shyguy3543 Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 Hey guys, Just got home about an hour ago from a date with a girl that I found on Tinder, but also knew beforehand because she had come into my job. She asked for my number on there after we exchanged some messages. We exchanged some more messages afterwards via text and then last Saturday I told her I'd love to take her out for some coffee (which, to me at least, implied a date) on Monday. She said she'd love to, but would have to wait until today to meet up because weekdays are hard for her. We barely spoke Sunday at all, and barely spoke the rest of the week. I texted her on Wednesday to see if she knew if she could definitely make it today (she wasn't sure at that point). Then I confirmed yesterday. So today rolled around, I sent her a text saying I was on my way. She replied saying she was already there early taking care of some work. I got there, she waved me over to her table. She didn't get up to hug me or anything which I found kinda unusual. She had already bought herself a cup of coffee before I got there. We were there for a couple of hours. Convo was okay, but we didn't get too deep and I didn't get to talk much about some things I wanted to talk about. We mostly spoke about her dog haha. She barely asked me questions at all. I was a bit disappointed when she was texting someone once in a while, but she apologized and explained why she had to. The good bye was tepid. I said I had a good time and that it'd be great to meet up again and that was met with "yeah, totally." It didn't sound very enthusiastic to me. Was it not clear enough that I wanted it to be a date even though we met on tinder and I said I wanted to get to know her more over some coffee? Is she not even remotely interested even though she asked me for my number? I was thinking about calling in a couple of days and saying something like "It was nice to break the ice and get to know you a bit. I was thinking it'd be great to take you out on a date" and maybe go go-kart riding and get some dinner. 1
Sunkissedpatio Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 The problem is setting a date at a coffee shop. That is the most unromantic and boring setting you could possibly choose for a date. It screams non-date. The surrounding is flat and boring, it doesn't promote conversation and it is impossible to get romantic (touchy feely) under those fluorescent lights and the tables practically on top of each other. Even if things were going great and you want to smooch EVERYONE is watching. It's like meeting someone for a date at a food court at a mall. When I go into a coffee shop all my brain associates with that is "here for a pick-me-up so I can do more work" You associate a coffee shop with work, not romance and sex and flirting while indulging in the surroundings with good company. 8
Satu Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 The problem is setting a date at a coffee shop. That is the most unromantic and boring setting you could possibly choose for a date. It screams non-date. The surrounding is flat and boring, it doesn't promote conversation and it is impossible to get romantic (touchy feely) under those fluorescent lights and the tables practically on top of each other. Even if things were going great and you want to smooch EVERYONE is watching. It's like meeting someone for a date at a food court at a mall. When I go into a coffee shop all my brain associates with that is "here for a pick-me-up so I can do more work" You associate a coffee shop with work, not romance and sex and flirting while indulging in the surroundings with good company. I totally agree. Meeting for a coffee isn't much more interesting than meeting to buy some cheese at the supermarket. 3
Dis Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 The problem is setting a date at a coffee shop. That is the most unromantic and boring setting you could possibly choose for a date. It screams non-date. The surrounding is flat and boring, it doesn't promote conversation and it is impossible to get romantic (touchy feely) under those fluorescent lights and the tables practically on top of each other. Even if things were going great and you want to smooch EVERYONE is watching. It's like meeting someone for a date at a food court at a mall. When I go into a coffee shop all my brain associates with that is "here for a pick-me-up so I can do more work" You associate a coffee shop with work, not romance and sex and flirting while indulging in the surroundings with good company. I agree with SKP Coffee shops are never a good option for a date I have to say though...this woman didnt seem too warm or engaging. She didnt ask about you....talking about herself a lot...didnt even get up to hug/greet you when you two initially met...gave you a cool goodbye If I were you I wouldnt bother having another date with a person like that For the next woman though....drinks...not coffee 4
