Author furby19 Posted December 2, 2016 Author Posted December 2, 2016 We cannot comment on that.... yes it maybe totally okay to be in a relationship with someone for 7 years without wanting to get married. Not everyone thinks that marriage is the goal... not everyone is looking for marriage just because a particular number of years have passed in a relationship. Case in point - Oprah And someone doesn't become a bad person or time waster because they didn't want to get married.... stop judging the guy due to his past and evaluate him based on what he is now. He knew she wanted to get married......that is why she was so angry with him and would not speak to him when she saw him at the mall. I never said it was a bad thing but in his case I feel like it was. I personally feel like if you know the person that you are with values marriage and you continue to date them for selfish reasons.........that in fact does make you a bad person and a time waster. I'm not saying it was not partially her fault that she allowed him to waste her time either. I already said I was going to keep dating him to see how it goes. Thanks for your response though. 1
Author furby19 Posted December 2, 2016 Author Posted December 2, 2016 The way I see it, leading someone on involves falsely promising a future event (in this case marriage) with no actual intention of following through.I know this question wasn't directed at me, but I'll answer: Yes. It's alright to stay in a relationship with someone for as long as you want without intentions of marrying them as long as you're not being deceitful about your long term intentions. If I told a woman that I would marry her "some day" when I had no intention of actually doing so, then that would be wrong. If neither of us brings up the topic of marriage and we both just keep "going with the flow", then neither of us is doing anything wrong. I never said it was bad to date someone you had no intentions on marrying if you and that person had an understanding about this. I have personally been in relationships and/or have dated people that I had no intentions on marrying. However, they knew that upfront. I said this in my original post and various other posts throughout the thread. I'm going to assume you read the other posts on this thread before you wrote your response. So, thanks for agreeing with me.........I guess.
rainrhonda Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 I am 40 and never married with no kids. I have simply had a ton of bad luck with relationships. It doesn't mean I wouldn't marry. So this alone shouldn't be included as a factor to judge. Some of us wanted kids and marriage but those dreams don't come true for everyone. As mentioned by another poster, he may have stayed hoping she would change. This is incredibly common in relationships. People do things that seem crazy if they are in love. In the end they sometimes find strength to end it instead of waiting for something that may never happen. I'd think other details are more important... Like how he treated her during the relationship. Or women in general. If he is a kind person that's fun to be around, I don't think reasons why they broke up should matter. Some things just don't work out so people move on. Now if there is speculation of an abusive relationship or something of that sort, that's a good reason to walk away. But if you stay concerned while dating him, probably best to be honest about it. You might feel insecure about his commitment based on this story. I see nothing wrong with making that known. 2
ilovemefirst Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 Maybe he thought it could work, maybe he got to a point where he just felt he couldn't do it anymore.. If you are going to be so picky, and leave someone for every flaw they have, im sorry to say, but you may be single forever. We all get into relationships, and sometimes they don't work. we dont always know it wont work out. No one is saying to settle, but at least try not to be so picky. 2
BikerAccnt Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 It could be that he stayed because he was hoping that things would change and didn't want to give up on the relationship. I'm not judging but just saying that not everyone is the same. This exactly. I lived with a woman from 2001 - 2007. We weren't married, and I stayed with her hoping our relationship would grow and improve. Unfortunately it didn't. However, I didn't move in with her to just give up when the going got tough, I/we tried to work it out. Do I consider it a waste? Not really. Sure it stopped me from perhaps meeting the "one". But, here it is 10 years later and I'm still looking Remember, to some, marriage doesn't equal commitment. To me it does, to you apparently it does, but to some, it doesn't. 1
Author furby19 Posted December 3, 2016 Author Posted December 3, 2016 Thanks for the responses. I am going to keep dating him. But I am proceeding with caution. So far, everything seems to be working out. I'll keep everyone updated.
basil67 Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 He knew she wanted to marry. The question is, how did he respond to this? If he was clear about not wanting to marry her in the current situation, she cannot blame him for wasting her time. He gave her the information she needed to make a decision and she decided to stay. However, if he refused to discuss the issue with her or he made her false promises, THEN you have good reason to be concerned. 2
Raena Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 This exactly. I lived with a woman from 2001 - 2007. We weren't married, and I stayed with her hoping our relationship would grow and improve. Unfortunately it didn't. However, I didn't move in with her to just give up when the going got tough, I/we tried to work it out. Do I consider it a waste? Not really. Sure it stopped me from perhaps meeting the "one". But, here it is 10 years later and I'm still looking Remember, to some, marriage doesn't equal commitment. To me it does, to you apparently it does, but to some, it doesn't. I realize you weren't talking to me but I have to say that just because I have no issue with being in a long term relationship that won't lead to marriage doesn't mean I don't equate marriage with commitment. Instead, I think that commitment doesn't have to come from a ceremony or a piece of paper. It can happen without it too. I was fully committed to every LTR I've ever been in and would still be committed to the last one had he not cheated. You see, I don't think getting married suddenly makes you committed to the person. That is a choice you make every day, whether you are married or not.
joseb Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 He knew she wanted to marry. The question is, how did he respond to this? If he was clear about not wanting to marry her in the current situation, she cannot blame him for wasting her time. He gave her the information she needed to make a decision and she decided to stay. However, if he refused to discuss the issue with her or he made her false promises, THEN you have good reason to be concerned. OP, unless he had agreed to marry this woman (some day) and that wasn't dependent on some factor (like her working) then I don't think he led her on. Speculating here, as we don't have the full story, but maybe she led him on (e.g. suggesting she was going to go back to work?)
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