Patrice Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 He says he works for the government, and if I look at his FB page - that appears to make sense. He is kind of secretive, claims he was married at an early age and divorced. No kids. When we were talking a few months ago, there was literally a stop in the getting to know eachother process, because he can't answer questions about his work. I'm a pretty open book, easy to talk to, have 3 kids, was divorced 7 years ago. He messaged me last week to find out how I am, after I had told him I really like transparency in a relationship, and I was not used to having a large part of anyone's life being kept secret. Now, he's back writing again and wants to meet. Claims he is an alpha male, seems to be suggesting a sexual relationship. There is something in my gut that is telling me something isn't right. Not sure what it is, googled romance scams and downloaded pictures - nothing. Looked to find out how to verify if someone has served in the military (he claims to have, and his pictures bear that out). I am a pretty independent woman, so this alpha male thing is kind of a turn off. Any thoughts on how I can further investigate this guy before actually meeting him? Thanks!
lana-banana Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 Washington is full of people who for any variety of reasons can't talk about their jobs. Medical, lawyers, even students often can't describe what they're doing in any concrete way. That's not a matter of transparency; it's a matter of obeying the law. This is why people in those professions tend to date and marry each other---it's a lot easier than explaining why you can't get into details about your day. And I strongly doubt that anyone attempting a romance scam would be so straightforward as to say they're only in it for the sex. That said, listen to your gut. If it doesn't feel right it probably isn't. But to me none of this sounds like he's lying. 2
Author Patrice Posted December 1, 2016 Author Posted December 1, 2016 lookup. Will feel it out ... just can't shake the feeling.
lana-banana Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 What about this doesn't feel right to you, out of curiosity?
Author Patrice Posted December 1, 2016 Author Posted December 1, 2016 military men before .. maybe some connection to the ones that didn't work out?
elaine567 Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 He says he works for the government, and if I look at his FB page - that appears to make sense. He is kind of secretive, claims he was married at an early age and divorced. No kids. When we were talking a few months ago, there was literally a stop in the getting to know eachother process, because he can't answer questions about his work. I'm a pretty open book, easy to talk to, have 3 kids, was divorced 7 years ago. He messaged me last week to find out how I am, after I had told him I really like transparency in a relationship, and I was not used to having a large part of anyone's life being kept secret. Now, he's back writing again and wants to meet. Claims he is an alpha male, seems to be suggesting a sexual relationship. There is something in my gut that is telling me something isn't right. Not sure what it is, googled romance scams and downloaded pictures - nothing. Looked to find out how to verify if someone has served in the military (he claims to have, and his pictures bear that out). I am a pretty independent woman, so this alpha male thing is kind of a turn off. Any thoughts on how I can further investigate this guy before actually meeting him? Thanks! All this ^^^ doesn't sound like a man you should meet. Your gut is screaming "Don't do it" and your brain is pointing out the red flags. Why would you get yourself involved when it all sounds like trouble with a capital T? He is talking a sexual relationship and you are worried that it won't work out. Of course it won't work out, he is not proposing anything that will "work out". My guess is that he is married or attached and that his "secrets" have nothing whatsoever to do with the military or his job...
Author Patrice Posted December 1, 2016 Author Posted December 1, 2016 is on OLD, was married briefly 30 years ago and is not with another woman. The Alpha Male thing is bugging me ... I generally do not do well with controlling men. If that's his thing, it won't happen.
elaine567 Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 is on OLD, was married briefly 30 years ago and is not with another woman. The Alpha Male thing is bugging me ... I generally do not do well with controlling men. If that's his thing, it won't happen. He as made a point of telling you he is an alpha man, so I guess that is important to him and another reason you should stay clear. Some women want an "alpha man", but that is not you, is it? 1
Author Patrice Posted December 1, 2016 Author Posted December 1, 2016 my own house, in great financial shape. Weird.
