The Last Fight

[Deveshm]

I'll tell you my story ,Me n my girl are working in the same office (11 month relationship) & we didn't disclose our relationship in office due to personal reasons & one thing i would like to mention is that she is the most beautiful girl i have ever seen in my life ,initially it was going good, then i went on official tour ,then at my back guys started flirting with her & to be frank my girl also enjoyed flirting with that one particular guy , he used to drop her home on bike & she enjoy bike riding, when i came back i got to know about it , now she don't talk to that guy in front of me ,coz she don't like me commenting anything about how sweetly she talks to him , I have told many time that please stop talking to that guy or at least tell him about our relationship & she has her own reason for not telling/disclosing, then i got irritated & verbally abused her & accused her that she is sleeping with him & she is a prostitute & what not , she cried a lot , Now i don't know what to do , i know she is honest & I'm feeling bad also on my part ,now there is no scope of sorry in our relationship, i guess she has moved on there is no scope for talking also, but i still want her in my life coz she has made me what am today , i seriously don't want to lose her , i keep missing her a lot ,i know I'm the culprit here & she has every right to move on, should i also move on ?

Edited December 4, 2016 by Deveshm

[DarrenB]

I'll tell you my story ,Me n my girl are working in the same office (11 month relationship) & we didn't disclose our relationship in office due to personal reasons & one thing i would like to mention is that she is the most beautiful girl i have ever seen in my life ,initially it was going good, then i went on official tour ,then at my back guys started flirting with her & to be frank my girl also enjoyed flirting with that one particular guy , he used to drop her home on bike & she enjoy bike riding, when i came back i got to know about it , now she don't talk to that guy in front of me ,coz she dont like me commenting anything about how sweetly she talks to him , I have told many time that please stop talking to that guy or at least tell him about our relationship & she has her own reason for not telling/disclosing then i got irritated & verbally abused her & accused her that she is sleeping with him & she is a prostitute what not , she cried a lot , Now i dont know what to do , i know she is honest & im feeling bad also on my part ,now there is no scope of sorry in our relationship, i guess she has moved on there is no scope for talking also, but i still want her in my life coz she has made me what im today , i seriously dont want to lose her , i keep missing her a lot ,i know I'm the culprit herr & she has every right to move on, should i also move on ?

 

No, nothing to salvage here. It's one of those dysfunctional relationships where someone always seems to be less interested and less involved, then the significant other starts coming to all these false (sometimes true) assumptions and everything just becomes hectic from then on.

 

Whereas condoning behavior like that from the person you're with, is on a level unacceptable (given it's been happening in a deceitful manner), proceeding to amount to unnecessary arguments where you interrogate her in the completely wrong manner and label her 'a prostitute' and 'getting around', probably doesn't suffice well with her, nor would it anyone for that matter. Not something you really want to hear, is it? There's conflict in a relationship and then there's arguments which should not even be divulged in. It's just one of those scenarios that resemble of a young teenage relationship that has survived way past its expiration date.

 

Let's face it and be honest. You assumed something because you were jealous of what she was doing with another man, whether or not something was happening behind closed doors does not allow you to make such assumptions and be so directly abusive towards her. I understand where frustration may lie when you feel deceived by your significant other, believe me... but you did not handle it correctly and decided to vent first without taking a slight thought to what you were saying and doing.

 

You can apologize to her all you want, you can make kind gestures to try and balance out what had happened, but that may not be enough to help you reconcile. People are different in relationships and if you're being accused over something so unnecessary then it's evidence that the relationship you're in is no longer compatible, or worth bothering with. I suggest you move on and treat this as a scenario of trial and error. Avoid doing the same thing in future relationships. There's specific ways to handle accusations, conflict and honesty in mature ways.

 

If she's wanting to return and try again, at any point in future, it will have to be from her consent and acknowledgement and hers only. The damage has clearly been done, you must now leave it alone completely. Take what you can from the relationship: the memories, the positives and leave out the rest.