Iamlostin Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 Decided to ask the community here about YOUR PERSONAL EXPERIENCES. I'm curious to hear stories of those who may have called it quits but ended up coming back together. Just curious to hear some inspirational stories of those couples (married, dating, boyfriend/girlfriend)that were once separated but reconciled and what event(s) brought you two back together, and what have you learned from it? Looking to hear from people who are still currently with the people they got back together with. Can't wait to hear!
oldbutcurious Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 oh, I have had like 25 second chances with the (ex) husband. re-started well, probably because of the sex, but mostly injurious on my part, and all ended... just last may. We had 17 years making second chances.
Pete2304 Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 You might only want positive responses but see to thread I started about giving my wife a second (more like a 50th chance), not every story has a fairy tale ending, just go with your gut feeling I would say. Deep down, every one of us here who has given a relationship one last try probably knew if there was a chance of it working or not.
Blanco Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 If this is about your most recent relationship, you two already burned through your second chance. Maybe more. I don't know; it's such a mess that it became hard to follow. Best to stop looking for hope about this guy and building anything substantial with him.
PegNosePete Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 Do you really want to hear other people's stories, or are you hoping that other people's stories will give you hope that your own will turn out like that? If the latter then I don't think it makes much sense to do that. Every relationship is different. Just because one person's "second chance" worked out, doesn't make it any more likely that yours will. In fact it will simply fill you with false hope. Better to ask about your own relationship to get proper advice. 1
basil67 Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 I gave a boyfriend a second chance after I dumped him. We ended up getting married. Then divorced. 1
kztar Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 Going through a second chance right now and it's getting worse by the day. Resentment is eating me alive. Don't think im in love or anything just didn't want to live with the what iffffff and At this point that would have probably been alot healthier than going back to someone i learned how to hate.
Slimtripper Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 Decided to ask the community here about YOUR PERSONAL EXPERIENCES. I'm curious to hear stories of those who may have called it quits but ended up coming back together. Just curious to hear some inspirational stories of those couples (married, dating, boyfriend/girlfriend)that were once separated but reconciled and what event(s) brought you two back together, and what have you learned from it? Looking to hear from people who are still currently with the people they got back together with. Can't wait to hear! You should be looking at stories of people going no contact then getting over it, then being wildly happy again. Honestly, this doesn't help. The other person is gone. They aren't on these boards wishing you'll come back. Go through the pain and out the other side. Even though this gives momentary comfort, it still stops you healing
Author Iamlostin Posted December 3, 2016 Author Posted December 3, 2016 You should be looking at stories of people going no contact then getting over it, then being wildly happy again. Honestly, this doesn't help. The other person is gone. They aren't on these boards wishing you'll come back. Go through the pain and out the other side. Even though this gives momentary comfort, it still stops you healing Okay I'm a little lost here because while I specifically came on this site for guidance and yes honesty not once did I suggest or say this was having to do with my ex. Honestly I was curious. And for everyone who believes that this is some sort of excuse for hope here it's been long lost, and I also have also stopped communicating him. In addition, dating someone else....so I'm not trying to be pissed here but regardless if it's a positive story or not I was Curious and I cannot post without my story being attached to it and it's really starting to bother me.
