Grey40 Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 Not sure what to do about this. Asked a girl out, here's the convo. Me: was wondering if you'd like to grab some drinks with me on Friday or Saturday at XXX. Her: I would love to! But I'm working both of those nights at the bar (she's a bartender). Me: oh ok, how about Sunday? We could go to XXX, it's a cool spot. Her: that sounds awesome Me: cool, how about 3pm? I'll meet you there No response. Haven't heard from her in almost 3 days now. We scheduled this on Wednesday. Do I wait for her to respond or do I try and get a definitive answer?
ChatroomHero Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 Honestly, seems like a pretty clear "no". I wouldn't waste my time. think about it, if a girl you were slightly interested in asked you out in the same manner, very clear she was trying to set a date and time, is there any circumstance you would ignore the request for days other than trying to get her to disappear without having to reject her? I wouldn't spend one more second on her. Devote your time to someone that is interested. 4
Redhead14 Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 Not sure what to do about this. Asked a girl out, here's the convo. Me: was wondering if you'd like to grab some drinks with me on Friday or Saturday at XXX. Her: I would love to! But I'm working both of those nights at the bar (she's a bartender). Me: oh ok, how about Sunday? We could go to XXX, it's a cool spot. Her: that sounds awesome Me: cool, how about 3pm? I'll meet you there No response. Haven't heard from her in almost 3 days now. We scheduled this on Wednesday. Do I wait for her to respond or do I try and get a definitive answer? You confirm with her on Saturday morning. If no response, you don't go. 1
Author Grey40 Posted December 2, 2016 Author Posted December 2, 2016 Honestly, seems like a pretty clear "no". I wouldn't waste my time. think about it, if a girl you were slightly interested in asked you out in the same manner, very clear she was trying to set a date and time, is there any circumstance you would ignore the request for days other than trying to get her to disappear without having to reject her? I wouldn't spend one more second on her. Devote your time to someone that is interested. Yeah, good point. It was through Instagram, so maybe she hasn't checked it but nah super unlikely. The problem is that the girls that are interested I really have no interest in. The girls I want and am attracted to are the ones that don't give me the time of day, unfortunetley.
RecentChange Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 Well at the best least she sounds not very interested - otherwise she would have responded to you right? A lot of people have a hard time saying no, and blatantly rejection. Do you go to this bar that she works at?
ChatroomHero Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 Yeah, good point. It was through Instagram, so maybe she hasn't checked it but nah super unlikely. The problem is that the girls that are interested I really have no interest in. The girls I want and am attracted to are the ones that don't give me the time of day, unfortunetley. And the one that you are looking for will blow that catch 22 out of the water. Every woman I have met that has turned me down or had low interest, I have ALWAYS, ALWAYS, run across one I was even more interested in. It's taught me that rejection is just an opportunity to meet someone I am even more attracted to. Don't sweat it and don't dwell on it and eventually you'll find the perfect woman for you. Then 6 months later you'll be sitting in a mall outside of a dress shop, holding her purse getting texts from you friends at the bar wishing you were single, but that's another story. lol
Dis Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 Ya I'm sorry Grey Her lack of response was a response....unfortunately it was a, No thanks If I was interested in a guy theres no way I wouldnt respond if he asked me out Best to move on to greener pastures 3
bachdude Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 Well, if it were me I'd send a text saying, hey, I didn't hear back from you about the time to meet. How about 3? Things happen like sending a text but your signal or wireless is crap so it fails. You push "send", click out of the app, and go on your merry way not realizing it didn't send. 1
Author Grey40 Posted December 2, 2016 Author Posted December 2, 2016 Well, if it were me I'd send a text saying, hey, I didn't hear back from you about the time to meet. How about 3? Things happen like sending a text but your signal or wireless is crap so it fails. You push "send", click out of the app, and go on your merry way not realizing it didn't send. Unlikely, pretty sure it sent but I guess I could send a reminder just in case. I just don't get why she would even respond to the first message in the first place if she wasn't interested. Why say you'd love to go and then tell me Sunday sounds awesome if you didn't want to go?
smackie9 Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 Didn't we say way back that she wasn't interested........