lana-banana Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 is on OLD, was married briefly 30 years ago and is not with another woman. Honestly? If he's out of the country frequently or has to work erratic hours, he may not be able to find a woman who wants to put up with it. People's careers can be so demanding as to remove all hope for a normal, stable long-term relationship. I think the fact that he says he only wants sex is a good indicator that he isn't interested or even capable of something more serious. At the end of the day, if your gut says no, that's all the reason you need to stay away. 1
Gaeta Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 I would not believe ONE word that he said. A secretive man on the Internet saying he is looking for a sexual relationship = married man. Why are you interested in this at all? Men that claim being Alpha are probably just abusive. A real Alpha man does not have to announce himself as being Alpha. Your bozzo is married and looking to slap a woman around in bed. Why don't you meet someone local? 6
elaine567 Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 Your bozo is married and looking to slap a woman around in bed. That is also my assessment of the situation. 2
ElizabethIII Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 Washington is full of people who for any variety of reasons can't talk about their jobs. Medical, lawyers, even students often can't describe what they're doing in any concrete way. That's not a matter of transparency; it's a matter of obeying the law. I also live in a large capital city and am in a profession. All my friends are either in law, medicine, finance, etc. I have never known any of us not be able to talk about what we do. There are things we can and cannot tell people outside our place of work, but we know where the line is and we dont cross it. To say we cant discuss our jobs at all is nonsense. If you're in the Secret Service, MI5, etc for sure you cant tell anyone but I find that highly unlikely for him. As others said he is probably married. 2
lana-banana Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 I also live in a large capital city and am in a profession. All my friends are either in law, medicine, finance, etc. I have never known any of us not be able to talk about what we do. There are things we can and cannot tell people outside our place of work, but we know where the line is and we dont cross it. To say we cant discuss our jobs at all is nonsense. If you're in the Secret Service, MI5, etc for sure you cant tell anyone but I find that highly unlikely for him. As others said he is probably married. Um, no. Literally millions of people have security clearances and can't talk about their work, and thousands of them live in the DC area. It's not at all uncommon in a city where national security is big business. If someone says they don't discuss work you respect them and drop the subject. 1
Sunkissedpatio Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 (edited) I also live in a large capital city and am in a profession. All my friends are either in law, medicine, finance, etc. I have never known any of us not be able to talk about what we do. There are things we can and cannot tell people outside our place of work, but we know where the line is and we dont cross it. To say we cant discuss our jobs at all is nonsense. If you're in the Secret Service, MI5, etc for sure you cant tell anyone but I find that highly unlikely for him. As others said he is probably married. Exactly! He's full of shet. Someone who hides their job online is either unemployed, is working an unfulfilling job instead of a career and is ashamed/bitter to his own detriment hence the huge chip on his shoulder. Or has some weird control issues and gets off on the power of withholding information. Ding! Ding Ding! I think this is the case. I met one of those recently. He worked for the "government" too. I asked him what he did and he got all uppity on me trying to intimidate with with a bunch of bull**** about how he couldn't say because he had "confidential" work. :lmao: I told him he shouldn't be using the "Congressional Affairs" computer to meet women online and signed off LMAO No federal secret agent is looking for romance on "Ok-Cupid" get real! And this OP Claims he is an alpha male, seems to be suggesting a sexual relationship. There is something in my gut that is telling me something isn't right. Is highly suspect. No man self-describes as this. No true "alpha-male" is going to pre-empt his conquest with "because I'm an alpha male..." :lmao: Run, don't walk from this creep. Your gut is right. Maybe it's Doug Stemper from House of Cards? He fits the bill.... Edited December 2, 2016 by Sunkissedpatio 1
Sunkissedpatio Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 I met a guy at a party a few years ago who worked for the CIA. He was completely open about working for the secret intelligence. We went out on two dates and he had some interesting stories including how he was recruited in university. This online clown is full of shet. 1
Gaeta Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 I once met a federal investigator and he had no problem telling me what he did for work. He did not discuss his cases of course but he could talk about his days in general. 1
Mrin Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 Trying to understand what the OP is worried about here... DC is a young city with a lot of people who can't really talk about what they do. I wouldn't be too worried about it. That being said - I found OLD in DC to be bomber! ;-)
