Author CryForNoOne Posted December 4, 2016 Author Posted December 4, 2016 Don't think I tried to attack you, I was just curious. Why do you think that having a child doesn't make you an ideal "dating" (?) material? I don't think such thing even exists to be honest. And you didn't have to add that "OLD" word! You are old only if you feel old. I was kidding! OLD refers to online dating, not old. One of themes of this thread is that women cross off men for all sorts of reasons and I was poking fun at that...
Author CryForNoOne Posted December 4, 2016 Author Posted December 4, 2016 I feel sorry for that kid with 15 years difference you will be more then likely already be gone or elderly while shes growing up still or a young adult men pass on sooner then women after all ive been there there was a 10 year difference between my mom and dad it wasn't fun to grow up with out a dad why did you think that was even a good idea? I'm sorry for what happened to you but your statement is kinda ridiculous outside of your context. In the affluent LA town I live, I'm average age for a father with a 2 year old, maybe even slightly younger than average. Furthermore my dad is 79 and doesn't look a day over 55, my grandfather just died at 100 and my grandmother is still going at 103...
Author CryForNoOne Posted December 4, 2016 Author Posted December 4, 2016 When I was 21-22 me and a friend started hanging out with her bf and his friends. One guy I could tell liked me.. He was good looking and we all rode motorcycles together. He raced and what not. I rode with him because he seemed like the most mature and balanced. He asked me if we wanted to start dating and I said sure. It never accured to me to ask his age. My friend told me that he was going to tell me something that night and since I like him to think pass that. I though he had a kid or something. Which wouldnt of bothered me. He starts talking and he tells me he's 39. I'm sure my jaw dropped. He asked if his age bothered me. Told him while he doesn't look old BUT he's a few months of age difference from my dad and yes. I consider my dad old and I couldn't see myself with a old man. One of the first thoughts were he didn't act or look his age. But I don't want a guy that in 20 years hell be retired and social security and not want to go live life with me. I talked to him a couple times on the phone but never went back to hang around him. Thought he was a creep for hanging out with ALL 21 year olds. I kinda agree with the creep assessment. I don't "hang out" with with 21 year olds, I just often attract them. Also to me, there is a really big difference between 21 and say 26. Anyone who is just out of college is clueless in the real world. Those first 5 years in the workforce i.e. real world matures one alot...
Author CryForNoOne Posted December 4, 2016 Author Posted December 4, 2016 It's pretty obvious what perceived age is. I know a guy that is 40 years old but he looks about 24, and the youngest people have thought he was is around 23 years old. He's been asked to provide proof of his age by showing his driving license, he attracts younger women and he is very active. From what Ive seen, he is always honest about his age but the women only seem to care what age he looks, as opposed to what age he is. You say the real age is a fact and that's all that matters but there he is getting asked out by 20 year olds. I also saw him get asked out by a 31 year old and people accused her of being a cradle snatcher. So as you can see, perceived age does matter! That's happened to me several times. When I was 29 I dated a 34 year old and all her friends thought she was robbing the cradle. The 33 year old I dated a few months ago was worried I was too young for her, but then stunned and eventually relieved to discover I was 44...
joseb Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 I feel sorry for that kid with 15 years difference you will be more then likely already be gone or elderly while shes growing up still or a young adult men pass on sooner then women after all ive been there there was a 10 year difference between my mom and dad it wasn't fun to grow up with out a dad why did you think that was even a good idea? Gone or elderly in 15 years? He's mid 40s not mid 60s!! I wouldn't even consider it much above average age for a dad these days.
joseb Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 I kinda agree with the creep assessment. I don't "hang out" with with 21 year olds, I just often attract them. Also to me, there is a really big difference between 21 and say 26. Anyone who is just out of college is clueless in the real world. Those first 5 years in the workforce i.e. real world matures one alot... Yip - hanging around exclusively with peeps half your age is a bit creepy. And I agree - there is a world of difference between, say a 22 yo and a 28 yo. Massive.
