Author Tosh60 Posted December 7, 2016 Author Posted December 7, 2016 You all are right, I need to take action. He hasn't come back yet but we have talked. He's really been avoiding the baby thing though. I told him I'm really thinking about adoption (too late for a termination) and he said "we'll talk about it later" but I doubt we will. He's supposed to come back tomorrow after his last exam so we'll see...... I love my baby and everything but there's no way I can take care of him/her without his help. I haven't finished school, no money, no job, no way to get a job it would be a complete disaster.
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 7, 2016 Posted December 7, 2016 The reality is that you do need to find a job and start supporting yourself. It isn't negotiable. You need to take action now or end up on the street. This guy isn't going to keep avoiding his place forever. With that in mind, I think you need to prepare yourself for the possibility that he will ask you to leave. He may agree to support the baby, but that does mean he will do the same for you. It may sound tough, but you need to hear this while you still have time to sort things out. Financial independence is important for every woman, you can't leave it up to anyone else. Look into your options, as the others have suggested. It might seem daunting, but taking control of your life will benefit you more in the long run. 1
eightytwenty Posted December 7, 2016 Posted December 7, 2016 You all are right, I need to take action. He hasn't come back yet but we have talked. He's really been avoiding the baby thing though. I told him I'm really thinking about adoption (too late for a termination) and he said "we'll talk about it later" but I doubt we will. He's supposed to come back tomorrow after his last exam so we'll see...... I love my baby and everything but there's no way I can take care of him/her without his help. I haven't finished school, no money, no job, no way to get a job it would be a complete disaster. Just remember the child is half his, and you will have help with child support. Tell him the talk needs to happen tonight or tomorrow, there is no later. If he is going to not support you or the child then you need to get to stepping. Figuring out what to do. There is help out there for pregnant women, and they will help you with money to help you raise the child. There is always a way, might be harder with a child but you'll be the one raising them, not a foster home.
pteromom Posted December 7, 2016 Posted December 7, 2016 It makes me very sad that you are feeling bad because he is disappointed in you over this! Whose idea was it to not use protection? He is at least 50% at "fault" for this!!! So he needs to get over himself! You have NOTHING to feel guilty or bad about outside of not insisting on protection from the get go. Go ahead and call an adoption agency and go talk to them. Even if he comes back and says he is still in, I don't know if trying to build a new relationship while learning to parent is the best idea. An adoption agency can talk to you about options - and remember that an adoption can be as open as you want it to be. So much different than the old days when you had to "give up" the baby completely. The good thing about contacting an agency is that you will have someone on your side - someone who has been there with many other women in your situation. I am sorry you are dealing with such a difficult situation. Take it one step at a time. 1
Author Tosh60 Posted December 7, 2016 Author Posted December 7, 2016 Look into your options' date=' as the others have suggested.[/quote'] It's really hit me over the last few months that I don't have many options as far as this situation goes if he kicks me out other than go to back to my foster mom's house (and she doesn't want me to come back really at all, much less with a baby) or my aunt's house, or be homeless with a baby. My aunt says she doesn't mind the baby but she's supporting a bunch of people right now and I can't put this baby on her as well, I'm too young to support the baby and if my boyfriend leaves me I don't see what else I could do other than adoption. I hate myself for getting pregnant; my life has seriously gone from bad to worse. I know it isn't my fault alone for getting pregnant but I myself am nowhere near a place to take care of a child and I should have thought of that before having sex and that is what I kick myself over.
pteromom Posted December 7, 2016 Posted December 7, 2016 It's really hit me over the last few months that I don't have many options as far as this situation goes if he kicks me out other than go to back to my foster mom's house (and she doesn't want me to come back really at all, much less with a baby) or my aunt's house, or be homeless with a baby. My aunt says she doesn't mind the baby but she's supporting a bunch of people right now and I can't put this baby on her as well, I'm too young to support the baby and if my boyfriend leaves me I don't see what else I could do other than adoption. I hate myself for getting pregnant; my life has seriously gone from bad to worse. I know it isn't my fault alone for getting pregnant but I myself am nowhere near a place to take care of a child and I should have thought of that before having sex and that is what I kick myself over. No hating yourself! I don't know if you believe in things happening for a reason, but I do. Could be this baby will change your life for the better. Could be that you will make a huge difference to a couple longing for a baby of their own. But whatever the outcome...you will be ok. Just breathe. Instead of getting caught up in the "what ifs", focus on what you have to do this minute, and do it. Kicking yourself doesn't change anything, doesn't solve anything, and wastes energy you could be spending on problem-solving. Again - call an adoption agency! Doesn't mean you have to go with adoption - you are just getting information so you have fewer what-ifs rolling around in your head. Call local services, charities, resources...see if you can find options for housing. I know that where I am there is a place that rents apartments to young pregnant women in exchange for their service/work. See what exists where you are. It will be ok. 2
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 I don't have many options as far as this situation goes if he kicks me out other than go to back to my foster mom's house (and she doesn't want me to come back really at all, much less with a baby) I take it that you are quite young if you are in foster care (under 18)? I can see why this would limit your options for supporting yourself, but regardless of the obstacles you have to find a way because this guy doesn't sound like he is going to be a stable support for you. Can you get any financial aid or talk to a social worker? Ask around and see what services are available in your area. You need support from a professional right now. I know you must be feeling really overwhelmed right now but you need to have a backup before he gets back. Please talk to someone soon.
Author Tosh60 Posted December 9, 2016 Author Posted December 9, 2016 I take it that you are quite young if you are in foster care (under 18)? Yes, this part is true. Now I'm just waiting for him to come home. He says he's ready to talk about it. Wish me luck (I guess)?
