spaceraider234 Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 (edited) Sorry for the long post but i would really appreciate some input. My boyfriend of 6 months has broken up with me. We were visiting his parents and stayed there for a few days, yesterday we left and travelled somewhere to stay in a hotel. We had been bickering the past few days, mainly because i would pick up on things i didn't like, like the way he said something or the way he acted (i.e being a bit selfish) I always say when im not happy about something. and on the way to the hotel he said hes drained and fed up of arguing with me all the time - but i said to him if you just listened to what im saying instead of getting defensive it wouldn't be that way (he seems to think i enjoy bringing things up or annoying him) i just stopped talking. We got to the hotel and we made up briefly, then he said something in a rude way which i didn't appreciate so i mentioned it, he then went off on one and was like im going for a drink i cant wait to get out of here, he then proceeded to go and i said thanks for the invite and he said do you want to come then in a angry way so obviously i said no so he left and slammed the door. I text him saying thanks for that and he said now i know why you and your ex ended up the way you did (basically saying it was my fault) so naturally i was angry, i left the room to go to the shop to buy some shampoo and he was in there i went to the till and he said i already have some I said i dont care tbh, i then went outside and he was there i said i dont want to talk to you tbh and he shouted in the street by the way its over and walked off. I hung around in a bar for a couple of hours then went back to the room, i started getting my things together and he came in a bit drunk and didnt say a word, I left to go and sit in reception with my bags not knowing what to do as I was stranded in a city without a car. He came down into the reception as if he was going out somewhere, saw me then went back up. I text him saying remember you ended this and he said and for good reason, im free and feel it bye. So i went up to his room a bit drunk and he just proceeded to shout and swear at me telling me to get the f out, why was i still there and to f off, i tried hugging him and kissing him i was crying but he wasn't having any of it, he said get out i dont want to talk to you me and you are done, i said how can you be so horrible you dont love me and he said think what you want go away, i said ill go if you say you dont love me and he wouldn't say I don't love you. He said youve ruined this, your a lovely girl but you ruin it for yourself your a nightmare (I don't think I'm that bad he just doesn't seem to like when someone pulls him up on his behaviour) then he said i have plans im gonna go and have some fun I have days off too you know and you've ruined it, and i said are you going to sleep with someone and he said none of your business if I do, so i left as that really hurt me. I text him saying sorry and i was getting a lift home if he wanted to see me before i left, if not i love you and goodbye, he text me saying goodbye. I text him today basically saying sorry if i acted a way he didnt like but i didnt want to leave it on bad terms and i wished him all the best and he has ignored me, im so upset its as if he hates me. He also deleted me off facebook last night. Weve always been close and very loving and affectionate towards one another I just don't get how someone can act so cold so easily. Edited November 30, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator added paragraphs and moved thread to Breaks and Breaking Up ~6
GorillaTheater Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 He seems overly angry and you seem like a hell of a lot of work. I think he probably just wants a total break from the drama. If he wants space, give it to him. 3
eightytwenty Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 You sit there and nagged at him at his parents house, then got to the point where y'all were arguing there. Basically embarrassed him. You really think he'll want to stay around with you after that?
LostOnes05 Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 (edited) You nagged the hell out of him. I can tell just by reading your post. No one wants someone else to micro-manage every move/word they say. And then you antagonized him because he was leaving the room to get some space. Now, I think it's great that you speak up the moment something is bothering you and don't wait 6 months down the road to bring it up. HOWEVER, communication and good communication are two different things. Shouting, cursing, giving the silent treatment is still communication but in its worst form. Doesn't sound like either of you are communicating well because you are nagging him and he's fed up with it so he's having public outbursts which isn't good on his part (he has to learn how to deal better with frustration, but I can understand why he kinda blew his top in general- this is just based on what you wrote...obviously I wasn't there). There are ways to communicate that you are upset about something in a loving manner that isn't nagging. For instance if you didnt like his tone or he said something you perceived as rude, you could say "hey, i love you so when we're both calm let's sit down and talk. I want us to be on the same page so there's no misunderstanding of our words or tones and move past it." You might also want to check your sensitivities to certain things or even ask them to clarify what they meant. I say that because everything someone says shouldn't spark an argument on either side. You'll have gray hairs before your time doing that with everybody. Best of luck getting through to him or with the next guy. But both of you have to learn to communicate better. Edited November 30, 2016 by LostOnes05 2
MarkIVSteel Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 It seems like he has tolerated you for a while and reached his breaking point. At some point, the nagging just doesn't seem worth it to him to be in a relationship with you. Send him a text apologizing for the way you nagged him and promise not to do it again.
Author spaceraider234 Posted November 30, 2016 Author Posted November 30, 2016 It seems like he has tolerated you for a while and reached his breaking point. At some point, the nagging just doesn't seem worth it to him to be in a relationship with you. Send him a text apologizing for the way you nagged him and promise not to do it again. MarkIVSteel - isn't it too late after everything he said? seems like he hates my guts. Also the way he spoke to me last night I feel as if he should be apologizing for that or Is that just wishful thinking?
PinkElephants Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 Definitely wishful thinking. Why do you feel the need to hen peck him to death? Are you completely incapable of holding your tongue or picking battles? That's something to work on because no man in his right mind is going to sign up to spend the rest of his life with someone who's going to nag him relentlessly every time he says the wrong word or steps out of what you very narrowly consider acceptable behavior. You sound incredible dramatic and you nag like you're his mother. It's impressive that he made it as long as he did.
niji Posted December 1, 2016 Posted December 1, 2016 Also the way he spoke to me last night I feel as if he should be apologizing for that or Is that just wishful thinking? Someone tells me, "Get the f*** out", and I'll be out of their life. But that's just me. For some, these phrases are baselines and they mean no ill will. That being said, I was very surprised to find out you're in your early 20s (read your other threads - I like to do this to get context). I'm not much older than you, and if I was reading your post I'd think you're 15. I don't mean that in an offensive way, but the whole "I said this, he said that" and the fact that you two exchanged texts (you being passive aggressive, "thanks for that"), while being PHYSICALLY together is very immature and not a baseline I'd expect from a 20-something. Everyone grows up at a different rate. Heck, I've met people who are well into their 30s who are so immature, I wonder what they spent their 20s doing. The important thing is to realize how you can grow. You didn't specifically say that your (ex) boyfriend did that caused you to call him out, so it's hard to assess the severity of his behaviors, if any, and whether you're just a nag in nature, or there was something concerning about him. You failing to mention what these things were makes me think it's the former. Seems like it's time to focus on yourself.
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