Author Nini-mouse Posted December 4, 2016 Author Posted December 4, 2016 Hello? How are you all? It was nice to go swimming, but what with the dancing and the walking as well, I got into negative net calories, which is a bit of disaster, because my body will go into starvation mode. It was REALLY nice to swim though. I swam back and forth, pretty much non stop for half an hour, and now I feel like I have been to the beach, so that is lovely. Part of growing stronger, a big part, I think is just to develop my life outside that blog. There was nearly a point today when I ended it, but I just FEEL that it helps me more than hinders me, as much as I hate it on the weekends. I am not sure yet if this is the right decision, but I am filled to the brim with hormones, it is three weeks to Christmas, I am getting stronger, I am in a good place, and I just don't want to upset the apple cart right now and go through the inevitable trauma. I guess if I want to build a communication friendship with you guys, I should come to the main forum and read your stories. I feel pretty clueless about real relationships, so it might be a good education! I hope you are all having a wonderful weekend!!
DarrenB Posted December 4, 2016 Posted December 4, 2016 Hello? How are you all? It was nice to go swimming, but what with the dancing and the walking as well, I got into negative net calories, which is a bit of disaster, because my body will go into starvation mode. It was REALLY nice to swim though. I swam back and forth, pretty much non stop for half an hour, and now I feel like I have been to the beach, so that is lovely. Part of growing stronger, a big part, I think is just to develop my life outside that blog. There was nearly a point today when I ended it, but I just FEEL that it helps me more than hinders me, as much as I hate it on the weekends. I am not sure yet if this is the right decision, but I am filled to the brim with hormones, it is three weeks to Christmas, I am getting stronger, I am in a good place, and I just don't want to upset the apple cart right now and go through the inevitable trauma. I guess if I want to build a communication friendship with you guys, I should come to the main forum and read your stories. I feel pretty clueless about real relationships, so it might be a good education! I hope you are all having a wonderful weekend!! Sounds as if you are progressing really well, Nina. Glad to hear it! continue your process of healing and moving forward, despite the festive blues/reminiscence that may arise. Look forward to a new year! have a great weekend also. 1
Author Nini-mouse Posted December 4, 2016 Author Posted December 4, 2016 Thanks!! I appreciate it Have a great day!!
Author Nini-mouse Posted December 17, 2016 Author Posted December 17, 2016 Hell, basically. Turtle does this to me every year. He goes on holidays mid December and cuts me off. It is hell, every year. I have a crappy holiday, while he goes off and has fun with his girlfriend. This year, I wasn't standing for it. I dumped him right back. I shut the whole thing down, but this comes with some side effects. I don't have any feelings for him. I actually couldn't care less about him, but the blog was a constant source of self expression and validation. So quitting it feels like quitting some kind of addiction. It affects me cognitively in ways you couldn't understand. I am an absolute mess, or at least I am today. I was fine yesterday. The worst thing is that I am going home for a holiday next week. I wish I could just heal and be quiet, but I have to be social and festive.
Author Nini-mouse Posted December 18, 2016 Author Posted December 18, 2016 I feel like this is the best thing to do. When I read back over my blog, I feel as though I just go round and round in circles, and I write about the 'relationship' more than I would like to see. It is a toxic cycle of being disillusioned, and then happiness. When I read another ten pages of the summary of it the other day, I felt as though I just wanted to get off the merry go round. So, it is the best thing to do. I just feel sad today. I miss having someone to talk to, and tell about my world. I miss him.
Author Nini-mouse Posted December 20, 2016 Author Posted December 20, 2016 It is like any kind of addiction, really. I am toying with the idea of going back. For the simple reason, that it is so nice to skim the top off my thoughts, and I don't have any decent alternatives for self expression. It is a good thing to do, I think. . . express yourself in written words, , , and now that I am on holiday and just having a lovely, lovely time, I feel like I want that outlet. The good thing about this particular addiction, though, is that I can try it on for size. I went to my site and composed a draft post, before I let him back into my world, to try it on for size. What I noticed was, that while it is great to have somewhere to share my thoughts, that particular space comes with a whole heap of baggage and problems and feelings that I can really do without. Sometimes, I feel obligated to post, as though he is waiting for me to say something, sometimes I am waiting for him, and it is excruciating. It comes along with years of feeling like he doesn't really love me, and all the rejection that entails. It is definitely good to have a break. It gives me a lot of room to get some perspective. I decided not to post my draft in the end. It is a good outlet, but I am not willing to deal with all the other aspects. So, for now, , , I haven't broken my boundary. I hope you are all having a lovely day xx
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