Author Grey40 Posted December 2, 2016 Author Posted December 2, 2016 Didn't we say way back that she wasn't interested........ I don't think bonk so, this is a different girl. I mean I just messaged her out of the blue on Instagram, but she knows who I am obviously and had been liking a lot of my videos and posts so I just went for it thinking ok maybe she's interested but yeah people who are interested respOne. I just don't get why she even responded to any of the messages she could have just ignored me from the beginning.
bachdude Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 Unlikely, pretty sure it sent but I guess I could send a reminder just in case. I just don't get why she would even respond to the first message in the first place if she wasn't interested. Why say you'd love to go and then tell me Sunday sounds awesome if you didn't want to go? I meant her. I've pushed send only to look later to see it didn't work.
Author Grey40 Posted December 2, 2016 Author Posted December 2, 2016 I meant her. I've pushed send only to look later to see it didn't work. Yeah I mean, it's possible but that's pretty wishful thinking. I'll send her a message tomorrow and ask her if the time is good just in case.
bachdude Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 Yeah I mean, it's possible but that's pretty wishful thinking. I'll send her a message tomorrow and ask her if the time is good just in case. Sure, why not.... What do you have to lose? Let us know what happens.
ChatroomHero Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 Well, if it were me I'd send a text saying, hey, I didn't hear back from you about the time to meet. How about 3? Things happen like sending a text but your signal or wireless is crap so it fails. You push "send", click out of the app, and go on your merry way not realizing it didn't send. I'm not trying to be rude, seriously don't take me the wrong way, but the chance of her not getting the last message is 1 in 14 quadrillion. No, 1 in 5 Trujillonn quadrabillion actually. It serves no purpose to pretend some impossible circumstance kept this woman from making a date or responding to this guy. Seriously if she was interested she would say, I have not heard from you...what time were you thinking...OK, 3 pm sounds good.....what time were you thinking sunday... Anything else is a no. Thinking anything else means some crazy coincidence of the universe kept her from responding is well, wrong. Please don't give this poor guy the old...yeah, she loves you and is your soulmate but she will only respond if she gets a message from you bs. Anytime a girl fails to respond to a proposition for a date, there is a .000000000000001% chance she wants to go out and technology failed. Stop trying to give him false hope. It only hurts him. 3
Author Grey40 Posted December 3, 2016 Author Posted December 3, 2016 Yeah there's no way she missed the message, she just chose not to respond. Sent her a message anyway last night saying "hey haven't heard back from you on the time, is 3pm still good for Sunday?" And of course no reply and I'm not expecting one. This has been happening to me a lot, and it's pretty much always the same. I'm always giving these women benefit of the doubt and make excuses for them (oh they're probably just busy, playing hard to get, not near their phone etc.) but it's just to protect my ego. 9/10 it's pretty clear that they are not interested now I've learned from these experiences and will have a much easier time moving on to the next much quicker. What I've realized is it doesn't matter how "interested" they appear when texting or messaging, doesn't matter if they say they're "excited" or "looking forward to it" those don't seem to mean anything. It's all about their actions, not what they say. If they're taking long to respond and seeming to avoid or get around the idea of meeting up, they're probably not into it. Occasionally it could be that they ARE busy or they're scared or nervous etc. but there's a difference between that and just flat not answering/being aloof. I can now tell the difference. I have women tell me "I'm so excited, really looking forward to seeing you!" Which makes me feel good only for them to totally disappear and never hang out or hear from them ever again. You have to take what they say with a big grain of salt. As soon as I get any resistance to hanging out, the girls drop to bottom of the list and I'll probably try only once more to set something up only if I'm extremely attracted.
