had affairs. They rarely work out UNLESS it is an exit affair. And while I have no statistics at my fingertips, exit affairs are usually brief, because the person who is having the exit affair leaves soon after finding their "soul mate". They don't wait a long time, because they are checked out of the marriage.

 

There's a bunch of Others on here. Not many frequent and comment on this forum. I'm not sure there are any on here who have had a long term affair (relationship for the single Others) and then lived happily ever after. I think the was one person some time back who had a long term....7 year affair while MM refused to start divorce proceedings until youngest graduated college and got a job. But, he actually paid the youngest a healthy "bonus" for taking 15 hours and summer classes.

[Chica80]

Maya I read your post on the infidelity section....and have to say you are REALLY lucky. The responses where kind, helpful and not as venomous as they can be.

 

That being said...are you delusional?

 

I'm sorry to tell you but what has occurred is just the beginning. You thought you were soulmates that you were going to be together that he was so unhappy you would ride off into the sunset together.

 

You say he is your Prince Charming? If he was your prince charming he would have fought valiantly. His wife did not put a gun to his head HE CHOSE HER.

 

I would prepare myself for the NC letter: I don't love you I never did blah blah blah. Or maybe not, maybe his telling you I'm working it out is all the talk he feels you deserve.

 

I'm sorry you are here. Please take the time to read more stories on this forum. You will start to see some patterns that may sound familiar.

[MarvelousMaya]

His wife is pressuring him. He loves me! We spend all our time together. He only sleeps at home. I am his only love. ME!

[Starswillshine]

His wife is pressuring him. He loves me! We spend all our time together. He only sleeps at home. I am his only love. ME!

 

 

Best case scenario, his wife gave him an ultimatum. And he still chose her, not you. You are NOT his only love. You were a fantasy land of secrets moments in a hotel room.

[Chica80]

His wife is pressuring him. He loves me! We spend all our time together. He only sleeps at home. I am his only love. ME!

 

No Maya..... the sooner you realize this the better. Did you pressure him to be with you? Did you have to force him to be with you? He has a mind of his own. He is not being forced to do anything. Never has never will.

 

He may love you it is true, but not enough. He He said we are over, that it was a mistake getting mixed up with me and he loves his wife He already told you everything in that sentence. You are choosing not to listen.

[LexiCat29]

So I have been having a long term relationship with a married man. We are soulmates. We work together and make a really good team. His wife does not appreciate him. His kids are all grown and don't need him anymore. They even moved away.

 

I have no respect for my H. I'd divorce him but he needs me because I am the breadwinner. I moved out of our bedroom if you catch my drift. We don't even talk any more unless we have to. He is having health problems now and depends on me to take him to the dr. etc.

 

My Prince Charming and I work together everyday and spend a lot of time together on weekends because we share so much in common with hobbies and activities. Then he makes reservations at a nice hotel near work several times a month and we walk over together. We have shared our special time together for years!!!! People even see us as a couple.

 

I am just waiting things out. I feel in my heart we will be together. But then last week he called me late at night. He said we are over, that it was a mistake getting mixed up with me and he loves his wife. !!!! I know she must have had a gun to his head right? So it looks like his W found out about us and pressured him to call me. I texted him with a ? He said we will talk at the end of the week. He didn't come into work the next day and then on Fri when we were supposed to talk she came into the office and they left together around lunch time and did not come back. I am a little scared but know we will find a way to be together.

 

I am thinking I should divorce my H as a sign that I am free to be with my Prince. I'm nervous about tomorrow. His wife has never come into the office so I don't know what that's all about. I should be able to have some alone time with him tomorrow. I want him to know I love him more than ever. His wife is just going to have to deal with this.

 

I'm a little nervous about exactly how to approach him. I wrote him a letter telling him how much I love him and I am thinking I can go in early and leave it for him on his desk. I don't want to wait this whole weekend has been hell for me wondering what is going on.

 

What's the best thing for me to do here?

 

You should definitely divorce your husband, that's for sure. Not because of the married man but because you don't love or respect him and he deserves the opportunity to find someone who does.

[elaine567]

His wife is pressuring him. He loves me! We spend all our time together. He only sleeps at home. I am his only love. ME!

 

He is a grown man, how could his wife possibly be pressurizing him?

How do YOU know he ONLY "sleeps" at home?