MarkIVSteel Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 The problem is setting a date at a coffee shop. That is the most unromantic and boring setting you could possibly choose for a date. It screams non-date. The surrounding is flat and boring, it doesn't promote conversation and it is impossible to get romantic (touchy feely) under those fluorescent lights and the tables practically on top of each other. Even if things were going great and you want to smooch EVERYONE is watching. It's like meeting someone for a date at a food court at a mall. When I go into a coffee shop all my brain associates with that is "here for a pick-me-up so I can do more work" You associate a coffee shop with work, not romance and sex and flirting while indulging in the surroundings with good company. That is such an absurd claim. The setting doesn't matter. What matters is attraction and suffice to say, she probably wasn't attracted to you very much. She didn't find you interesting hence the texting, not asking questions, no hugs and general lack of enthusiasm. OP, if she was on a coffee date with Ryan Gosling, she would be doing the exact opposite and more for him. Forget about this one and move on. 6
ChatroomHero Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 (edited) I agree with everything Sunkissed posted. I would add I am completely anti-day dates. Doesn't matter if she says she is only free during the days, I won't do it. They are awkward and won't lead to much else. Chances are you are the day obligation she has before she gets to go out with other people and have real fun. You need to avoid the thought that you will take any opening that works and any time slot she will give you. Instead I just say days are bad for me on weekends and I am are free for dinner. Coffee or early day dates just always seem like the girls is being a good sport and throwing a poor sap a bone. Tell the girl you are going to dinner next week and would like her to join you. If she says she is busy or doesn't offer another time, just move on. Edited December 3, 2016 by ChatroomHero 2
Philosopher Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 I have been on quite a few first dates and have often found the first date is quite a bit of a letdown. It could be that she felt no attraction, this sounds like it could be the case here from her lukewarm response on first meeting you. Or it be that you two have little in common. In any case you probably just were not her type. It don't think it is case that you did anything wrong, these things just happen on online dating as you have little information to go on. Personally I do not see anything wrong in coffee shops for a first meet. So long as the coffee shop has somewhere decent to sit and have a conversation and is a not part of a very common chain that everyone has heard of, it should be fine, at least for a first meetup. If the meetup goes well you can always move somewhere more interesting.
LookAtThisPOst Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 Are you figuring that the coffee shop was what caused her tepid behavior towards him? I seriously doubt it. 5
basil67 Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 If I enjoyed a guy's company, I'd be fine meeting him in a coffee shop. Especially if it was funky or cool in some way. Good company is good company - no matter what the venue. 11
LookAtThisPOst Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 If I enjoyed a guy's company, I'd be fine meeting him in a coffee shop. Especially if it was funky or cool in some way. Good company is good company - no matter what the venue. Glad someone chimed in,agreed 100%...kind of strange that people are really rigid on dating venues and not simply enjoy one's company regardless of the venue, that speaks volumes about the person's rigidness. 6
Philosopher Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 If I enjoyed a guy's company, I'd be fine meeting him in a coffee shop. Especially if it was funky or cool in some way. Good company is good company - no matter what the venue. I agree. If there is no attraction, there is no attraction. No venue, regardless of how special it is, is going to change that fact. 3
Sunkissedpatio Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 That is such an absurd claim. The setting doesn't matter. What matters is attraction and suffice to say, she probably wasn't attracted to you very much. Ya obviously attraction matters and that was already established since SHE asked for his number initially when she visited his job. The coffee shop meeting killed any possibility of romance. She was probably already dragging herself there feeling like she was going out for something cumbersome. Hence she was already sitting down with her own coffee. You meet your Craigslist buyer for the sale exchange at a coffee shop. You don't go to a coffee shop for romance. If man's idea of a date is $1.75 under fluorescent lights then I might as well roll out of bed in my sweats to meet up with him. I'll grab my own coffee too and get caught up on work while I wait for your to show up. thanks 2
Sunkissedpatio Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 (edited) Was it not clear enough that I wanted it to be a date even though we met on tinder and I said I wanted to get to know her more over some coffee? Is she not even remotely interested even though she asked me for my number? I was thinking about calling in a couple of days and saying something like "It was nice to break the ice and get to know you a bit. I was thinking it'd be great to take you out on a date" and maybe go go-kart riding and get some dinner. Now that's a date. But seeing her underwhelming response at the coffee shop maybe this one is already a bust. Go karting would be an AWESOME date! OP, if she was on a coffee date with Ryan Gosling, she would be doing the exact opposite and more for him. Forget about this one and move on. Actually funny that you say that. Ryan Gosling was in my town for the film festival a few years ago, this was before he hit it super big he was just coming on the scene but was well known enough. I was out for dinner with my then boyfriend and we used to frequent this great little hipster restaurant that always has a line-up and is always packed. The food is great there. Anyway, four tables down from us comes Ryan with a non-celeb date and they sat in a corner table canoodling away. So no, I doubt Ryan Gosling is taking his dates to a McCafe LMAO Edited December 4, 2016 by Sunkissedpatio
