LookAtThisPOst Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 I've never had any luck with coffee dates. They've never led to a second date for me. I usually ask for drinks, brunch or dinner first. Coffee is usually the last resort but for some reason, some women insist on them. I've been on dinner dates, and they've never generated 2nd dates either, so the venue is moot.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 Coffee is usually the last resort but for some reason, some women insist on them. This is why you do it. Some insist that a quicker meet-up is desired before deciding on a full date. "Just to 'see' if we'd like to go on a date" meeting. Even a trivia night at a dive bar/pub is way more fun than Mc Cafe. A coffee date puts you in a weird interview situation, it is SUPER unromantic. I've had a coffee meet at a Starbucks and a quieter shop and subsequent dates came from both. Some people are not looking for romantic during such initial meets. It's really about getting a glimpse of what is in store. I do admit though, it could become a "interview-y" like situation, but it is what it is. I find more and more women online are looking for quick drinks or coffee meets for the first meeting. 2
winny Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 But it is...I've become more romantically interested in a date planned by the guy that involved at least one of those...for sure. Then going by that, people like me who never drink alcohol, eat vegetarian food and do not like to go into dark places with guys on a first date would never fall in love.... this is so funny :P While fact is that, I have fallen in love over a cup of coffee with a guy at work while we talked about our stupid projects... 1
Author shyguy3543 Posted December 4, 2016 Author Posted December 4, 2016 I was on a coffee meet once and the same thing happened. She barely asked any questions and texted every so often. I thought, oh well, that was only an hour wasted...once we got outside, things changed. It turns out that she was interested and that she was nervous and that's why didn't ask as many questions, or texted every so often to her daughter, friends...ble. OP, you should ask for a proper date. Wait for her response. She may surprise you. I thought maybe that could be the case, but I'm not sure if that's just me being hopeful hahaha. I'll ask for one in a couple of days and see what happens. It's a bummer that it would mean we'd have to wait 2 weeks since she's going to be away next weekend, but oh well. We've gotten to this point and survived lol. I can see what some of you mean by a coffee date not being a "real" date, but I just prefer to meet up with a girl and get an idea of who she is without drinks and stuff. Also worth mentioning, this was no Starbucks haha. It's a really nice little independent coffee shop! Anyway,We had never really spoken in person before today about anything that wasn't work related. Starting things off with a coffee date had worked out really well multiple times for me in the past! This time it just wasn't the best though. :/ I should also add, because I don't think I did in my original post, that reading body language was impossible lol. I tried to gauge it but honestly couldn't. She stayed in the same exact position for two hours except for when she got up to use the bathroom and when she was texting. She had her right hand on the table the whole time and her left hand hidden like under the table or something. Didn't lean in or out at any point. Nothing. I don't know! haha It's definitely a bummer if the coffee idea was a bad idea with this girl and that's what ruins the second date possibilities, but I just felt it was the best way to break the ice. Ugh!!
winny Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 I find more and more women online are looking for quick drinks or coffee meets for the first meeting. In this case however they did meet at work earlier, that is what OP says. So she kind of knew whats coming...
Author shyguy3543 Posted December 4, 2016 Author Posted December 4, 2016 In this case however they did meet at work earlier, that is what OP says. So she kind of knew whats coming... We had met, but aside from knowing eachothers names and knowing that she was a teacher and her knowing where I work, we didn't really know anything about eachother.
Sunkissedpatio Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 Honestly, it sounds like she wasn't all that impressed. She met you already in person a few times. She asked you for your number, so clearly she was into you. It's not a question of that. I think she was waiting for you to make a little effort to "actually take her out" and you kind of treated her like a friend by taking her for coffee. So that is what she gave you back. Coffee with a friend. An unfriendly friend but a chum nonetheless. I totally get the no alcohol for a first date, there are plenty of places you could go for a first date that don't revolve around booze. Better luck next time. Sorry it didn't work out.
winny Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 It's definitely a bummer if the coffee idea was a bad idea with this girl and that's what ruins the second date possibilities, but I just felt it was the best way to break the ice. Ugh!! You are fine, totally. Dont beat yourself up on the choice of venue. Go ahead and ask her out again and that will give you the answer. And frankly, I am still thinking about why she didn't even get up to greet you... and what is so awesome about her that you want to ask her out again....
Gr8fuln2020 Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 It's definitely a bummer if the coffee idea was a bad idea with this girl and that's what ruins the second date possibilities, but I just felt it was the best way to break the ice. Ugh!! I really think that timing is important. In both my coffee dates, I immediately showed interest in arranging a date. The way I look at it, whether a coffee date or no, if she may be as unattentive or nervous. If she is turned-off b/c you two met for coffee, well, for me, that's unfortunate, but if she is incapable or unwilling to make a good impression in that more relaxed setting, then perhaps she is SIMPLY not interested in you and again, nothing to do with the setting. Just something to think about.
