Tosh60 Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 I realize that I'm in a lot of trouble I'm in a very complicated situation so here's the short version: I'm pregnant and have been hiding it from my boyfriend for a while. He knows something is wrong but I can't bring myself to tell him because I'm afraid he'll kick me out or something (I live with him and he's supporting us completely). I don't have anyone to turn to if that does happen and I'm extremely emotionally attached to him and him to me, so he says..... I'd be devastated for him to want nothing to do with me. I can't handle another rejection at this point I know he doesn't want a baby right now as well. I'm scared but I have to tell him. He's gone for the weekend and I want to tell him Monday, what should I do?
BDJ_1 Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 Umm, how about tell him. He deserves to know. You're not going to be able to hide it forever, I presume you'll show some physical symptoms soon enough. Waiting may make it more difficult i.e. if it was me, I would seriously consider why you didn't tell me earlier.
winny Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 You are behaving as though you became pregnant on your own... LOL Both of you are equally responsible for this unplanned pregnancy so don't feel bad about telling him. 1
Author Tosh60 Posted December 4, 2016 Author Posted December 4, 2016 You are behaving as though you became pregnant on your own... LOL Both of you are equally responsible for this unplanned pregnancy so don't feel bad about telling him. You're right, but I don't know if he'll see it this way
Raena Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 He might surprise you and be happy about it. Who knows, but you won't know until you tell him. The longer you wait, the worse it will be. He may think you waited too long on purpose so that he wouldn't be able to have a say in what choices you two make about this situation. If you really think he'll be very upset about this turn of events then you might want to start figuring out how you'll be able to take care of yourself and this unborn child. You say he supports you financially and may kick you out, so then start planning for that. Are you going to be able to take care of this baby on your own?
Author Tosh60 Posted December 4, 2016 Author Posted December 4, 2016 Are you going to be able to take care of this baby on your own? Honestly, no. I've been researching adoption in case my boyfriend ditches me. There's no way I'll be able to do this on my own.
dumbass2 Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 Well, I doubt he'd be upset unless it was agreed upon that you were the one to use birth control and didn't.
winny Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 You're right, but I don't know if he'll see it this way Why is that?
Author Tosh60 Posted December 4, 2016 Author Posted December 4, 2016 Why is that? Well when I first found out, I asked him about having kids; I was going to tell him then and he just looked at me crazy and asked if I was crazy, we just met, and he wouldn't be ready for kids for years to come so I chickened out and said I was just asking hypothetically
eightytwenty Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 Need to tell him and figure it out.. My boyfriend flipped his lid. Took him 2 drunken days, a are you sure about this from him, finally told him he's in or he's out. Make your choice because I made mine... That guy moved 8 hours, changed his whole life and has loved his son like any great man would do. Dont be chicken and don't let him talk you into anything you don't want to do. You made a child together, he might say a few hurtful things but give him those two options. Shows you who and what he is.
Author Tosh60 Posted December 4, 2016 Author Posted December 4, 2016 Ok, I'm going to tell him as soon as he comes home Monday. Things have been tense between us lately mostly because he knows I'm hiding something. He said it'll be easier to study for exams with his friends and just stay with them and we should "cool down" this weekend and not talk, but I feel that's an excuse; I think he's getting ready to break up with me regardless of the baby maybe I should pack my things in case just to be prepared.
St.Rosa Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 sounds like he's a loose cannon. If you both love one another why would he kick you out and be so callous? It takes two to tango, and you can't keep this from him forever. I hope it goes ok.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 It doesn't appear you have a very solid relationship to begin with. If you are a new couple, why are you already living together and being supported by him? In any event, I assume he knows how babies are made. It takes two to tango, here. Did contraceptives fail, or were none used? You need to be honest with him, and if it ends the relationship, perhaps it's for the better. Things don't sound all that healthy at this time. 1
Redhead14 Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 I realize that I'm in a lot of trouble I'm in a very complicated situation so here's the short version: I'm pregnant and have been hiding it from my boyfriend for a while. He knows something is wrong but I can't bring myself to tell him because I'm afraid he'll kick me out or something (I live with him and he's supporting us completely). I don't have anyone to turn to if that does happen and I'm extremely emotionally attached to him and him to me, so he says..... I'd be devastated for him to want nothing to do with me. I can't handle another rejection at this point I know he doesn't want a baby right now as well. I'm scared but I have to tell him. He's gone for the weekend and I want to tell him Monday, what should I do? I'm in a very complicated situation -- So don't complicate more by lying by omission and undermining trust. Tell him as soon as possible. He has a right to know. As a mature adult, you need to be able to deal with the "hard stuff" in a relationship not be avoidant. You've been "adult" enough to be intimate with someone and without protection apparently, you need to be adult enough to deal with the consequences. You didn't get pregnant by yourself so you owe it to him to be honest and direct. 1
anika99 Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 Well when I first found out, I asked him about having kids; I was going to tell him then and he just looked at me crazy and asked if I was crazy, we just met, and he wouldn't be ready for kids for years to come so I chickened out and said I was just asking hypothetically What did he mean by saying you just met? Did you really just meet? How are you totally dependent on a guy you only recently met? Are you or were you on birth control? Did he believe you were on birth control?
