RedRoseRunner Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 (edited) I'm looking for advice on how to leave a clinical diagnosed suicidal boyfriend. He is supposed to take medicine but does not. I can barely get him to bathe or take out the trash. He does barely anything to support the relationship. friends say he's just dragging me down....I agree, but I don't know how to confront him. He'd lose my home and my car, have to move back in his moms with nothing, I fear this will make him attempt suicide again. Please help on how I should approach this.Also the last time i tried to get him to leave, he refused to leave and said he wanted to work on things. I told him again and again to leave but he would not. He threatens me constantly if i dont do the things he says like finding something for him or picking something up for him, i told him to stop threateneing me and he tried to justify it by saying "if i didnt you wouldnt remember" and "its not a threat its just the truth" I also have no family near me, very limited money and no friends to stay with. Edited December 2, 2016 by RedRoseRunner
PegNosePete Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 When you say he threatens you, do you mean he threatens suicide if you don't do what he wants, or he threatens YOU physically? If the latter then you need to take that seriously. Get a voice activated recorder and carry it on you when you have the conversation. If he threatens you then GET OUT, call the police, tell them what happened, tell them you want him removed from YOUR house. Let them hear the VAR if necessary. It might not be admissible in court (depending on your local laws etc) but it will prove that he is the bad guy (if he plays victim). If you mean he threatens to hurt himself to prevent you throwing him out, again a recording would be useful. You need to call the local mental health services. If he is a danger to himself or others then he will need to be looked after by them for his own good. If you're on good terms with his mom then it would make sense to formulate a joint plan so she can look after him. She might not like the fact that you're splitting up with him and kicking him out, but if she cares about HIS best interests then she will work with you to make it as painless as possible. This is how I would approach it. Don't expect her to be your best friend but hopefully she can accept your decision and think about what's best for him, which is to help him move and make sure he is OK during the transition.
Author RedRoseRunner Posted December 2, 2016 Author Posted December 2, 2016 (edited) When you say he threatens you, do you mean he threatens suicide if you don't do what he wants, or he threatens YOU physically? If the latter then you need to take that seriously. Get a voice activated recorder and carry it on you when you have the conversation. If he threatens you then GET OUT, call the police, tell them what happened, tell them you want him removed from YOUR house. Let them hear the VAR if necessary. It might not be admissible in court (depending on your local laws etc) but it will prove that he is the bad guy (if he plays victim). If you mean he threatens to hurt himself to prevent you throwing him out, again a recording would be useful. You need to call the local mental health services. If he is a danger to himself or others then he will need to be looked after by them for his own good. If you're on good terms with his mom then it would make sense to formulate a joint plan so she can look after him. She might not like the fact that you're splitting up with him and kicking him out, but if she cares about HIS best interests then she will work with you to make it as painless as possible. This is how I would approach it. Don't expect her to be your best friend but hopefully she can accept your decision and think about what's best for him, which is to help him move and make sure he is OK during the transition. Thank you for the reply. He's done both. This was the last one messenger. (i had locked myself out of my car on my break and was waiting on my lunch to get it unlocked, he had wanted me to use my lunch to go get him vapor juice for his vaporizer/electronic cigarette) Him:get my vape juice? Me:No Him:**** Me:Spent my lunch waiting:( Him:lol just get it after work they open til 8 Me:I get off at 7 K Him: if you dont. bad times shall insue Me:-_- Don't threaten me Him: k I've called him out on threatening me many times before and told him to stop, it stops for a little while and starts again. Im okay with his mom but she doesnt want to see anything wrong with him, she lets him call her names because they all see the way he acts as a joke. When he first tried to comit suicide he told me not to tell anyone, i said hell no and messaged his mom and brother, they she scheduled him appointments but when ever he would claim he was suicidal to me id message her and she wouldnt accept it. They see it as he's just joking or not serious. I just got out of another emotionally abusive relationship so i take it VERY serious, he should know this too because he witnessed/i told him a lot of what id been through. His brother is a bit more level headed and also lives with his mom, should i try talking to him and have him go over it with his mom? Edited December 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language
PegNosePete Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 Yes, if I were you I'd talk to his brother and mom, and explain that you're planning to end the relationship because you can't cope with his mental issues and threatening behaviour any more. Talking in real life might be better because emotion can be lost in text, and you don't want them to think you're being nasty. Explain that you're telling them first because you want them to be aware that he might need their help. I would also ask them not to say anything to him yet, that the news should come from you. Then (don't wait too long) tell him, and explain that you'd like him to move out. If he makes threats against you or gets abusive, call the police. If he threatens to hurt himself, call his mom/brother. If he does neither but simply refuses to go, then remind him that it's your house and that you're giving him 7 days to find alternative accommodation and move all his stuff out -- but if he will be staying for a while then make sure you surreptitiously move all your really important stuff (passport, valuables etc) to a drawer at work just in case.
fromheart Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 Tell his parents the situation and then you must get out of there. He's his own responsibility, failing that his parents and immediate family must step in. For the sake of your OWN health and well being, he must go. Maybe his family can be there to help him move out.
Author RedRoseRunner Posted December 2, 2016 Author Posted December 2, 2016 Thanks guys, I'm going to try and preseperate his stuff before the break so it can be quick and easy. I'll keep you updated on how it goes in the next few weeks.
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