ChatroomHero Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 I hate texting because they'll always seem interested, enthusiastic...when in reality all you know for sure is they are hitting a punctuation key on their keyboard. They could say, "sounds great!!" But they could be rolling their eyes and physically cringing. I have adopted what I call a 'do you want a cookie?' Approach. If I was standing in front of someone and asked her if she wanted a cookie, she would say either yes or no. If she stared at me blankly and said nothing, I would take it as a no. Same applies to text as far as I am concerned. If they take a long time to text back when you try to firm up plans it's usually a good indicator of interest too. Basically she might text back and forth fairly quickly up until you actually ask to make plans. I kind of look at that like I was talking to her and making small talk and when I asked her out for drinks she just stopped talking and walked away. You get less invested, waste no more effort, and if she did have interest, you'd hear back anyway whether you sent 5 more messages or not. The added bonus is you spend no more time stressing over what her intentions are because you have already defined them for yourself.
Author Grey40 Posted December 3, 2016 Author Posted December 3, 2016 (edited) Yup great points. I think any given girl has already made up her mind right away whether she is going to go out with you or not. Even if she is "on the fence" that very rarely turns into a yes. (It does happen, but it's rare and usually requires her friends to pressure her or is feeling despeeate enough to give it a go). Girls that say "I need to talk to you more first" are either not very interested or have no intention of actually meeting in person. It's just a nice way to be rejected. I don't believe talking to them longer or for a prolonged period is going to suddenly sway them and make them change their mind. Especially for OLD, you either like the persons pictures and stats or you don't. "Well he's not 6'0" and he's kind of average looking ...I'm not really that interested but maybe if he talks to me for like a week and is able to be funny and has personality I might consider it" And that sucks, because as the guy you're going to be putting in tons of effort just to "hope" to change her mind, even when she already has a negative outlook on You from the start. The more you talk, the greater the chances of saying the wrong thing or ruining your chances for good, because she's going to be actively looking for those things to justify not going out with you. So yeah I'm 100% on board with asking them out quickly, efficiently and with a plan in mind--gauge reaction and move on based on the outcome Edited December 3, 2016 by Grey40 1
Author Grey40 Posted December 5, 2016 Author Posted December 5, 2016 Update: She finally replied tonight say "hi hi! I rarely check these message so sorry. Then she left her phone number. God damn these girls are super confusing. How should I interpret this? She clearly saw my message, chose not to respond (had no problem posting other stuff), now she says sorry and wants me to contact her via phone? I guess she's interested? I would think if she's not she wouldn't even bother to reply or anything.
olivetree Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Update: She finally replied tonight say "hi hi! I rarely check these message so sorry. Then she left her phone number. God damn these girls are super confusing. How should I interpret this? She clearly saw my message, chose not to respond (had no problem posting other stuff), now she says sorry and wants me to contact her via phone? I guess she's interested? I would think if she's not she wouldn't even bother to reply or anything. Sounds like she's not very interested but has decided that since she has nothing else going on, why not. She conveniently waited until after Sunday too. 1
thecrucible Posted December 6, 2016 Posted December 6, 2016 I like how you did the texting 'cause you were straight to the point which will save a lot of time. Unfortunately texting is the worst to judge intent. I really dislike myself as it seems impersonal. You need to judge what she's like in person. Do you frequent the bar she works and get any particular vibe from her in person? Yup great points. I think any given girl has already made up her mind right away whether she is going to go out with you or not. Even if she is "on the fence" that very rarely turns into a yes. (It does happen, but it's rare and usually requires her friends to pressure her or is feeling despeeate enough to give it a go). Yeah I think this is generally true. Personally I know when I am attracted to a guy when we first meet but I'm not looking at his looks like per se. I'm far more interested in him as a person because I want a relationship so I would always go on a date with a guy who asked if I found him attractive enough and he didn't do anything immediate to offend me/put me off him. Girls that say "I need to talk to you more first" are either not very interested or have no intention of actually meeting in person. It's just a nice way to be rejected. I don't believe talking to them longer or for a prolonged period is going to suddenly sway them and make them change their mind. Especially for OLD, you either like the persons pictures and stats or you don't. Personally I prefer to talk to a guy a certain amount before meeting because I want to feel comfortable. I mean there are some weirdos online, right? Plus a male acquaintance of mine told me he preferred to do that too before he met his long-term gf. "Well he's not 6'0" and he's kind of average looking ...I'm not really that interested but maybe if he talks to me for like a week and is able to be funny and has personality I might consider it" But you do yourself an injustice! Not every girl is fixated on height. I mean I'm 5ft 5 and a guy who's tall is attractive but then all my long term boyfriends have been between 5ft 6" and 5ft 10" so I've never actually dated a guy 6ft or above. I've not dated anyone who was a particular stunner either but I was besotted so they were both insanely handsome in my book. But then I'm not the best girl to have an opinion on this either 'cause I'm average looking myself. I don't go for the best looking guys because they are not on my radar. Do you know what I'm getting at? I know your frustration. Keep doing what you're doing. Hopefully it will click with someone soon.
