Is this married man flirting with me at work? He is older.. needed

[MissAriana]

There is this really cute guy who works in my office hes 35, i just found out today that he has kids, i did also see a ring on his left finger. I am 22 and started working there about 6 months ago and was seated next to me, we didn't really talk but he did always say how are you etc, he would also try and start conversations. He is a bit of a silly guy and funny.

 

When i moved to another team (same office) and whenever he saw me he would say "hey how are you" and stare at me with a smile..now he completely ignores me.

 

Before he started ignoring me and not acknowledging me anymore he did say something that threw me off. He was getting a coke and i happened to be there and said to him "well are you going to give a dollar for that coke" in a nice way and smiled. He replied with "You can shout me" he smiled and walked off..I was lost. Was he flirting

 

Now where i sit i cant see people walk by me but I can feel when someone is staring at me and when i turned around I've seen him walking past staring at me. Yesterday i turned around to stand up and walk to the bin..I see him going to the bin staring my way. I was also at the printers today and i saw his body from the corner of my eye and felt him look my way...he completely ignores me now..whats his problem

 

We had an awkward encounter at the lifts. I was waiting and he comes out and says in a really happy tone "how are you Ariana" i responded and then I said "I completely forgot about you". I meant that in the most innocent way because I did sort of forget he worked there since I didn't really see or talk to him. After that he stopped acknowledging me. Weird. Right.

 

I must admit i do have a huge crush on him and i wouldnt act on it ever but it just interests me if he was flirting or not and does he like me or not. Please be nice, I wouldnt act on this i am only curious

Edited December 4, 2016 by MissAriana

[winny]

Why are you curious? Are you looking for some kind of validation?

 

Don't waste your time.

[Sunkissedpatio]

I don't see how he is flirting with you? It looks like you are trying to flirt with him but he keeps shutting you down.

 

He might like what he sees but is trying to keep his distance.

 

He's married let this crush pass otherwise the moment he does throw you a bone you will act on it.

[St.Rosa]

dont wonder.

just stamp these feelings out. I've been in a slightly similar situation and it's not ideal to even dwell on it. If you let yourself romanticize it , it could get awkward or worse.

[MissAriana]

I don't see how he is flirting with you? It looks like you are trying to flirt with him but he keeps shutting you down.

 

He might like what he sees but is trying to keep his distance.

 

He's married let this crush pass otherwise the moment he does throw you a bone you will act on it.

 

I clearly stated I've never tried to flirt with him..he was the one who started acting weird and it made me act weird and i started to analyse his behaviour

[Marc878]

Could be anything. I'm normally friendly but can zone out if I have a big project going or issues to deal with.

[tilby]

I don't see how he is flirting with you? It looks like you are trying to flirt with him but he keeps shutting you down.

 

He might like what he sees but is trying to keep his distance.

 

He's married let this crush pass otherwise the moment he does throw you a bone you will act on it.

 

Agree. Its dangerous territory. Don't think too much into it just assume he was just being friendly to welcome you to the company. He's keeping his distance, let him be.

[ExpatInItaly]

I think you're reading too much into it, OP.

 

I don't really see that he was flirting with you, and you telling him "I forgot all about you" was little rude, in my opinion. I'm not sure why you're puzzled that he stopped acknowledging you after that comment. Why wouldn't he?

[elaine567]

He may be cute, but he may also be weird, he may have mood swings, he may be preoccupied with his own life/his job, he may also be not interested in you, he may not even like you, I'm sorry to say.

He may be well aware of your crush and is deliberately trying to shut you down, by ignoring you. Nothing worse than being at work with a colleague that is crushing on you and you do not feel the same.

 

He sounds friendly not flirty so I think you are projecting your feelings for him onto him and he may be blissfully unaware. Not everyone views co workers as potential mates.

He is ignoring you almost completely now, so your interest is not being returned, is it? So just leave him be.

[Satu]

He's married.

 

There's nothing to do.

 

He's not flirting with you, though you could probably make yourself believe that he is, with some mental gymnastics.

 

 

Take care.

