London123456 Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 (edited) Hi all, On Saturday night I met a girl at a bar/club and, after some great conversation and bit of kissing, she came back to my place and we slept together. The next morning she left and I texted her later to make sure she got back okay - no response. I left it a few more days, assumed she wasn't interested but then sent another message anyway saying I'd like to take her on a proper date. A day and a half later she replied saying "yeah why not" so not exactly enthusiastic, but suggesting we meet one evening in th week. Is it something even worth considering, or shall I take it as a sign she's really not interested? I got on well with her and like her personality so am tempted to give her the benefit of the doubt. Also, given she took a day and a half to reply, should I wait before replying? Hate getting bogged down in that whole thing but maybe that's just he way things are done. Thoughts greatly appreciated. Thank you Edited December 1, 2016 by London123456
winny Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 Leave it. Her interest level is too low and she is replying to you maybe because she didn't have anything better to do. Whats bugging me is that she never responded to your first text and took 1.5 days to respond to second. There was no : "Hey nice to hear from you" or "Sorry for replying late". What kind of character and interest she is showing with these minimum texting etiquettes... Move on... 1
CryForNoOne Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 Why do so many people assume the worst when you don't really know? Maybe she likes you too but ghosted because she had morning after guilt or a preconceived notion that ONS never lead to LTRs... Fine. She's lukewarm. The onus is on you to convince her you're a quality guy and more than a ONS. Just see where it goes from there instead of all the game playing by both sides... 7
kvolm2016 Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 You might want to make sure that you both have the same definition of what a "proper date" would be. What would you hope this second meeting would be like?
winny Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 Why do so many people assume the worst when you don't really know? Maybe she likes you too but ghosted because she had morning after guilt or a preconceived notion that ONS never lead to LTRs... >>Yeah right...!! Make the guy to waste his time Fine. She's lukewarm. The onus is on you to convince her you're a quality guy and more than a ONS. Just see where it goes from there instead of all the game playing by both sides... >>Unnecessary waste of time on someone... 1
CryForNoOne Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 Why do so many people assume the worst when you don't really know? Maybe she likes you too but ghosted because she had morning after guilt or a preconceived notion that ONS never lead to LTRs... >>Yeah right...!! Make the guy to waste his time Fine. She's lukewarm. The onus is on you to convince her you're a quality guy and more than a ONS. Just see where it goes from there instead of all the game playing by both sides... >>Unnecessary waste of time on someone... That's really sad as my mom hated my dad when they met but he kept pursuing her and now they are still together 50 years later. I wouldn't exist if he had your attitude... 1
winny Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 That's really sad as my mom hated my dad when they met but he kept pursuing her and now they are still together 50 years later. I wouldn't exist if he had your attitude... That's the exception... and that was 50 years back... people were different back then...
CryForNoOne Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 That's the exception... and that was 50 years back... people were different back then... So jaded... I dated a girl for 4.5 years and when I first met her I thought she was a stuck up b!tch. We became friends eventually then lovers and it's a relationship I don't regret one bit... But alas that was 1995-20 and I guess you'll say that was 20 years ago and people were different then... 1
basil67 Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 So jaded... I dated a girl for 4.5 years and when I first met her I thought she was a stuck up b!tch. We became friends eventually then lovers and it's a relationship I don't regret one bit... But alas that was 1995-20 and I guess you'll say that was 20 years ago and people were different then... Yeah....my partner of nearly 25yrs started out as a ONS. That was 1992. I guess times have changed since then too.
winny Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 Fine dont believe me... I am sure OP will let us know what happens... If this ONS turns into a 50 yrs old relationship or not!!
winny Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 Btw one more Saturday night just passed... OP might have competition now.
NuevoYorko Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 Leave it. Her interest level is too low and she is replying to you maybe because she didn't have anything better to do. Whats bugging me is that she never responded to your first text and took 1.5 days to respond to second. There is another active thread here right now where a woman is DYING to go out with a guy, but won't text him because she is following some kind of "rules" so she won't look "desperate." What is the huge deal around going ahead and pursuing his interest in her, if he's feeling it? Worst thing that can happen is it won't go anywhere and his feeling might be a bit bruised. Better that then not going after what you want in this short life.
