Not interested 'like that' or seriously immature and trying to make me jealous

[blueberrymuffin]

I have a hobby, playing drums in a group. We meet twice a week. There's a guy in the group I was pretty much attracted to right away and I sensed he felt the same way. Over the past couple of months we began to grow closer. He would call me to ask what time I was getting to he bus station and would wait for me there and walk to the venue together. He sits next to me during practice. When we're walking along his shoulders are always bumping into mine and all the rest of the body language signals. He is also very interested in finding out my weekend plans every week . Like clockwork he'll ask 'what are you doing this weekend?' and its not just a casual conversation like with most other people he really listens to what I am saying and it's always asking more questions around exactly what I'm doing and with who. If I say 'just chilling' he'll go 'alone?' And then a couple of months ago we started going out after class sometimes for dinner. So far so good right?

 

Only issue and it's a biggie onece we were eating and he starts talking about this girl he is kind of dating he said it was casual. I took that as him making it clear he is not interested in me like that. He has since stopped dating this girl and is dating multiple women. All of who he will causally drop something in conversation about. He never tells me straight up about these women, it's more like 'oh I didn't sleep well last night, my companion was breathing heavily' or 'I went to that french restaurant yesterday, I was trying to impress this girl'. Every practice session he makes at least one comment on some other woman who he is seeing. Meantime he appears to be acting jealous when I talk to other guys or tell him about my own dates. Like in class I got chatting to this other guy in the class and my friend comes up to me afterwards and asks 'I didn't know whether to interrupt you looked cozy?' I said 'I don't like that so it's cool to interrupt'. So next time I chat to this other guy my friend comes up to me after and goes 'what a total creep. you need to watch that guy, he clearly doesn't know when to back away'. This was unjustified, this guy is nice, just friendly.

 

Anyway what gives here? Is he acting like a kid and trying to make me jealous? FYI he is 36 so should know better. Is he genuinely confused and torn between me and continuing to have his hookups? Or is he just interested in me as a friend and is telling me about these other women to make it clear I'm a bud and that's it.

[olivetree]

He talks about other women because he likes you as a friend.

 

He is interested in your weekend plans and really listens when you talk because he likes you as a person.

 

From what you've said, he doesn't sound jealous.

 

Without hearing the tone of his voice, he actually sounds respectful and protective.

Edited December 3, 2016 by olivetree

[spiderowl]

Strangely enough, I see things totally differently from the previous poster. This guy seems really interested in you, but whether it is for a prospective relationship or just to get you into bed, I can't tell. He's telling you about other girls to impress you. Yes, I know that telling a girl about other girls is NOT the way to impress her - it actually puts her off - but he probably thinks it will make you more interested in him. It is probably more bravado than anything; he doesn't want to come across as inexperienced.

 

He keeps appearing with you, goes to trouble to get time with you, and is tempted to interrupt when you are with other guys. He is trying to get your attention! Why isn't he asking you out? I don't know. It could be that he cannot get clear signals from you, that you remain distant somehow or he thinks you have friendzoned him. The more a guy likes a woman, the more of a risk it is to him emotionally to ask you out.

 

If you like this guy and want him to ask you out, then it might help to give him a little gentle feedback on how you prefer to be treated. For example, if he mentions another woman as if he was spending intimate time with her, you could say something about how if you were thinking of dating someone you would not want to hear about other women he was with/had been with. You could drop into the conversation that you keep your love/sex life discreet. Another time, you could mention that you prefer the guy to take the initiative and ask you out, otherwise you never know he is interested. You could talk about these matters in general if the conversation strayed that way. The idea is to subtly teach him what is expected of him if he were your boyfriend. It is not about roles (whether girls should ask guys out or vice versa), it is about giving him a route to get close to you. It is up to him whether he follows through.

 

If, after mentioning the above, he does not take any action to show his interest in you, I would assume he just likes you as a best pal. I am getting the impression that you must be a very best pal at least though for him to want so much attention from you.

Edited December 3, 2016 by spiderowl