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First date was kinda a letdown...

shyguy3543

By shyguy3543
in Dating

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Sunkissedpatio Established Member

Sunkissedpatio

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Look at it like, this; if a romantic setting is not a better way to pursue romance, why aren't all first dates on the bus? Or on a street corner? Or at your work place? Why are the serious majority in settings where intimacy can be pursued?

 

 

It's called setting the tone. If you meet at a coffee shop it sets a more businesslike tone than if he had a date at a real place where she might try to dress sexier, it would have ambiance etc. Now if you like to meet guys at a lecture on geology, that's great. But the fact remains a coffee shop is the romantic equivalent of a charter fishing boat.

 

Exactly this! :laugh: And funny you say that I was going to give an example earlier of one of those silly matchmaker dating shows where a guy meets his date for the first time and the girl is really attracted to him. The reason he is on the show is because he has a hard time keeping girls around after the first date and is also worried women are only after his money. Anyway this guy owns one of those "Got-Junk" type businesses where a truck comes to your place to pick up and dispose of all your junk. He has the brilliant idea to take the woman on a first date to pick-up and deliver junk in one of his trucks because he figures if she can withstand that task then she is a keeper.

 

Well she was very gracious and "rolled-up-her-sleeves" so to speak and did what she had to on the date. But when it came time to decide if she wanted to see him again she said "he was really cute but the fact he took me to deliver junk on our first date....no I don't want to see him again"

Shocker! :laugh:

 

Of course that is an extreme example and done to hype up the drama on the show but all sorts of things can happen due to a poor setting on a first date that will make a woman turned-off.

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kismetkismet Established Member

kismetkismet

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I agree with everyone else about asking her on a proper date date. I would do dinne or drinks, so that you're setting a more romantic tone - it'll give you a better chance at seeing if she's actually interested. If you go go-karting or something like that, there's still a chance you'll get mixed/friendzone type vibes because of the tone it sets. Coffee shops often seem sort of more like a 'preliminary meeting' rather than a date. However, I know that sometimes guys also use coffee dates as a way to say that they want to get to know you, rather than get you drunk and take you home. I've had several guys tell me this, including my fiancé. He originally asked me out for coffee, but I suggested drinks instead because I'm kind of an awkward person and wanted a couple of beers haha.

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Sunkissedpatio Established Member

Sunkissedpatio

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However, I know that sometimes guys also use coffee dates as a way to say that they want to get to know you, rather than get you drunk and take you home. I've had several guys tell me this, including my fiancé. He originally asked me out for coffee, but I suggested drinks instead because I'm kind of an awkward person and wanted a couple of beers haha.

 

That's an interesting take. I love that!!!:love:

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shyguy3543 Established Member

shyguy3543

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OP, any update?

 

It's a wrap! I shot her a text today and it was met with a really short response. I can't even try to deny it at this point that it's not gonna happen haha. Oh well. We'll see what the future holds!

ChatroomHero Established Member

ChatroomHero

Posted
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I agree with everyone else about asking her on a proper date date. I would do dinne or drinks, so that you're setting a more romantic tone - it'll give you a better chance at seeing if she's actually interested. If you go go-karting or something like that, there's still a chance you'll get mixed/friendzone type vibes because of the tone it sets. Coffee shops often seem sort of more like a 'preliminary meeting' rather than a date. However, I know that sometimes guys also use coffee dates as a way to say that they want to get to know you, rather than get you drunk and take you home. I've had several guys tell me this, including my fiancé. He originally asked me out for coffee, but I suggested drinks instead because I'm kind of an awkward person and wanted a couple of beers haha.

 

I can definitely see guys doing that. I think it is bad game planning myself.

Let's be honest, a guy on a first date may want a forever relationship, he may just want a roll in the hay, but the overall theme is we think you are pretty and we want to see you naked and bang you.

 

 

When I go on a date (especially with someone I met at work) I don't want it to be a casual lunch meet and greet. I want to make it clear that yes, if she wanted to have sex I am game. I am not trying to bed her on a first date as a goal, I am just being honest and manning up to the fact that I find her attractive and I am interested in her intimately as well.

 

 

Like I said, nothing wrong with coffee shop dates etc, but based on my experience a girl setting up a day date or making a date in a place like a coffee shop is really just giving you a gift certificate to the friend zone.