Poe77 Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 I'm sorry for what happened to you but your statement is kinda ridiculous outside of your context. In the affluent LA town I live, I'm average age for a father with a 2 year old, maybe even slightly younger than average. Furthermore my dad is 79 and doesn't look a day over 55, my grandfather just died at 100 and my grandmother is still going at 103... Common now we both know living to those ages in today's world are the exception not the rule if you think you will be granted some kind of fountain of youth? just cause you look good now or so some how you have won the genetic lottery just cause your elders who grew up in a very different world managed to make it to that age you are sorely mistaken.. cancer rates are at a all time high people are getting sick left and right mainly because we live in a over indulgent toxic sociaity over all...and I think betting a kids future happiness on such selfish misconceptions is kinda ridiculous..but hey your just doing what "every one else" in your town dose.. ive been to LA once the air was so crappy I could barely breath you might want to invest in a gas mask it might also help your money wont help ether so why dose it matter how "affluent" your neighborhood is?..lol Gone or elderly in 15 years? He's mid 40s not mid 60s!! I wouldn't even consider it much above average age for a dad these days. The average male in the USA lives to about 84 years if he makes it to 65 so at best the Ops daughter can prob look froward to losing her dad between the ages of 28 and 40..I admit my situation was kinda unique as mine passed from cancer something that older people are at higher risk of I would think.. not to mention the merritt of other increased health issues that come with getting older so I dont think im to far off the mark there. Matter of fact there was a thread a while ago in witch women were saying they wanted to have kids in their late 30s and a lot of people jumped on them saying how the "health risks" were increased and how it was not fair to the kids so why is it ok for men to do the same thing then? Ok granted they are not carrying the kid but there are indeed other things to consider when shes a teen her dad will be in his 60s and already slowing down better hope shes not into any sports or anything...its just a fact of life we slow down and are at a higher risk of becoming sick as we age..
Author CryForNoOne Posted December 4, 2016 Author Posted December 4, 2016 Common now we both know living to those ages in today's world are the exception not the rule if you think you will be granted some kind of fountain of youth? just cause you look good now or so some how you have won the genetic lottery just cause your elders who grew up in a very different world managed to make it to that age you are sorely mistaken.. cancer rates are at a all time high people are getting sick left and right mainly because we live in a over indulgent toxic sociaity over all...and I think betting a kids future happiness on such selfish misconceptions is kinda ridiculous..but hey your just doing what "every one else" in your town dose.. ive been to LA once the air was so crappy I could barely breath you might want to invest in a gas mask it might also help your money wont help ether so why dose it matter how "affluent" your neighborhood is?..lol Wow. Are you that ignorant or are you just being argumentative? Life expectancy is at an all time high so any argument that specific hazards of living in the world today make it worse than the past is patently false. The primary reason cancer rates are at an all time high is that people are living longer and it's being diagnosed at an all time high rate. Nobody dies of "natural causes" anymore. That was a euphamism for "we don't really know why they died, but they were f**king old..." As for smog in LA, again you're clueless and would be best served if you didn't draw sweeping conclusions from a single visit. California has by far the strictest emission laws in the nation, so though smog is still a problem in some parts of LA, that reputation is perpetuated by images of kids wearing gas masks in the 60's and 70's when it WAS really bad. It's actually nothing now compared to Denver or Houston. Smog occurs when air is trapped in a valley. I live in a beach community (which is synonymous with affluent) so we enjoy fresh ocean air and smog is nonexistent. I'm active, very health concious, don't smoke, and drink in moderation. I shop exclusively at Trader Joes and Whole Foods and haven't set foot in a McDonald's or Carls Junior in over 20 years. I live a much healthier lifestyle than my grandparents who grew up during the great depression... The average male in the USA lives to about 84 years if he makes it to 65 so at best the Ops daughter can prob look froward to losing her dad between the ages of 28 and 40..I admit my situation was kinda unique as mine passed from cancer something that older people are at higher risk of I would think.. not to mention the merritt of other increased health issues that come with getting older so I dont think im to far off the mark there. Matter of fact there was a thread a while ago in witch women were saying they wanted to have kids in their late 30s and a lot of people jumped on them saying how the "health risks" were increased and how it was not fair to the kids so why is it ok for men to do the same thing then? Ok granted they are not carrying the kid but there are indeed other things to consider when shes a teen her dad will be in his 60s and already slowing down better hope shes not into any sports or anything...its just a fact of life we slow down and are at a higher risk of becoming sick as we age.. Your logic, if there is any, is completely flawed. Male life expectancy in the US is 74 right now. Considering that my parents and all 4 grandparents outlived the average life expectancy of their peers, I'd say it's a safe bet I'll live past 74. Therefore, it's rather unlikely my daughter will lose her father in her 20s or 30s. My ex smokes and is already addicted to anti-depressants. All her grandparents are dead and her mom already has failing health in her mid 50s. Though she's 14 years younger than me, our daughter will probably lose her mom first. Should she not have gotten pregnant at 27?