Sunkissedpatio Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 I do admit though, it could become a "interview-y" like situation, but it is what it is. I find more and more women online are looking for quick drinks or coffee meets for the first meeting. Personally, I'd rather go for a root canal. Sure online no one wants to invest and you probably shouldn't since you've never met before. But the OP had met this woman several times and she asked him for his number. The Tinder thing was incidental.
joseb Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 I've never had any luck with coffee dates. They've never led to a second date for me. I usually ask for drinks, brunch or dinner first. Coffee is usually the last resort but for some reason, some women insist on them. Yip I'm finding this a lot now - I ask them for drinks, they counter with coffee. Personally I don't mind coffee dates - you don't have to go for boring chain coffee shops, plenty of cool funky places that can be pretty romantic. 1
TheAntiHero Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 That is such an absurd claim. The setting doesn't matter. What matters is attraction and suffice to say, she probably wasn't attracted to you very much. She didn't find you interesting hence the texting, not asking questions, no hugs and general lack of enthusiasm. OP, if she was on a coffee date with Ryan Gosling, she would be doing the exact opposite and more for him. Forget about this one and move on. Definitely on point here: women don't give a **** about location if she's lusting for you. The problem is most of society sides with people thinking it's a "setting" thing, which is utter horse****.
Author shyguy3543 Posted December 4, 2016 Author Posted December 4, 2016 Personally, I'd rather go for a root canal. Sure online no one wants to invest and you probably shouldn't since you've never met before. But the OP had met this woman several times and she asked him for his number. The Tinder thing was incidental. For what it's worth, we did the # exchange over tinder and not in person. Just wasn't sure if that was clear. But so... do I bother asking for the second date? lol. I mean, I guess it can't hurt, right? Someone had asked what it is I see about her considering the date wasn't so great. I don't know haha. I don't think I've ever had a date like this and I think it's got me wondering what more there is to her and I wanna try to find out. Like we sat there for two hours and left so much over that could've/should've been talked about in getting to know eachother. If it was a lack of interest, then that's that and it's not gonna happen, but if she's just somewhat shy or was nervous or something, I wanna try to get past that to see what there is once the nerves have passed. As far as what I like about her that I do already know, she's independent (has been living on her own since 18 and is now 24), she's got an awesome pup and loves animals in general, she's got a good career going as a teacher, and she's an absolute 10/10 in the looks department to me!
Author shyguy3543 Posted December 4, 2016 Author Posted December 4, 2016 Text her and see how she is responding. Ah, I would but it's 2:10am now where I am haha. Our post-coffee text convo word-for-word went like this (nothing interesting, aside from my lame jokes lol): Me: Hey, I just got home. Thanks for meeting up! I had a good time and I'm glad I didn't get catfished or anything . Let me know when you get home so I know you made it safely. Her:Haha it'd be hard to catfish since you already knew me. I stopped at the grocery shop but I'm basically home! me: True, but you never know with Tinder! Too many weirdos out there... could've been a very skilled catfish haha. Okay though, good! Say hi to your pup for me. Her: Will do!
winny Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 Ah, I would but it's 2:10am now where I am haha. Our post-coffee text convo word-for-word went like this (nothing interesting, aside from my lame jokes lol): Me: Hey, I just got home. Thanks for meeting up! I had a good time and I'm glad I didn't get catfished or anything . Let me know when you get home so I know you made it safely. Her:Haha it'd be hard to catfish since you already knew me. I stopped at the grocery shop but I'm basically home! me: True, but you never know with Tinder! Too many weirdos out there... could've been a very skilled catfish haha. Okay though, good! Say hi to your pup for me. Her: Will do! Whoa!!! Your jokes are really lame... ha ha ha Anyways... you seem too interested/trying too hard... she seems okay...
Author shyguy3543 Posted December 4, 2016 Author Posted December 4, 2016 I know lmao. I think I was just like "eek... what do I say?! I forgot to ask her to text me when she gets home!" This has been sub-optimal hahaha. I guess only a call on Monday will tell what'll happen...
winny Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 I know lmao. I think I was just like "eek... what do I say?! I forgot to ask her to text me when she gets home!" This has been sub-optimal hahaha. I guess only a call on Monday will tell what'll happen... Ever wondered that maybe this kind of behavior might be the reason for her lukewarm interest on the date? You may need to work on your humor and flirting more than thinking of a venue next time. Just a thought.