Author Iamlostin Posted December 3, 2016 Author Posted December 3, 2016 If this is about your most recent relationship, you two already burned through your second chance. Maybe more. I don't know; it's such a mess that it became hard to follow. Best to stop looking for hope about this guy and building anything substantial with him. Not once did I say it had anything to do with helping my situation. While I accknowledge this is a relationship forum I do have interest in hearing other people's experiences in many different situations whether they are successful or not. If I had specifically noted this had anything to do with the mess that I no longer associate with then I would have completely understood your response. Just because I could be in a potentially negative situation doesn't mean I cannot separate myself and willing to bring up another topic of conversation. I am dating someone else and yes I have let it go. Thank you though
Author Iamlostin Posted December 3, 2016 Author Posted December 3, 2016 Going through a second chance right now and it's getting worse by the day. Resentment is eating me alive. Don't think im in love or anything just didn't want to live with the what iffffff and At this point that would have probably been alot healthier than going back to someone i learned how to hate. Well atleast you tried and know you are confident in your answer. Since everyone is thinking this might have to do with my experiences I actually agree about a month ago my ex and I for the billionth time tried to make something out of it. However I realized I should've never answered him in the first place I was better off, and realize what a monster he is. Hopefully you can remove yourself from this situation and in the future receive a better partner. In the End I believe sometimes we gotta go through people to find what we truly want and learn what we can't stand. Best of luck 1
Author Iamlostin Posted December 3, 2016 Author Posted December 3, 2016 Do you really want to hear other people's stories, or are you hoping that other people's stories will give you hope that your own will turn out like that? If the latter then I don't think it makes much sense to do that. Every relationship is different. Just because one person's "second chance" worked out, doesn't make it any more likely that yours will. In fact it will simply fill you with false hope. Better to ask about your own relationship to get proper advice. Ok since I'm Getting the same response just please look at Blancos and that'll be my exact response to you. I haven't posted about my actual situation I had with my ex because it is no longer something I involve myself in.
Blanco Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 Ok but you're still recently removed from a relationship/FWB situation that clearly hurt you, so I don't understand why you'd want to hear about successful second chances. That's like going on a diet and then asking others to share stories of the best cake they've ever eaten. 1
Author Iamlostin Posted December 3, 2016 Author Posted December 3, 2016 (edited) Ok but you're still recently removed from a relationship/FWB situation that clearly hurt you, so I don't understand why you'd want to hear about successful second chances. That's like going on a diet and then asking others to share stories of the best cake they've ever eaten. I had just explained to you I am no longer interested in ever talking or seeing this person again. I've been dealing with this process on and off for months however a full cease from this occurred last month. So by that time I didn't feel the same amount of hurt, actually annoyed more so. You don't wanna accept that as enough confirmation that's up to you. I don't need to prove or assure you of anything. I had had a conversation about the subject in general a few days ago, and I felt like posting it? I did not ask to be told what you think I'm doing wrong. the first time you replied, OK I see you still wanted to voice your opinion, I respect that. Now you're still pushing the idea on something you believe I feel I should've or shouldn't have done (referring to the post) based on your assumption from something that has ceased over a month ago. Edited December 3, 2016 by Iamlostin
LargoLagg Posted December 3, 2016 Posted December 3, 2016 I've never tried for a second chance with the same person, and from what I read, it seems like I've had the MOST success! I hope it's not a theme in your next book. 1
oldbutcurious Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 I've never tried for a second chance with the same person, and from what I read, it seems like I've had the MOST success! :lmao: seems most of us are't lucky with second chances. Save
ExpatInItaly Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 I only personally know of one second chance that worked out well. My brother and sister-in-law dated for a few years, split for about a year, then got back together. They have been married now for about 8 or 9 years and have children, and are a happy couple. I think the reason it worked for them was because they didn't have any huge conflict with each other or terrible bitterness over the break-up, and they worked well to resolve their issues before reconciling. Both briefly dated others in the interim as well. I know of other couples who have reunited but then split again, or others who are still together but clearly not happy with each other. Those with boatloads of problems in the relationship don't usually remain together, particularly when the foundation is already cracked by a previous break-up. It is rare that a second chance pans out successfully.