MarkIVSteel Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 Ya obviously attraction matters and that was already established since SHE asked for his number initially when she visited his job. The coffee shop meeting killed any possibility of romance. She was probably already dragging herself there feeling like she was going out for something cumbersome. Hence she was already sitting down with her own coffee. You meet your Craigslist buyer for the sale exchange at a coffee shop. You don't go to a coffee shop for romance. If man's idea of a date is $1.75 under fluorescent lights then I might as well roll out of bed in my sweats to meet up with him. I'll grab my own coffee too and get caught up on work while I wait for your to show up. thanks No. Read his post again. She asked for his number on Tinder. The coffee shop didn't "kill any possibility of romance". The more you say it, the more absurd it sounds. She simply wasn't attracted enough to him. When someone is really attracted to another person, where they date or hangout would mean very little because they would be enjoying the company of the other person. 2
winny Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 That is such an absurd claim. The setting doesn't matter. What matters is attraction and suffice to say, she probably wasn't attracted to you very much. I agree with this. I don't care where I meet a guy... coffee shop, grocery line, gas station... LOL, if I am interested, the guy will know. I don't think this girl is interested or worried about impressing you in anyway... she seems too laid back. 3
Gr8fuln2020 Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 I disagree regarding the setting. The coffee shop is becoming a more popular place for people to meet b/c more and more people are not willing to invest too much time on a date that is not working....or the TIME. I used to be exclusively about full-dates for the first meet, but not anymore. Now, I suggest meeting for coffe for a quick meet to see if a date is of interest. I've done it few times now and each time resulted in multiple dates afterwards. So, in my opinion, if she agreed to coffee meet, it was not about the setting. I was on a coffee meet once and the same thing happened. She barely asked any questions and texted every so often. I thought, oh well, that was only an hour wasted...once we got outside, things changed. It turns out that she was interested and that she was nervous and that's why didn't ask as many questions, or texted every so often to her daughter, friends... We dated a few times afterwards and I found out she was a terrible human, selfish, insensitive....and her personality didn't change much. Another coffee date resulted in us staying together for the next 10-hours together! Yikes! That was a great date! Alas, the distance became an issue, eventually. Coffee dates can work. I simply make certain to anticipate whether it will go beyond that by setting 2-3 hours beyond that time free, if possible. OP, you should ask for a proper date. Wait for her response. She may surprise you. 2
winny Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 She was probably already dragging herself there feeling like she was going out for something cumbersome. Hence she was already sitting down with her own coffee. You meet your Craigslist buyer for the sale exchange at a coffee shop. You don't go to a coffee shop for romance. If man's idea of a date is $1.75 under fluorescent lights then I might as well roll out of bed in my sweats to meet up with him. I'll grab my own coffee too and get caught up on work while I wait for your to show up. thanks This is all speculation and trying to project your own thoughts on someone else. Also, if a girl is so much interested on how much a guy is spending on her rather than trying to know him.... I wouldn't go after her anyways. We have no idea what kind of financial background OP is from and it could be that a coffee date is all he could offer and we should not judge him for that. He kept his commitment, showed up on time, politely sat there and had a conversation even when she didn't stand up to greet him... speaks a lot about his character. And that is all that should matter. I am sure all he was expecting was a bit more interest and engaging conversation rather than a full blown romance. 3
Sunkissedpatio Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 This is all speculation and trying to project your own thoughts on someone else. Isn't that what you're doing? The coffee shop is becoming a more popular place for people to meet b/c more and more people are not willing to invest too much time on a date that is not working....or the TIME. Bingo! And't that's what you end up with. You get what you put in.