Edited December 4, 2016 by Satu

[anika99]

We had an awkward encounter at the lifts. I was waiting and he comes out and says in a really happy tone "how are you Ariana" i responded and then I said "I completely forgot about you". I meant that in the most innocent way because I did sort of forget he worked there since I didn't really see or talk to him. After that he stopped acknowledging me. Weird. Right.

 

Yeah it was really weird of you to say that to him and it wasn't even true as you say you have a huge crush on him. Nobody completely forgets about someone they currently have a huge crush on.

 

I don't see any flirting in his behaviour. Looking at you isn't flirting. He is married with kids so why do you even care?

[BaileyB]

Nothing good can come from this. If you act on these feelings, it bring you endless pain. I would run, not walk, away from this man. Don't give him another thought.

[kckc]

I clearly stated I've never tried to flirt with him..he was the one who started acting weird and it made me act weird and i started to analyse his behaviour

 

You think he's flirty because you're crushing on him. If you didn't like him, you wouldn't even notice him I'm sure.

[SoleMate]

Leave him alone....workplace affairs are the worst and this man is not interested anyway.

 

Go looking OUTSIDE the workplace. Join a hiking group, volunteer at a museum, etc.

[Sunkissedpatio]

T He was getting a coke and i happened to be there and said to him "well are you going to give a dollar for that coke" in a nice way and smiled. He replied with "You can shout me" he smiled and walked off..I was lost. Was he flirting

 

 

That sounds like you are trying to flirt with him and he is shooting you down.

The bit by the lifts about forgetting he works at your work, also sounds like it. Clearly you haven't forgotten about him since you are crushing on him and are aware of his every move so again, that sounds like you were wishfully hoping for a reaction out of him and when he doesn't deliver it makes you wonder what is going on.

 

Like others said, nothing is going on. In all likeliness you are projecting your own feelings onto him. He may check you out but that's it. He's married, I would stop trying to read into everything he actually isn't even doing.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Yeah it was really weird of you to say that to him and it wasn't even true as you say you have a huge crush on him. Nobody completely forgets about someone they currently have a huge crush on.

 

I don't see any flirting in his behaviour. Looking at you isn't flirting. He is married with kids so why do you even care?

 

Exactly this ^

[MissAriana]

OK so i have an update. And for everyone attacking me i already stated i woulds NEVER act on these feelings, hes married and hes old enough to be my dad.

 

I do however have a crush on him and in my mind thats Ok as long as you dont act on it.

 

Now, the update was that this morning i turned my chair away from my computer at work, i was talking to 2 of my colleagues. I was just really into the conversation with these girls and i look up for a second, literally i just looked up and guess who was on the other side talking to one of his team mates and staring at me? HIM! He was talking to one of these guys and he was staring at me with a smile on his face as he was talking to the guy..wtf..see this is what I mean, i dont get this guy. I get that he is married and i got a crush on him I'd never act on. But why is he always staring at me..

[MissAriana]

That sounds like you are trying to flirt with him and he is shooting you down.

The bit by the lifts about forgetting he works at your work, also sounds like it. Clearly you haven't forgotten about him since you are crushing on him and are aware of his every move so again, that sounds like you were wishfully hoping for a reaction out of him and when he doesn't deliver it makes you wonder what is going on.

 

Like others said, nothing is going on. In all likeliness you are projecting your own feelings onto him. He may check you out but that's it. He's married, I would stop trying to read into everything he actually isn't even doing.

 

Can i just state that you dont know me and I can honestly say i would never flirt with a guy i am way too shy. Im regards to the coke and the lift i meant that in the most innocent way. Also, at that point in time when we had those 2 exchanges i didn't have a crush on him. This is a recent thing that has developed a couple of weeks ago, for some odd reason.

 

And of course he is doing it, to me that is being flirty. No other male has spoken to me like that in the workplace nor do any stare at me like that.

 

Again, I would never act on this. But it would be flattering in a weird way if he was flirting.

[Sunkissedpatio]

I'm sorry you feel attacked, that was never my intent. Given the details that you posted on here it doesn't look to me like he is flirting so I just mentioned that.