Sunkissedpatio Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 I kinda agree with the creep assessment. I don't "hang out" with with 21 year olds, I just often attract them. Also to me, there is a really big difference between 21 and say 26. Anyone who is just out of college is clueless in the real world. Those first 5 years in the workforce i.e. real world matures one alot... It's interesting that you can make a clear distinction between a 21 yr old woman and 26 yr old but that you question and don't understand why the majority of 26 yr old women on OLD would dismiss a 44 yr old man. 3
Weezy1973 Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 I think age is important in dating to those that think age is important. Same with looks. Same with income. Same with education level. Same with, well, really practically anything..
winny Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 It's interesting that you can make a clear distinction between a 21 yr old woman and 26 yr old but that you question and don't understand why the majority of 26 yr old women on OLD would dismiss a 44 yr old man. You have hit the nail !! 1
winny Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 (edited) I still do not get the point of this thread. As per OP, he has tremendous success in finding younger girls in real life and dating them - great!!! But he has a problem with OLD sites for giving people an option to filter using age --- I don't know why would he bother if he has his hands full with so many younger women.... Generally the people who don't have much success meeting people in real life try OLD. Again as per OP - he is no longer using OLD, so his issues with it is totally uncalled for when you are not even using it. Now the thread seems to be more around whether him choosing younger girls is a good idea or not and why he goes for them as opposed to someone closer to his age, whether it is creepy or normal. Frankly, as long as OP is disclosing his age and letting the younger women take informed decision about dating him... it is totally all right. The problem is only if he hides his age. I dont know how many times he has done this and in what ways he might be using his younger looks in deceiving people. [] Edited December 5, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Topical content
ses Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 I'm half-Asian—and like the OP—look very young for my age; however, as a female, I prefer to date men near my age (28). Most guys in their late 20's and early 30's will look their age and even with make-up I still look like I'm 20/21 so any large age difference makes me personally uncomfortable. When OLD I did set filters searching for men several years younger to 2-3 years older. I would rather date younger than be in a LTR with someone older. I've had casual relationships in the past with older men but a serious relationship is different. My significant other is my age but still looks older. He's fine with how young I look but it's annoying to get carded all the time. So yeah, actual age is more important to me in considering a partner for a LTR.
AMJ Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Did you write on your profile that you're looking for someone "drama-free?" That must be a requirement for male profiles over 40.
Poe77 Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Wow. Are you that ignorant or are you just being argumentative? Life expectancy is at an all time high so any argument that specific hazards of living in the world today make it worse than the past is patently false. The primary reason cancer rates are at an all time high is that people are living longer and it's being diagnosed at an all time high rate. Nobody dies of "natural causes" anymore. That was a euphamism for "we don't really know why they died, but they were f**king old..." As for smog in LA, again you're clueless and would be best served if you didn't draw sweeping conclusions from a single visit. California has by far the strictest emission laws in the nation, so though smog is still a problem in some parts of LA, that reputation is perpetuated by images of kids wearing gas masks in the 60's and 70's when it WAS really bad. It's actually nothing now compared to Denver or Houston. Smog occurs when air is trapped in a valley. I live in a beach community (which is synonymous with affluent) so we enjoy fresh ocean air and smog is nonexistent. I'm active, very health concious, don't smoke, and drink in moderation. I shop exclusively at Trader Joes and Whole Foods and haven't set foot in a McDonald's or Carls Junior in over 20 years. I live a much healthier lifestyle than my grandparents who grew up during the great depression... Your