Charmed22 Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 3 months ago I dated a hot/cold guy who we shall call John. I posted a thread about the situation and everyone was right about me coming on too strong and him not being interested.Since then, I have been dating off/on & learned my lesson on how to act in the early stages of dating. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/591739-guy-swears-he-into-me-but-doesn-t-see-me-often In these 3 months, I have kept John on my social media and we have exchanged texts here and there (him initiating) but nothing substantial ever comes from those conversations (he stops responding). I decided to update my Facebook profile pic and I randomly received a text from John telling me I look good. Thinking its another 'how have you been' convo, I go with it and realize the conversation felt familiar and he is in fact flirting with me. I go with it for another day then I decide upfront ask him whats going on and why is he flirting with me after making it clear nothing was going to happen. Apparently he misses when we used to date and wanted to put himself back on my radar in hopes that I will give him another chance. I was shocked and told him I was really hurt by everything that happened and wanted to know what changed. Apparently he wasn't in the right place to date then and now he is. I told him I wasn't in the mind to make a decision and to give me a day or 2 to decide. He texted me 2 days later and I told him I thought about it and asked if he was still interested. He said we should hang out and see if there are still feelings and if there are we will go from there. I agreed and he said he would contact me to set up a time. 2 days later he contacted me and didn't really try to set up a time to hangout so I just told him Ill be in his area with friends and If he wants to get a drink let me know. That evening he declined saying he wants to see me but his mind isn't in the right place to go out. I responded "okay whenever you are just let me know." I haven't heard from him since and this was Monday. Im confused, I never flat out said I was taking him back. I just wanted to see him in person so I can gage whether its worth it and so I can have a conversation with him about everything. I don't get it. Why put your pride aside and ask for a second chance only to flake once again? Its extremely frustrating.
Zahara Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 Why put your pride aside and ask for a second chance only to flake once again? Its extremely frustrating. Pretty basic. He became hot when you weren't in his grasp. The moment you opened the door, and he realized that he would have to be responsible for his words and your expectations, he turned cold. That's the push and pull/hot and cold dynamic. Keep him off your radar. These types are only good for a mind-f***. 2
Author Charmed22 Posted November 30, 2016 Author Posted November 30, 2016 (edited) Pretty basic. He became hot when you weren't in his grasp. The moment you opened the door, and he realized that he would have to be responsible for his words and your expectations, he turned cold. That's the push and pull/hot and cold dynamic. Keep him off your radar. These types are only good for a mind-f***. Thats what I was thinking, keeping him on my social media was a good/bad thing. Im a relatively popular person (not to sound superficial) Im constantly invited out and tagged in photos with my friends doing fun stuff. I didnt actually think he payed attention. One thing he commented on when we texted was how popular I am and how Im always out having fun. Im confused cause i never flat out said I would take him back. Im actually dating someone at the moment (who is also showing signs of fading) so Im not even invested in the idea of taking John back. I just wanted to see him and talk to him. Edited November 30, 2016 by Charmed22
winny Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 Thats what I was thinking, keeping him on my social media was a good/bad thing. Im a relatively popular person (not to sound superficial) Im constantly invited out and tagged in photos with my friends doing fun stuff. I didnt actually think he payed attention. One thing he commented on when we texted was how popular I am and how Im always out having fun. Im confused cause i never flat out said I would take him back. Im actually dating someone at the moment (who is also showing signs of fading) so Im not even invested in the idea of taking John back. I just wanted to see him and talk to him. Not a kind of guy who would be a good long term partner... he has issues...
