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I know I shouldn't...

Minka101

By Minka101
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winny Established Member

winny

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Thank you :)))))

Well, he asked me what my plans for the weekend are. I replied that I have to work tomorrow and study on Sunday and then asked him about his plans. He told me what his plans are but didnt suggest meeting again. Maybe I gave the impression that I am too busy (he knows I work full time and go to school full time). :eek::eek:

 

Text him back and say you do have your schedule free between so and so time on so and so date... you should have put it in your first text though... Girl!!!

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Minka101 Established Member

Minka101

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Yes you gave him that impression. If I were him I'd think you weren't interested in me.

 

Oh no. What do I do now? Well, I also said nice to hear from you. He also mentioned he would be watching soccer and I said: you like soccer? Not many people like soccer in the US. I wanted to keep the conversation going :( Hope he replies

Mrin Established Member

Mrin

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Oh no. What do I do now? Well, I also said nice to hear from you. He also mentioned he would be watching soccer and I said: you like soccer? Not many people like soccer in the US. I wanted to keep the conversation going :( Hope he replies

 

Do what Gaeta said. Text him back that you could make time if he wanted to get together. He needs to know that you're interested.

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Mrin Established Member

Mrin

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Wanted to put this in a different post so you could get my advice before I typed this thing out.

 

OP: I get where you're coming from about not wanting to appear needy etc... but it is totally killing your text game and sending all the wrong messages to this guy. Don't worry, I see lots of women with this challenge - in fact I am currently "mentoring" one of my best friends who is exactly like you in the text dept.

 

Okay, so here's the thing - showing interest in him can actually come across as amazingly confident and strong. It is just how you phrase it. Here's a handy rule to consider: If you are making an observation, that's comes across as strong. If you're expressing your emotions/thoughts, that often comes across to men as needy. Here, let me give you some examples - will be easier to understand.

 

Strong: Your text made me smile

Weak: I'm smiling because I hoped you'd text

 

Strong: You're cute

Weak: I think you're cute

 

Here is another rule of thumb: similar to the first, statements of certainty are confident, statements with unknowns come across as needy to men. Examples

 

Strong: I'd like to see you again

Weak: I hope I see you again

 

Strong: I like you

Weak: I'm starting to like you

 

Anyhow, something to try on. But to Pete's sake, you have to give the man something to work with. ;-)

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Minka101 Established Member

Minka101

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Wanted to put this in a different post so you could get my advice before I typed this thing out.

 

OP: I get where you're coming from about not wanting to appear needy etc... but it is totally killing your text game and sending all the wrong messages to this guy. Don't worry, I see lots of women with this challenge - in fact I am currently "mentoring" one of my best friends who is exactly like you in the text dept.

 

Okay, so here's the thing - showing interest in him can actually come across as amazingly confident and strong. It is just how you phrase it. Here's a handy rule to consider: If you are making an observation, that's comes across as strong. If you're expressing your emotions/thoughts, that often comes across to men as needy. Here, let me give you some examples - will be easier to understand.

 

Strong: Your text made me smile

Weak: I'm smiling because I hoped you'd text

 

Strong: You're cute

Weak: I think you're cute

 

Here is another rule of thumb: similar to the first, statements of certainty are confident, statements with unknowns come across as needy to men. Examples

 

Strong: I'd like to see you again

Weak: I hope I see you again

 

Strong: I like you

Weak: I'm starting to like you

 

Anyhow, something to try on. But to Pete's sake, you have to give the man something to work with. ;-)

 

Thank you so much, this is really helpful. I really appreaciate you took your time to explain.

I am just weird when it comes to showing interest. I guess I am scared.

Anyway, now we are texting back and forth. He asked me about my final exams. I said next week won't be as busy (trying to give him a hint) but the one after will be scary (my last week of the semester). Now I asked him how his work is going, and waiting for a reply

I know I should have done this better but I hope he gets it.

winny Established Member

winny

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How easy would it be to just say - "You're fun. Let's go on a date...!" :D

olivetree Established Member

olivetree

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To be honest, I think he sounds lukewarm. Asking about your weekend plans on a Friday is pretty lame. And he didn't even ask you to hang out.

 

HE is being pretty weak.

 

I would keep dating others and if he steps up his game, then I'd take it more seriously.

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Minka101 Established Member

Minka101

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To be honest, I think he sounds lukewarm. Asking about your weekend plans on a Friday is pretty lame. And he didn't even ask you to hang out.

 

HE is being pretty weak.

 

I would keep dating others and if he steps up his game, then I'd take it more seriously.

That is exactly what I am afraid of. I can't date guys who are nah... I really liked him. On the other hand, previous week I went out with another guy and he was really interested. He texted me the same night, then asked me out again the next day. However, I sort of liked him and kept replying but at best I am lukewarm about him.

 

Now, I know this guy might be shy, might not be sure how I feel about him, but if he really feels like askig me out again, he will. He is also new in town, he might only be lonely. In that case, I am not interested and don't have time for new friends.

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Minka101 Established Member

Minka101

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Ok, he just asked me out for dinner or drinks sometime next week.

winny Established Member

winny

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Ok, he just asked me out for dinner or drinks sometime next week.

 

Did he give specifics? Tell him you will be able to confirm once he tells you the exact date and time and location.

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Minka101 Established Member

Minka101

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Did he give specifics? Tell him you will be able to confirm once he tells you the exact date and time and location.

