J dub Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 Having a moment of weakness - I have to post to keep myself from dialing the dolt's digits. I hope he misses the living daylights out of me right now I hope everything he sees and hears reminds me of him, and I hope he cant get me out of his dreams. I hope a family member of his asks how I am, so he has to say "I dont know" and I hope he sees my car EVERYWHERE and it makes him sick to his stomach I hope the girls who come in to his work all remind him of me, the songs he hears pull at his heart strings, and I hope he has the same knee-jerk reaction to want to call me everytime something interesting/funny happens. I shouldnt be thinking about what HE is doing, but dammit I am right now
Opium Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 It's ok you need to let it out and what better place than the "shack". Whatever you do no matter how many times you need to post don't call him. Eventually he'll think of you occasionally but who knows and I guess you'll never know. Don't bother with wondering what he's doing start revovling you life around you again. You need to focus on you and start taking care of yourself. This will all pass but for now, you let it out.
phoenix333 Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 J dub, I think it was really smart of you to post here, rather than call him! Good for you!
butterfly29 Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 Originally posted by phoenix333 J dub, I think it was really smart of you to post here, rather than call him! Good for you! Yeah, You're not only speaking for yourself. All of the things you mentioned I wish about my ex. And I must add, I wish that someday he'll realize what an idiot he was to break up with me, come crawling back to me just to hear me say: "mmm.... Nope."
phoenix333 Posted July 14, 2005 Posted July 14, 2005 I found myself making the same sort of wishes today. She has gifts, cards, letters, flowers, and so on from me all over her apartment. I hope that she looks at each and every item and realizes just how much she is loved and wanted by me. And if there is some new guy over at her place right now, I hope he notices my gifts and asks where they came from! Maybe these are silly wishes, but geez, to just up and drop me with a cheap line? Ouch!!! It makes me feel so sad to think that she may have gotten rid of everything I ever gave to her to avoid remembering me. The only way for them to see what life is like without us is if we stick to no contact. I don't really want someone who doesn't really want me though. I think that is why I feel so sick to my stomach...the realization that I love her more than she loves me. I want her more than she wants me. How could I not see that? How on earth did I have no clue? Blinded by love I suppose. At least we have each other here on this board, if that is any consolation.
Author J dub Posted July 15, 2005 Author Posted July 15, 2005 Originally posted by phoenix333 At least we have each other here on this board, if that is any consolation. yeah
queenie01 Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 i am with all of you on this one!! I wish my ex so much, every nite when i go to sleep i pray for a text message from him saying, good nite babe sleep tight love you, like i used to get every nite but every nite comes and goes and not one message from him. Its been 2.5 months now actually 11 weeks and still he shows no regrets. Imagine having to work with him and knowing that evryday he is only 4 floors above me. It takes all the strength i have not to email him and I also do everything in my power to avoid running into him at work and it truly sucks!! Funny story tho....my prior ex whom i dated for almost 3 years broke up with me way back when, and like an idiot i gave him the time of day and emailed him for probably 2 years....i would write him off and then he would resurface via email and i would respond. To make a long story short i NEVER gained anything from it....he had what he wanted and that was my attention and the knowledge that i was still interested in him considering i was responding.. Well I finally truly wrote him off, told him to have a great life etc...and then I met the current ex, I had a hard time commiting to him but he convinced me he was a great catch etc... we had an AWESOME relationship and i couldnt be happier. Needless to say because i wrote off ex #1 he resurfaced again and this time it was to tell me he loves me and wants to marry me etc....it was too late because i had met someone better by then and was extremely happy. It finally dawned on me that ex #1 didnt want me back before then because he knew he could have me, once i denied him of that he panicked. Well now ex#1 and I are friends and ex#2 broke my heart and he is who im pinning over now. Moral of the story is that once you cut them off completely and walk away they will resurface, but for the most part its when you are already over them. Now I dont know if this is for certain...i would LOVE to believe and wish that it is so that ex#2 will come back to me, but nobody knows what the future holds. I guess if its meant to be then we will end of back together, if not I will find someone better. I guess what it boils down to is, do we give them another chance when/if they come back?? and do they?