Zahara Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 Thats what I was thinking, keeping him on my social media was a good/bad thing. Im a relatively popular person (not to sound superficial) Im constantly invited out and tagged in photos with my friends doing fun stuff. I didnt actually think he payed attention. One thing he commented on when we texted was how popular I am and how Im always out having fun. Im confused cause i never flat out said I would take him back. Im actually dating someone at the moment (who is also showing signs of fading) so Im not even invested in the idea of taking John back. I just wanted to see him and talk to him. It doesn't matter that you never flat out said you would take him back. He already knew you had expectations and he already knew where you would be heading. He already knew you were still invested because we teach people how to treat us -- a man that has been hot and cold with you, yet you still entertain him when he chooses to come back into your life. He already knew where your head was and what was going to be expected of him. That is why he has gone cold -- it is because he knows he cannot follow through. If you are not even thinking of taking John back, why the need to see him and talk? Be honest with yourself. 1
Author Charmed22 Posted November 30, 2016 Author Posted November 30, 2016 Don't waste your time. An interested guy doesn't need time to think about it - or even "hang out". An INTERESTED guy asks you OUT on a date he has planned. His head isn't in the right place to "go out"? Forget it! He's wanting sex only - find a guy to actually date you! I would think a guy who wanted sex only would jump at the chance to go to a bar and grab a drink with me. I don't think this is a sex thing. It wasn't a sex thing 3 months ago when we 'dated' or I would have at least seen him for sex. Im not sure whats going with this guy and why I can't ever figure him out.
Zahara Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 I would think a guy who wanted sex only would jump at the chance to go to a bar and grab a drink with me. I don't think this is a sex thing. It wasn't a sex thing 3 months ago when we 'dated' or I would have at least seen him for sex. Im not sure whats going with this guy and why I can't ever figure him out. He's emotionally unavailable. Yes, he wants sex but he also knows you want more than sex. So, he knows that there are expectations and he doesn't want to be responsible for that and when that notion dawns on him, he gets cold. This isn't anything new. I've encountered men like him. The best thing to do is let them go. 2
Author Charmed22 Posted November 30, 2016 Author Posted November 30, 2016 It doesn't matter that you never flat out said you would take him back. He already knew you had expectations and he already knew where you would be heading. He already knew you were still invested because we teach people how to treat us -- a man that has been hot and cold with you, yet you still entertain him when he chooses to come back into your life. He already knew where your head was and what was going to be expected of him. That is why he has gone cold -- it is because he knows he cannot follow through. If you are not even thinking of taking John back, why the need to see him and talk? Be honest with yourself. Its been a slow process getting over John and ill admit I am not 100% over him. The guy I'm seeing now (who ill call mike), I met a little more than a week ago. I got the text from John literally right before my date with mike. The date went well which is why I was so flustered when John said he wanted me back. I talked it over with my friend and decided to see how things play out with both of them as John has proven to already be a flake and I have just met Mike. I had no immediate intentions on taking John back because I have another guy on my radar who I am also interested in. I only wanted to see John, see if there is still feelings (I haven't seen in 3-4 months so the attraction may no longer be there) and have a face conversation with him bringing up all my concerns about giving him a second chance and see what he says cause I may not like even like his answers. While I still have some feelings for him, I can't even begin to consider things with him until I have that talk.
Redhead14 Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 3 months ago I dated a hot/cold guy who we shall call John. I posted a thread about the situation and everyone was right about me coming on too strong and him not being interested.Since then, I have been dating off/on & learned my lesson on how to act in the early stages of dating. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/591739-guy-swears-he-into-me-but-doesn-t-see-me-often In these 3 months, I have kept John on my social media and we have exchanged texts here and there (him initiating) but nothing substantial ever comes from those conversations (he stops responding). I decided to update my Facebook profile pic and I randomly received a text from John telling me I look good. Thinking its another 'how have you been' convo, I go with it and realize the conversation felt familiar and he is in fact flirting with me. I go with it for another day then I decide upfront ask him whats going on and why is he flirting with me after making it clear nothing was going to happen. Apparently he misses when we used to date and wanted to put himself back on my radar in hopes that I will give him another chance. I was shocked and told him I was really hurt by everything that happened and wanted to know what changed. Apparently he wasn't in the right place to date then and now he is. I told him I wasn't in the mind to make a decision and to give me a day or 2 to decide. He texted me 2 days later and I told him I thought about it and asked if he was still interested. He said we should hang out and see if there are still feelings and if there are we will go from there. I agreed and he said he would contact me to set up a time. 2 days later he contacted me and didn't really try to set up a time to hangout so I just told him Ill be in his area with friends and If he wants to get a drink let me know. That evening he declined saying he wants to see me but his mind isn't in the right place to go out. I responded "okay whenever you are just let me know." I haven't heard from him since and this was Monday. Im confused, I never flat out said I was taking him back. I just wanted to see him in person so I can gage whether its worth it and so I can have a conversation with him about everything. I don't get it. Why put your pride aside and ask for a second chance only to flake once again? Its extremely frustrating. wanted to know what changed -- Nothing has changed. You shouldn't surprised or confused. He's the same as he was when you dated him before. Hot/Cold.
