mianna Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 Hi. I've been dating this guy for two months now. Even thou we live about 3 hours away from eachother, we've seen eachother 5 times already and he has introduced me to his family, his whole family (i know some think its too soon but i was okay with it). When we first started talking we spoke every day, all the time through out the day. We texted as quick as we had the chance to, even if it could take a while i was okay with it. He was very cute, saying that he missed me, and how lucky he was to have found a girl like me, he noticed small things and told me how much he appreciated them. He showed more intrest in everything. So my problem is that recently, like the last two weeks he have been a bit less sweet to me. It feels like he just responds to what ever we are talking about and does not show any further intrest in developing the convo. He also did resign from work because of personal issues i do not want to share here which means that he has more time than ever to text me. But these last couple of days he have been taking up to 4-7 hours to give me a reply. And i am starting to worry that he might be losing intrest? He still text me good morning and call me something sweet but then after that he text really slowly. It feels like i spend my days waiting for him to give a reply and i get anxious that he is losing intrest and overanalyze everything and think maybe some other girl might gotten his attention. But everything makes me so confused. I have questions in my head like, why would he introduce me to his whole family if he is not serious, or why would he still call me sweet things if he was not intrested and things like this. What do you guy think? Do you think i should worry, or like confront him or just leave it for a while and then confront him about my feelings about all of this?
winny Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 He also did resign from work because of personal issues i do not want to share here which means that he has more time than ever to text me. But these last couple of days he have been taking up to 4-7 hours to give me a reply. You do realize he has a life other than texting you, right? Have patience. He is still texting you daily. While we cannot ignore the fact that something seems amiss, but all you can do at the moment is wait. Text him only as much he texts you. In the mean time, see other guys and keep busy. Time will tell you whats going on. Eventually he may stop texting or he may come back stronger. Be ready for both possibilities and stay strong. People lose interest sometimes in a day --- and we have no control over it and it does suck
staggerlee71 Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 The first thing that sticks out, in your post, is he resigned from his job for personal issues. Not that you have to share, but that sounds like a life crisis. As a guy, if I'm resigning from my job, getting another one would be my focus. So although out of work, he has more physical time, but whatever his issue is, is occupying his emotional time, which is YOUR time. I would look into his personal issues and be supportive and help where you can. Don't start pressuring him with your anxiety cause it wont go over well. He is texting good morning and being sweet but he is clearly distracted. Give the guy some head space. If you haven't already discussed how you can be supportive, start there. Don't start in with your insecurity. If your supportive, and he cares for you, he will tell you what he needs and that will help understand where his head is. Make about him, not you and not the relationship at this point. No more weight on this guys shoulders 1
Author mianna Posted December 3, 2016 Author Posted December 3, 2016 (edited) The first thing that sticks out, in your post, is he resigned from his job for personal issues. Not that you have to share, but that sounds like a life crisis. As a guy, if I'm resigning from my job, getting another one would be my focus. So although out of work, he has more physical time, but whatever his issue is, is occupying his emotional time, which is YOUR time. I would look into his personal issues and be supportive and help where you can. Don't start pressuring him with your anxiety cause it wont go over well. He is texting good morning and being sweet but he is clearly distracted. Give the guy some head space. If you haven't already discussed how you can be supportive, start there. Don't start in with your insecurity. If your supportive, and he cares for you, he will tell you what he needs and that will help understand where his head is. Make about him, not you and not the relationship at this point. No more weight on this guys shoulders But the thing is that i know all about this issue that he has had and i've been nothing but supportive in every possible way that i possibly could about that matter. Just like you say, i didn't want to put any more weight on his shoulders. But the thing is that he has been well these last couple of days and still he has been very slow. For example, he was very slow today, so i texted him and suddenly he was out with his friends and that they we're going out tonight and he chose not to tell me. So we texted a bit and then he just stopped but he was ON the whole time. I can't help but over analyze this and i want to talk to him about it but it feels like if i do i will push him away.It feels like i have too much unanswered questions on myself and its making me feel bad and sad. If he can go out and party with his friends, then he must be able to talk about us. Edited December 3, 2016 by mianna
Grey40 Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 you need to relax a bit. You've only seen each other 5 times total in 8+ weeks. It's still in very early stages. He's clearly got a lot on his mind and is probably a bit depressed about his job situation. That being said, things like this are concerning. He's clearly not texting you for a reason, and it's not good, there's no way to really sugar coat it. If it really bothers you just address it. You're afraid of losing him but if you don't step in now, you could lose him anyway and never get to the bottom of it
staggerlee71 Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 Glad you have the supportive thing covered. your and his expectations at this point are not in line. I wouldn't expect to call my 2 month girl and tell her I'm going out. She wouldn't be occupying my thought like that yet even though I wanted to move forward. When I am texting with a friend or a girlfriend, I would slow text or stop if it is becoming too convo which is for a phone call. Follow Winny advice, text him only when he texts you. To me, texting is really for quick check ins. Its too soon for you to be overly concerned. It may seem needy to him.
