Raena Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 Quick question... been dating this guy for a couple of months but have been hanging out together for several months as friends, recently had a difference of opinion about something and didn't talk for a week. Then I finally get up the nerve to ask him what's going on with us(via text) and if we are going to talk about this and his response is... "can't talk right now, we'll talk later, possibly tomorrow". 3 days later and I still haven't heard from him... We live right next door to each other so it's not like it's a hardship for him to stop by my house to talk or even just to call on the phone. You'd think he'd want to talk if I were important to him, wouldn't you? So what do you all think? Have I been dumped and he just doesn't have the nerve to tell me? It's been a little over a week since the last time I saw him or talked to him on the phone. I hate it when people ghost like this, it leaves me with such anxiety. I'd much rather he just come right out and say "this isn't working for me" than to leave me sitting here wondering what the heck is going on. Exactly how long does it take to realize that you've been dumped when you get ghosted like this? I already made the first step to try and talk to him about this stuff so I'm not going to contact him again. I guess it's on him to call or message me. But it's DRIVING ME NUTS!!!! And.... if he does try to contact me now... I'll be so pissed that he made me wait so long that I probably won't want to hear what he has to say now anyway. UGH! Dating SUCKS!
winny Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 It's hard to comment without knowing why the difference of opinion happened. But yes, I think he isn't interested anymore or still very angry.
dreamingoftigers Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 Ugh, I would dump him anyways. You ask a question like that and he drops you for three years? Jerk. 2
Author Raena Posted December 4, 2016 Author Posted December 4, 2016 It's hard to comment without knowing why the difference of opinion happened. But yes, I think he isn't interested anymore or still very angry. I told him I didn't want him smoking pot in the house when the kids are around and that I prefer if he didn't do it around me either because it gives me a headache. He did it once with the kids in the house (in another room, but the smell filters through the house) and one other time when I was there but the kids weren't. I don't think I was being unreasonable to ask this of him but apparently he thought so. His response wasn't... that's fine, I'll go outside or I won't do it when the kids are around. That was what I hoped to hear. Instead I got... "you're a hypocrite because you are ok with us having drinks with the kids around but not with me taking a hit of weed". For the record, I never get drunk when the kids are around... just a couple drinks.
Author Raena Posted December 4, 2016 Author Posted December 4, 2016 Ugh, I would dump him anyways. You ask a question like that and he drops you for three years? Jerk. That's how I feel too... It's days, not years, but I knew what you meant. If I mattered to him, he wouldn't make me wait. 1
basil67 Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 Given his response to your perfectly reasonable request...and the fact that he's now gone AWOL, I would take matters into my own hands. Time to end the uncertainty and take matters into your own hands. End the relationship in your mind. Draw a line under today and start to move on. If he should happen to decide that he wants to come back, tell him that his absense led you to believe that it was all over. And that you've moved on. All over red rover. 7
winny Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 I told him I didn't want him smoking pot in the house when the kids are around and that I prefer if he didn't do it around me either because it gives me a headache. He did it once with the kids in the house (in another room, but the smell filters through the house) and one other time when I was there but the kids weren't. I don't think I was being unreasonable to ask this of him but apparently he thought so. His response wasn't... that's fine, I'll go outside or I won't do it when the kids are around. That was what I hoped to hear. Instead I got... "you're a hypocrite because you are ok with us having drinks with the kids around but not with me taking a hit of weed". For the record, I never get drunk when the kids are around... just a couple drinks. Wow..!! Dump him... please!! 3
Author Raena Posted December 4, 2016 Author Posted December 4, 2016 Given his response to your perfectly reasonable request...and the fact that he's now gone AWOL, I would take matters into my own hands. Time to end the uncertainty and take matters into your own hands. End the relationship in your mind. Draw a line under today and start to move on. If he should happen to decide that he wants to come back, tell him that his absense led you to believe that it was all over. And that you've moved on. All over red rover. That is pretty much what I was thinking too. It's slightly more complicated because we are neighbors and our kids are friendly with each other but as for as he and I... I'm done. We are too old to be playing these stupid little games and I don't like how this has made me feel. 2