CryForNoOne Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 (edited) Fine dont believe me... I am sure OP will let us know what happens... If this ONS turns into a 50 yrs old relationship or not!! The point is to weigh risk versus reward. The odds of it turning into a LTR are slim but still significantly higher than zero. The risk? Well, that's entirely up to you. If you choose to not care what others think, the risk is ZERO. But if you are a typical gen-Yer or millenial, your insecurity has such a stranglehold on you, that you'd choose to sit at home miserable writing long threads about how you have standards and aren't desperate, rather than risk, at worst, a snicker from someone you'll probably never see again... Edited December 4, 2016 by CryForNoOne
winny Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 The point is to weigh risk versus reward. The odds of it turning into a LTR are slim but still significantly higher than zero. The risk? Well, that's entirely up to you. If you choose to not care what others think, the risk is ZERO. But if you are a typical gen-Yer or millenial, your insecurity has such a stranglehold on you, that you'd choose to sit at home miserable writing long threads about how you have standards and aren't desperate, rather than risk, at worst, a snicker from someone you'll probably never see again... To me it is pretty clear that her interest is very low. So instead of pursuing her OP is better off pursuing someone who gives him little more interest. It has nothing to do with insecurity... It is having enuf intelligence to know who are time wasters vs who have some real value.
NuevoYorko Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 To me it is pretty clear that her interest is very low. So instead of pursuing her OP is better off pursuing someone who gives him little more interest. Someone random, whom he's never met - vs a woman he's had sex with and who's accepted a date. I'm not saying he shouldn't pursue a different woman, but while he's waiting to actually meet one ...
Author London123456 Posted December 5, 2016 Author Posted December 5, 2016 Hey all, Just a quick update. We arranged a date for tomorrow evening. We had a little back and forth by text and she seemed to warm to me. She had suggested meeting but made a point of saying she couldn't make it all the way to my neighbourhood (near the bar we met in) and that a weekday was better for her. What I take away from that is her wanting to make clear it's not going to be a repeat of last time (just a hookup). As for the lengthy time to reply, I think some of it may be wrapped up in her feeling guilty about leaving her friend when she met me. So I'll see how it goes tomorrow and let you know. Cheers for your thoughts. 1
CryForNoOne Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 To me it is pretty clear that her interest is very low. So instead of pursuing her OP is better off pursuing someone who gives him little more interest. It has nothing to do with insecurity... It is having enuf intelligence to know who are time wasters vs who have some real value. I guess 20 or 50 years ago people weren't very intelligent but they sure seemed happier...
TheTraveler Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Hey all, Just a quick update. We arranged a date for tomorrow evening. We had a little back and forth by text and she seemed to warm to me. She had suggested meeting but made a point of saying she couldn't make it all the way to my neighbourhood (near the bar we met in) and that a weekday was better for her. What I take away from that is her wanting to make clear it's not going to be a repeat of last time (just a hookup). As for the lengthy time to reply, I think some of it may be wrapped up in her feeling guilty about leaving her friend when she met me. So I'll see how it goes tomorrow and let you know. Cheers for your thoughts. Just remember you've already kissed her multiple times and had sex. If it leads to it again make it happen. Don't friendzone yourself and good luck! 1
winny Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Just remember you've already kissed her multiple times and had sex. If it leads to it again make it happen. Don't friendzone yourself and good luck! Ha ha friendzone after sex... Thats new ...
