Is your actual age or perceived age more important?

[CryForNoOne]

That was my initial concern and question. You can't really complain about women filtering age online, when he appears to be doing it in real life to them. And if he is happy about his current situation, then why raise concerns about online age discrimination?

 

I absolutely don't filter by age when it comes to first dates. I went on a date with an older woman in July but ironically I ended things with her because she was too immature:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/589389-texting-before-date-what-not-do-2.html#post6994880

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/596924-she-won-t-accept-just-being-friends

 

I will say that my preference for an LTR would be someone younger. I want to have more kids and that's either high risk or pretty much impossible unless it's with someone younger than me. But that has nothing to do with this thread.

[No_Go]

I agree with some of your points.

 

Lifestyle and genetics definitely contribute to health and life expectancy, but still... under the same conditions, the younger one has more healthy years ahead (obviously this matters only if you plan to marry / stay in a relationship for lifetime, for short/mid term dating it is irrelevant).

 

Regarding the cross-generational pop culture differences - it is true, I experienced it with my ex (the the guy who was 18-19 years older than me). He was a big fan of progressive rock and introduced me to awesome bands from the 80s that I still listen. In any case, I was again thinking marrieage or life-partnership, for short/mid term - it is fun.

 

Ok, Broderick and Washington look good indeed, but still I won't confuse them for 30 somethings. They are just good looking middle aged men. I'm thinking for myself: now at 32 I objectively look better than at 22 (know how to style, have way better clothes and accessories, am slimmer etc) - but still, I don't think I look younger. Just older woman but better maintained.

 

These are all valid reasons for why actual age is important. On the flip side, one could argue for perceived age:

1-2) diet, exercise, and genetics extremely important for life expectancy, overall health, and contribute greatly to whether someone looks older or younger than their actual age. So looking young isn't just a "mirage", it's usually also a reflection of lifestyle. I guarantee if I smoked, drank excessively, or used hard drugs that I'd look older and would die younger - those go hand-in-hand.

3) fertility for men is not really a factor until much older.

4) One of the joys with my ex being 14 years younger was that we both discovered and enjoyed so many pop culture differences from our respective generations. So the time of upbringing can be a negative or a positive and varies by couple. Obviously if it was a negative we wouldn't have made it as far as we did...

 

 

You'd lose. The 33 year old I dated found out my age one our first date and was stunned I was 44, then relieved as she thought maybe she was too old for me...

 

 

So you're telling me Denzel Washington looks 62, or Matthew Broderick 54?

[selinaluv]

You're right. I won't deny that. I really don't seek out younger women. All things being equal, which they aren't, I'd rather date someone my age.

 

Then I got confused at some point, because you do reference earlier that you would rather date someone your age, when it is clear you do not.

 

And that is okay and your prerogative and not necessarily negative if you are doing it for the right reasons.

 

For some of us, online dating is one of the few options to meet available people. Talking with many younger people it also seems to be their preferred way to meet people. They see it as an option to weed out and streamline their searches for what they are looking for, which is what the kids prefer these days.

 

If women want to filter and date their age bracket, it is their preference, just like it is your preference to date younger.

 

They may also meet you in person and eventually filter you out (chemistry or not) because you still may not check off on their list. Just by your logic, you would approach me thinking I am 31 (even though I am 41... it does happen often) and eventually rule me out and opt not to pursue further because you want a younger woman to build a family. In the end I think OLD just speeds up the process.

 

I have had chemistry with men who have crossed me off their list because I did not end up checking off all their boxes.

[CryForNoOne]

Then I got confused at some point, because you do reference earlier that you would rather date someone your age, when it is clear you do not.

 

OK so this is where I'm confused. Where in this thread did I make it clear I prefer to date younger women?

[CryForNoOne]

Ok, Broderick and Washington look good indeed, but still I won't confuse them for 30 somethings. They are just good looking middle aged men. I'm thinking for myself: now at 32 I objectively look better than at 22 (know how to style, have way better clothes and accessories, am slimmer etc) - but still, I don't think I look younger. Just older woman but better maintained.

 

Actually the actor that I could probably most relate to is Patrick Dempsey. When he was in his early 20's he was stereotyped as the adorable "twerp" in movies like Can't Buy Me Love and Lover Boy. That was me in my early 20's. I only got dates with (ironically) older women who liked nerds. Dempsey disappeared for a while, but then reemerged with his breakout role on Grey's Anatomy and is now regarded as a major sex symbol. Now I'm not saying I'm as good looking as Patrick Dempsey but I've had women use words like "hot" or "sexy" on first dates, when 20 years ago the best I could hope for was "you're cute..."