logic, if there is any, is completely flawed. Male life expectancy in the US is 74 right now. Considering that my parents and all 4 grandparents outlived the average life expectancy of their peers, I'd say it's a safe bet I'll live past 74. Therefore, it's rather unlikely my daughter will lose her father in her 20s or 30s. My ex smokes and is already addicted to anti-depressants. All her grandparents are dead and her mom already has failing health in her mid 50s. Though she's 14 years younger than me, our daughter will probably lose her mom first. Should she not have gotten pregnant at 27? Actually the age I got in ones 80s was from the social security page but ok ill go with 74 for arguments sake when you are 74 she will be 34 so I think its your logic that's a little flawed..you think that just because your elders lived longer that you will automatically get a free pass to live past that? both my grandparents apparently lived well into their 70s and 80s both my parents were gone in their 60s so its no garentee neither is your whole foods diet or the fresh ocean air.. Should she have not gotten preg at 27? in my opinion not by a man who was almost old enough to be her dad no.. she should have had better common sense and foreseen the hardships that could put on the child but that's neither here nor there at this point in today's world people only seam to do what they want in the moment and what makes them happy I was in LA as recent as the mid 2000s and the air quality was horrid there was a thick fog in the air of polushion and I couldn't wait to leave..ive known of men in their 40s being dads that's not the issue most of their kids are near their teens or at the least over 10..im sorry if this is a unpleasant fact ive brought up but it is indeed something your daughter is going to have to deal with regardless of how immortal you feel at the moment you will age.. I still do not get the point of this thread. Im starting to think it was mainly so the OP could gloat about being able to get much younger women ..
winny Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Im starting to think it was mainly so the OP could gloat about being able to get much younger women .. :lmao: I am truly happy for OP on this achievement... And how dare these OLD sites let women filter out such a catch by giving us options to filter based on age... how stupid are the people who create such sites... 1
joseb Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 (edited) :lmao: I am truly happy for OP on this achievement... And how dare these OLD sites let women filter out such a catch by giving us options to filter based on age... how stupid are the people who create such sites... Age is important to a lot of people, especially online. So I can see the value on filtering for it... I think it's interesting that on OLD with all of this filtering of age, height, job, weight (on the few sites that have that) it still doesn't seem to produce any better results than essentially random meetings in real life. Edited December 5, 2016 by joseb 3
Sunkissedpatio Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 I think it's interesting that on OLD with all of this filtering of age, height, job, weight (on the few sites that have that) it still doesn't seem to produce any better results than essentially random meetings in real life. So true! Yet more prove to the fact that chemistry and attraction doesn't start from a one dimensional list of wants. Chemistry is dynamic and far more complex than that. In the least it is 3-dimentional and extends beyond what we see first hand and often based on what we don't actually see. 1
AMJ Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 So true! Yet more prove to the fact that chemistry and attraction doesn't start from a one dimensional list of wants. Chemistry is dynamic and far more complex than that. In the least it is 3-dimentional and extends beyond what we see first hand and often based on what we don't actually see. Which makes you wonder in OP's case, maybe he would be pleasantly surprised if he tried dating women closer to his age. It seems like he filters out women his age for all the same arbitrary reasons younger women filter out men in their 40s. 2
William Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Folks, I got a report on an off-topic posting and did a quick review and also requested the opinion of the other moderators. Currently, the thread will remain in our Dating forum and I'll also remind members that our civility and respect guidelines always apply to voluntary interactions here. If this thread is not to your taste, there are thousands of other equally productive interactions to engage in on LoveShack.org. Thanks!
