Dan111 Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 I've been with my girlfriend for 6 months and everything up until last week seemed perfect - at least in my head. We have never had 1 argument up until last week, we were both a bit drunk and started argueing about going out. Anyways out of the blue she starts saying that we feel like just good friends and not boyfriend and girlfriend. We used to make love nearly every day but its gone down to once a week. I partly blame this to her working 12 hour days. Saying we we are very different people, she is more career driven than myself. I am by no means in a bad job and work in I.T but her work is her life. She is extremely stressed and works until midnight most evenings and then up at 5am. She can be very grumpy and hot and cold with me. We both live at home with our parents and I spend about 4/5 nights out of a week at her parents house. This is not ideal as I am 31 and she is 26 but we are both saving to buy a house. I do feel as though we spend to much time together and we have kind of burnt our self's out. It's become a habbit said. I haven't been seeing my friends as much and spending Friday night to Monday morning with her since July + weekdays, Apart from the odd day here and there.. I saw her last night and things seemed OK until she said she wanted a weekend off and that I had kind of invited myself round yesterday. I felt upset and said could we just maybe do Friday night and go for a meal, to which she agreed but I felt as though I was forcing her into this. I know I need to give her some space but I'm so scared of losing her, should I tell her not to worry about Friday and just see her when she feels ready? I love this girl and I've never been happier.
PegNosePete Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 Usually when a woman wants "a break" it means the relationship is over. A break does not fix relationship problems. They are fixed by communication. By asking for a break she is saying that in her opinion the relationship is not worth fixing, she'd rather bail. Go out on Friday and talk to her about it. Say you don't want a break but if she feels there is a problem in the relationship or if her needs aren't being met then she should talk to you like an adult human being. Don't settle for a break. By the end of that meal you should have a yes or no answer to whether you're still together or not. Don't give her an ultimatum though, talk to her. 6
ExpatInItaly Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 Her saying she feels like you're just friends is very significant. It means she has more or less lost interest. That hot and cold behaviour and diminishing interest in sex support that assertion. Follow Pete's advice and tell her that you don't do breaks. You can work out the problems together as a couple, or go your separate ways. There is a difference between taking a weekend to do your own things, and asking for a break from the relationship because you don't feel like a couple anymore. The latter is a bad sign. 4
BluesPower Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 And on top of that, man don't ever be afraid to "LOSE" a girl. When you let yourself feel that way, you actually set yourself up to lose her. Until you are married to someone you need to be ready to walk on a moments notice and have that attitude. If you chase a woman around like a puppy dog, she will not respect you and dump on you when she wants to. Here is the other thing, I am betting 100 use dollars that she is cheating on you already. He attitude has all the ear marks of her having found a new lover or a crush. Could be wrong but I bet I am not. She may have the guts to tell you on your next date if you ask her, but she may not as well. You should calmly as her if there is someone else and see how she reacts. What I do usually is if they want a "Break" I give them one, permanently. For one thing "Break" usually means, "I am screwing around on you but I am not ready to dump you yet until I figure out if the new guy with the great equipment is worth the trouble". Also, dude, you are 31, move out of mom and dads place for goodness sake. For one thing it will open up your dating options by like a mile, and for another, it just makes you look like a loser. 2
fromheart Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 Already some good advice here, nothing much to add. Always best to back away from a woman if she's being hot/cold. If you are readily available, it will diminish her interest further. Its only 6 months, personally I'd fully back away and call it a day. I always advise not to emotionally invest so heavily in the early stages. BluesPower gives some good advice about losing what you're afraid to lose. Understand that you love this girl and have never been happier, but I'll also add... Is the present situation really your idea of happiness? No, there's much more happier opportunities out there. Its a question of walking away from things that aren't making you happy, to find the things that do. 2
Stilnaught Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 Take a moment to reflect on the fact that, instead of being afraid to lose her, you should be afraid of having lost yourself already a long while ago. Furthermore the previous advice has been very good. People don't take breaks, they take leaps out of the comfortzone togéther.
VeveCakes Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 She wants space so become obsolete. Find something to do this weekend and only contact her if she reaches out to you. Give her a week or two to feel that missing you feeling. If nothing changes after that time then I am sorry but it is over. Do not bombard her with visits, texts, calls, or pressure. 2
Author Dan111 Posted December 6, 2016 Author Posted December 6, 2016 As the title says, I am on a 1 week 'break' with my girlfriend and I knew her password to Facebook and Email. I should never of done this and it's wrong of me. Anyways she got a notification that somebody had logged in near my home town. She confronted me and I lied and told her it wasn't me, shes not stupid and hasn't said much about it yet. Some guy had messaged her a couple of times commenting on a picture of her dogs she posted. She replied a few times, There wasn't much in it and he tried carrying on the conversation to which she didn't reply. I think any hope of us getting back together is now ruined after my actions. What should I do?
Philosoraptor Posted December 6, 2016 Posted December 6, 2016 Nothing good will come from lying. You'd be best to let her know you were feeling insecure and logged into her account. Genuinely apologize to her, and don't let it happen again. 1
umirano Posted December 7, 2016 Posted December 7, 2016 Ask her to change the password and to not tell you. What a dumb thing to do, exchanging passwords. And yes, trying to lie away the obvious makes you look really bad. Confess and man up.
breakupthrowaway663 Posted December 7, 2016 Posted December 7, 2016 (edited) Edit: didn't see the break is already in effect. Best you fess up in person and genuinely apologize. Do not beg. A sincere apology will do. Be graceful Good advice above. To add to it, do not let her push your boundaries. When you communicate be strong and stand for what you believe in. Don't do breaks. Don't fall for BS reasons for needing a break like "I need to focus on work right now". Maintain self-respect and she may just admire you for it. On top of that, I'd give her distance. Allow her to handle work and work stress on her own. If she is the type of person to let her work stress infect her relationship with you, then you deserve to be with a more emotionally mature person. Edited December 7, 2016 by breakupthrowaway663
Slimtripper Posted December 7, 2016 Posted December 7, 2016 I got the "I need some time" thing. All she cared about was how she would feel after breaking it off. The only thing she was fighting with was how to do it, not wether to do it. If it happened again I would still give them time. 1-2 days then I'd want a yes or no. Time doesn't help if they know u are waiting around. U have to just leave
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