 

Well, he asked if I would be free sometime next week. I replied that I am free on Mon and Tues. And then he asked if 8pm for dinner sounds ok. I agreed and told him Mon would be better probably. He said he would look up the restaurants and let me know.

winny Established Member

winny

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Well, he asked if I would be free sometime next week. I replied that I am free on Mon and Tues. And then he asked if 8pm for dinner sounds ok. I agreed and told him Mon would be better probably. He said he would look up the restaurants and let me know.

 

Yeah thats sounds pretty specific to me. Good :)

Keep this momentum .. let him initiate the dates, search the restaurants... you show up.. looking your best and have a great time... and do thank him.

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Minka101 Established Member

Minka101

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Yeah thats sounds pretty specific to me. Good :)

Keep this momentum .. let him initiate the dates, search the restaurants... you show up.. looking your best and have a great time... and do thank him.

 

I'll do my best. Thank you :)

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Minka101 Established Member

Minka101

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Isnt it weird that we dont keep in touch between dates. We had the 1st date, three days later he contacts me and after a small chit chat asks me out again-conversation done. I assume he will contact me again to let me know what restaurant he picked and to confirm the date.

Does this mean his interest is mediocre?

winny Established Member

winny

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Isnt it weird that we dont keep in touch between dates. We had the 1st date, three days later he contacts me and after a small chit chat asks me out again-conversation done. I assume he will contact me again to let me know what restaurant he picked and to confirm the date.

Does this mean his interest is mediocre?

 

I would say yes.

Most guys would text you and want to speak to you in between dates and try to know you more, about your day etc.

Grey40 Established Member

Grey40

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Isnt it weird that we dont keep in touch between dates. We had the 1st date, three days later he contacts me and after a small chit chat asks me out again-conversation done. I assume he will contact me again to let me know what restaurant he picked and to confirm the date.

Does this mean his interest is mediocre?

 

Not nessecarily this quickly. With each date communication should increase though. But not nessecarily right after the first date. Even if he really likes you and love how the first date went, he's gotta make sure it wasn't a fluke. If he's not opening up more after the second date, then you have your answer.

 

I've been on first dates that went awesome, then went on a second one and realized I really wasnt that attracted or into the person..the first date was kind of just exciting and we were drinking etc. so now I personally don't invest too much emotionally or open up until I realize this is someone I want to hang out with Inc a regular basis

Edited by Grey40
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winny Established Member

winny

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Not nessecarily this quickly. With each date communication should increase though. But not nessecarily right after the first date. Even if he really likes you and love how the first date went, he's gotta make sure it wasn't a fluke. If he's not opening up more after the second date, then you have your answer.

 

I've been on first dates that went awesome, then went on a second one and realized I really wasnt that attracted or into the person..the first date was kind of just exciting and we were drinking etc. so now I personally don't invest too much emotionally or open up until I realize this is someone I want to hang out with Inc a regular basis

 

So basically, his interest is mediocre at this point.

Grey40 Established Member

Grey40

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So basically, his interest is mediocre at this point.

 

No not nessecarily he might really like her and

 

A) wants to wait for the second date to know for sure

B) doesn't want to seem too needy too quickly

 

Girls say they want the guy to text them a lot but doing that this soon only kills attraction whether they believe it or not

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basil67 Established Member

basil67

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His interest may not be mediocre at all. It's entirely likely he's following the same silly dating rules that someone has fed you. The way you perceive his interest now is no different to how he would have perceived your interest in the beginning.

 

If only people would stop with all these rules and just do what they want. If you're interested in someone, MAKE IT CLEAR. This goes for both genders.

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winny Established Member

winny

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Girls say they want the guy to text them a lot but doing that this soon only kills attraction whether they believe it or not

 

Ha ha .. I do have to agree that in this case his limited texting is building attraction :laugh:

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Minka101 Established Member

Minka101

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Ha ha .. I do have to agree that in this case his limited texting is building attraction :laugh:

 

Hm... not sure about it. I actually really liked him. I also think he might be out of my league. And I am trying not to get my hopes up.

winny Established Member

winny

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I also think he might be out of my league.

 

What makes you think this way?

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Minka101 Established Member

Minka101

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What makes you think this way?

 

He is really good looking, has a great job, got his PhD from Ivy league college. I, on the other, am still struggling with my BA, have a low-paying job and I guess I am just ok looking but not gorgeous. :laugh:

winny Established Member

winny

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He is really good looking, has a great job, got his PhD from Ivy league college. I, on the other, am still struggling with my BA, have a low-paying job and I guess I am just ok looking but not gorgeous. :laugh:

 

None of those means he has a great character or you don't.

Nothing is more valuable than character, at least by my standards.

You should only be looking for stuff such as how empathetic he is, how reliable, trustworthy, supportive, mature.... evaluate him based on these traits...

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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If you (or him) have a high interest on a first date than your interest is only based on the obvious like image and pedigree. If you have an interest in someone, even a low interest, you should see that person again. You don't know but that low interest may boom after a few dates. A constant growing interest is much more interesting than a high interest that will flake away after a couple of weeks.

 

Also, you don't have to wait for him to touch base between dates. You can initiate a hello at least once and see if it will encourage him to initiate contact.

 

I suggest though you do not over text each other, best way to kill the interest before even it starts.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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