Iamlostin Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 Okay so I have written a considerable amount about my experience with my ex. Once again, him and I are not talking. I have kept NC for a week now, and I feel fine of course we have those few weak moments. It's been years since I've had the holidays without a boyfriend which is fine BUT I know I can be emotional about it....the best way I have learned is through others experiences...what methods have you used that have worked and kept you still in NC with your ex?
carhill Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 I found seeking to brighten the days of others and share love without a laundry list of expectations goes a long way to dealing with any perceived Holiday loneliness. Today I'm baking cookies for a get together at my best friend's daughter's house on my way out of state. I've spent the holidays since 2009 without a partner after being married for ten years and, hey, life is pretty good. The bones don't ache too much and I find people pretty friendly at the holidays and I think I'll even brighten the forest a bit with some Christmas lights this year, just because. IMO, we make our own happiness, or loneliness, or love, or hate. Then we share who we are with the world. It's one huge realm of choice. I find, at least in middle age, it's far more satisfying to love than be loved. It really brightens my day even if it's only transitory or not demonstrably returned. It's a gift that keeps on giving. Happy holidays to you and yours! Ha, beeper went off and cookies are coming out of the oven 3
Redhead14 Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 Okay so I have written a considerable amount about my experience with my ex. Once again, him and I are not talking. I have kept NC for a week now, and I feel fine of course we have those few weak moments. It's been years since I've had the holidays without a boyfriend which is fine BUT I know I can be emotional about it....the best way I have learned is through others experiences...what methods have you used that have worked and kept you still in NC with your ex? If there was a point where I felt compelled to reach out to an ex, I would call a friend, call and make an appointment for something -- a car repair, hair or nail appointment or go shopping or reflect on all the things I didn't like about him . . . As soon as you feel that urge, you quickly do something/anything else to divert your attention. And, it simply comes down to being RESOLVED to allowing yourself to move on and live your life. Get tough with yourself.
travelbug1996 Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 You only have to deal with one day at a time. Any person can fight the battle of just one day. Rock steady!
DarrenB Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 It's the few scenarios which help me personally. I'll list a few: - Accepting the fact that breaking NC and trying to reconcile at any given time is and would be a mistake and a disaster, regardless of how I feel it would go on a personal level. - Acknowledging all the hardships in the relationship. Thinking like this helps you avoid wanting to initiate contact with them and make a desperate attempt to get involved with them in the future. - Knowing and realising that they may be happy and content with life completely themselves. This is a hard one to reflect on and analyze but for myself, it motivates me slightly to do the same. - Accepting and understanding that it is over. Anything between the two of us may just provoke the situation further and end in a more long-term heartbreak. You want to move on, not dwell in the unknown of what 'could have been'. - Attempting to look into the future and aspire to find someone else. This can be argued as the wrong thing to do, but I feel that finding the urge to want to find someone else is particuarly easy. Give it a try, it may work you wonders and help you occupy yourself in other ways of thinking, rather than occupying yourself with constant thoughts of your ex. - Ultimately realising, the relationship has ended. Coming to full terms that there was obvious reason/s for this upset to happen, but perhaps possibly just for the better in the long haul. The more difficult thing to process out of all the above but also the most beneficial. As it goes for your original thread title: 'The holidays and lonliness', I'm going to be cliche again and say occupy yourself to do things with other people. That's all. Most people, like myself take action by dwelling and grieving when it is deemed to not be appropriate, especially during this festive period of the year. It's hard, but like I've said above I know what to do in order to overcome the lonliness, it's fundamentally just your decision to take action on it and help yourself progress and cope. Alot of us are going to reminisce about our ex's and the memories that are irreplacable during this time, it is inevitable. Also, understand you are not alone. Try to make every attempt to show that you are capable (like we all are) to forget about the hard times and exchange them for new memories, new people possibly, new events and new aspirations for the future. Nothing good ever comes from dwelling over an ex, literally nothing. Don't be fooled by those things that are now of the past. 1
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