CryForNoOne Posted December 6, 2016 Posted December 6, 2016 Threads like these keep occurring over and over and the ensuing responses are comical. So much game playing, posturing, and analysis over nothing. Just resend the same exact text. If no response again, then move on. I've had plenty of times I thought I replied to someone but for whatever reason the message did not get through - I was multitasking and forgot to hit send, no Internet connection and it got stuck in outbox, thought I hit send but didn't, replied to wrong person, whatever... It probably only happens about 1% of the time, but guess what you send 20 messages to someone you just met, then there's about a 20% chance of a misfire. Are we to always assume that means they suddenly lost interest? Surely all of you who advised him to "move on, she's obviously not interested" have sent a text to the wrong person before. Now she PROBABLY isn't interested but is it really that ego bruising to just hit resend??? 1
ChatroomHero Posted December 6, 2016 Posted December 6, 2016 It probably only happens about 1% of the time, but guess what you send 20 messages to someone you just met, then there's about a 20% chance of a misfire. Are we to always assume that means they suddenly lost interest? Surely all of you who advised him to "move on, she's obviously not interested" have sent a text to the wrong person before. Now she PROBABLY isn't interested but is it really that ego bruising to just hit resend??? Speaking of comical you might want to recheck your math there, percentages don't quite work like that. By your logic if you send 100 messages a day, 100% chance of misfire, right? lol The point being it does take a bit of finesse and it's a fine line if she is at all on the fence. Sending the same message smells of desperation. When a woman is interested it's usually not that hard to tell. There has maybe been only 1 texy failure/misfire ever in the history of dating, for everyone, ever. Here are the easy signs of interest: 1. You ask question, she answers in timely manner. 2. You ask for a date, she replies, "Yes, let's go on a date". 3. She reaches out to you when she hasn't heard from you. In a nutshell, she shows you interest. This girl showed OP low to no interest. He's a passing thought once every other week maybe. Waste of time and self-respect to text her again. 1
CryForNoOne Posted December 6, 2016 Posted December 6, 2016 Speaking of comical you might want to recheck your math there, percentages don't quite work like that. By your logic if you send 100 messages a day, 100% chance of misfire, right? lol The point being it does take a bit of finesse and it's a fine line if she is at all on the fence. Sending the same message smells of desperation. When a woman is interested it's usually not that hard to tell. There has maybe been only 1 texy failure/misfire ever in the history of dating, for everyone, ever. Here are the easy signs of interest: 1. You ask question, she answers in timely manner. 2. You ask for a date, she replies, "Yes, let's go on a date". 3. She reaches out to you when she hasn't heard from you. In a nutshell, she shows you interest. This girl showed OP low to no interest. He's a passing thought once every other week maybe. Waste of time and self-respect to text her again. .99^20=.818, which means 18.2% which about 20% chance wise a$$. As far as text misfires, I did one just a month ago when I accidentally asked my ex "Do you ice skate?" instead of the new girl I was dating. Ironic, you misspelled "text" as you were saying it's only happened once in the history of texting... Look it obviously wasn't the case here, but what is the harm in repeating a text if you get no response? Fine, if you think repeating a text reeks of desperation then go ahead and spend 15 minutes crafting the perfectly worded followup - that's not weird at all. My point is if she really likes you and it was a misfire, repeating the same text prevents any miscommunication from arising. NO woman in the history of dating who REALLY LIKES a guy has suddenly lost interest because he repeated a text. If she wasn't interested to begin with, her opinion of you won't change anyway...
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