ElizabethIII Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 Um, no. Literally millions of people have security clearances and can't talk about their work, and thousands of them live in the DC area. It's not at all uncommon in a city where national security is big business. If someone says they don't discuss work you respect them and drop the subject. Um nonsense. I have security clearances at my work. I can still talk about it. I can tell people my job title, what I do, the type of work I do, nut i cant tell anyone who my clients are or give away personal details sbout the work. There is a line and i dont cross it but i can still talk about my job. A few friends of mibe work in central government/ cabinet office, government legal services. They have ALL talked about their work but drsw the line where they have to. This guy is just lying and braggung and making himself look smart. It would take someone in a profession themselves to know he is full of it. 2
ElizabethIII Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 I once met a federal investigator and he had no problem telling me what he did for work. He did not discuss his cases of course but he could talk about his days in general. Yes. This is it exactly. I can discuss my days in general bu not details of what I work on. 1
lana-banana Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 (edited) Yes. This is it exactly. I can discuss my days in general bu not details of what I work on. The OP's guy said he was in the military, worked for the government, and didn't want to go into detail. How is that a problem? Why should he be talking about his work at all if he's just cruising for a hook-up? The OP is the only one saying she needed "transparency". We don't know how much information he gave her but it sounds like about as much detail as you'd give to any one night stand. I think most wise people would never share that much of my personal life with someone they didn't intend to date. I'm not trying to defend what appears to be a sleazeball. This guy is obviously boasting and trying to seem sexy and intriguing, but he is probably not lying about working for the government and can't talk about it. Limiting your work talk with an Internet stranger is always a good idea, as is not telling the entire Internet (on a board where people share highly personal information and vulnerabilities) that you have a security clearance. Edited December 2, 2016 by lana-banana
kidm Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 Um nonsense. I have security clearances at my work. I can still talk about it. I can tell people my job title, what I do, the type of work I do, nut i cant tell anyone who my clients are or give away personal details sbout the work. There is a line and i dont cross it but i can still talk about my job. A few friends of mibe work in central government/ cabinet office, government legal services. They have ALL talked about their work but drsw the line where they have to. This guy is just lying and braggung and making himself look smart. It would take someone in a profession themselves to know he is full of it. There are in fact people in DC (and other places) who CANNOT discuss their jobs. At the very high level, they take up a "fake" profession. There are several different levels of security clearance so you can't just bundle everyone into the same group. For example, government attorneys working in the justice department, U.S. attorney offices, etc. typically can let people know what they do generally- just like any other lawyer they can't give details on specific cases. Anyway, whether OP's guy has close to top level clearance and is in fact who he claims to be is a different story.
ElizabethIII Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 There are in fact people in DC (and other places) who CANNOT discuss their jobs. At the very high level, they take up a "fake" profession. There are several different levels of security clearance so you can't just bundle everyone into the same group. For example, government attorneys working in the justice department, U.S. attorney offices, etc. typically can let people know what they do generally- just like any other lawyer they can't give details on specific cases. Anyway, whether OP's guy has close to top level clearance and is in fact who he claims to be is a different story. Yes I know that. I did apply for such a job once. I wasnt allowed to tell anyone other than immediate family that I was even applying for the job! I decided not to proceed through it and terminated my application so no problem me now mentioning it here. People in secret service jobs cant tell people anything. They tell people their fake profession and that is it. If he did have such a job that he can talk about a a little it is unlikely he would tell a stranger on the internet about it. As I said this guy is full of it. 1
elaine567 Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 [quote=ElizabethIII;7145292 If he did have such a job that he can talk about a a little it is unlikely he would tell a stranger on the internet about it. As I said this guy is full of it. Agreed. If he had such a job, then he would be discussing his work as an "accountant" or an "IT worker", or how he "runs a small business from home" and NOT how he has this hush hush job he can't talk about... 3
Larryville Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 Claims he is an alpha male, seems to be suggesting a sexual relationship. He as made a point of telling you he is an alpha man, so I guess that is important to him There is something in my gut that is telling me something isn't right. Is highly suspect. No man self-describes as this. No true "alpha-male" is going to pre-empt his conquest with "because I'm an alpha male.. Wow that was a first as far as I know here. What idiot says that? That is bizzare! All this ^^^ doesn't sound like a man you should meet. YUP, Ditto E. Never ignore your gut.
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