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My G/F is not as feminine anymore - What can I do to change that?


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Posted
Sorry she has no time for you dude. This may be just a phase of taking care of a toodler, working and studying at the same time, but chances are things will get worse for you once her career takes off.

 

 

 

I dont get how people are saying she has no time for him or the family? shes busting her ass to make a better life for them all no? its like if a women stays home and collects welfare shes lazy if a women tries to work and better herself shes selfish there just is no happy medium we are not all wonder women after all..the OP keeps himself in pristine shape cause his job calls for it I bet if he was also in the health care field of work he might be thinking a little differently..

 

Also as some one else pointed out in 10 years and one kid hes never asked this women to marry him? that's got to be weighing on her mind hes clearly not interested in any serious commitment but yet shes suppose to be pulling out all the stops and dolling up for a man who wont even commit after 10 years and a kid? it kinda dose go both ways..

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Posted

Thanks everyone for the insight.

 

I decided I'm not gonna push/change anything for a bit until she's done with school, then we'll see where it goes from there. When she gets a little break I'll find a sitter and let her know to get a ready for an elegant night out and see how she responds.

 

As for her not having time for herself because of taking care of the kid, that's not a factor. I take care of the kid. If anything she might be feeling down that she does not have [enough] time for him. Once in awhile she'll read a couple books to him but that's about it. I take him everywhere, bathe, dress, feed, play, etc... Once a week or so we'll all go out somewhere kid friendly where we are together as a family as well. At the 'threenager' 'ferocious four' age, I have to say it's no easy feat managing a household that holds a studying mom and a crazy toddler.

 

I like the post where it was suggested instead of focusing on her (lack of) effort in regards to appearance, I should focus more on self improvement and effort on my end - That begins today.

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Posted
Thanks everyone for the insight.

 

I decided I'm not gonna push/change anything for a bit until she's done with school, then we'll see where it goes from there. When she gets a little break I'll find a sitter and let her know to get a ready for an elegant night out and see how she responds.

 

As for her not having time for herself because of taking care of the kid, that's not a factor. I take care of the kid. If anything she might be feeling down that she does not have [enough] time for him. Once in awhile she'll read a couple books to him but that's about it. I take him everywhere, bathe, dress, feed, play, etc... Once a week or so we'll all go out somewhere kid friendly where we are together as a family as well. At the 'threenager' 'ferocious four' age, I have to say it's no easy feat managing a household that holds a studying mom and a crazy toddler.

 

I like the post where it was suggested instead of focusing on her (lack of) effort in regards to appearance, I should focus more on self improvement and effort on my end - That begins today.

 

 

I give you credit for being a great dad OP and I agree just give her some time hopefully she will come around once you two have more genuine free time..:D

Posted

I don't agree with some of the posters saying that you aren't doing enough to support her or the household, or that you need to be more understanding of her time and obligations so therefore what you want from the relationship is not as important. If anything you are doing too much - you are the bread winner for now, you are primarily taking care of your child, you made accommodations for her to pursue her career by relocating your job and doing just about all of the housework while she studies then stares at Facebook. In my opinion considering all that you have done what you are asking for isn't a whole lot - I think the real problem is that the relationship is out of balance - she is taking you for granted and maybe even lost some interest in you. That happens when you are with someone for as long as you have been and when one person in the relationship become fixated on fulfilling the other partners needs while the other gets neglected. Getting married won't solve this either - if there are problems beforehand marriage just makes them worse. So I agree that the self improvement you mentioned is a good start - this is a great time for you to pursue more interests outside of the relationship and the household, or spend more time with friends. It will allow you to blow off some steam and not be so focused on her. If she really loves you she'll see the changes and get back to taking care of you too just like you take care of her.

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Posted
while she studies then stares at Facebook.

 

I have to say I doubt she just sitting idly around studying willy nilly and spending her days "staring at facebook". Studying for and working in the medical field is hard, demanding work that can take years. Would you want someone in a medical staff attending to you that didnt take their work 1000% seriously? Its understandable that she would feel tired.

 

That said, yes it is great that OP has taken on running the house and kids while she focuses on her study/work. Wish more men would be willing to do that while their wife follows her career/passion!

 

OP, while you are focusing on improving yourself, dont forget to make your wife feel beautiful inside and out. I bet the reason she says things like "why dont you find an upgrade then" when you bring up her hair, makeup, shaving legs, and general appearance is that your comments somehow implies you see her as "less than" when she doesnt do those things.

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