Best way to make ex forget post-breakup mistake: it prevents reconciliation

[Pascal333]

Hello,

 

I'm in a pretty tricky situation. We broke up last summer, she had a rebound but was torn between the two of us. We almost could've gotten back togheter but I made a mistake that I thought would've been trivial at the time but now it's catching up with me/us...

 

Me and her best friend at the time were close enough that we talked about personal stuff (she's also my best friends gf). When me and my ex broke up I was annihilated so I made the mistake of talking with her friend and revealing her something my ex had done to me. Now, there was already some tension between them, their friendship was pretty degraded. It eventually exploded and they broke all contact. I had a role in this as that friend strongly disapproved of the breakup.

 

Now though, recently this ex-friend of hers started talking sh*t in her back, saying untruthful things about my ex, and using what I told her to dirty up my ex...needless to say, my ex got pissed, she started losing common friends with her ex-friend, and I got pointed at for saying wrong things to the wrong person (her ex friend), because yes I was honnest with her and confessed early after the breakup that I had revealed what I had revealed...

 

Now, before all of this blew up, she was quite close, now she's quite more distant (we still live togheter...bought a house), but when she "forgets" this we laugh so hard and we have good times. We even hugged real hard this week and began praising me and stuff...but the thing is that every once in a while she hears about another friend of hers that is becoming distant and this makes her remember all the bad stuff so it brings the rapport we had built in the previous days to almost zero...!!!

 

This is so discouraging...but I still keep up. She says that she doesn't know if she'll be able to forgive me for this and this has created a trust issue, but yet after a week without any of this cr*p popping up she always is joyful with me and all.

 

What would be the best course of action??

[Slimtripper]

Hello,

 

I'm in a pretty tricky situation. We broke up last summer, she had a rebound but was torn between the two of us. We almost could've gotten back togheter but I made a mistake that I thought would've been trivial at the time but now it's catching up with me/us...

 

Me and her best friend at the time were close enough that we talked about personal stuff (she's also my best friends gf). When me and my ex broke up I was annihilated so I made the mistake of talking with her friend and revealing her something my ex had done to me. Now, there was already some tension between them, their friendship was pretty degraded. It eventually exploded and they broke all contact. I had a role in this as that friend strongly disapproved of the breakup.

 

Now though, recently this ex-friend of hers started talking sh*t in her back, saying untruthful things about my ex, and using what I told her to dirty up my ex...needless to say, my ex got pissed, she started losing common friends with her ex-friend, and I got pointed at for saying wrong things to the wrong person (her ex friend), because yes I was honnest with her and confessed early after the breakup that I had revealed what I had revealed...

 

Now, before all of this blew up, she was quite close, now she's quite more distant (we still live togheter...bought a house), but when she "forgets" this we laugh so hard and we have good times. We even hugged real hard this week and began praising me and stuff...but the thing is that every once in a while she hears about another friend of hers that is becoming distant and this makes her remember all the bad stuff so it brings the rapport we had built in the previous days to almost zero...!!!

 

This is so discouraging...but I still keep up. She says that she doesn't know if she'll be able to forgive me for this and this has created a trust issue, but yet after a week without any of this cr*p popping up she always is joyful with me and all.

 

What would be the best course of action??

 

All i can hear is "blah blah blah" it sounds like an episode of Dawson's Creek.

 

You broke up, she left for someone else. You hung around waiting in case she changed your mind. Now you're handing on for dear life in case she takes u back if u can not upset her for a few days.

Please look at this in a factual manner and not emotional. You are getting totally screwed here. She is calling all of the shots n WHY are u even talking after u broke up.

 

You've pushed this so far into friendship territory that there is never going to be a reconciliation, ever. Please realize that. Walk away and see what happens

[Satu]

snip

 

(we still live togheter...bought a house)

 

What would be the best course of action??

 

The best course of action would be to live separately.

 

Living together makes it very hard for you to move on, which is what you need to do.

 

It might even make it impossible.

 

 

Take care.

[DarrenB]

All i can hear is "blah blah blah" it sounds like an episode of Dawson's Creek.

 

You broke up, she left for someone else. You hung around waiting in case she changed your mind. Now you're handing on for dear life in case she takes u back if u can not upset her for a few days.

Please look at this in a factual manner and not emotional. You are getting totally screwed here. She is calling all of the shots n WHY are u even talking after u broke up.

 

You've pushed this so far into friendship territory that there is never going to be a reconciliation, ever. Please realize that. Walk away and see what happens

 

Remark in the introduction of your post not really necessary.

 

Nonetheless, listen to Slim and Satu.

Edited December 2, 2016 by DarrenB

[Slimtripper]

Remark in the introduction of your post not really necessary.

 

Nonetheless, listen to Slim and Satu.

 

Blah blah blah as in these are not mature adult issues anyone should be dealing with and writing them out loud surely he can see that.

[spiderowl]

I can see this is a difficult situation. I presume you have apologised to her and said you realised it was a mistake. Now, she needa to accept that you mean it. She can't keep holding it over your head.

 

The crux of the matter is what does this 'mistake' actually mean to her deep down? Is the problem because you spoke to her friend about something personal (betrayed her confidentiality and trust)? Is it about something that embarrassed your girlfriend (the embarrassment being the issue)? Or something else? Only when you can actually address how it is hurting her can you both really tackle this.

 

If this is not possible, then your girlfriend may have to re-examine her attitude. She cannot continue to hold something against you that happened when you two were broke up. She has no control over what you do when you are both broken up. Presumably, emotionally, she did not feel broken up so feels this as a betrayal. I think you need to remind her you were broken up at the time and that you cannot be held responsible for what happened at that time. It should be a time of 'grace' in a sense, provided the break-up was mutual or her choice. It is better she view that period as one where the 'clock stopped' and it did not re-start until you two were together again.

 

If she still can't get over this, then you may have to consider breaking up with her. Why should you carry on paying for something throughout the rest of your time with her? It gives her a hold over you that should not really be there if you are both making a fresh start.