spiderowl Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 He sounds less enthusiastic than before, perhaps because of personal issues or worry about cost of travel in the future. I think you should trust your instinct and feelings - if you are feeling anxious and that he is less responsive to you, you are probably right in your estimation of things. It is never worth hanging around for someone who can't reply to a text within a reasonable time. 2
Gaeta Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 Yes he is losing interest and let him go. At first he was excited and infatuated that is why he introduced you to his family so fast. Always be wary of men wanting to escalate the relationship at the speed of light. 5 visits in 2 months isn't enough to sustain a real bond. Now he lost his job and reality hit. You are 3 hours away and he won't be able to afford gas or fair to go see you, take you out to restaurants and dates. His initial infatuation is fading away. If you are serious about finding a mate look closer to you. I don't understand these people that make contact with people 2-3-5 hours away. Do you want someone in your life or you want someone on your text! date local. I was in a long distance relationship a long time ago. We called each other every morning for 1 hour. During that year he lost his job, he lost his father, and he NEVER once missed his morning call to me.
Versacehottie Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 But the thing is that i know all about this issue that he has had and i've been nothing but supportive in every possible way that i possibly could about that matter. Just like you say, i didn't want to put any more weight on his shoulders. But the thing is that he has been well these last couple of days and still he has been very slow. For example, he was very slow today, so i texted him and suddenly he was out with his friends and that they we're going out tonight and he chose not to tell me. So we texted a bit and then he just stopped but he was ON the whole time. I can't help but over analyze this and i want to talk to him about it but it feels like if i do i will push him away.It feels like i have too much unanswered questions on myself and its making me feel bad and sad. If he can go out and party with his friends, then he must be able to talk about us. You are kinda making it all about you or from your perspective though. If he left his job, his ego, identity and future are all at risk. For the moment, tending to the relationship with you is a lower priority. Also he doesn't feel great about himself so he's not going to want to talk a lot and make future plans (everything is uncertain anyway). It doesn't matter if you've been supportive--he's not going to process this upheaval the same way you would or think he should. Not to mention, if he is smart, the fact that he doesn't have a job doesn't mean he has a ton of free time on his hand. Finding a new job is AT LEAST an 8 hr a day job if you are putting attention to it. Don't be needy. Real support is allowing yourself to not be top priority right now. If he really cares about you and is planning a future with you, he probably really cares about getting his work situation sorted out for the good of both of you.
ilovemefirst Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 When we over analyze things, we send off a vibe to the other person, that all our focus is on them. That in turn, makes them back off further. Give him some space and see if he comes back. If he doesn't, he clearly wasn't as invested as you believed.
Redhead14 Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 Hi. I've been dating this guy for two months now. Even thou we live about 3 hours away from eachother, we've seen eachother 5 times already and he has introduced me to his family, his whole family (i know some think its too soon but i was okay with it). When we first started talking we spoke every day, all the time through out the day. We texted as quick as we had the chance to, even if it could take a while i was okay with it. He was very cute, saying that he missed me, and how lucky he was to have found a girl like me, he noticed small things and told me how much he appreciated them. He showed more intrest in everything. So my problem is that recently, like the last two weeks he have been a bit less sweet to me. It feels like he just responds to what ever we are talking about and does not show any further intrest in developing the convo. He also did resign from work because of personal issues i do not want to share here which means that he has more time than ever to text me. But these last couple of days he have been taking up to 4-7 hours to give me a reply. And i am starting to worry that he might be losing intrest? He still text me good morning and call me something sweet but then after that he text really slowly. It feels like i spend my days waiting for him to give a reply and i get anxious that he is losing intrest and overanalyze everything and think maybe some other girl might gotten his attention. But everything makes me so confused. I have questions in my head like, why would he introduce me to his whole family if he is not serious, or why would he still call me sweet things if he was not intrested and things like this. What do you guy think? Do you think i should worry, or like confront him or just leave it for a while and then confront him about my feelings about all of this? why would he introduce me to his whole family if he is not serious -- Because he doesn't view this step at this point to be serious. He's just bringing a plus one to something. When they do it so soon, it's just cursory, so to speak. You can't use one or two things to project intention. why would he still call me sweet things -- Because he knows what women want to hear in order to keep them hanging around. Just sit back and observe . . . don't reach out to him. Let him come to you. If he doesn't, so be it.
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