Author Tosh60 Posted December 15, 2016 Author Posted December 15, 2016 Hello everybody..... It's been a few days and I thought I'd give ya'll a few updates (and ask for more advice lol). So my boyfriend and I had a heart to heart last week; I apologized profusely for lying and hiding the pregnancy and told him I thought he'd leave me and he apologized for flipping out. He says he's ok with it and he has no plans on leaving me. We've talked about adoption but he's expressed wanting to keep the baby but that he doesn't want strangers raising his child The only other people I've talked to about this is my best friend and her mom (my aunt) and my foster mother. They all said not to worry about what he wants because he could change his mind and to do what's best for me. My aunt said I could move back in any time even if I keep the baby, but she's solely supporting 6 people at the moment My boyfriend seems excited about the baby. He's bought a couple of pregnancy books and has read them cover to cover but I'm trying not to get too caught up in his happiness. I'm still broke, jobless, in high school, completely dependent on others and pregnant at 15. Never thought having my first child would be like this
LexiCat29 Posted December 15, 2016 Posted December 15, 2016 (edited) Hello everybody..... It's been a few days and I thought I'd give ya'll a few updates (and ask for more advice lol). So my boyfriend and I had a heart to heart last week; I apologized profusely for lying and hiding the pregnancy and told him I thought he'd leave me and he apologized for flipping out. He says he's ok with it and he has no plans on leaving me. We've talked about adoption but he's expressed wanting to keep the baby but that he doesn't want strangers raising his child The only other people I've talked to about this is my best friend and her mom (my aunt) and my foster mother. They all said not to worry about what he wants because he could change his mind and to do what's best for me. My aunt said I could move back in any time even if I keep the baby, but she's solely supporting 6 people at the moment My boyfriend seems excited about the baby. He's bought a couple of pregnancy books and has read them cover to cover but I'm trying not to get too caught up in his happiness. I'm still broke, jobless, in high school, completely dependent on others and pregnant at 15. Never thought having my first child would be like this You're 15??? Where are your parents??? Edit: I just saw the foster mom thing. Oh sweetie. I want to hug you. Edited December 15, 2016 by LexiCat29
Author Tosh60 Posted December 15, 2016 Author Posted December 15, 2016 You're 15??? Where are your parents??? My real parents? Good question..... short answer: I have no idea.
trippi1432 Posted December 15, 2016 Posted December 15, 2016 So young...I can't imagine being as young as you are and going through becoming a new mom; however, a lot of young girls have with a good support group of friends and family. It looks like a good sign that he is coming around to the idea of being a father and wants to be active in the pregnancy...and hopefully active in raising his child as well. When you stated you live with him in his home, I assume that he is also in high school and you both live with his family in his family home? It does sound like your aunt and Foster Mom are being supportive of you, hopefully his parents are as well?
Author Tosh60 Posted December 15, 2016 Author Posted December 15, 2016 When you stated you live with him in his home, I assume that he is also in high school and you both live with his family in his family home? It does sound like your aunt and Foster Mom are being supportive of you, hopefully his parents are as well? He's in his first year of uni actually, and we live in the house by ourselves but yeah we're both pretty young to be parents. My aunt is pretty supportive; my foster mom I wouldn't say she's supportive, but she is okay with the situation, at the moment at least. We haven't told anyone else yet but his mom will be visiting soon terrified how she will react as I haven't met her yet and she doesn't exactly approve of our relationship
Birdies Posted December 15, 2016 Posted December 15, 2016 Sweetie you know there's another option here besides keeping the baby or giving it up for adoption. You're soooo young and the best thing you can do for any future children is to get and education and get a career, so you can give them a better life than you've had. Having a baby at 15 is just going to continue the cycle of poverty. If you did want to terminate, you need to do it soon. I'd recommend going to a Planned Parenthood to just talk through a pregnancy counselor / obgyn (it's free). (Or a similar women's health clinic if you're not in the US.) If abortion isn't what you want, please keep considering adoption. It's easy for your boyfriend to say he wants this baby, but it's very easy for them to change their mind when the going gets rough. And the going DOES get rough - babies are very expensive and difficult, and they create problems in even the very best, well-established relationships. If he leaves, it will just be you and this baby, and you will not have any way to care for the both of you. The best thing you can do for yourself and for any future children is to stay in school and get trained for a decent career. Good luck xoxoxoxox 4
No_Go Posted December 15, 2016 Posted December 15, 2016 I'm sorry you're going through this. If you're 14 weeks on Dec 4th... 16 weeks now - don't go for termination. I'm pro-choice, but that's late and there and many risks for you as well... BUT you should really consider adoption. You're too young to provide for a child. He/she will be given to a family that will adore him/her, and provide a happy life for your child. I know it is heartbreaking, but it is for the best. Maybe you can even have open adoption (being able to visit your child). Pls ask for options. You also need to get proper prenatal care if you're not getting already. Planned parenthood is a good choice for your situation. Maybe you can ask your foster mom for help. Just get the adoption process going as soon as you can. 1
SoleMate Posted December 15, 2016 Posted December 15, 2016 Please get to a social worker ASAP. You need real support in this very vulnerable time. You are far too young to have or care for a baby. Having and keeping this baby will likely condemn you (and this child and any future children) to permanent poverty and the cycle of dependence. You need to finish your schooling and end your dependence on a bf. Your foster mother should be caring for you and providing a place to live as well as love, support and guidance; since she's not, talk to dependent child services and get some real help. Termination may still be the best option...along with a change in your living situation so you are no longer exposed to the risk of pregnancy and can finish school and build yourself a better life. Hugs, wishing the best for you. 1
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