 

And I totally get what you are saying about looking better as you age. Many women who are at best cute in their teens or 20's, lose the baby fat, gain confidence, and are striking in their 30's and 40's even though they are obviously older. Meanwhile, the prom Queen may look all used up by 29.

[AMJ]

OK so this is where I'm confused. Where in this thread did I make it clear I prefer to date younger women?

 

We're all confused also. You only talk about dating women nearly half your age and said that the only way you successfully meet them is in real life and not online. You just wrote in your last post about preferring a much younger woman.

 

Which is fine- by all means, live your life.

 

It's really simple, what people are trying to say. That you have your reasons for searching primarily for younger women instead of women your age. And younger women have reasons for searching for men their own age.

 

This isn't age discrimination, it's just personal preferences. And there's nothing wrong with that on either side. You're certainly not the first person to conclude that OLD has its disadvantages. If you're more successful meeting women in person, stick to that.

[selinaluv]

As to why it happens, I'll be blunt. I think 90% of guys would want to date women when they are most attractive, which is generally but not always in their 20's or 30's.

 

This quote and the fact that you state the last five or six women and your ex were all younger. Also when you state that women under 30 wouldn't give you the time of day online and you say OLD is less desired because of these superficial specifications they have of not searching beyond their age...

 

All leads to believe you prefer dating women younger. If I am wrong, then I apologize.

[Gaeta]

I look a good 10 years younger and was pursuit often by men younger than I.

 

I would tell them my age and they'd say it didn't matter I was 48 (at the time) because I looked 38. Some even suggested I should lower my age on my profile.

 

My reply to them was I may look 38 but in my head and in my body I am 48. I have the experience of a 48 yo woman, I have no patience like a 48 yo woman, I have aches and pains like a 48 yo woman, my energy is starting to decline like a 48 yo woman so what ever image my face and body may project all of me is 48 yo and is not in sync with a man 10-15 years younger.

 

So to answer your question yes your real age is what's important. Being in a relationship is much more than just spending time with a pretty face.

[CryForNoOne]

This quote and the fact that you state the last five or six women and your ex were all younger. Also when you state that women under 30 wouldn't give you the time of day online and you say OLD is less desired because of these superficial specifications they have of not searching beyond their age...

 

All leads to believe you prefer dating women younger. If I am wrong, then I apologize.

 

You've taken a quote completely out of context. Very early in this thread someone asked why am I focused on girls 15 years younger than me. I replied:

 

I'm not. I never ask anybody their age until we're already on a date. It just happens. That's kinda my point.

 

As to why it happens, I'll be blunt. I think 90% of guys would want to date women when they are most attractive, which is generally but not always in their 20's or 30's.

 

I, like 90% of guys, prefer to date ATTRACTIVE women. Women are generally most attractive in their 20's and 30's. I directly answered the question yet people keep fixating on my list of recent dates as clear evidence it MUST be my preference. This thread has been hijacked as I've spent the majority of it repeating over and over that it is not my preference.

 

Again like almost ANY guy, I'm initially attracted to ANY woman who is good looking. Getting a date usually comes down to whether they are attracted to me. When they are, they've been younger. That's why I started this thread. It's not my preference but it's what happens. So it seems that "perceived" age is much more important to people for a FIRST date than an actual date. Jeez...

[Versacehottie]

Yeah everyone wants to date what is most attractive to them. If you do better in person in large part because you look and seem younger, then use that as your means of dating since it is where women are most likely to find YOU most attractive.

 

You can't really get around the fact that online is a series of algorithms and fields that people plug in their desired preferences--where you at your real age are going to be at disadvantage to those you find most attractive most likely-----unless the real purpose of this thread is to get a bunch of people to sign off on the fact that you look and seem younger than your real age and your previous dating history includes women who didn't seem to mind thus a little fib is in order? That's not really what you are asking, is it?

 

Your real age is your real age. Your perceived age is what various people think it may be, which is fluid based on the person making the judgement call. Maybe what you should do is keeping trying to get girls that are attractive to you (likely young enough that you wouldn't make their online dating cut) in real life. And then online, cycle through (faster) women closer to your age to find other women who are attractive but 44 that look around 34. There seem to be lots more women like this, especially in your area. Heck, you are not the only unicorn.