Author J dub Posted July 15, 2005 Author Posted July 15, 2005 Originally posted by queenie01 i wrote off ex #1 he resurfaced again and this time it was to tell me he loves me and wants to marry me etc....it was too late because i had met someone better by then and was extremely happy. It finally dawned on me that ex #1 didnt want me back before then because he knew he could have me, once i denied him of that he panicked. OMG Queenie this happened to me too!! About 5 yrs ago with my highschool sweetheart. I tried the friends thing for a few months and it ripped me to shreds when I would overhear his friends ask how his date was the previous night, or something along those lines. But he got his cake and ate it too -he had me pining for him (huge ego boost) and he was out getting chicks. One day (literally) I woke up and thought WTF am I DOING?! So I cut him off and made a new life for myself. Guess who was on my doorstep a few weeks later in tears wanting me back? YUP. And even better, guess who didnt want him anymore?? It worked out nice and I STILL smile thinking about that. I got the last laugh, even though it was at his expense. He deserved it to be honest. This time around I am applying what I learned and its been a week (today) and I'm already doing way better. I went out last night with some people and met a nice guy (nothing serious it was just nice having attention again) AND I got lots of guys asking to dance with me. So it made me feel like I am a whole person again, not some withered little peice of crap like my ex made me feel like. But the REASON I feel better is because I cut him off COMPLETELY. I havent emailed, text, called, nothin. He sent me a text and I Didnt respond and I AM SO PROUD of myself for that!!! :::big pat on the back::: We just need to continue to support eachother here and share our stories - it reiterates that we CAN move on and life does offer better things
queenie01 Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 wow good for you girl, Im jealous although i think im doing pretty good! In the beginning when we first broke up he emailed me to aplogize for the sudden break up etc...i emailed him back trying to make it work but it was obvious that wasnt going to happen, so i let it go and stopped responding...then communication was a here and there type of things. Finally almost 2 months later he emailed me to give me my stuff back, at that time i was on vacation in vegas so i responded when i got back, mind you i was SUPER tan...i saw him in the gym etc. he emailed me questioning my tan i didnt offer any info aside from i was on vacation. Anyways we met up in the parking lot of work so he could give me my things back, it was very awkward, i came back to my desk afterwards and felt like crying, in fact i did but he didnt see me. Well that day we met up i noticed he had the ring on that i gave him, which he had lost while we were dating...i commented on it and he laughed and said he found it in the couch. Mind you, he gave me a necklace, bracelet and ring all from Tiffanys, that i was not wearing, in fact i dont wear it anymore. Im sure he had to notice...but why does he still wear the ring i bought him....weird!! anyways i emailed him after that like an idiot and we actually even talked in the gym one day too, he is moving into an apt downtown which im shocked about because he had planned on buying a townhouse and isnt really the city type but for whatever the case he offered up that info. anyways long story short, i went on vacation again which he knew about because it was planned whilewe were together, i came back to work and he emailed me to see how my trip was..WHY?? I responded...WHY?? I swear i learn the hard way...anyways that was last thursday and i saw him in the gym that day too... But after that it dawned on me that he is getting everything he wants, he emails when he feels like it and i respond and he sees me at 11 everyday in the gym, i must be a fool. So starting friday i changed my schedule and havent contacted him at all...nor has he contacted me.
Author J dub Posted July 15, 2005 Author Posted July 15, 2005 Originally posted by queenie01 So starting friday i changed my schedule and havent contacted him at all...nor has he contacted me. I remember your post last friday asking about what you should do with this situation Good for you for noticing and taking action to better yourself. It sucks to see them - esp in your situation (you work together right?) so I can imagine that has to be much harder, but for what its worth you seem to be doing better than last week, just your tone seems more upbeat. If that makes any sense. I work with my ex's ex (haha!!) which is very annoying because everytime I see her, I think of him. She got married and whatnot so its not like I would worry about anything happening between them, but I do know they still talk so I imagine her telling him how I lost weight (I did, 10 lbs...and I was pretty small to begin with) and changed my wardrobe and look happier. She probably never would tell him any of that but I still think about it It is the GREATEST FEELING in the world to run in to an ex a while after the break up and you look fabulous. Its like HAHA YOU LOST!!! Look what you missed out on!!! You know? My ex (the one I mentioned earlier that came back to me) gained a LOT of weight and grew some nasty facial hair (totally not his style, not that I dont like facial hair but not on him, ack) so when we had a drink last year - dont ask me why - all I kept thinking was, you totally messed up leaving me. MWahahaha!!!
queenie01 Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 Well I go thru my phases of ups and downs u know? Today im doing better but i know next week will be tough for me especially since his bday is next saturday and its going to KILL me to not acknowlege it.... He saw me on wednesday of this week while i was on the treadmill, he was going down for a smoke break so i guess hes smoking again at work which i thought he had stopped. I just really want to know how happy he is you know? I mean he tells me all these great things hes doing and hes happy but is it all a front or is he truly happy? If he is truly happy then I am happy for him... all i ever wanted was for him to be happy, seemed like he barely ever was. Sad part is that his last relationship sucked and his family and friends all commented on how much happier he seemed with me etc....I dont know I just now I miss him so much and it really sucks!! He has MAJOR trust issues and is extremely insecure, that may play a role in the break up...i dont know but i miss him and his family and its been 11 weeks already!!