 

The obvious way to visualize flirting is a woman walking up to a man and bending over to show off her cleavage in her low-cut top, while licking her lips and asking him "hey tiger can you show me where a girl has to go around here to get a nice stiff drink?"

 

The less obvious way to visualize flirting is a woman batting her eyelashes and coyly smiling, jokingly asking him "did you break the photocopier again, I can't seem to get this thing to work?"

 

In both instances there is flirting happening, one is over the other is covert.

 

Maybe you aren't covertly flirting, fine.

 

Trust your female intuition, which will lead you to the answer more than what our perceptions are. If it feels like he is looking at you a certain way, then he is.

[MissAriana]

I'm sorry you feel attacked, that was never my intent. Given the details that you posted on here it doesn't look to me like he is flirting so I just mentioned that.

 

The obvious way to visualize flirting is a woman walking up to a man and bending over to show off her cleavage in her low-cut top, while licking her lips and asking him "hey tiger can you show me where a girl has to go around here to get a nice stiff drink?"

 

The less obvious way to visualize flirting is a woman batting her eyelashes and coyly smiling, jokingly asking him "did you break the photocopier again, I can't seem to get this thing to work?"

 

In both instances there is flirting happening, one is over the other is covert.

 

Maybe you aren't covertly flirting, fine.

 

Trust your female intuition, which will lead you to the answer more than what our perceptions are. If it feels like he is looking at you a certain way, then he is.

 

I understand what you are trying to say however that type of flirting is way too obvious and honestly I dont know anyone who does that.

I am just trying to say i know what I am seeing and i know this guy keeps looking at me. Keep in mind i would never act on this..while i do havena crush on him at the same time im thinking what the hell is his problem. I walked past him this morning he didnt even acknowledge me

[elaine567]

Could it be that he is really interested in one of your colleagues, or he knows her better and it was her he was actually smiling at, or he was just laughing with his mate, maybe he never even saw you there. People may look in your direction but they may not necessarily see you.

The fact he blanks you when you see him on his own when he used to be friendly is not a good sign that he sees you as anything else than just another worker and not a very friendly one at that.

This is your ego here that is a bit bruised. He was being friendly at first, but now he is not paying you any attention and ignoring you, your interest is piqued.

For someone who keeps saying you will not act on this you seem extraordinarily obsessed by him.

[Lobouspo]

Whether he's flirting or not, just remember he works with you and is married. Its ok to feel flattered, just watch your boundaries around this guy. Many young naive women have been taken advantage in these situations and they never end well

[Osmium13]

I've been on the other side of this situation. I went out of my way NOT to flirt back... because I fancied the pants off her! It could be the same for this chap, he might be purposely distancing himself.

 

From my perspective, there's no good way it can go if you start down that road. Better to keep it in the box.

[MissAriana]

I've been on the other side of this situation. I went out of my way NOT to flirt back... because I fancied the pants off her! It could be the same for this chap, he might be purposely distancing himself.

 

From my perspective, there's no good way it can go if you start down that road. Better to keep it in the box.

 

FINALLY someone who understands..I've stated it a million times i would never act on this. ALL i wanted to know is why is he behaving the way he is, instead get all these opinions that dont even make sense.

 

You dont just stare at someone constantly and then avpid them. I get weird vibes from him

[GunslingerRoland]

To be honest I've seen this as a common topic on this site and another one I used to be on. Woman keeps noticing man staring at her, and tries to understand it when it doesn't match up with the rest of his actions.

 

I'm not trying to be rude, but do you wear revealing clothes? I know it's hard for me as a man to not have my eyes drawn to a beautiful woman who is showing skin, no matter how hard I try. There isn't anything behind it, just biology. Even if you don't he may just have a pure physical attraction to you that he has no interest in acting on, it might be totally subconscious for him.

 

There is also the fact that our mind sees what it wants to see and we have confirmation bias built into our psyche. Since you like him your mind is naturally drawn to finding any signs that he likes you.

 

Overall though, while I can only guess at whats going on his head, it sounds like you are being very awkward with him. The statement about forgetting about him, comes across as kind of rude. That would sting if a friend at work said that to me just because I'd moved to a different area for a little bit.