Zahara Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 (edited) and have a face conversation with him bringing up all my concerns about giving him a second chance and see what he says cause I may not like even like his answers. While I still have some feelings for him, I can't even begin to consider things with him until I have that talk. The thing is, this is meaningful enough for you to invest time to think about and to require a mature conversation with another adult as to next steps. What you need to understand is that when someone who is hot and cold with you, isn't functioning with deep, healthy or mature emotions for you. When you mentioned you are ready to talk, chances are when he suggested coming back to you, in his mind, he would just be hitting the reset button. As easy as that. But when he realized that this is "real" and that you are coming in with expectations and with a need to have a mature discussion, he backed out because he is running on shallow emotions. He can't have that talk with you because he knows he is going to repeat the pattern. His intent to come back to you isn't as genuine as you think it is. He knows what he is capable and incapable of doing. Don't even consider things -- walk away. He cannot give you what you need. Edited November 30, 2016 by Zahara 2
eightytwenty Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 I hung out a guy that would call every once in awhile and would want to hang out. Never wanted anything more, like relationship or whatever. Just weird. I finally just stop responding to him. Those types aren't really worth it.
mortensorchid Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 He's yanking your chain. He wants to see if you will come back or not, and he knows to take advantage because you're lonely. Move on. Easier said than done, but ... Not worth your time ultimately.
Author Charmed22 Posted December 1, 2016 Author Posted December 1, 2016 He's yanking your chain. He wants to see if you will come back or not, and he knows to take advantage because you're lonely. Move on. Easier said than done, but ... Not worth your time ultimately. That's the thing, I'm not lonely and he knows I'm not lonely as he even commented on me going out all the time and all the friends I have. It is very apparent that I have a social life since I am always tagged in stuff on social media and I now know he pays attention to that. That's why I was thinking maybe he was just after me cause he felt like I was a chase or cause it was clear I was doing just fine without him and he couldn't have it?
Author Charmed22 Posted December 1, 2016 Author Posted December 1, 2016 He just contacted me asking how my day is. Is it worth it me telling him Im not playing his game or should i just not respond?
Zahara Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 He just contacted me asking how my day is. Is it worth it me telling him Im not playing his game or should i just not respond? Don't respond. He cannot give you what you want. 1
Miss Peach Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 He's stroking his ego by seeing if he has a shot. I don't know why but there are a lot of men who slow fade or check to see if the door is open. I would let this one go.
Leigh 87 Posted December 2, 2016 Posted December 2, 2016 He thinks you are attractive enough to have sex with but isn't into you enjoy to bother dating. Plain and simple. This has happened to me. One guy who disappeardisappeared twice on me was hooked on my body. He would even drive hours to ahem, give me an orgasm, expect nothing in return and drive home. Even men who are super attracted to you may not be into your enough to want to date you or even see you. Only a small minority are too unfeeling and broken to be able to date and feel propper in depth emotions. Usually they just aren't into you enough to bother with , but they get horny at times and remember how hot they find you. Simples. Really, I promise.
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