ElizabethIII Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 This I dated in the summer reappeared....I know I know. Ghosting is never good. He has previously said he wasnt looking for serious as he has been single for 5 years and is tied up with his training at the moment. I wasnt therefore expecting anything and was cool with it. His longest relationship has been 6 months so far and he is in his thirties. I even dated someone else for a bit while he vanished but it as just casual too. So not as if hanging around. Apparently he lost my contact details. Again, I know...unlikely. He asked me out and we had a lovely evening. He said he owed me dinner for last time and apologised. I really enjoyed our time together and we get on so well he said. He gave me lots of compliments. He brought up the whole issue again, saying he was wary of relationships unless he was sure. He actually said we're not seeing each other but if something did happen he'd want to be sure. I'm sure he said he was looking. He said he had previously deleted Tinder and stopped dating and found me on there again so contacted me via that after losing my number. Again I dont believe he. I dont believe he ever deleted Tinder, and that he just unmatched me so I wouldnt know if he was on there or not. But in the same breath, talks of future events. Next time we should do this etc etc. Even mentioned a vacation he may take next year and he would let me know if he was gonig alone or with family so I could come..... Parting shot was he said for me to call him and see about going out this Friday. Do I even bother?
PegNosePete Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 If you don't believe him and don't trust him, then no, don't bother. 2
Author ElizabethIII Posted December 1, 2016 Author Posted December 1, 2016 It isn't really about trust. It is what it is. casual and I know that. So I know he wont be a bf. I like his company. Not seeing anyone else right now.
hippychick3 Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 No, don't bother. You'll only be wasting your time and running the risk of getting more attached to the WRONG person (and this guy is no doubt the wrong person). You will be missing out on opportunities to meet the RIGHT person. He is completely undeserving of your time and attention. Move on ASAP. 2
Author ElizabethIII Posted December 1, 2016 Author Posted December 1, 2016 He normally says he will call but he told time to call him and see about Friday..... I dont know. I dont have plans for Friday. He seems hard to get on with. He has had alot of complaints made about him by fellow staff at his job.
PegNosePete Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 Well go on then. Not sure why you're asking if you're just going to ignore the answers. Good luck!
elaine567 Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 He normally says he will call but he told time to call him and see about Friday..... I dont know. I dont have plans for Friday. He seems hard to get on with. He has had alot of complaints made about him by fellow staff at his job. So why would you want to get yourself involved in this whole lot of trouble? He is a guy who no doubt marches to the beat of his own drum, hence his 6 month relationships, his ghosting and the complaints about him at work and the "hard to get on with" label. That can be an attractive quality, a guy who doesn't really care what anyone thinks. It is a challenge, maybe YOU could be the one to tame the beast and make him love you, BUT living with him will be a nightmare. My advice is to stay away - you are already too intrigued to remain totally uninvested. 2
elaine567 Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 This somewhat rings a bell. Is this the doctor/surgeon guy who slept with you but then never really made firm plans to see you regularly, blaming his work for his unavailability and his unreliability.
Author ElizabethIII Posted December 1, 2016 Author Posted December 1, 2016 This somewhat rings a bell. Is this the doctor/surgeon guy who slept with you but then never really made firm plans to see you regularly, blaming his work for his unavailability and his unreliability. No. He isnt a doctor. Haven't dated any Dr's lately.
elaine567 Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 No. He isnt a doctor. Haven't dated any Dr's lately. OK sorry, story just sounded a bit familiar.
Author ElizabethIII Posted December 1, 2016 Author Posted December 1, 2016 OK sorry, story just sounded a bit familiar. TBH alot of the threads in here sound the same to me. Ghoster comes back, he is flaky, bad at relationships in general etc He does have a big project on at the moment. Just a tad lonely here and near Christmas I guess. Its the mixed messages. On the one hand we're not dating. But owes me an apology for it and call him to see about Friday. IDK
travelbug1996 Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 Let him call you and ask you out properly. He's the one that ghosted. As a matter of fact, let him do all the pursuing. Put your feelings away. 1
TheWhittler Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 I don't think you should bother. I don't think he has changed and I think he is putting in minimal effort in order to keep you interested. Personally I think he is wasting your time. 2
Author ElizabethIII Posted December 1, 2016 Author Posted December 1, 2016 Let him call you and ask you out properly. He's the one that ghosted. As a matter of fact, let him do all the pursuing. Put your feelings away. I always have. Ive never chased him. This is the first time he's said call me about Friday.
LonelyInsomniac Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 Which would you regret more? (A.) Getting tangled up in this mess (B.) Wondering if it would be a mess I'm serious. Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought them back. If you're going to waste as much time wondering versus if you just got it over and went out with him for a few "not-dates"/months, save yourself some grief and just get on with it. That said, you should also find some other people to actually date, as you can bet he's finding some additional girls to 'not' date.