 

 

In fact, I am going to start a chain of coffee shops called "The Friend Zone". They would have big display windows so people walking buy could look in and take pity on the poor guys on dates in "The Friend Zone".

introverted1 Established Member

introverted1

Posted
Posted
It's a wrap! I shot her a text today and it was met with a really short response. I can't even try to deny it at this point that it's not gonna happen haha. Oh well. We'll see what the future holds!

 

Sorry to hear OP.

 

For all the armchair quarter-backing here, I think she probably just wasn't all that interested in the first place.

 

On to the next one! :)

  • Like 2
olivetree Established Member

olivetree

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Hey OP, I want to give you a piece of practical advice for your future communications.

 

Lose the "hahaha". Whether written or out loud, try not to "laugh" unless something is actually really funny. It reads/sounds like nervous laughter. Much stronger and confident without it.

 

It's like too many exclamation marks. No good.

  • Like 1
winny Established Member

winny

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Sorry to hear OP.

 

For all the armchair quarter-backing here, I think she probably just wasn't all that interested in the first place.

 

On to the next one! :)

 

I agree. I can know who I am attracted to in an instant (in this case this girl had met the guy briefly at work) and would die to meet them anywhere (coffee shop or whatever) and jump on the second date invitation. Only someone who wasn't that interested and was unsure and just showed up because they had nothing better to do, would act like this girl did, would find excuses such as location, ambiance to cover for lack of interest. While ambiance does help to put someone in a romantically inclined mood, it cannot generate attraction and likeness... its all in the brain...

CommittedToThis Established Member

CommittedToThis

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I dunno, ShyGuy, I think you have one last chance with her.

 

Forget texts and phones and emails and just go see her, I gather somehow in this thread you two know each other in the physical world.

 

Gather yourself, go see her, walk right up to her (use good posture and smile) and say, "Darcy, I don't know what was up with our coffee date but I'm not happy about it and I want to take you to dinner for a real date. When are you available? There's a great new place on Funk Street serving vegan beef...."

 

If she says "Sorry, I'm not interested" tell her thanks and good luck.

 

Then all your questions will have been answered.

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shyguy3543 Established Member

shyguy3543

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Hmm... you're right. She'd surely have a hard time turning down vegan beef! :lmao:

Dis Established Member

Dis

Posted
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Sorry to hear OP.

 

For all the armchair quarter-backing here, I think she probably just wasn't all that interested in the first place.

 

On to the next one! :)

 

No no no OP

 

She's done

 

She was done on the first date

 

Dont pursue her any further

 

Go find a girl that will give you the time of day instead of wasting your time on a girl who doesnt seem to have any manners and isn't interested in you one bit

  • Like 2
introverted1 Established Member

introverted1

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Posted
No no no OP

 

She's done

 

She was done on the first date

 

Dont pursue her any further

 

Go find a girl that will give you the time of day instead of wasting your time on a girl who doesnt seem to have any manners and isn't interested in you one bit

 

Did you mean to quote me? I'm not sure what that "No no no" is for - I was saying what you just did. She's not interested now and likely never was.

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shyguy3543 Established Member

shyguy3543

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Moving on, moving on!

 

Thanks again, all. :cool:

Dis Established Member

Dis

Posted
Posted
I dunno, ShyGuy, I think you have one last chance with her.

 

Forget texts and phones and emails and just go see her, I gather somehow in this thread you two know each other in the physical world.

 

Gather yourself, go see her, walk right up to her (use good posture and smile) and say, "Darcy, I don't know what was up with our coffee date but I'm not happy about it and I want to take you to dinner for a real date. When are you available? There's a great new place on Funk Street serving vegan beef...."

 

If she says "Sorry, I'm not interested" tell her thanks and good luck.

 

Then all your questions will have been answered.

 

Did you mean to quote me? I'm not sure what that "No no no" is for - I was saying what you just did. She's not interested now and likely never was.

 

Lol sorry shyguy

 

Meant quote this

 

Tbh, I dont think you missed out on much. She seemed pretty rude. Even if I wasnt feeling a guy on a date I wouldnt sit there and text while the date is in progress. I would def get up to give him a hug upon meeting too

 

Better luck next time shyguy!:D

  • Like 2
TheTraveler Established Member

TheTraveler

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Moving on, moving on!

 

Thanks again, all. :cool:

 

You have a good attitude

 

Remember this, not everyone you meet via online dating is going to work. You need to have multiple women you're communicating with via online dating and setting dates(yes I know you have seen her b4). But, this also applies to dating in general.

 

Next time change it to a night setting and grab a couple of drinks. Go for HR's, not base hits. GL shyguy

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