I know I shouldn't...

[Minka101]

Hello everyone,

 

I know it would be the best to be patient and wait and see what happens but... it is hard to do.

 

I met a guy online. After talking for a week he asked me out for dinner. I am very, very busy so I suggested drinks instead (and we could leave faster if we didn't like each other). We met last night, had one drink and talked for 1.5 hours. I think it was a great date. There were no awkward silences and everything went smooth. At the end, he told me he was going to walk back home (he lives close to the bar we went to). I offered to drive him and he gladly accepted. Before he left the car he asked for my number (till then we talked through online site) and hugged me good night.

I really liked him, but now I am worried as there was no follow up text (guys who asked me for a second date, usually texted the same night to let me know they had a great time). Is it a good sign he took my number or was he just polite? I know it's been only one day (less than 24h) but I can't help it.

Thank you

[Gaeta]

I really liked him, but now I am worried as there was no follow up text (guys who asked me for a second date, usually texted the same night to let me know they had a great time). Is it a good sign he took my number or was he just polite? I know it's been only one day (less than 24h) but I can't help it.

Thank you

 

You are too much ahead of yourself here. He is a stranger you had a drink with last night, you should not care at all if he drops off the face of the earth.

 

This is not the only man for you to date. Relax. If he calls, good. If he doesn't call than you should not care one bit.

 

Get back online and search for Mr. Next.

[smackie9]

relax....most guys go by a policy of waiting a day or two to make sure they don't look needy and to increase their desirability....and guess what, it's working lol.

[Minka101]

You are too much ahead of yourself here. He is a stranger you had a drink with last night, you should not care at all if he drops off the face of the earth.

 

This is not the only man for you to date. Relax. If he calls, good. If he doesn't call than you should not care one bit.

 

Get back online and search for Mr. Next.

Gaeta,

 

I know I should relax, even if he calls not get obsessed, keep my options open, blah blah, it is only dating. I also know you don't have a crystal ball to tell me, but I though maybe someone can tell me more from their own experience. Or guys who asked for phone numbers and maybe never called. Anything

[Gaeta]

Gaeta,

 

I know I should relax, even if he calls not get obsessed, keep my options open, blah blah, it is only dating. I also know you don't have a crystal ball to tell me, but I though maybe someone can tell me more from their own experience. Or guys who asked for phone numbers and maybe never called. Anything

 

A lot of men ask for numbers and never call. It's just a challenge for them to get numbers and have no intent of following up.

 

Some men call the following day but will disappear after your 3rd date.

 

Some men don't call the following day but will in 2-3 days and you end up dating them regularly.

 

Some men don't call right away because they follow stupid dating rules.

 

And some men do not call because they need the woman to give them a big green light that she would like for him to call.

 

Did he pay for the date? Did you contact him to thank him? You should always thank your date if he paid, even if you don't want to see him again. It's basic courtesy.

 

If this guy paid than send him a text: Thank you again for treating me last night, I had a good time and I'd be happy to do this again.

[Minka101]

A lot of men ask for numbers and never call. It's just a challenge for them to get numbers and have no intent of following up.

 

Some men call the following day but will disappear after your 3rd date.

 

Some men don't call the following day but will in 2-3 days and you end up dating them regularly.

 

Some men don't call right away because they follow stupid dating rules.

 

And some men do not call because they need the woman to give them a big green light that she would like for him to call.

 

Did he pay for the date? Did you contact him to thank him? You should always thank your date if he paid, even if you don't want to see him again. It's basic courtesy.

 

If this guy paid than send him a text: Thank you again for treating me last night, I had a good time and I'd be happy to do this again.

 

He paid. As I said he suggested dinner but I opted for drinks. We only had one beer each and I never offered to pay (some people say always offer I though it wasn't necessary, plus he opened a tab and had to go to close it). When he said thanks for the ride, I said thanks for beer. he seemed little shy but I don't want to be the one texting him first. He is the one who asked for the number (as stupid as it sounds)

[Gaeta]

He paid. As I said he suggested dinner but I opted for drinks. We only had one beer each and I never offered to pay (some people say always offer I though it wasn't necessary, plus he opened a tab and had to go to close it). When he said thanks for the ride, I said thanks for beer. he seemed little shy but I don't want to be the one texting him first. He is the one who asked for the number (as stupid as it sounds)

 

You want a boyfriend or you want to follow stupid dating rules? How much do you want to be alone in the name of 'he is the one who should' ? What exactly do you have to lose?

 

Explain to me what you lose by sending him a text ? : Thank you again for treating me last night, I had a great time and lets do this again if you feel like it.

[Minka101]

You want a boyfriend or you want to follow stupid dating rules? How much do you want to be alone in the name of 'he is the one who should' ? What exactly do you have to lose?

 

Explain to me what you lose by sending him a text ? : Thank you again for treating me last night, I had a great time and lets do this again if you feel like it.

I heard that guys are usually put off by this kind of text messages. And, when suggesting to drive him, I kind of wanted to extend our date (even though I was the one to end it because I had work to do).

 

There is something else I just remembered. He's been in my city for only a year and he is leaving within the next 2-3 years. I am in school and he asked me if I see myself living somewhere else or I would want to stay in my current city after gradation. It might have been just a random question though.

[Gaeta]

I heard that guys are usually put off by this kind of text messages. And, when suggesting to drive him, I kind of wanted to extend our date (even though I was the one to end it because I had work to do).

 

Men enjoy getting a green light from women. I am not asking you to chase him down. I am asking you to send him a thank you note. If it turns men off to get a thank you note than I give up on humanity.