TheTraveler Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 Ah, I would but it's 2:10am now where I am haha. Our post-coffee text convo word-for-word went like this (nothing interesting, aside from my lame jokes lol): Me: Hey, I just got home. Thanks for meeting up! I had a good time and I'm glad I didn't get catfished or anything . Let me know when you get home so I know you made it safely. Her:Haha it'd be hard to catfish since you already knew me. I stopped at the grocery shop but I'm basically home! me: True, but you never know with Tinder! Too many weirdos out there... could've been a very skilled catfish haha. Okay though, good! Say hi to your pup for me. Her: Will do! From reading your original post I wouldn't have bothered texting her anything at all and moved on I've had sex on the first dates and I wouldn't have texted anything about making it home safe or some other nonsense
winny Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 I'm glad I didn't get catfished or anything me: True, but you never know with Tinder! Too many weirdos out there... could've been a very skilled catfish haha. Also this makes you sound like someone who cannot deal with it just in case he gets catfished and as if you were more worried about that than being interested in seeing her. There was this guy who took me out to a really expensive place for dinner on the first date... and before the date he kept on texting me how much he has been looking forward to eat there... that finally I was like -- Are you more interested in going there or in seeing me??? And his answer was - Both. And was like - Wow!!
Sunkissedpatio Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 (edited) I don't think there is anything wrong with your catfish joke, in fact it is totally apropos since she did ask for your number on Tinder (even though you had already met) online communication is still online communication. I thought it was even cute. Wouldn't worry about that at all. Even less worry about texting her to see if she made it home ok. That was really decent and such a gentlemanly move. It shows off your protective side in a sweet manner. Don't ever change that. Though again, I would have reserved that for someone who deserves it I don't think she deserved it but...The right woman will appreciate that. I wouldn't ask her out again simply because she was such a cold fish this time around I wouldn't waste my money and time on her. I suppose you could test the waters by asking (sounds like you will anyway) Next time if you meet someone like that think of where you take them first time around. You only have one chance to make a first impression in every sense. Edited December 4, 2016 by Sunkissedpatio 1
Author shyguy3543 Posted December 5, 2016 Author Posted December 5, 2016 Also this makes you sound like someone who cannot deal with it just in case he gets catfished and as if you were more worried about that than being interested in seeing her. eek. Hopefully that's not how she took it hahaha. That'd be really deeply getting into what what just a little corny joke! I wouldn't ask her out again simply because she was such a cold fish this time around I wouldn't waste my money and time on her. I suppose you could test the waters by asking (sounds like you will anyway) Next time if you meet someone like that think of where you take them first time around. You only have one chance to make a first impression in every sense. Ah, I definitely see where you're coming from and part of me does agree that I shouldn't ask her out again especially after thinking it over, but I was talking to my friend who's older than me and she kind of convinced me to just give it a whirl. She was saying that there have been countless times where guys just kind of gave up too easily and the girl was just like "I didn't think you were actually into me." It'd be a bummer to not try and somehow find out that was the case here! Unfortunately, my phone broke today when another friend of mine tried to replace the screen for me... so it's looking like if I do this tomorrow as I had planned, it'd be via text using imessage on my laptop.
winny Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 but I was talking to my friend who's older than me and she kind of convinced me to just give it a whirl. She was saying that there have been countless times where guys just kind of gave up too easily and the girl was just like "I didn't think you were actually into me." It'd be a bummer to not try and somehow find out that was the case here! This is so unfair that a girl who didn't look interested at all is going to get a second date invitation... ha ha ha Give up easily on what??? On being treated lukewarm??? So your older friend thinks that when a girl looks uninterested on a date and acts super laid back and forgets basic manners, then that is because she somehow assumed you were not into her and wants you to try harder? Fine, go ahead ask her out again...
ChatroomHero Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Then going by that, people like me who never drink alcohol, eat vegetarian food and do not like to go into dark places with guys on a first date would never fall in love.... this is so funny :P While fact is that, I have fallen in love over a cup of coffee with a guy at work while we talked about our stupid projects... That's being silly by assuming exact specifics and obviously that is not the point. Point blank, a romantic setting is more conducive to romance than an non-romantic setting. Just because you fell in love with some guy at one particular place really means nothing. Look at it like, this; if a romantic setting is not a better way to pursue romance, why aren't all first dates on the bus? Or on a street corner? Or at your work place? Why are the serious majority in settings where intimacy can be pursued? It's called setting the tone. If you meet at a coffee shop it sets a more businesslike tone than if he had a date at a real place where she might try to dress sexier, it would have ambiance etc. Now if you like to meet guys at a lecture on geology, that's great. But the fact remains a coffee shop is the romantic equivalent of a charter fishing boat. 2
introverted1 Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 I much prefer a first date in a casual setting, where I can figure out if this is someone I can connect with. Going to dinner, especially a romantic dinner, before basic compatibility has been established puts a LOT of pressure on the date. A casual first date (or meeting, if you will) followed by a romantic and/or fun second ("proper") date is the way to go, imo. OP, any update? 1
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