dreamingoftigers Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 That's how I feel too... It's days, not years, but I knew what you meant. If I mattered to him, he wouldn't make me wait. Well, LOL, we both knew what i meant..... 2
ExpatInItaly Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 You were not unreasonable in your request to him, OP. I wouldn't be interested in dating a man who responded the way he did to you. I would consider it over. 3
Author Raena Posted December 4, 2016 Author Posted December 4, 2016 Wow..!! Dump him... please!! I'm pretty sure that's already happened anyway... It would have been nice to have an actual conversation, like adults, about it but oh well. 2
Gaeta Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 I told him I didn't want him smoking pot in the house when the kids are around and that I prefer if he didn't do it around me either because it gives me a headache. He did it once with the kids in the house (in another room, but the smell filters through the house) and one other time when I was there but the kids weren't. I don't think I was being unreasonable to ask this of him but apparently he thought so. His response wasn't... that's fine, I'll go outside or I won't do it when the kids are around. That was what I hoped to hear. Instead I got... "you're a hypocrite because you are ok with us having drinks with the kids around but not with me taking a hit of weed". For the record, I never get drunk when the kids are around... just a couple drinks. Why would you want to date a pothead to start with? His reaction to your request indicates his smoking is much more serious then just recreational. You can do much better than him Raena. 6
ElizabethIII Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 In the days of ghosting sometimes never over. If you let them, they can come back 10 times.
bachdude Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 Whose house? Your house or his? But even so, you are seeing how he deals with conflict. Not a good sign. 1
phineas Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 I'm pretty sure that's already happened anyway... It would have been nice to have an actual conversation, like adults, about it but oh well. He's one of THOSE pot smokers. Kind of like one of THOSE non-drinkers and one of THOSE vegetarians. you can't talk to them about anything concerning their thing. pot smokers are offended you don't let them smoke weed when they want. non drinkers who judge those who do drink. vegetarians that lecture anyone who eats meat.. i'd forget him and ignore him if he does contact you. 4
Author Raena Posted December 4, 2016 Author Posted December 4, 2016 Whose house? Your house or his? But even so, you are seeing how he deals with conflict. Not a good sign. His house. I said the same thing... if this is how he deals with conflict then this is never going to work. 2
Gr8fuln2020 Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 His house. I said the same thing... if this is how he deals with conflict then this is never going to work. Whose kids? Yours? Or both? It doesn't matter. He is being incredibly irresponsible and his reponse is that of an irresponsible person. Drinking alcohol, which does not affect the children or people around you unless you become the problem, is not the same as 2nd-hand smoke and the effects it could have on the people around. Also, is weed illegal where you are? If so, another reason. I would dump his buttocks! 1
l8estnews Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 LOL, I was thinking of a situation wherein why he'll ghost you and when you said that he is smoking pot with the kids around.... lol. Gosh, I can't believe you even have a relationship with this guy. You shouldn'y even be friends with him!!!
Author Raena Posted December 4, 2016 Author Posted December 4, 2016 Why would you want to date a pothead to start with? His reaction to your request indicates his smoking is much more serious then just recreational. You can do much better than him Raena. Why would I want to date a pothead? I don't want to really, but I do also realize that any man my age is going to have habits that I may not like. It's up to me to decide if they are deal breakers. To be honest, his pot smoking wasn't a deal breaker really, but his reaction to my request was. I wasn't unreasonable about it. It's not like I said... OMG, You can't smoke pot, ever! I had other concerns about him too. I think he sensed me pulling away and thinks that it was because of the pot. The reality was, there were other things about him that bothered me too. I wasn't sure if I was nitpicking him (in my mind) because I'm terrified of getting hurt again or because they were real concerns. He's the first man I've really tried to have a relationship with since my son's father and I split up 3 years ago. I've been really reluctant to date and have avoided it on purpose. He's been really understanding about other issues that we've had to deal with. I thought he might be able to work through this with me too. I guess not.