Author ElizabethIII Posted December 1, 2016 Author Posted December 1, 2016 Ive also had another guy to not date. So I cant really criticize.
Versacehottie Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 I always have. Ive never chased him. This is the first time he's said call me about Friday. 100% honestly, you sound invested already and that you are not going to take it as "casual". Being that he has a bad track record and you are agreeing to everything on his terms, go ahead but I don't think you will like the result. 2
winny Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 This I dated in the summer reappeared....I know I know. Ghosting is never good. He has previously said he wasnt looking for serious as he has been single for 5 years and is tied up with his training at the moment. I wasnt therefore expecting anything and was cool with it. His longest relationship has been 6 months so far and he is in his thirties. I even dated someone else for a bit while he vanished but it as just casual too. So not as if hanging around. Apparently he lost my contact details. Again, I know...unlikely. He asked me out and we had a lovely evening. He said he owed me dinner for last time and apologised. I really enjoyed our time together and we get on so well he said. He gave me lots of compliments. He brought up the whole issue again, saying he was wary of relationships unless he was sure. He actually said we're not seeing each other but if something did happen he'd want to be sure. I'm sure he said he was looking. He said he had previously deleted Tinder and stopped dating and found me on there again so contacted me via that after losing my number. Again I dont believe he. I dont believe he ever deleted Tinder, and that he just unmatched me so I wouldnt know if he was on there or not. But in the same breath, talks of future events. Next time we should do this etc etc. Even mentioned a vacation he may take next year and he would let me know if he was gonig alone or with family so I could come..... Parting shot was he said for me to call him and see about going out this Friday. Do I even bother? Due to all the highlighted portions above in bold, the answer to your question is - "NO"
Author ElizabethIII Posted December 1, 2016 Author Posted December 1, 2016 Due to all the highlighted portions above in bold, the answer to your question is - "NO" He just texted me asking how my day was, etc. Last time I saw him he just vanished completely without a word. Not this time. Oh well. See what he does but as you all said, I am not chasing and I ever do.
winny Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 He just texted me asking how my day was, etc. Last time I saw him he just vanished completely without a word. Not this time. Oh well. See what he does but as you all said, I am not chasing and I ever do. You ghost him this time... LOL 1
olivetree Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 You seem to have your mind made up on pursuing this and are waiting for other's blessings here. I wouldn't even be okay being casual with someone that ghosted me in the past. I want a man that is into me 100%. I think you're convincing yourself you're okay with casual when you want a proper relationship. Stick to what you actually want.
kidm Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 I don't see anything he is doing differently. He's back but with all the caveats. He probably went through his "Rolodex" of women he has ghosted on because the well is a little dry these days and you took the bait. I realize it all sounds pessimistic but if he had come back and seemed remorseful and really started putting in effort to get to know you properly, I would think differently. Rather, he's back and has given you all these disclaimers so you don't expect much from him and he doesn't have to put much into it. Proceed at your own caution. 2
elaine567 Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 YOU are already writing a love story in your head about this when all you have to go on is some unreliable, most likely sh*tty guy, who has probably just hit a dry spell and is trying his luck with you again. He knows all the right buttons to press - the talk of the future events, the vacation... a bit of future faking never does any harm. He also knows that if YOU call him about Friday he is onto a sure thing.
winny Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 I don't know why would any young smart woman settle for this casual thing.... You deserve the full thing... I am telling this because I have done the casual thing and it somehow made me to think that its okay.... but deep down I wanted more... I wanted love... I wanted the complete undivided love of a guy... and that's when I ended that useless relationship... it damages you more and makes you doubt your self worth and also you agree to such arrangements even more easily in future. And let's say because of whatever reason you want to take the casual route... you will find 100s of guys readily available for that... why choose this ghoster????
Author ElizabethIII Posted December 2, 2016 Author Posted December 2, 2016 YOU are already writing a love story in your head about this when all you have to go on is some unreliable, most likely sh*tty guy, who has probably just hit a dry spell and is trying his luck with you again. He knows all the right buttons to press - the talk of the future events, the vacation... a bit of future faking never does any harm. He also knows that if YOU call him about Friday he is onto a sure thing. Hell no. I've been there before when I was much younger. It goes nowhere I know that. I'm not expecting anything from him. The only reason I am even entertaining a casual set up is that I am stuck at the moment, I have some life issues I dont really want to go into here in the unlikely event I get recognized. I am limbo for now and cant really make any long term plans. The only reason why I am even bothering with him at all. Oh I get it.....I know what future faking is.
Recommended Posts