ChatroomHero Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 I agree with this. I don't care where I meet a guy... coffee shop, grocery line, gas station... LOL, if I am interested, the guy will know. I don't think this girl is interested or worried about impressing you in anyway... she seems too laid back. Well there is a thing called mood... an intimate setting in a quiet booth with dim lights along with alcohol and a satisfying upscale meal will certainly out someone at ease on a first date and help the conversation flow as opposed loud, bright Starbucks. Just being able to have dinner can help pace the conversation and handle the lulls because you take breaks from talking to eat. The point being a coffee shop date isn't guaranteed failure, but 4 beers and a steak and lobster dinner will drop panties at a 5000-1 ratio over a coffee shop, and that is scientific fact. 1
Sunkissedpatio Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 I disagree regarding the setting. The coffee shop is becoming a more popular place for people to meet b/c more and more people are not willing to invest too much time on a date that is not working....or the TIME. I used to be exclusively about full-dates for the first meet, but not anymore. Now, I suggest meeting for coffe for a quick meet to see if a date is of interest. I've done it few times now and each time resulted in multiple dates afterwards. So, in my opinion, if she agreed to coffee meet, it was not about the setting. I was on a coffee meet once and the same thing happened. She barely asked any questions and texted every so often. I thought, oh well, that was only an hour wasted...once we got outside, things changed. It turns out that she was interested and that she was nervous and that's why didn't ask as many questions, or texted every so often to her daughter, friends... We dated a few times afterwards and I found out she was a terrible human, selfish, insensitive....and her personality didn't change much. Another coffee date resulted in us staying together for the next 10-hours together! Yikes! That was a great date! Alas, the distance became an issue, eventually. Coffee dates can work. I simply make certain to anticipate whether it will go beyond that by setting 2-3 hours beyond that time free, if possible. OP, you should ask for a proper date. Wait for her response. She may surprise you. It's funny you went into all that explanation and ended it with "you should ask her on a proper date" So we agree then that was hardly a proper date. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 It's funny you went into all that explanation and ended it with "you should ask her on a proper date" So we agree then that was hardly a proper date. I agree that it was not a 'proper' date, yes. But the lack of interest was not b/c it was at a coffee shop. She did seem to agree to meet again, so find out for sure. 2
SwordofFlame Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 I've never had any luck with coffee dates. They've never led to a second date for me. I usually ask for drinks, brunch or dinner first. Coffee is usually the last resort but for some reason, some women insist on them.
Sunkissedpatio Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 Well there is a thing called mood... an intimate setting in a quiet booth with dim lights along with alcohol and a satisfying upscale meal will certainly out someone at ease on a first date and help the conversation flow as opposed loud, bright Starbucks. Just being able to have dinner can help pace the conversation and handle the lulls because you take breaks from talking to eat. The point being a coffee shop date isn't guaranteed failure, but 4 beers and a steak and lobster dinner will drop panties at a 5000-1 ratio over a coffee shop, and that is scientific fact. Exactly! Yes and it's not even about spending all that money at a large dinner. A walk through a museum to check out the latest exhibit is far more stimulating and conducive to interesting conversation. Not to mention there are plenty of dark little hallways and nooks to flirt and steal kisses. That's super fun! A skate in the park (if you have a city hall ice rink) is fun and romantic. So many great places to go an a first date. An aquarium is super fun and romantic and a great conversation, the surroundings are so magical and hypnotizing it's an unforgettable experience. It's $20 per person to go to the aquarium. Every city has offbeat productions that you can go check out for under $30 per person. Even a trivia night at a dive bar/pub is way more fun than Mc Cafe. A coffee date puts you in a weird interview situation, it is SUPER unromantic.
winny Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 The point being a coffee shop date isn't guaranteed failure, but 4 beers and a steak and lobster dinner will drop panties at a 5000-1 ratio over a coffee shop, and that is scientific fact. If only, the way to a woman's heart was thru food, alcohol and dim lights 1
Sunkissedpatio Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 If only, the way to a woman's heart was thru food, alcohol and dim lights But it is...I've become more romantically interested in a date planned by the guy that involved at least one of those...for sure.
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