primer Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 General Questions: Is it wrong to expect a birthday gift or Christmas gift from your SO? Is it wrong to wish for thoughtful gestures? If I give, should I expect something in return?
Arieswoman Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 primer, I'm not too sure where you are going with this one, so maybe you could define "significant other" Then maybe posters can give a balanced response. 1
Author primer Posted November 30, 2016 Author Posted November 30, 2016 Significant Other: a person with whom someone has an established romantic or sexual relationship.
Gaeta Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 Significant Other: a person with whom someone has an established romantic or sexual relationship. Expectations when in a romantic relationship versus a sexual relationship are much different. Which one are you interested in?
Author primer Posted November 30, 2016 Author Posted November 30, 2016 I didn't realize this was such a hard question. Forget it.
scooby-philly Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 You came onto an international advice board. People asked you 2 questions to get clarification. That's not making it hard. It's making it easier for people with a on topic, proven experience to help you. The world isn't black and white, and relationships more so than most things. If you're talking about a romantic relationship (which means you could be having sex) then it's all about perception. 1. Never give expecting anything in return. If you expect gifts, hugs, or anything in return.....then it's not the reason to give. 2. That said, read (even a summary of) the "Five Love Languages" - each person gives (and receives) according to 5 "areas" - time, attention, gifts, etc. And a person's giving and receiving mode aren't necessarily the same. I give in all 5 areas. I want it only in time, attention, and affection. I don't care about gifts (per se) but..... 3. You need to communicate with an SO and your title for your post "Expectations" says it all. Everyone expects the same thing from partners when they're inexperienced as either they saw modeled at home, or have the vision of in their minds, or what their first crush/love did. As we mature, we learn - through communication, experience, and learning - to both communicate our needs/wants and to listen to others. If someone doesn't - that's a potential barrier. If someone can communicate, but can't adapt - that's another potential barrier. But in the end, we can also ignore certain flaws or shortcomings if the other 98% is there. 4. Let me give you an example. So I said earlier I don't care about gifts......I want affection, time, and attention. But....I was dating a women 2 years ago. It was rocky from week 3. She was very spoiled and I'm a caretaker, a cancer male, and also have some lingering abandonment issues. So....long story short - even after I should have left a 3 weeks, 3 months, etc. - I paid for a trip for her and I to her home country - with a another stop on the way....(she's originally from Asia) and a return 14hr layover in Paris on the way back. (She had a cousin in Paris who could take us around for the day). I did all that for her, she didn't have a job at that point, she struggled to do the course work for 1 class and was planning on going full time to complete her degree in engineering here (she had a 3 yr college diploma from her home country) and all I asked was that she pay her bills - nevermind saving money or paying down her debt.....she went on a ski trip still after she lost her job (despite her saying 6 weeks before (and before she lost her job) that she had enough skiing that winter and also didn't have the money)...and i didn't dump her then - all of this.....to have have her get me ________ on my birthday (which was the day we were in Paris on the way home from me paying to take her back to see her family). Now I didn't do all of this looking for something in return. And normally - I don't care about gift. But it spoke volumes of her selfishness and was the final straw among other stuff that happened in the 2 weeks before the trip, on the trip, and in the 2 weeks after we got back.... I say all that as an example of how if you're not on the same page elsewhere.....then areas that aren't normally a problem, can become one. 5. So...going back to your question - you can't give expecting anything in return....and if you don't talk ahead of time about something.....you have to accept what you get (or don't) and then either converse off of that or move on if you're so upset by what you get that you can't force yourself to try and help the other person grow. And if this answer doesn't suit you and you wanted 2 words - sorry - relationships aren't that easy. Unless you are.
eightytwenty Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 Yes it is wrong to expect a gift.. No because everyone wants to be shown they are cared for...
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