saltyfishhead666 Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 You guys are awesome with the advice so I'm coming to you haha. So I've been chatting to a guy on pof for a week, he asked me out 2 days after talking but I was busy so I told him so. Well Wednesday was my birthday and he took me out. We went to a lovely posh place for dinner, talked and laughed the whole way through, he then suggested we went for a drink (tried to pay my share on both but he wasn't having any of it) we went for the drink, and he dropped me home with a very steamy good night kiss!! Yaaaay However:.. Yesterday he text me saying do you know this person, and I replied with no (because I don't) he said he was talking with his mates at work I assume about me and our date and when he mentioned my name one of the lads said "oh this other lad took her out and was bragging about it" (the guy he asked me if I knew) I said nope didn't happen, I don't even recognise the guys name and left it at that. (He's in the army, and my dads a colonel at a different base; when I have been on dates previously lads thought this was something to brag about" So anyway I left it at that and said I was going shopping for an pot for the orchid he bought me for my birthday. Well 8 hours later he hadn't text me, we frequently talk during the evenings, so I assumed he had plans. He then text at 11 and said oh your being quiet and I said I assumed he was busy so I hadn't text. Exchanged 1 or 2 then he went to bed. Text him this morning, read with no reply. You know when you get that awful feeling something's up but they aren't saying so? I have that right now. Which I'm becoming annoyed about and trying to refrain from my usual bluntness and asking wtf! I'm assuming it's to do with this guy, which sucks because I have no idea who the guy is. What the heck do I do now?
Grey40 Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 (edited) Something's definitely up and he doesn't want to tell you or talk about it. Could be about this story or something unrelated to that. Sounds like his friends are getting into his head. I would bring it up. It's awkward but you have to know and get this out of the way or you'll be questioning yourself forever. Just call him or tell him to call you and just ask him if there's something wrong "you've been much more quiet, haven't been texting me I feel like you're not telling me something". You'll force his hand, and hopefully he's a nice enough person to tell you the truth. Edited December 2, 2016 by Grey40
Author saltyfishhead666 Posted December 2, 2016 Author Posted December 2, 2016 I mean he could very well just be busy, however if he's made time to reply for a week and it been fairly often and now isn't that says to me something's up. I feel if he wanted to say what the issue was, then he would and if I call him out on it I'll probably end up looking like a crazy haha
winny Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 Do nothing. You are not responsible for what gossips he is listening to and from who. He should be mature enough to first of all not tell the name of the woman he went out with to anyone from his end first. That's not good. You are not his GF. And then he is questioning you about these gossips. Asking you why you are being quiet is a way to indirectly start proving that he dumped you coz he got the impression that you were not interested when he himself stopped texting. Just chill.... you had one date, you owe him no explanations. His actions are stupid and immature. 2
olivetree Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 DO NOT MESSAGE HIM. It is not your job to get someone to communicate with you if something is up, especially after one date. You'll be setting a bad precedent if this relationship continues. If something IS up, sounds like he believes his friend over you. If that is the case, his loss! Just curious, why did go out with a guy you'd never met on your birthday?
spiderowl Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 If this is a guy who talks with his mates at work and takes their gossip as truth over what you tell him, he is definitely not worth it. He sounds very immature. I would maintain a dignified silence, then if he doesn't contact you within a couple of days assume he has gone. I would wager he will then come back with some feeble message because, if he liked you but believed his mates' gossip, he will be conflicted and will still not want to let you go easily. Remain dignified but 'busy'. If the guy does not up his game and start treating you with respect, then drop him regardless. If he is not grown-up enough to judge a person on their character when he meets them himself, he is not grown-up enough for you. 1
Author saltyfishhead666 Posted December 3, 2016 Author Posted December 3, 2016 DO NOT MESSAGE HIM. It is not your job to get someone to communicate with you if something is up, especially after one date. You'll be setting a bad precedent if this relationship continues. If something IS up, sounds like he believes his friend over you. If that is the case, his loss! Just curious, why did go out with a guy you'd never met on your birthday? I didn't have any plans, as my friends and family celebrated it with me on Tuesday as everyone had commitments on Wednesday that they couldn't break
Author saltyfishhead666 Posted December 3, 2016 Author Posted December 3, 2016 I am trying to date older in order to get some level of maturity (he is 5 years older than me I'm 29) however clearly it doesn't matter how old you are, you can still be immature as heck. To be honest I wrote this this morning, when I was frustrated and confused. Yes it was only one date however to be held accountable for someone else's lies doesn't sit well with me. After talking with friends I realise it's not personal, it isn't anything I actually did, and if he wants to go then he can walk. To be honest, even if he does come back. I'm no longer interested 1
mortensorchid Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 That is very strange. I admit, that's a new one to me - You go out with this guy you met on OLD, then he says he met another guy who also was chatting with you on OLD or met you at another point? Hmm ... Well, it's a small world after all isn't it? He seemed to indicate by this that his friend did not have a good report on you. If that's the case, there's not much you can do about it at this point. He decided to listen to this guy rather than you, so ... You just have to move on from it. Remember, if something doesn't seem right, it usually isn't. You may never know what that is or is not, but it will always linger. So move on.
Author saltyfishhead666 Posted December 3, 2016 Author Posted December 3, 2016 That is very strange. I admit, that's a new one to me - You go out with this guy you met on OLD, then he says he met another guy who also was chatting with you on OLD or met you at another point? Hmm ... Well, it's a small world after all isn't it? He seemed to indicate by this that his friend did not have a good report on you. If that's the case, there's not much you can do about it at this point. He decided to listen to this guy rather than you, so ... You just have to move on from it. Remember, if something doesn't seem right, it usually isn't. You may never know what that is or is not, but it will always linger. So move on. I think it's strange too, however they are both soldiers and the military is an even smaller world. The guy he asked me if I know, it doesn't even look like I have spoken with him, let alone gone out with him. I'm assuming he either doesn't believe me and therefore thinks I'm a liar, or just doesn't want to date me because someone on his base already has allegedly (man pride?) Either way it doesn't matter, both excuses are stupid and not true. Onwards and upwards
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