Author J dub Posted July 15, 2005 Author Posted July 15, 2005 Usually when people are truly happy, they see no point in parading it around and telling people. I have a feeling its a front he's putting up because he just wants you to think he's ok. I dont think he's truly over you considering the circumstances . I am not trying to give you false hope I'm just saying thats how it seems on my end. The fact that you cut him off will make him notice you...when you give them the attention they want really easily they take it for granted, man or woman, after a break up like this. So its VERY wise of you to stay away...and believe me he is going to wonder what happened. His first thought will be, "oh my gosh she met someone else" and panic will set in. Just give it time. Missing his family is very normal, and the fact that they indicated he was happiest with you should make you feel really good. You brought happiness to his life and hes obviously a huge fool for ending it. Its interesting he still wears the ring though, I mean its possible he just really likes it but I would definitely be wondering just like you are. 11 weeks huh? Hang in there sister, you are making progress and you are learning along the way. Thats the best thing to do - learn and keep moving upward
queenie01 Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 You are so smart for starting no contact immediately, dont give in either, trust me it will get you no where except where i am and thats basically at the beginning all over again. Stick to your guns sweetie!!! I would like to believe hes not over me too, i mean seriously we spent so much time together, spoke of the future etc...he was going to buy a townhouse and he wanted me to rent mine out and move in with him eventually then both sell our places and buy a place. He even bragged to his mom about how much we could afford together. I just dont get him. Seriuosly he broke up with me out of the blue.... I feel like he just did a 180 with his life, going from being commited, wanting a townhouse etc..to breaking up with me and now moving to the city with his 2 guys friends into a 3 bedroom apt. Almost like an early midlife crisis...oh yeah and hes younger than me too!! I dont know if i mentioned it to you or not but his father did a TON of damage to him as a child, he cheated on his mother, causing a divorce and he was then married 2 other times where my ex gained step sisters both times and then cheated on those wives as well. So basically he has no trust because of that..sadly enough he told me i was the first person he trusted and he said it was an amazing feeling.. btw...why did you and your ex break up?
Author J dub Posted July 15, 2005 Author Posted July 15, 2005 Based off of what you said about his family (dad specifically) I have a feeling he is very scared of commitment and although he sees a future with you, he panicked because its a scary thought when you are young to suddenly have your life set for you. How old are you both? I wonder if one of his friends is newly single or something and it triggered him to want that? Sometimes that happens. We broke up because we've been together for a couple of years and the past 6 mos has been really rough for some reason. We were at eachother's throats. Dont get me wrong we never called eachother names or fought in a demeaning manner, but we did get into a lot of arguements. He kept saying he hates fighting and all that, almost as if he thinks I like it! I'm a lover, not a fighter Anyway he is trying to find himself because he has a going-no-where job right now and doesnt know what he wants to do with his life. All his friends moved away recently and it caused him to take a good look at his situation and realize that he is stuck between a rock and a hard place, so to speak. So of course, he wants time to "analyze" whether or not this (me) is really what he wants. I cried and pleaded with him for a couple hours trying to convince him that we could try a LDR if he decides to move away like hes thinking about, but considering the way things have been lately he just doesnt know WHAT he wants. So after a tear-filled goodbye that lasted for hours and hours (he stayed one last night with me - nothing happened just slept - but he left in the morning before I went to work last friday and he kept saying he wanted to be friends, i wont be having any of that) he blew me a kiss and left, still crying. I know he is torn between what he wants to do and it sucks that he doesnt know IF he wants to be with me anymore, because he kept saying he loves me soooo much and this and that. But I cant argue with him, whats the point? He needs to make this decision on his own. So, hence my strictly enforced NC. He sent me a text on monday about having a dream about me (and the text had little hearts in it) which really struck me hard because I wanted to reply but I held my head high and didnt bother. He wants to know what life is like without me, and he's going to get it. And he told me not to wait for him so I'm not. I still love the jerk, though
queenie01 Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 Well I was known as the “runaway dater” before I met my ex and he clearly knew I had issues with commitment….i would always joke around about getting my running shoes out after too many dates. He won me over and basically convinced me to commit to him. He was an amazing guy and I wound up falling head over heels. Once I told him I loved him, he had doubts, he emailed me and said that he was confused and thinking about a lot etc..he said when you say “I love you” it gets a lot more serious and you have to start looking if there is a future together, I beg to differ because I take things a day at a time..but mind you that’s how he felt and he told me that part of him can see himself with me for the rest of his life and marrying me and part of him cant. Anyways that freaked me out because it was only 3 months into our dating… we talked it all over and I reassured him that everyone goes thru phases of doubt. I know I did. We would up staying together for 6 months after that and then with no warning poof its over. I love you on Thursday nite and its not working out on Friday…go figure. I just turned 30 and he is turning 26 on Saturday…. Most of his friends are in serious relationships and getting married too…actually he has 3 weddings this summer. He currently lives with his best friend and his best friends girlfriend recently moved in with them too. I don’t know if the fact that he sees commitment all around him freaked him out or what…it was almost like he had so much fear and doubt about us that he just ended things… Sounds like you ex is taking out his unhappiness with himself on you….seems like hes not happy with his life, job etc I wouldn’t take it personal and once he gets his crap in order I bet he willl experience major regret. I think that 85% of men regret their decisions. Don’t make any contact, let him miss you….don’t make the stupid mistakes I made either.. Unfortunately I still love my jerk too!!
