Timyyu Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 Hi lovely Loveshack folks, I return again after a couple of years, I am having trouble letting go of my marriage. My wife bought a house and I moved in with her to give it another chance after being separated for 20 months. It hasn't gone real well, her parents moved in and are rather disruptive to our relationship, they aren't going anywhere for at least five years. Our sex life is gone, since her parents have moved in 1.5 years ago we have only had sex twice. A grand total of twice. We were more intimate when we were separated! Also she has told me that if I don't like her parents then it's up to me to leave. We have huge ups and downs in our relationship too but whenever I try to go, she's nice as pie and doesn't want me to go. I have lost a lot of my independence also and am afraid to be alone! I think we'd both be a lot physically and mentally healthy if we divorced. Sometimes keeps holding us together though, is it the marital commitment or the fear of being alone? Also she blames me for us being childless and sometimes brings it up and indicates to me that she is hurt and jealous of women who have children. Even though we are both 37yo now she feels that it's too late. I need some help letting go if I should, we tried a couple of counsellors in the past for both our issues to no avail. I do actually have a flat to go to if I make the jump. Has anyone been through a similar thing? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
oldbutcurious Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 with other people to add problems in an already complicated situation is double the problem. Move to your flat. Then wait how you can deal with it, or how you and your wife will deal with it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 I think we'd both be a lot physically and mentally healthy if we divorced. You've pretty much answered your own question. Why does her parent's presence in the house mean you can't have sex ??? Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 Go to your flat more often. My mother-in-law lived with us for about 5 years when my girls were small. Man, I wish I'd had a flat to go to once in awhile!! It's very disruptive to deal with extended family living with you in a solid, happy marriage. To have them with you now is not doing your marriage any favors. Maybe the more time you spend in your flat, the more you will realize you ARE, in fact, independent (or at least you will become so!) Link to post Share on other sites
Jump Through Loops Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 If the mountain won't come to Mohamed... It appears you're putting the lack of sex on her parents being there. If that's the real reason then do something about it. Use your imagination. We currently have one of our children back home with us whom so far has hardly left the house, making it difficult for us to be intimate together. Instead of thinking 'oh well, it looks like sex is off the menu whilst he's here', we've actually made a game of it. We now communicate via text, inviting each other out for a date. This week it was my turn to arrange something; We met at lovely old English country pub, open fire, great food, lovely atmosphere, together with plenty of conversation. I know which buttons to push and we both loved it. And then came the dessert, a short walk to my carefully prepared office with everything on hand to meet our needs. The pudding was bloody amazing, although I admit, the walk home wasn't so great as it started raining, but we didn't care at that point. There's more than one way to skin a cat, especially if you have a flat you can use... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Timyyu Posted December 2, 2016 Author Share Posted December 2, 2016 Thanks heaps for all the replies everyone. You don't understand her parents, they have a toxic relationship and also my mother in law stomps around shouting. Their toilet is next to our master bedroom and she'll go in there and strain loudly and hock, it is a complete turn off for me - complete. My parents in laws are so loud also, that the neighbours have attached mdf sheeting to the pail fence in the vain attempt to block out noise,i dont blame them. Also all these unresolved problems have built up between us which dampens the mood. I'm going to take your advice and go to the flat for a couple of days a week at first so I can get used to being alone - my wife is OK with this. She said she'll visit if things improve. Does it ever get easy being alone again? I've forgotten what it's like. Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 Do you have your own money ? Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 Does it ever get easy being alone again? I've forgotten what it's like. I don't know if this is even an option, but how about adopting a pet? The unconditional love of a pet who is happy to see me when I get home from work has always soothed me in difficult times. (Well, in reality, the dog is always thrilled to see you, the cat usually just wants to be fed.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted December 3, 2016 Share Posted December 3, 2016 Also she blames me for us being childless and sometimes brings it up and indicates to me that she is hurt and jealous of women who have children. Even though we are both 37yo now she feels that it's too late. Tell her if her obnoxious parents got gone you'd want to have sex, which makes babies. She doesn't have much time before her fertile years are over, so she might want to bundle them out the door lickity split. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted December 3, 2016 Share Posted December 3, 2016 Tell her if her obnoxious parents got gone you'd want to have sex, which makes babies. She doesn't have much time before her fertile years are over, so she might want to bundle them out the door lickity split. You are my new favorite person, MJJean. Your posts make me laugh out loud! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted December 3, 2016 Share Posted December 3, 2016 Hi Tim, have both of you been tested for fertility? If yes and everything is OK then maybe stress is the culprit. I think both of you should hit the gym or at least take long vigorous walks to get your hormones flowing properly. I and my wife had a problem conceiving when tests showed everything was alright. We were seriously considering adoption as after four years of married life my wife had not conceived. As luck would have it she joined a tailoring class for fun and had to regularly walk to the place for about a month or so. Lo and behold the side benefit of that class was that she conceived and we had our one and only child. So I guess the exercise did her good. Also if you or your wife are overweight it might cause a problem. As far as your other problems are concerned you should escape to your flat on a regular basis for date nights with your wife and see how things develop between you two. How long have you been married? You should also sit your wife down and have a serious talk with her about your issues and your future. It seems both of you are avoiding facing up to facts. You have to face them and work through your problems or just divorce and move on. Think about it. Warm wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
kvolm2016 Posted December 4, 2016 Share Posted December 4, 2016 I need some help letting go if I should, we tried a couple of counsellors in the past for both our issues to no avail. What do you think caused/contributed to the lack of success with the past counseling attempts? Link to post Share on other sites
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