winny Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 I guess 20 or 50 years ago people weren't very intelligent but they sure seemed happier... Yeah right...!! Dont get me started on how the world viewed women 50 years ago... And i hope u realize there is a world outside of what happened in your family
joseb Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Ha ha friendzone after sex... Thats new ... Not really, it happens. Guy tries to overcompensate and woman is not interested once the excitement isn't there. 2
winny Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Hey all, Just a quick update. We arranged a date for tomorrow evening. We had a little back and forth by text and she seemed to warm to me. She had suggested meeting but made a point of saying she couldn't make it all the way to my neighbourhood (near the bar we met in) and that a weekday was better for her. What I take away from that is her wanting to make clear it's not going to be a repeat of last time (just a hookup). As for the lengthy time to reply, I think some of it may be wrapped up in her feeling guilty about leaving her friend when she met me. So I'll see how it goes tomorrow and let you know. Cheers for your thoughts. So you are saying that she didnt respond to you fast because she was feeling guilty about how she treated her friend??? What does this even mean? LOL Anyways I wish you luck and hope she is genuinely interested... Dont try to hook up again for the fear of being friend zoned and try to get to know her as a person unless ofcourse you just want to hook up.
kismetkismet Posted December 5, 2016 Posted December 5, 2016 Give it a shot! The relationship before the one that I'm in now started with a guy i met on a dance floor of a club and brought him home that night.. We dated for a year and a half after that and he was a good guy, and we're still friendly. My fiancé was also a 'one night stand' sort of situation haha. We work in different departments for the same company and hadn't spoken before really, but then at a staff party we hooked up and slept together. Not exactly the classiest move either haha. He asked me on a date the next morning and even though I wanted to I gave him a semi excuse about not really knowing what to do because I wasn't sure if it would be a good idea to date someone at work (we thought no one knew we'd hooked up). He said he thought that was me basically blowing him off, but then a few days later I asked him if he wanted to grab a beer. I hadn't meant it as a blow off, more of a caveat. Now obviously we're engaged and I've never been even close to this happy with anyone. The thing with one night stands is that you really don't actually know each other at all so it's not the same as if you'd been on a date or two before hand. You'll have to enter the date basically as though you haven't really met. That's part of why I was a bit hesitant before my first date with my now-fiancé. There's something awkward about going into a get-to-know-you type of situation with someone you've already been intimate with. You don't want them to assume you definitely want to date them/keep sleeping with them. So.. my advice would be to do a casual date. Maybe coffee or something like that, some kind of situation where you can indicate to her that you aren't making any assumptions about where the date is headed (physically OR emotionally). 1
Author London123456 Posted December 5, 2016 Author Posted December 5, 2016 Yeah, because she kept texting / calling her friend even whilst we were at mine (before we slept together!) I did say she was more than welcome to go and meet her friend but she seemed to keen to stay with me. That's the only reason I thought it might be because of guilt
Author London123456 Posted December 5, 2016 Author Posted December 5, 2016 Give it a shot! The relationship before the one that I'm in now started with a guy i met on a dance floor of a club and brought him home that night.. We dated for a year and a half after that and he was a good guy, and we're still friendly. My fiancé was also a 'one night stand' sort of situation haha. We work in different departments for the same company and hadn't spoken before really, but then at a staff party we hooked up and slept together. Not exactly the classiest move either haha. He asked me on a date the next morning and even though I wanted to I gave him a semi excuse about not really knowing what to do because I wasn't sure if it would be a good idea to date someone at work (we thought no one knew we'd hooked up). He said he thought that was me basically blowing him off, but then a few days later I asked him if he wanted to grab a beer. I hadn't meant it as a blow off, more of a caveat. Now obviously we're engaged and I've never been even close to this happy with anyone. The thing with one night stands is that you really don't actually know each other at all so it's not the same as if you'd been on a date or two before hand. You'll have to enter the date basically as though you haven't really met. That's part of why I was a bit hesitant before my first date with my now-fiancé. There's something awkward about going into a get-to-know-you type of situation with someone you've already been intimate with. You don't want them to assume you definitely want to date them/keep sleeping with them. So.. my advice would be to do a casual date. Maybe coffee or something like that, some kind of situation where you can indicate to her that you aren't making any assumptions about where the date is headed (physically OR emotionally). You make a really good point about treating it like any other date. Not even really sure how you greet someone on a 'first' date if you've already slept with them - a hug? Peck on the cheek? Short kiss? Who knows, I'll judge it at the time. As for keeping it casual, we're going to a small cocktail bar instead of coffee - think that's too datey?
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