phoenix333 Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 J dub, I can really relate to what you are going through. How can they not know if they want us or not? That just doesn't make any sense to me. Either they want us or they don't. I don't need a break from my gf to know that I want her. ...maybe I need to start saying xgf. Even if they do come back, how do we know they won't run off again the next time they feel messed up, or scared, or whatever it is they are going through. Maybe we were ready for something real, and they just are not?
Author J dub Posted July 15, 2005 Author Posted July 15, 2005 Originally posted by queenie01 it was almost like he had so much fear and doubt about us that he just ended things… You know, I think that applies for both our jerks. But we wont let them know we still love them dammit, not without them coming to us!
Author J dub Posted July 15, 2005 Author Posted July 15, 2005 Originally posted by phoenix333 Even if they do come back, how do we know they won't run off again the next time they feel messed up, or scared, or whatever it is they are going through. Thats why NC is really a good choice, because it gives you time to think about whether or not you want to take that chance if they come back. You never know, when/if they do come crawling back, you may not even want them anymore. It's happened to me before - and I know its hard to imagine right now but trust me, it is possible.
phoenix333 Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 Thats why NC is really a good choice, because it gives you time to think about whether or not you want to take that chance if they come back. True. I do NOT want to hurt like this again...that's for sure!
Author J dub Posted July 15, 2005 Author Posted July 15, 2005 Originally posted by phoenix333 True. I do NOT want to hurt like this again...that's for sure! I think that in life, its part of growing and learning. If we didnt have this awful crap happen, we might not appreciate the good parts as much. Its incredibly corny to say, but what doesnt kill ya makes you stronger. Its the truth!
queenie01 Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 You know what, i thought i would NEVER get over my ex from a long time ago...i spent so much time and wasted energy on emailing him and hooking up it was such a waste, he was getting just what he wanted. It wasnt until I said forget this...im done! Have a great life....then he wanted to get back togethr but like j dub, i was over him and found someone better. The current situation is definitely different but still...lettign them know they can still talk to us when they feel like it is no good. Letting them know we care in the least is no good. And while we are doin no contact we are moving on with our own lives as well. Sure we miss our exs but guess what, they gave us up...so in the long run, hopefully it will be their loss instead of ours.
what456 Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 I have read all of your posts and i must say i am in the same boat as well. my ex was a jerk to me when we broke up but at the same time tells me he has feelings for me and cares about me? what?! i was mad because a couple of weeks before we met up and i saw him...and he acted totally like my boyfriend..even though we were not together at the time. have any of you ever done that? i had a long distance relationship with him...it was wierd. i know he didn't want a girlfriend but we still kept talking....and it seemed like he was my boyfriend..esp. when i came down to see him. he spent like $400 on me!
Author J dub Posted July 15, 2005 Author Posted July 15, 2005 Originally posted by what456 he spent like $400 on me! Tell me about it, mine took me to vegas and paid for EVERYTHING for 5 days. And all the jewelry and dinners and movies...you'd think theyd want to keep the investment lol!
what456 Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 Yeah, I know. I did alot for him too...accept have sex with him! i don't know. like i said i am going to see him nextweek. i don't think he will talk to me and i don't want to talk to him. but i am scared....how should i act? what should i do?
queenie01 Posted July 15, 2005 Posted July 15, 2005 Maybe to them girlfriends are just a dime a dozen? maybe they have to date others to realize how great we were? Makes no sense to me why they would spend all that money, dinners, jewlery etc...and then dump us!!
Recommended Posts