No_Go Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Actual age - it goes far beyond looks: 1) life expectancy obviously 2) health changes with age regardless how you look 3) fertility changes 4) time of upbringing defines tastes for nearly everything When I was 27 I dated mid-40s guy. He thought he was looking younger No, he looked like any other middle aged man - for me he was interesting a the 'old dude with a lot of life experience'. I bet money your dates' interest is based on the same. Older women (28-30 and above) start look to settle down so that's why they are more picky. Younger chicks (generally) will date anyone interesting enough. Btw give me an example for a (famous person) looking younger than his/her age - i've never seen one (regardless of what they THINK) - I see good looking older people, older people with nice bodies, older people with baby face - and I am still able to recognize age after minimal communication with them. A question asked on another thread got me thinking about this topic. I'm 44 but most people think I'm in my mid-late 20's. I lost track of how many times I've had to breakout my driver's license to prove my age. I think I have a unique perspective because in many ways I'm like an older person experiencing life in a younger person's body. When I approach women my age, they think I'm too young for them and women 20 years younger than me are stunned when I reveal my actual age. The ages of my last 5 dates are 26, 33, 30, 28, and 26. They all thought we were about the same age when we met. Fortunately, once they find out I'm 44 it doesn't seem to matter at all. I have a baby face but I'm also active and very fit so I blend right in. But when I tried OLD, things were totally different. Suddenly my age was a huge deal. It was almost impossible to get a date with anyone under 30. They probably assumed my pics were from the last millennium... My most recent ex and I dated for 3 years. I was 41 and she was 26 when we met. She said she never felt like she was dating an older guy except when she was reminded about my actual age. It never came up except for her occasionally poking fun with old man jokes. So my perspective is that how you look and act is MUCH more significant than your actual age. Yet OLD taught that people put WAY too much importance on that number if they never met you. It's probably one of the many reasons I find OLD to be completely worthless...
selinaluv Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Which makes you wonder in OP's case, maybe he would be pleasantly surprised if he tried dating women closer to his age. It seems like he filters out women his age for all the same arbitrary reasons younger women filter out men in their 40s. That was my initial concern and question. You can't really complain about women filtering age online, when he appears to be doing it in real life to them. And if he is happy about his current situation, then why raise concerns about online age discrimination?
Author CryForNoOne Posted December 5, 2016 Author Posted December 5, 2016 Actual age - it goes far beyond looks: 1) life expectancy obviously 2) health changes with age regardless how you look 3) fertility changes 4) time of upbringing defines tastes for nearly everything These are all valid reasons for why actual age is important. On the flip side, one could argue for perceived age: 1-2) diet, exercise, and genetics extremely important for life expectancy, overall health, and contribute greatly to whether someone looks older or younger than their actual age. So looking young isn't just a "mirage", it's usually also a reflection of lifestyle. I guarantee if I smoked, drank excessively, or used hard drugs that I'd look older and would die younger - those go hand-in-hand. 3) fertility for men is not really a factor until much older. 4) One of the joys with my ex being 14 years younger was that we both discovered and enjoyed so many pop culture differences from our respective generations. So the time of upbringing can be a negative or a positive and varies by couple. Obviously if it was a negative we wouldn't have made it as far as we did... When I was 27 I dated mid-40s guy. He thought he was looking younger No, he looked like any other middle aged man - for me he was interesting a the 'old dude with a lot of life experience'. I bet money your dates' interest is based on the same. You'd lose. The 33 year old I dated found out my age one our first date and was stunned I was 44, then relieved as she thought maybe she was too old for me... Btw give me an example for a (famous person) looking younger than his/her age - i've never seen one (regardless of what they THINK) - I see good looking older people, older people with nice bodies, older people with baby face - and I am still able to recognize age after minimal communication with them. So you're telling me Denzel Washington looks 62, or Matthew Broderick 54? 1
Author CryForNoOne Posted December 5, 2016 Author Posted December 5, 2016 Age is important to a lot of people, especially online. So I can see the value on filtering for it... I think it's interesting that on OLD with all of this filtering of age, height, job, weight (on the few sites that have that) it still doesn't seem to produce any better results than essentially random meetings in real life. This was the point of my thread. MY personal experience, because I have a somewhat unique perspective, is that perceived age IS more important than actual age. My experiences with OLD vs IRL led me to that conclusion. If anyone bothers to read any of my other threads and posts, I've been beating like a drum that OLD in its present form is flawed, and it's not because of the age thing. Age is just one of many attributes that are overvalued when you haven't met someone yet. There is no site that can predict chemistry, which is the most important thing, so I think people shouldn't put so much value on their precious lists... But apparently, the stereotype associated with older men dating younger women is so negative, just mentioning it has resulting in me drawing all sorts of flak. I been accused of being a hypocrite for filtering out women my own age, crying about not being able to get younger dates on Tinder, gloating about being able to date younger women IRL, delusional as I can't possibly look that young, and EVEN being a bad parent. It's also been insinuated that I might be lying about my age to get all these dates.
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