Author Iamlostin Posted December 6, 2016 Author Posted December 6, 2016 I only personally know of one second chance that worked out well. My brother and sister-in-law dated for a few years, split for about a year, then got back together. They have been married now for about 8 or 9 years and have children, and are a happy couple. I think the reason it worked for them was because they didn't have any huge conflict with each other or terrible bitterness over the break-up, and they worked well to resolve their issues before reconciling. Both briefly dated others in the interim as well. I know of other couples who have reunited but then split again, or others who are still together but clearly not happy with each other. Those with boatloads of problems in the relationship don't usually remain together, particularly when the foundation is already cracked by a previous break-up. It is rare that a second chance pans out successfully. I actually have seen quite a few of second chances with a lot of people I know actually. All of them for different reasons, one main theme I noticed was that it was the couples that seemed to truly love each other that ended up back together. I think sometimes it was a conflict of one party dealing with certain internal conflicts on their own and finding time to mend with themselves. Most notably my parents are an example, they were close to being engaged, but I know with one of them there was personal conflict, that they needed to sort out. During that time they both explored their options but sooner than not I believe they realized that there wasn't anybody else in their lives that could make them as happy as they did each other. From then my father purposed to my mother and they have been married for 35 years.
Jatli Posted December 6, 2016 Posted December 6, 2016 (edited) I got back with my ex. We were together for 4 years and living together. He cheated and left me I moved out and got my own place. I was devastated and it took a long time to get to a place where I could even smile again. We were great together and the whole thing made no sense to me or anyone that knew us. I knew in my heart that he would come back up me one day. It took me about 4 months to go total NC and when I did it was tough but I knew I had to for my own sanity. I would see him every now and then as I was only across the street. I was never mean to him and would say hi but never much more than that. After about 15 months I was finally at a place where I was getting on with my life without him and he started showing up where I was. He would pull over if he saw me out walking and say hi. One night he pulled over and asked me to get in and I did we talked for over an hour then I went home. I was ok and not a mess. I thought I can do this. About 2 weeks later he showed up where I was again and then from then on he started texting me then calling me. He eventually asked me out for coffee and then a drink and then he asked me over to his place. We started hanging out more and more and then we started seeing each other regularly. I said my peace with him and told him what an ass he was and for the first time since I've known him I let him have it and laid it all out. Told him he would never hurt me like that again. He listened and we talked all night. So we started seeing each other again. I told him I liked living on my own and would not be looking to move back in. Do we started dating. That was over a year ago and I am happy to say we are still together and in s very good place with each other. I know there are people here who will say I'm nuts for getting back together with him after what he did but I love this man truly love him. I have known him for over 30 years and we were great together for the 4 years we were together before. We fit together well. What happened was horrible yes but it still didn't change how I felt for him. We are in a good place now and I am happy. Edited December 6, 2016 by Jatli Spelling
Blanco Posted December 6, 2016 Posted December 6, 2016 I think successful second chances were more common in the past, since the world was "smaller" to people and they subsequently had fewer options, so there was more incentive to revisit previously failed relationships. Now, most people have more options than any time before, so even though it's common for a lot of relationships to experience those dead cat bounces (i.e. second chances), the odds of them working out in the form of long-lasting, healthy relationships is likely less common. Personally, I think second chances are usually only likely to result in healthy relationships when both people have addressed issues that destroyed the relationship originally, and are willing to do what's necessary to make sure things are actually different. Most second chances I see around me are simply a case of the people missing each other, getting back together, and not really addressing/fixing the previously existing relationship problems. Then there are the second chances that happen because one of the involved parties left the relationship for someone else, that didn't work out, and they went sniffing around their ex after to see if that person had low enough self-esteem to accept the scraps and give them another chance.
Jatli Posted December 11, 2016 Posted December 11, 2016 Well I did not suffer from "low self esteem". I took him back because I truly loved him and the good outweighed the bad. I didn't take "the scraps" he threw me I took it slow and let it develop like it would. If we were just going to end up friends then that was the way it was going to be. I have known this man for over 30 years and I truly deeply love him more than I have ever loved any man. Now if he did it again that would be it and he knows it. But right now we are in a good place with our relationship and I am happy. So not everyone who takes someone back that cheated is suffering from low self esteem. People screw up all the time and sometimes they deserve a second chance to make it right. 1
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