Redhead14 Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 Ok, I'm going to tell him as soon as he comes home Monday. Things have been tense between us lately mostly because he knows I'm hiding something. He said it'll be easier to study for exams with his friends and just stay with them and we should "cool down" this weekend and not talk, but I feel that's an excuse; I think he's getting ready to break up with me regardless of the baby maybe I should pack my things in case just to be prepared. he knows I'm hiding something. I think he's getting ready to break up with me This is the consequence of hiding things from people. Learn from this. How long have you been seeing this guy and how far along are you in the pregnancy? 1
lana-banana Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 Did OP say they weren't using protection? It could just be that their method failed. Condoms are notoriously unreliable and birth control pills are generally less effective when you're younger. Telling him is the right thing to do but you have to have a plan first. No matter how this ends up it sounds likely this will be the end of the relationship. Do you have relatives or friends you can stay with in the short term? Does your university or employer offer health benefits that include counseling? If you are dependent upon him for everything as you say, you should talk to a professional about an action plan. If you are in the United States please contact a Planned Parenthood immediately. They will not only provide you with information about what's best for your pregnancy at this stage, they will also put you in touch with women's centers, shelters and prenatal care groups that will make sure you have the resources you need for whatever choice you make. They will work with your insurance or set up a sliding scale if you don't have it. 1
Author Tosh60 Posted December 4, 2016 Author Posted December 4, 2016 As I mentioned, it's all very complicated but yes I have only been with my boyfriend a short while. I became pregnant about 2 weeks after we met/started dating and am about 14 weeks along now. As far as family, no I don't have any; I have been living with him because I basically got kicked out of the last place I was staying and he knew about it and offered to stay with him and then things got "serious" and now we're in this mess The first couple of times we didn't use protection (STUPID, I know).
lana-banana Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 You need to talk to Planned Parenthood as soon as possible. Whether you continue the pregnancy or not, you cannot be out on the streets or between homes. It will be devastating to your health in what's already going to be a very difficult time. Talk to them about finding a safe place to stay. Good luck. 1
Author Tosh60 Posted December 7, 2016 Author Posted December 7, 2016 I did it yesterday just as I planned. Didn't go well.... He didn't get angry, he seemed disappointed which I feel is worse. Said I should have told him sooner and left saying he couldn't deal with me right now and he'd be back after finals He texted me earlier but didn't bring up the baby. He's staying with his friend who I feel will make the situation worse. Maybe I should just leave.
mortensorchid Posted December 7, 2016 Posted December 7, 2016 Tell him ASAP. He deserves to know if nothing else. Then what will happen to you both? He might reject you, he might be okay with it. Other options? You know what they are about. But he does deserve to know no matter what. Best of luck.
PinkPampies Posted December 7, 2016 Posted December 7, 2016 Op now is not the time to feel sorry for yourself. You're going to have to be proactive to help your situation. Start making good choices and some reflection so you don't repeat your mistakes.
Terry8889 Posted December 7, 2016 Posted December 7, 2016 You could give the baby up for adoption, end the pregnancy or hope he mans up and takes responsability of the child he helped to create. You didn't do it on your own. I wouldn't suggest becoming a single mom in your situation. Sounds like you can't even take care of yourself how can you possibly take care of another human being financially. I feel bad for you I hope he does the right thing, if not you have those other two options. Good luck 1
eightytwenty Posted December 7, 2016 Posted December 7, 2016 Give him a couple of days to process it., its a lot to take in.. Then tell him he has a choice of being a dad or you leaving and wanting nothing to do with him...
anna121 Posted December 7, 2016 Posted December 7, 2016 Tosh60 you need to make some decisions and make them FAST - otherwise you will be out of options. As said above, go to someplace like Planned Parenthood and see what's available in terms of supports in your area. And think, really hard, about what you can and can't handle. I'm sorry you're in this position. You need to dig deep and be very decisive and goal-oriented about this. 1
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