 

There is something else I just remembered. He's been in my city for only a year and he is leaving within the 2-3 years. I am in school and he asked me if I see myself living somewhere else or I would want to stay in my current city after gradation. It might have been just a random question though.

 

It's an important question. He knows he is leaving in 2-3 years. If you are standing strong on never moving away than there is no point in him dating you.

 

When I met my boyfriend the very first time I asked where he wanted to retire. We are talking in 20 years. If he had answered he is returning to France I would not have accepted a second date with him as I am not interested in uprooting myself.

[Redhead14]

Technically, the first meeting from online is not a date. It's just to see if there is enough to want to have a real date and spend more time. So, I wouldn't place the same "expectations"/treatment as if it were a date.

 

Keep busy and focused on you. For now, treat this guy as if he were just someone you happened to have sat next to at the bar and struck up a conversation with.

[Minka101]

Men enjoy getting a green light from women. I am not asking you to chase him down. I am asking you to send him a thank you note. If it turns men off to get a thank you note than I give up on humanity.

 

It's an important question. He knows he is leaving in 2-3 years. If you are standing strong on never moving away than there is no point in him dating you.

 

When I met my boyfriend the very first time I asked where he wanted to retire. We are talking in 20 years. If he had answered he is returning to France I would not have accepted a second date with him as I am not interested in uprooting myself.

 

Thank you for sharing that about your boyfriend. It might not have been only a random question then.

[winny]

I would suggest dropping him that Thank you text.

[Gaeta]

I once sent a thank you note the following day.

 

The man was very surprised. He told me I had come across as not that interested in him during our date so was not planning of contacting me again because of it. He was thrilled to learn I had enjoyed our date and was open to seeing him again.

[Gaeta]

Explain to me what you lose by sending him a text ? : Thank you again for treating me last night, I had a great time and lets do this again if you feel like it.

 

Again, I would really like you tell me what you have to lose by sending a thank you note?

[Minka101]

Again, I would really like you tell me what you have to lose by sending a thank you note?

 

I thought I would come across as desperate and pushy and he would be completely put off. And if he had any intention of asking me out again, he might changed his mind. I know it is only a thank you note. But he asked for my number and if he actually didn't call me so I can have his number too (which I think I asked for) I wouldn't even have it now.

[Gaeta]

I thought I would come across as desperate and pushy and he would be completely put off. And if he had any intention of asking me out again, he might changed his mind. I know it is only a thank you note. But he asked for my number and if he actually didn't call me so I can have his number too (which I think I asked for) I wouldn't even have it now.

And where do you get all that none sense that a thank you note will completely put off a man and make him change his mind? You think men don't like being thanked? You think men are disgusted by women showing enough confidence to say thank you?

 

If you called him crying that you are totally in love with him after 1 date yes that would completely turn him off but a thank you note??

 

You have any experience dating at all? It's like someone fed you all kinds of non sense.

[selinaluv]

And where do you get all that none sense that a thank you note will completely put off a man and make him change his mind? You think men don't like being thanked? You think men are disgusted by women showing enough confidence to say thank you?

 

If you called him crying that you are totally in love with him after 1 date yes that would completely turn him off but a thank you note??

 

You have any experience dating at all? It's like someone fed you all kinds of non sense.

 

And I have also read comments from men on here who have written women off because they were not considerate enough to send a thank you text.

 

Sending one because he paid and it is the polite thing to do. Any reasonable person would not be turned off by it.

[Minka101]

Well, it's been two days, I am going to assume he is not interested.

[Gaeta]

Well, it's been two days, I am going to assume he is not interested.

 

Have a good time being single Minka. Dating is a game that requires 2 players. Hope you learn that soon.

 

You also had NOTHING to lose by texting him a thank you note. It would have turned him off? SO WHAT? he is a stranger, if a thank you not turns him off than good riddance!

[winny]

I thought I would come across as desperate and pushy and he would be completely put off. And if he had any intention of asking me out again, he might changed his mind. I know it is only a thank you note. But he asked for my number and if he actually didn't call me so I can have his number too (which I think I asked for) I wouldn't even have it now.

 

I think people have messed up the minds of women about sounding and looking desperate, clingy, pushy etc etc...

You met him, you liked him enough to want to see him again, so you sent him a text to gauge his interest... what's the big deal??? You will only come across as an adult confident woman who knows what she wants and deals with a rejection gracefully.

[Minka101]

Update:

He texted me this morning asking if I had any plans for the weekend. I still have to reply but I am so happy he did. I guess it was two/three days rule

[Mrin]

Update:

He texted me this morning asking if I had any plans for the weekend. I still have to reply but I am so happy he did. I guess it was two/three days rule

 

Reply. Book second date and send a thank you text next time!

[winny]

Update:

He texted me this morning asking if I had any plans for the weekend. I still have to reply but I am so happy he did. I guess it was two/three days rule

 

Yay!!! Happy for you!!!

Go have fun... :)

[Minka101]

Yay!!! Happy for you!!!

Go have fun... :)

 

Thank you ))))

Well, he asked me what my plans for the weekend are. I replied that I have to work tomorrow and study on Sunday and then asked him about his plans. He told me what his plans are but didnt suggest meeting again. Maybe I gave the impression that I am too busy (he knows I work full time and go to school full time). :eek:

[Mrin]

Thank you ))))

Well, he asked me what my plans for the weekend are. I replied that I have to work tomorrow and study on Sunday and then asked him about his plans. He told me what his plans are but didnt suggest meeting again. Maybe I gave the impression that I am too busy (he knows I work full time and go to school full time). :eek:

 

Yes you gave him that impression. If I were him I'd think you weren't interested in me.