bowser Posted November 29, 2016 Posted November 29, 2016 In need of some advice and would appreciate any input you could offer me. I've been dating a guy I met around six weeks ago, we'd been on maybe five or six dates and I went on holiday last week for a few days. He came to see me the day I got back and I gave him a couple of the cheap things I'd brought back, that same night without any discussion he called me his girlfriend. Since I've got back he's spent pretty much every night at mine and even asked me when he can meet my parents and is already trying to discuss future plans, everything from Holidays to future family. He is a few years older than me and hasn't had a serious relationship in around seven years, while neither of these things are an issue for me in and of themselves it feels to me like a too much too quickly, I don't know if I'm making a big deal of nothing but I don't know what the rush is. I'm not a commitaphobe but I haven't been in a serious relationship for a few years myself and I enjoy the dating and the flirting, I really like the guy but still feel like we don't really know each other that well and alarm bells are going off for me. I don't know if it's just me, the age difference or if I'm right not to just go with it. I'm mostly concerned if he's seeking a relationship just because he's lonely or desperate it won't be a healthy one. Any thoughts? 1
ElizabethIII Posted November 29, 2016 Posted November 29, 2016 Do you want him or are you just happy with dating and meeting other people? 1
Author bowser Posted November 29, 2016 Author Posted November 29, 2016 I do like him, I'd say we're quite compatible and I've been on a few other dates with people on and off recently all of whom I've stopped seeing since I met him and I do want it to progress, I'm just concerned about his haste 1
BaileyB Posted November 29, 2016 Posted November 29, 2016 Conventional wisdom states that you shouldn't make any big decisions - moving in together, marriage, babies - for at least a year. At six weeks, you barely know each other and you are still in the honeymoon phase - best foot forward, there is nothing about him that really annoys me phase. Give it four seasons to really get to know each other... See each other through the good times and the bad, how does he deal with stress, how does he manage money, how bad is the "man cold" Just enjoy each other and give your relationship some time to develop as its meant to develop.... Beware of anyone who pressures you to rush too quickly to make a serious commitment... That's not the healthy thing to do. 3
ElizabethIII Posted November 29, 2016 Posted November 29, 2016 I do like him, I'd say we're quite compatible and I've been on a few other dates with people on and off recently all of whom I've stopped seeing since I met him and I do want it to progress, I'm just concerned about his haste It could just be talk. One of my exes did this. Smitten with me. I wasnt afraid as I felt the same: I saw a future with him. I met his family, spoke of future vacations, discussed our future.... And he cheated on me after a year or so and he is married to her now. I wouldnt get too worried as it could just be hot air to nail you down and once he knows he has you, he may relax. If you are not comfortable with something, for example, he asks to meet family, just say not now there's plenty of time. As for coming over every night, start saying no. Like you have plans or actually make plans and go out with friends. 3
Author bowser Posted November 29, 2016 Author Posted November 29, 2016 Conventional wisdom states that you shouldn't make any big decisions - moving in together, marriage, babies - for at least a year. At six weeks, you barely know each other and you are still in the honeymoon phase - best foot forward, there is nothing about him that really annoys me phase. Give it four seasons to really get to know each other... See each other through the good times and the bad, how does he deal with stress, how does he manage money, how bad is the "man cold" Just enjoy each other and give your relationship some time to develop as its meant to develop.... Beware of anyone who pressures you to rush too quickly to make a serious commitment... That's not the healthy thing to do. I think you may well be right, not much else I can do! I don't want to over think it but I guess I'm a little cautious! 1
Author bowser Posted November 29, 2016 Author Posted November 29, 2016 It could just be talk. One of my exes did this. Smitten with me. I wasnt afraid as I felt the same: I saw a future with him. I met his family, spoke of future vacations, discussed our future.... And he cheated on me after a year or so and he is married to her now. I wouldnt get too worried as it could just be hot air to nail you down and once he knows he has you, he may relax. If you are not comfortable with something, for example, he asks to meet family, just say not now there's plenty of time. As for coming over every night, start saying no. Like you have plans or actually make plans and go out with friends. Thanks Elizabeth, definitely going to use that response, think you're right about making plans too! I like to take control of these situations but don't want to come across as too domineering or unavailable!