Author Raena Posted December 4, 2016 Author Posted December 4, 2016 Whose kids? Yours? Or both? It doesn't matter. He is being incredibly irresponsible and his reponse is that of an irresponsible person. Drinking alcohol, which does not affect the children or people around you unless you become the problem, is not the same as 2nd-hand smoke and the effects it could have on the people around. Also, is weed illegal where you are? If so, another reason. I would dump his buttocks! Both of our kids, he has a daughter he gets every other weekend and one night during the week and I have a son that is with me full time. That was exactly my response too... drinking is NOT the same as smoking weed with kids in the house. It's not legal here, yet.
Author Raena Posted December 4, 2016 Author Posted December 4, 2016 LOL, I was thinking of a situation wherein why he'll ghost you and when you said that he is smoking pot with the kids around.... lol. Gosh, I can't believe you even have a relationship with this guy. You shouldn'y even be friends with him!!! You know... when he and I get to talking about stuff, we can talk for HOURS about any given topic and generally seem to agree about most things. He makes me think about things in a different way and I loved that about him. That's why I was friends with him. That is what I was attracted to. I don't get his reaction to THIS issue when we've had other bigger issues to deal with and he's been fine with all of it. I guess we are just not meant to be a couple. Probably should have just stayed friends. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 Why would I want to date a pothead? I don't want to really, but I do also realize that any man my age is going to have habits that I may not like. It's up to me to decide if they are deal breakers. To be honest, his pot smoking wasn't a deal breaker really, but his reaction to my request was. I wasn't unreasonable about it. It's not like I said... OMG, You can't smoke pot, ever! I had other concerns about him too. I think he sensed me pulling away and thinks that it was because of the pot. The reality was, there were other things about him that bothered me too. I wasn't sure if I was nitpicking him (in my mind) because I'm terrified of getting hurt again or because they were real concerns. He's the first man I've really tried to have a relationship with since my son's father and I split up 3 years ago. I've been really reluctant to date and have avoided it on purpose. He's been really understanding about other issues that we've had to deal with. I thought he might be able to work through this with me too. I guess not. I am certain you are not saying that smoking pot around your kids is not a deal-breaker. But, if all else was fine, you would consider dropping him for smoking pot and flipping out about your request, right? 1
Gaeta Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 but I do also realize that any man my age is going to have habits that I may not like. It's up to me to decide if they are deal breakers. To be honest, his pot smoking wasn't a deal breaker really, but his reaction to my request was. I wasn't unreasonable about it. It's not like I said... OMG, You can't smoke pot, ever! I understand recreational pot smoking does not need to be an issue in a relationship but the fact he smokes in the presence of his children does indicate it's more than recreational, and the way he made this a deal breaker again indicated it's more than recreational. I once dated a pot smoker. At first I was cool with it as we didn't spent that much time together. I did not want him to smoke in my house so I noticed he didn't stay more than 3-4 hours and never over night. I started asking questions and discovered he needed to smoke at least 10 times a day to function. We're not talking recreational anymore. 2
dreamingoftigers Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 That is pretty much what I was thinking too. It's slightly more complicated because we are neighbors and our kids are friendly with each other but as for as he and I... I'm done. We are too old to be playing these stupid little games and I don't like how this has made me feel. Enh. The kids can still play together, so long as he's not too much of an idiot. It will fade eventually. 1
ThorntonMelon Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 If you are trying to protect a relationship with a man who doesn't respect your wish for him not to smoke weed when your daughter is around - the problem is with you, not with anyone else. I am hoping I'm missing something in comparison, because this is a parenting issue, not a breakup issue. You want to keep your daughter away from his drug use, he doesn't respect that, and you're trying to see if the relationship is salvageable? Wow.
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