Satu Posted November 29, 2016 Posted November 29, 2016 I think you may well be right, not much else I can do! I don't want to over think it but I guess I'm a little cautious! You're right to be cautious. Don't move any faster than you want to. “Love is begun by time, And time qualifies the spark and fire of it.” - Hamlet – Act 4, Scene 7 Take care. 2
basil67 Posted November 29, 2016 Posted November 29, 2016 It's not too early to call it a 'relationship'. But it's too early to commit. To me, commitment is the step before engagement. A relationship is a tool to further gauge compatibility. When you've have enough time to be reasonably confident that you're compatible, then you can talk commitment. Personally, I would hesitate to declare commitment if you've been together less than a year. 1
Sunkissedpatio Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 It's not too early to commit and make the relationship exclusive but I would feel it's way too early to meet the parents. But that's just me. It sounds like it is too early for you too. Scale it back. Don't see him as often but explain to him you want to take things slow and really get to know him don't just hang him out to dry and switch gears with no explanation. He sounds pretty interested and excited or he could be a love-bomber. If he is a love-bomber he won't stick around if you pace things. If he isn't a love-bomber and is genuinely excited to have found you, well lucky you first and foremost , he'll understand your need to pace things at a more balanced speed. 2
travelbug1996 Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 (edited) If he's sleeping at your house almost every night of course he doesn't want the person he's having sex with to be out with other men. If you think he's moving too fast why do you let him stay at your house everynight? What did you say when he called you his girlfriend? I would have asked what does that mean. I see nothing wrong with the pace. Just protect your heart (meaning don't let your feelings get away from you) and see where it goes. Edited November 30, 2016 by travelbug1996
LargoLagg Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 In need of some advice and would appreciate any input you could offer me. I've been dating a guy I met around six weeks ago, we'd been on maybe five or six dates and I went on holiday last week for a few days. He came to see me the day I got back and I gave him a couple of the cheap things I'd brought back, that same night without any discussion he called me his girlfriend. Since I've got back he's spent pretty much every night at mine and even asked me when he can meet my parents and is already trying to discuss future plans, everything from Holidays to future family. He is a few years older than me and hasn't had a serious relationship in around seven years, while neither of these things are an issue for me in and of themselves it feels to me like a too much too quickly, I don't know if I'm making a big deal of nothing but I don't know what the rush is. I'm not a commitaphobe but I haven't been in a serious relationship for a few years myself and I enjoy the dating and the flirting, I really like the guy but still feel like we don't really know each other that well and alarm bells are going off for me. I don't know if it's just me, the age difference or if I'm right not to just go with it. I'm mostly concerned if he's seeking a relationship just because he's lonely or desperate it won't be a healthy one. Any thoughts?Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! You are perfectly right to have your radar sound alarms. There are two love reactions to what you've done, assuming that he sees your gift as an act of kindness that causes him to fall over the edge. One is to fall for you, and to have doubts as to your intentions. The other is the assumptive close. To hear you tell it, he's the kind of guy that is ready to announce to his family, out loud while you're there, that he's met the girl he's going to marry. The out for him might be that he's young and inexperienced. However, he's 7 years older - so that excuse is out. I don't know how long it will take or under what circumstances it will occur, but there will be an event, a day, when you know for sure that you are not for him.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 In need of some advice and would appreciate any input you could offer me. I've been dating a guy I met around six weeks ago, we'd been on maybe five or six dates and I went on holiday last week for a few days. He came to see me the day I got back and I gave him a couple of the cheap things I'd brought back, that same night without any discussion he called me his girlfriend. Since I've got back he's spent pretty much every night at mine and even asked me when he can meet my parents and is already trying to discuss future plans, everything from Holidays to future family. He is a few years older than me and hasn't had a serious relationship in around seven years, while neither of these things are an issue for me in and of themselves it feels to me like a too much too quickly, I don't know if I'm making a big deal of nothing but I don't know what the rush is. I'm not a commitaphobe but I haven't been in a serious relationship for a few years myself and I enjoy the dating and the flirting, I really like the guy but still feel like we don't really know each other that well and alarm bells are going off for me. I don't know if it's just me, the age difference or if I'm right not to just go with it. I'm mostly concerned if he's seeking a relationship just because he's lonely or desperate it won't be a healthy one. Any thoughts? You are being safe. No serious relationship in 7 years. Rushing to meet your family and only after 6-weeks of dating. He is moving too fast for you, so slow it down. Let him know that when YOU feel comfortable where the relationship is going, you'll be in a better position to introduce him to your closest people. Does he have other hobbies, friends, family that he spends time with? What does he do?
Gaeta Posted November 30, 2016 Posted November 30, 2016 You know how many stories similar to yours we read on here, many. This man is infatuated and before you reach the 3 month mark he will pull a disappearing act on you. At 6 weeks it's ok to establish exclusivity but that doesn't mean you have to rush meeting family. Set some rules. No family meeting under 3 months dating. Wait and see what he's got in his belly before introducing him to mom. He's at your place each night at 6 week? You know, I love chocolate. If I wanted to I could have it every day but even if I love it eventually too much of it would give me an indigestion. You are burning important dating steps. You skipped the courtship phase all together which will kill your honeymoon phase.
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